How to control your emotions during pregnancy. Emotional state during pregnancy

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh... or emotions during pregnancy.

A pregnant woman is a special creature, she is a delicate and vulnerable soul, even if before that the woman was a lady of steel! A whole nine months of waiting for happiness changes a woman greatly. During pregnancy, hopes appear in the soul, plans for life are made, dreams of the future, and the baby and life with him are imagined. However, along with this, anxiety also appears - “will I be able to cope, will I be able to be a good mother?” Many mothers, especially those who have had bad experiences with previous pregnancies, worry whether they will be able to carry and give birth to the baby, is everything okay with him? Others are unsure of their spouse, have cramped living conditions, or have problems at work. Anything can happen and it ruins a pregnant woman’s life, bringing fear and anxiety into it. How not to become despondent, not to succumb to depression and not to become limp? There are many ways, but you need to start with analyzing yourself.

Where to begin?

It seems that pregnancy should bring only positive emotions, because you are giving birth to a new life. But not everything is as good as it seems at first glance. But most women remember the state when suddenly tears well up in their eyes even from a simple children's cartoon. Or a state of inexplicable euphoria attacks. All these are our pregnant hormones - and this is normal, they are the ones that give unusual sensitivity, vulnerability, sentimentality, because of them a woman becomes touchy and tearful. Pregnant women are characterized by increased emotionality and irritability, especially if they suffer from toxicosis, and their mood can change several times an hour. Often young couples turn to a psychologist for help during this difficult period in order to prevent conflicts in the family.

What influences?

Remember what your psychological state was before pregnancy, this is important for understanding the essence of what is happening. During pregnancy, the central nervous system (CNS) affects the production of hormones that are necessary for conception and for further pregnancy. You and I now lead a very active lifestyle, sometimes working two or more jobs, dabbling in cigarettes and alcohol, and spending a lot of time on the computer and the Internet. How much do you rest, how long and how well do you sleep? All this has overloaded your nervous system for many years, and this, in turn, does not go away without leaving a trace. The nervous system, like a driven horse, is accustomed to working hard. And then you suddenly slowed down and switched to a new rhythm... Your body will not immediately be able to understand and adjust to a new wave - hence the outbursts of emotions, depressed mood and even depression...

Therefore, doctors strongly recommend that a woman prepare for pregnancy both physically and psychologically - a couple of months in advance. Better yet, six months before the expected conception, reduce the stress on your body, stop smoking, rest your body and soul more often, and do not forget about proper sleep, nutrition and outdoor recreation. Remember that various diets, moving, renovations and job changes also put stress on the body - put them off until better times.

Let's adapt to the new situation.

Mood changes will be with you throughout your pregnancy - these are hormones, and there is no escape from them. But they will be more pronounced and stronger in the first 2-3 months. After all, the body needs to adapt to the new position. In addition, drowsiness, increased fatigue, and irritability may occur. And if you also have toxicosis, then for some time it makes sense to take light sedatives so that they help you control yourself. After all, with toxicosis there is a feeling of helplessness, anxiety, it seems that no one wants to help you and does not understand you.

Don’t be scared and don’t reproach your family, everything that is happening is temporary and natural, and everything will get better soon. Talk to other “bellies” and you will realize that you are not alone, many experience similar feelings.

In addition, you need time to understand yourself in a new role - a future mother, and not just a wife and beloved, so talk more often with your spouse or loved one about what worries you. Then there will be no misunderstanding.

If the pregnancy is difficult, hospitalization is required or there is a threat to the baby. This also affects the woman and increases her anxiety level. When I was carrying my son myself, I had to stay in the hospital three times - it was a difficult time. I just wanted to lie there and look at the ceiling, I was afraid to move and didn’t want to see anyone. The constant injections and drips were depressing. My husband's support helped.

Understand themselves.

During pregnancy, a new spark may appear in the relationship with her spouse, however, discord may also arise when a woman wants to receive support, but there is none, or her husband distances himself from her problems. It is difficult for a man to understand how his pregnant wife feels; he is also worried and worried, but in his own way, because from now on his status is also changing. And he worries whether he can provide for you, whether he can maintain his status, and is even a little jealous of the baby’s future. Be tactful. Gently involve him in what is happening. Tell us what appears in your baby, ask him to massage his legs, stroke his tummy and caress him - you both need this. Sex, if there are no contraindications on the part of the baby, can become a new discovery for you and a source of vivid emotions - after all, feelings become more intense during pregnancy.

I don't like myself...

Often the source of negative emotions and depression for a woman is changing her own body. During pregnancy, your figure undergoes quite significant changes: your breasts become larger, their shape changes, kilograms are added, and stretch marks may appear. varicose veins and other unpleasant phenomena. A woman’s concern is understandable - we all want to be beautiful at all moments of life. Concerns about the figure are especially important in the creative professions of the expectant mother - actresses, singers, dancers. Although every woman dreams of giving birth and immediately fitting into her favorite jeans.

In addition, there is always a subconscious fear that something is wrong with the child or one’s health. This is especially fueled by horror stories from the Internet, stories from girlfriends or just neighbors on a bench in the yard. Against this background, the woman becomes tearful, she is depressed and afraid.

At the end of pregnancy, dissatisfaction with your body is also accompanied by fatigue - a big belly, agonizing anticipation, nerves. Classes in preparation for childbirth or various creative studios help such women well - they relieve tension and tightness. Psychologists will help you let go of anxiety and calmly go into labor.

During this period, a woman begins to narrow her interests to home and everyday life, arranging a “nest”,but everything related to other areas of life becomes of little interest. Relatives need to be patient and listen obediently long conversations about diapers and choosing a crib, otherwise there will be tears and frustration again. Shopping for your baby can be a good anti-stress and anti-depressive remedy during this period - buy him rompers, socks, nice little things - this will help you relax and have fun.

How to get rid of a bad mood?

The main thing is to always give yourself the opportunity to rest, especially in the first weeks and at the very end of pregnancy. Don't blame yourself for mood swings - it's a natural part of you, like any pregnant woman. However, you shouldn’t manipulate your relatives at the expense of your position - it’s also difficult for them now. Don't let a bad mood take over you - look for positive moments everywhere and maintain a sense of humor.

Sports and massage of the back and feet help well, just consult your doctor about what you can and cannot do. Swimming and baths with the addition of herbs and sea salt relieve stress well. Try to walk a lot in the air, and contemplating views of nature is generally relaxing and calming. Listen to the sound of the rain, the sounds of the surf, the singing of birds, everything that brings peace to your soul.

Find yourself a hobby or entertainment - write books, read, knit, sew. Whatever you like relieves stress.

If you want to cry, don’t hold back your emotions and give them a way out - it’s good for your health; it’s harmful to push your resentment inside yourself and hold it back. And pregnant women are recommended to cry on your husband’s shoulder, so that he gently strokes you - share your worries and experiences, you will feel better. But you shouldn’t make a scandal and sort things out; forbid them to do this in front of you and your loved ones.

Be patient to wait out the most emotional time, because soon you will meet your baby, this will be the happiest moment of your life. And the bad mood passes quickly. Do not worry about your well-being - the doctors are monitoring you and the baby, they will not allow anything to disturb your peace. If something worries you, do not hesitate to ask the doctor questions, he will answer them in detail and tell you what is happening to the two of you. If possible, talk to fellow “bellies” like you. Share your doubts; together it is easier to get through difficult times.

Every time, tell yourself that your baby needs positive emotions and a positive attitude; he feels everything and reacts to your mood. Try not to worry about all sorts of little things, maintain a positive attitude, listen to music, watch good films, communicate with nature, have conversations with the baby. We must remember that everyone worries before childbirth - this is natural, especially if it is the first and the unknown is scary. Go to a course on preparing for childbirth - they will tell you everything and show you everything, teach you how to breathe and relax, many courses also deal with psychological preparation.

What could be dangerous?

If you worry from time to time, this is not bad, but if your anxiety does not let you go day or night, does not allow you to sleep, spoils your appetite and poisons your life, it is time to consult a specialist. These are the first signs of impending depression. Depression is a dangerous state of mental depression that also affects the general condition - physical weakness, refusal to eat, insomnia, headaches, and blood pressure disorders are manifested. This condition already requires treatment, since it is not a harmless condition that can also affect the baby.

The fact is that constant tension tones the uterus, changes hormonal levels and can lead to problems with pregnancy, do not hesitate to complain to the doctor - he will prescribe you an effective and safe treatment. In addition, communication with a psychologist will help you, of course. The most important thing is the support of your spouse and family.

Pregnancy is a time of peace and harmony. Try to achieve it as early as possible, and leave problems for later, you don’t need them now! Happy birth!

Pediatrician, this is the most chief physicianyour child, in view of which it is advisable to scarlet years to be observed a proven and sufficiently qualified doctor. If you feel unwell or detect symptoms of diseases, you must make an appointment and consultation with a pediatrician; this can be done either by visiting the clinic in person or on the DocDoc.ru website.

One of the most common attitudes associated with pregnancy is that experiencing negative emotions during this period is harmful or even dangerous for the child.

It seems to us that if we are nervous, cry, afraid or angry, despair or offended, then this will make the child feel bad.

We think that:

• the child experiences the same feelings as us;
• he is scared and incomprehensible, he thinks that the world is dangerous;
• this shapes his character, and he will grow up anxious, angry, harmful, in general, with a spoiled character or unhappy;
• this affects his health or the course of pregnancy;
• this affects how the birth will go.

What's really going on? In fact, our negative emotions, of course, influence. And on the condition of the child, and on the course of pregnancy, and on the well-being of childbirth. Unless this does not affect the fate of the child and his character, or rather, the influence is so insignificant that it has no effect.

Yes, they do, BUT. Not as directive and straightforward as we think about it. Not as global as we think. Not that decisive. If everything were so simple, it would be enough not to shed a single tear for 9 months and ale-op! - you have a healthy baby in your arms with a happy destiny after a perfect birth.

I know kids who are surprisingly calm (like elephants), with strong nervous system, born in the most prosperous way after truly incredibly stressful pregnancies - where there was divorce, and unwanted conception, and serious troubles at work. I know children who were born not as healthy or not as healthy as their parents would have liked, although the mother literally carried her belly throughout the entire pregnancy. loving arms, experienced only “rosy” experiences, and everything only beautiful surrounded her.

Nothing guarantees anything.

There is a collection of factors, a number of factors, and there is the fate and inclinations of the child, where only a combination can produce some kind of result. And then - we will never be able to say with absolute certainty that it was this or that that created this. Life is more subtle and multi-faceted than we are used to with our crowns on our heads, in other words - control over life, consider.

And the more we strive to control, the more we think in terms of “press a button - you will get a result,” the more life will shake our framework, expanding our understanding of it, I don’t know why it works this way.

And finally, to the point. Often experiencing negative feelings, we strengthen them many times over by the experience that we are experiencing them, but “we cannot”, and thus the circle closes. And if you add to this that pregnancy itself - for the body and soul of a person - is already stressful, then you can completely panic.

So, it's normal to be nervous during pregnancy. Humanly. Safely.

It's dangerous to hold it in.

Let's understand the concept of “stress”. Stress is any event or situation that throws your life out of whack. A shock in which habits, daily routines, and long-established roles and functions in the family change. Stress includes: the loss of a family member, divorce, loss of a job, but also events that, it would seem, should bring us only positive emotions: a wedding, moving to a new place (even if the conditions are better than before), the arrival of a new family member , exit to new job or study. As you can see, these are events that inevitably make changes in the daily family routine, and significant ones at that. And stress is not always a bad thing. The main thing is that this is something that changes the usual.

And in this sense, pregnancy from the point of view of the family system is clearly considered stress, with all the attendant manifestations in the form of instability, insecurity, anxiety, and loss. The way it was can no longer be, and the way it will be has not yet been built, adjusted, felt or done.

It is normal to be nervous during this period of time, it is normal to fear for the future, to be offended by the lack of support, to be afraid of not being able to cope, to be annoyed at loved ones that they are doing something wrong, and a bunch of other different feelings during this period are normal.

In addition to the fact that sensitivity generally increases during pregnancy, as if just so that we do not keep emotions to ourselves, but easily express them, without leaving them clamped in the body, and we cry easily and violently. And with tears, it has long been proven, stress hormones come out.

Besides, judge for yourself, 9 months is almost calendar year, these are very, very many weeks and days of your still simple life, in which there are other people, circumstances, accidents, news, relationships, and where - that is why - it is simply impossible to do without experiences (completely different). After all, it is impossible for almost a year not to be offended by anyone, not to get upset, not to be scared, not to get angry, not to quarrel. We are people, and from this, as well as from many positive things, the foam of our days consists.

So negative experiences themselves are normal during pregnancy, you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. The question is what do we do with them.

And here typical difficulties arise in the form of an attempt to drown out your feelings, try to think only about the good, and other forms of avoiding experiencing and expressing your feelings.

Although each of us knows that carrying feelings within ourselves and not throwing them out is harmful and difficult. This is the effect of steam under a lid, when something seems to be fermenting and boiling inside you, with no way out.

Every emotion is reflected in our body. From fear our heart skips a beat, our stomach twists, our legs go numb. From anger, his jaw tightens, his hands clench into fists. But this is something we can easily track. Our feelings, being unconscious, settle in clamps on internal organs, and as a result, energy does not flow, or its circulation is difficult. And by energy here I mean very specific, earthly things - blood circulation, oxygen supply to tissues. In the place in the body where we experience the feeling - or rather, we do NOT experience it, that is, we try not to feel it, a clamp arises and, accordingly, a difficulty in this circulation. If the feeling is chronic, it becomes manifested in the body and we get sick. During pregnancy, this can affect both the uterus and the placenta, and, accordingly, the health of the baby.

This is not a reason not to feel. I repeat, this is impossible. It is impossible not to experience pain where it hurts. When it really hurts. How can we “try not to experience negative emotions”? It's okay to cry. You just need to feel it. Allowing yourself to do this. Calling feelings by their proper names. When we do not close ourselves off from our feelings, we have the opportunity to experience them and they do not remain clamps in the body, congestion in the soul, but flow further - along the river of life. "Like water off a duck's back".

When this very salty water comes out of us, it brings relief, liberation, and often even solutions to what to do. Together with tears, stress hormones leave the body, which we are so afraid of harming the baby. So crying when you feel bad is the most optimal thing you can come up with in the “fight” with negative feelings. Moreover, the body itself, nature itself provokes us to this, and they never make mistakes, never lie. Our body is infinitely wise.

How can you experience feelings constructively?

You may not even immediately understand what exactly you are feeling: the bouquet of emotions can be so large that it is not always possible to separate it into individual flowers.

Try first to simply notice what happens to the body when you are inside this situation, thinking about it or about this person. Where is the body tense, what is happening to the arms, what is happening to the legs? What position are you in? What organ or part of the body attracts attention as if it sounds? Don't try to evaluate it, interpret it, just observe.

You can call this feeling a color or an image and where it is in the body. Next - breathe it out. When you inhale, exhale mentally and blow it into the place where there is tension, as if washing it away, blowing it out of yourself. This is a good prevention of the very harm that we are afraid of causing to the baby.

Next, try to catch: what kind of feeling am I experiencing? Don’t be afraid to name your feelings in as much detail as possible, breaking them down into shades. Don't be afraid that your feelings are "bad", inappropriate, or that they make you a "bad" wife, or daughter, or mother, or friend.

We can have any feelings, simply because we are human. It's our actions, not our feelings, that make us bad. And you can feel anything.

Just be careful: “I don’t want to see him” is still not a feeling, but resentment or anger is very much so.

Feelings can be completely contradictory: the same phenomenon or person can evoke in us both love and gratitude, as well as disappointment and resentment. And this does not mean that one of them neutralizes the other, they have the right to exist and can coexist in you at the same time.

Often the discovered and named feeling is what gives us this emotional and bodily exhalation, a release of tension. Just from recognition, hearing yourself heard.

But nevertheless, you can go further. And ask the question: what do I want to do in connection with my feelings/core feeling? Don't be afraid to give yourself the answer. The fact that you understand what you want to do does not oblige you to do it, even if you find out that you want to hit the offender (which is unacceptable) or hide and run away (which is impossible). It's good to be aware of this. Because this makes it possible to use the mind to figure out what acceptable form of expressing one’s feelings can be found. You can’t hit a person, but you can heartily beat a pillow or even tear it to smithereens (in the literal sense of the word). You can break dishes and eggs. You can hit the surface of the water. You cannot escape, but you can come up with forms of protecting yourself - an invisible house with which you can fence yourself off from unpleasant contact. And so - in everything.

How else can you experience feelings?

In addition, feelings can be written down. Just a stream, onto a sheet of paper. These are the so-called "pysanky". Take a piece of paper, draw a line, and underneath it the date and time. And then in a stream of thoughts, everything, everything, everything that you think, feel about the situation that hurts you. It doesn't matter what words. Write as if no one will read it, no one will appreciate it. Here you can be ungrateful, stupid, angry, bad, unloving, swearing, whatever you want, weak, desperate...

This is not harmful for the child. It is harmful for a child when you carry all this inside yourself. It's like pus that you finally let out, and it doesn't intoxicate or poison the body from the inside.

Feelings can be drawn out. And in this case, it doesn’t matter at all whether you know how to draw; from an artistic point of view, your drawing can be as primitive as you like, down to stick-stick-cucumber. Can be abstract, a set of colors and different forms and lines. The main thing is that it makes you feel better, that it expresses what’s in your soul. Don't be afraid to draw scary stories. You can then burn them and tear them up. Imagine that paper is a container where you transfer from your soul - onto it - the seething and irritating feelings.

Sometimes, after you draw something and let it sit on the sidelines for a while, you will come back later and see with fresh eyes something new about your situation, how you perceive it and what you can do about it.

Feelings can be danced. There is such a dance - an authentic movement. The music is turned on - any, to suit the mood. Feel - what do you want? Smooth or hard? Fast or slow? Electronic or live? Ragged or continuous rhythm? With voice or not? Drums? Violins? Guitars? What a style?

And start moving.

Don't think about how it looks from the outside. (And of course, find such an opportunity for yourself in space so that no one will see you, disturb you, or rush you.) Feel what your body asks: where to stretch, where to squeeze, where to stomp, and where to fly - do everything that exactly your body will ask, just as we sometimes want to stretch sweetly after sleep; out of this need of the body, dance according to this principle.

That is, in the usual sense of the word, the result may not be a dance at all, there may not be a single template dance and beautiful movement that we are accustomed to. It is important that the body expresses everything that is in it through pain in its various forms.

Feelings can be sung. Moreover, these can be either songs to suit the mood, or just the sound. Depending on the mood, I try to feel what sound my soul is asking for now, what key - high or low. I take a breath, and as I exhale I sing this sound for a long, long time, as long as I can breathe.

• A is open, liberating, helping to release what is larger than us.
• O - an attempt to concentrate, to cover oneself with this O - as a womb, a sphere around oneself, to feel one’s strength.
• U is about pain and melancholy, about unbearable feelings, about anger.

But there are also E, and Y, and even the sounds already named associatively - for you, for everyone, they can mean something completely different and even the opposite.

This singing of sound with exhalation can be combined with blowing out tension from the body that sits in it in some place in connection with the situation being worked through.

Yes, what I am describing is not reasonable, not logical. It acts bypassing our smart rules and regulations on how to behave and feel in a given situation. We ourselves know very bitterly that we can understand everything with our heads, but our feelings do not disappear from this. In our heads we are often smart and wise, and everything is fine with us, but with what is in our souls, we just need to do something. Take the weight off her. Feelings are associated with the instinctive in us, with the right hemisphere, which is responsible for creativity. That’s why I offer so many creative forms of expression.

According to this principle, feelings can be sculpted, won on musical instruments... feel what responds to you, right now, in this particular situation.

And finally the most important thing.

By allowing ourselves to feel different things, we are honest with our child. We do not lie to him about ourselves, about what is in our souls, or about the world into which he comes.

Yes, we want to give our child the best, but his life will still not be sterile and happy, no matter how bitter it may be for us to experience this.

The child comes to live. Comes to a life that is neither white nor black, not just one. It is different, motley, and there can be different things in it. The ability to live your feelings, not be afraid of them, express them healthy for the body, for your soul and for the souls of other people - this is a culture of experience, this is an ecology of feelings that we can instill in our child from the womb.

The ability to admit your feelings is the ability to be close to your baby, not to try to lie to him, not to hide from him. This does not mean that we “load” our negativity onto a small child. Quite the opposite: named and lived feelings do not stand as silent, unmanifest tension between us. Allowing yourself to be different, to be afraid and angry, to be weak, allowing yourself, in essence, to be human is the formation of the skill to accept your child as anyone, in any of its human manifestations. Staying next to him, on the same side, when he, already walking along the earthly path, will be angry and offended, will be weak or harmful.

If you are afraid that your child will not understand that these feelings are not directed at him, or that he thinks that the world is dangerous and scary, you can tell him this: “Yes, baby, I’m terribly angry with your dad right now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him and you more than anyone in the world, it’s just that in this situation he infuriates me, and his behavior hurts me. Simply because we are different, like all people on earth.” Or: “Yes, baby, now I’m scared, very scared, and I don’t know what to do with myself, but this doesn’t mean that it will always be like this or that the world is dangerous. This is temporary until I can see what’s next, and until I know what to do. A little more, and a decision will mature within me on what to do, and I will find support and support, because they are always there.”

Such words support us too... they also support us...

How to express your feelings, or a few words about constructive dialogue

It is clear that our feelings are often generated by relationships with other people. It is their words or actions that influence our soul, causing one response or another.

In such cases, it makes sense not only to experience your feelings with yourself (to discover them, to find a form of expression for them, to look for what can be done with them - as I described in the previous chapter), but also to convey them to the person in connection with whom these feelings arise.

This is where the pitfalls lie. Starting to say that we are hurt or offended, scared or cold in connection with the words or actions of another, we can come to a conflict, since the other person may categorically disagree to take responsibility for our experiences, feel guilty and change their image of your actions. And in some ways he will certainly be right. Because the responsibility for the feelings that we experience belongs to ourselves.

The same words of a person, depending on a person’s temperament, state of mind at a given moment in time, self-esteem and what your mom and dad might have meant by these words in childhood, can be perceived by each listener in completely different ways: someone’s words they will hurt, someone will be left indifferent, someone will hear concern in them, and someone will hear criticism.

• check.

It always makes sense to find out what feelings and what motivation are behind a person’s words.

If, in your opinion, he says something offensive, then you can say: “I am offended by your words. Is it just me or do you want to hurt me with them?” If not, then ask the person to answer what goal he is pursuing in his words.

I call it reconciliation. Before coming to my conclusions, based on the words of my interlocutor, I make sure that what I hear in his words (reproach, criticism, irony, etc.) is exactly what I hear.

In close relationships, most often the other person does not consciously seek to hurt us. He simply does not know which words in us will press on which “nerve receptors” of the psyche, which wounds of the past will raise;

• talk about your feelings.

We often think (unconsciously, of course) that other people are telepaths and should figure out our feelings themselves. As if all other people are built the same way as we are, their logic is the same, their values ​​are the same, etc. Another person, even the closest one, may have no idea how you feel when they do or don’t do something . This does not make him any less close to you. Just intimacy - it is achieved, and does not magically come because this is “my person.” Help him. Talk about your feelings.

But! It is very important how. Speak in the first person about your feelings, not about his actions. Do not analyze his feelings and motives, you can make big mistakes in them, offend him and already at this stage close the opportunity for dialogue, because you yourself will offend the interlocutor or cause his indignation.

Say: “When you are late, I feel deceived, my time is not valuable to you and therefore I feel offended.” Instead of: “I’m offended because you don’t care what I have with time, because you’re the navel of the earth and you think that you can wait forever!”

Say: “When you don’t ask me what the doctor told me about the baby’s condition at the appointment, it hurts me. It seems to me like you don't care about us. But surely this is not so, I don’t understand you, why don’t you ask?” Instead of: “You don’t care about me and the baby! You didn’t even ask me about how I went to the doctor!” Say: “I'm sad/I'm hurt” instead of “You're ruining my mood/You're hurting me”;

• tell me how you can help - specifically!

This is the most difficult point for feminine logic, I want him to “guess it himself,” otherwise it’s not interesting. But if we put aside the coquetry, we can remember that it’s difficult for men - just about feelings, they need specific instructions, clear instructions about what is expected of them in connection with these feelings.

“I’m sad, tell me things will get better.” “I’m sad, give me a bath and bring me some tea and chocolates.” “I’m sad, hug me and kiss me, right here, yeah.”

Or more seriously: “Please, if you are late, call me or text me about it as soon as you understand. And also clearly indicate how long you will be staying.”

“Let’s agree, if you don’t ask how my appointment with the doctor went, this does not mean your indifference, but it means your trust in me - that if something is wrong, I will tell you, OK?”

“It’s important to me that when I’m scared, you don’t leave me alone. You can say any nonsense, the main thing is not to remain silent at these moments.”

Not all pregnant women exhibit it. And yet, the situation is quite common; it worries both the angry expectant mother herself and everyone at whom her aggression is directed. What is the reason? Why does a sweet and affectionate girl suddenly become an uncontrollable and angry, irritable and touchy vixen? In fact, this phenomenon has scientific explanation, and not even one, but several at once.

Hormones or genes?

Experts believe that one of the reasons for this sudden occurrence during pregnancy is our genetic memory, that is, the transmission of vital information from generation to generation. Our distant ancestors were forced to constantly defend themselves from hostile and dangerous world, constantly fight for your life. Why were they necessary? fast reaction and good physical form. Since the strength and speed of reaction of the expectant mother decreases, our pregnant great-great-grandmother had to compensate for their lack with aggression and outbursts of rage. This was the only way she could protect herself and the child.
The modern world is not so dangerous, and yet genetic memory, albeit occasionally, influences our behavior and mood. And so, the expectant mother reacts inappropriately even to a frivolous conflict - with a flash of rage.

There is another reason. A woman feels a connection with her child from the first trimester of pregnancy. Already during this period she feels like a mother. But a man usually realizes that he is a father much later. A misunderstanding arises... A woman wants, almost on an unconscious level, for the future father to share with her all the difficulties of pregnancy, because this is theirs common child. And such a desire is often expressed in increased irritability.

Another reason is perestroika, which is not easy for everyone. And let’s not discount genetics - ask your mother how she felt during pregnancy?

« Case from practice
I didn’t even immediately realize that Yana, a slender blonde in a bright dress, was expecting a child. But the tension between her and her husband was immediately apparent. Yes, he has good job, he is caring, but... he does everything wrong!!! For example? He knows that Yana drinks kefir at night, and bought fermented baked milk. Excessive demands? Yes, but not only. We analyzed the situation and found out that Yana behaves like her mother, who became especially demanding during pregnancy, once upon a time. Yana unconsciously copied her behavior. As her reactions became more conscious, family relationships improved.

Anger is choking!

What to do if “anger is choking”? First, realize that attacks of aggression are one of the manifestations of the restructuring of the body. Well, something like toxicosis, a physiological reaction characteristic of many expectant mothers and associated with hormonal fluctuations.

If irritation is a natural reaction, does it mean that the husband and other loved ones will either have to put up with it or accumulate retaliatory grievances? But no. You can fight attacks of anger.

✔︎ Take care about your psychological state- this is the simplest and effective way. Learn to relax and forget about problems not directly related to pregnancy and health.

✔︎ Make yourself happy! For example, communicating with nice people, interesting activities to prepare for childbirth. Any that do not harm the baby will do. Funny stories, films, and videos on the Internet also perfectly reduce psychological tension.

✔︎ Make peace! During your quiet period, try to ask for forgiveness from those whom you accidentally offended. You will definitely feel better. Well, so do they. Warn your loved ones that it is sometimes difficult for you to keep your emotions under control. They will understand and support you.

✔︎ Have relaxation sessions. They are carried out in comfortable position, accompanied by calm music, often with lit candles. You can simply look at the flickering flames. Usually one session every evening is enough to become calmer.

✔︎ Consult your doctor who is leading your pregnancy. You can ask him to recommend a soothing tea or a vitamin complex. According to recent studies, omega-3 fats have a beneficial effect on the emotional background (they affect the synthesis of serotonin, which is responsible for mood, reduce anxiety, stress and aggression, and resist depression). If you do not eat fish regularly, he may recommend that you take fish oil or an omega-3 complex.

Emotion management training

This technique is described by many psychologists. You need to stand in front of a large mirror so that there is free space in front of it, and take steps, getting closer to the mirror, then further from it.

1. Mentally smile and breathe a little slowly. Now take a step towards the mirror and allow yourself to throw out negative emotions: aggression, irritation, resentment, rage. Help yourself with facial expressions, gestures and voice. You can shout loudly, threaten and make unpleasant faces.
2. Now take a step back. Smile, relax, breathe slowly.
3. A step to the mirror - and again negative emotions.
4. A step away from the mirror - a smile and measured breathing.

At first they will be mostly artificial, then they will turn into not only the most natural, but also controlled. Allow 7–10 seconds for each step. Repeat the exercise 3 times a week, the result will be noticeable within a couple of weeks. And it will be impressive.

Examples of wording for autogenic training (self-hypnosis)

• My hands and feet are pleasantly warm.
• My arms and legs are pleasantly heavy. Warmth spreads throughout my body.
• I'm completely relaxed.
• I feel great.
• I can control myself.
• I react normally to comments.
• I have no desire to quarrel with anyone.
• People understand me and are kind to me.
• I'm confident.
• I will succeed.
• I calmly, without tension, resolve all conflict situations.
• My soul is light and calm.
• I'm not afraid of anything.
• Pregnancy is going well.
• I'm happy and ready to give birth.

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