How to improve relationships with classmates: problem solving. How to find a common language with classmates? The child is not friends with classmates

We live in a society, so the ability to make friends and cooperate is very important for a person. Throughout life we ​​often have to merge into new team and make friends. For the first time we are independently faced with such a need at school. Sometimes it can be very difficult for a child to adapt to a new environment and find friends. It is to these children that we want to give some practical advice that will help them make friends with classmates and become part of the team.

Of course, first-graders cannot do without the help of their first teacher. A good cool mother will do everything to introduce children to each other and create a new friendly team. Interesting games during recess with the participation of all the kids, excursions for first-graders and exciting lessons - methods that will help the teacher create a cohesive team called “our 1st grade.”

But the state and readiness of the child himself to join the team (especially if he changes school or class) are also very important. The baby needs to learn how to meet people and make friends - these skills will come in handy more than once.

Do you want to help a child? Then give the baby these parting words:

1. Be yourself

This is probably one of the most important advice. Let him not try to look better in the eyes of others. People value sincerity. Liars are not liked, and when the truth comes out, they lose friends, trust, and sometimes find themselves the objects of ridicule.

2. Show kindness. Smile more often

“Friendship begins with a smile,” these words appeared in a kind children’s song for a reason. In the morning before school, set your child's mood in a positive way. After all, meeting people is so interesting! Let your child prepare to meet new classmates with a smile and an open soul. Among them there are many good, interesting and like-minded people. He will definitely realize this soon and make friends with his classmates.

3. Introduce yourself and get to know everyone.

This is not only a rule of politeness, but also the first step to building good relationships with new classmates. , of course, will help the children meet and get to know each other in the first lesson. But don’t let him stand quietly in the corner, waiting for classes to start. Ask him to approach his classmates and peers, introduce himself and chat.

Mothers can help first-graders with this difficult task: plan some kind of joint leisure time for the children. Going to the cinema, theater, circus or just a walk in the park is a great way to introduce and bring children together.

4. Try to keep the conversation going.

The kid sees his new classmates discussing something. Let him not stand on the sidelines, but join the conversation and tell situations from his life! Is the topic not close to him? Then let him try to interest his peers, if possible, starting a new conversation.

5. Look for common interests.

Did your child find out that he and his classmate are somewhat similar? Hooray! It's good because they have common topic for conversation and an activity that brings people together. Advise you to often ask about the hobbies of new acquaintances and talk about your own. In this way, you can make friends with all your classmates not only at school, but also outside it.

By the way, your neighbor/deskmate and classmates who live nearby are the baby’s first potential friends. They already have a common place at their desk and a common way home. It's easier to get close to these guys.

6. Give sincere compliments and praise.

People love to be praised. If your child likes a classmate’s hairstyle or a classmate’s new sneakers, let him say so. But you don’t need to teach your child to make compliments just to please or please someone. Obvious flattery is not The best way make friends.

7. Help and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Does the child see that someone needs help? Let him offer it. This will bring the baby closer to his classmate. Is he unable to cope with something on his own? Tell your little one to ask someone for a favor. And let him be sure to thank the assistant and invite him to contact him if necessary. Mutual assistance is part of friendly relations.

8. Share.

Teach your child to share books, pens, rulers, toys and other objects (if he has such an opportunity, of course). This will help to establish a good relationship with the guys and get a spare pen when your little one needs it. It’s good if you have an extra sandwich or candy in your briefcase to treat your new friend (note to mom).

9. Don’t argue and avoid conflicts

Children cannot always agree. Sometimes quarrels and even fights happen. After such bad incidents, it is difficult to establish a relationship with a person. Teach your child to remain silent in time, not to start arguments, not to get into trouble, and to resolve conflicts peacefully. Sometimes it is better to give in and preserve a good relationship with a classmate.

We hope these tips will help your child become part of a new team and make many friends. Your baby needs support now: he is going through a difficult period. Don’t forget about this and do everything to make the baby’s adaptation easier.

Adolescence is not the easiest period for both children and mothers and fathers. We have already told you... But children have difficulties communicating not only with adults, but also with classmates. We have selected 13 tips to help teenagers communicate with peers. These psychological tricks will also be useful for parents.

1. If you understand that the interlocutor lied or hid information, do not ask additional questions and don’t ask again - just look carefully into his eyes. This technique will force the counterpart to tell the unsaid.

3. It's important for parents. This is especially true in adolescence, when every comment can be taken very personally. Teach your teen how to soften criticism. If he knows that unflattering reviews cannot be avoided, let him become as close as possible to the person who will criticize. This way the person will soften and give less negative information than if the teenager stood further away from him.

4 . An important test, a speech in front of a large audience, or even just the first declaration of love - all this can be exciting for a teenager. How to cope with anxiety? Chew some gum. Chewing is associated with eating. And we eat mostly at home, that is, in our own and safe place. With the help of chewing gum you can trick the brain and create a “homey” atmosphere for it.

5. Even with extreme anxiety during exams and other teenage situations, a proven method will help - imagine that the opponent is your close friend. This will make you feel calmer and make it easier to establish contact with your interlocutor.

6. Another pressing question adolescence- first love. There is a proven way to reveal the sympathy of a particular person: when everyone in a group is laughing, pay attention to who is looking at whom. In such a situation, each person subconsciously looks at the one who is most sympathetic to him. So keep your eyes peeled, maybe you'll figure out who should send it to.

7. If you don’t like someone very much, but you can’t stop communicating, try to express more joy when meeting this person: smile, say his name with special warmth. With this practice, the attitude towards a person will really change for the better.

8. Adolescence is a time of conflict. But if a tense situation arises in a room with mirrors, stand so that the mirror is behind you, and the interlocutors are opposite you. This way they will see their reflection. And who wants to look angry and dissatisfied? No one. So your counterparts will try to behave more calmly.

9. A proven way to attract the attention of the person you like: look carefully at the object located directly behind his shoulders. As soon as the object of your sympathy pays attention to you, look into his eyes and smile slightly.

10 . Another way to win someone over is to look them in the eyes. When you meet, simply determine his eye color. Making eye contact is attractive, and you can gain the sympathy of the person you like.

At least once in your life you have already had to join a new team. And most likely, more than once, but much more: kindergarten, first grade, party in the yard, courses at the institute...

Then why does moving to another school seem such an alarming event? Let's try to figure it out: how to quickly and easily find mutual language with new classmates?

They greet you by their clothes...

Although clothes are not the most important thing in a person, the first impression of you largely depends on your appearance.

It is important to follow one rule: if in your old company you could appear in jeans torn at the knee and boots on a giant platform, then in your current position as a “new girl” this may be an impetus for the impression of you as a girl who does not particularly care about his appearance. Or look like a statement that you are a desperate daredevil, knee-deep in the sea. Is this really the case?

On the other hand, appearing in front of new acquaintances as a sort of “good girl” in frills and looking at the floor means going to the other extreme. Naturalness has always been and will be the main trump card and the surest way to win people's favor.

Naturalness, of course, means not only the clothes you choose, but also your makeup, manners, and communication style. You shouldn’t try to immediately become one of your own with the help of slang words, laughing too loudly or trying to please everyone by solving variants of tasks for yourself and your neighbors on the test. It still won't work. And the fact that you care too much about what they think of you will be immediately obvious - and will not add any advantages.

Observe the behavior of others: who behaves freely and uninhibitedly (within reasonable limits, of course), and who is pretending and unnaturally trying to be better than he really is. You yourself will quickly understand who is worth following as an example and who is not...

Taste and color...

It may turn out that most of the guys and girls in the class share a common hobby that is completely alien to you. For example, they are fans of Russian pop music, but the sounds of Russian rock are dearer to your heart. Or they don’t miss a single football match with the participation of the city team, and you are interested in rhythmic gymnastics... Is everything really lost? Not at all!

First of all, it’s worth trying to share everyone’s passion. What if this football is not as boring as you always thought? This does not mean that you need to break yourself and adapt to the majority. But it’s still worth trying to delve deeper into what those around you live from now on.

If you realize that pop music and the noisy crowd at the stadium are not your thing at all, don’t despair either. Perhaps the guys just don’t know how exciting it can be to watch gymnastic pirouettes? Invite them to tea at your home and turn on the broadcast in between. Or encourage them to attend a concert of a band you like.

Even the situation when, thanks to your interests, you look like a “black sheep” is not as scary as it might seem at first glance. Surely there are people nearby who understand and support you, but your classmates can appreciate something completely different - your sense of humor and responsiveness.

The teacher is always right.

If the teacher is wrong, read first.

No matter how your communication with classmates turns out, a lot depends on the attitude of the school “authorities” towards you in the persons of teachers. Here, of course, it’s simpler: when you know the subject well, or at least try to navigate the topic of the lesson as best as possible, while behaving politely and correctly, the teacher will undoubtedly appreciate this and mentally mark you as a diligent and capable student .

If at your old school you were taught according to a different program or it turned out that you were a little behind in your knowledge, in no case should you hide it. The “tails” drag on so quickly that before you have time to look back, you will find yourself in the ranks of those lagging behind. Go to the teacher and tell him directly what your problem is, don't be afraid of it. You may have to take an elective or take several individual lessons, and you can also agree that you will not be called to the blackboard in the next week, giving you the opportunity to catch up with the class on your own.

At the same time, no matter how well the teachers receive you, if friction arises with one of your classmates, you should not immediately raise your hand and complain. Nobody likes snitching, not even those who are being snitched on!

They say that the closest and most faithful friends who remain close to long years, people acquire while studying at school and college. You still have college ahead of you, but there’s not much time left before you graduate from school. Therefore, you need to live it in such a way that later only light and bright memories remain of this carefree period.

You are new - but this will not last long, and soon you will finally get used to the new circle, but you will receive an irreplaceable lesson in the art of diplomacy, which you can only rejoice at.

How to help your child establish relationships with classmates?

It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers do that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has poor relationships with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts, than to allow the situation to get out of control. In such a situation, parents turn to a school psychologist for help.

When communicating with parents of unpopular schoolchildren, I tentatively identified several types of their reactions to the current situation in the class.

1. Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but do not know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties communicating with peers.

The mother of a second-grader Fedya is very reserved herself; she hardly communicates with anyone at school, waiting for her son after school, parent meetings and holidays usually avoids other parents. I always see her with an anxious expression on her face; during a conversation with me or the class teacher, she behaves tensely. One day, she and I witnessed a quarrel between Fedya and his classmates. Mom was confused and scared.

Uncommunicative, withdrawn parents cannot teach their child to interact effectively with others. After all, the most important example is the example that parents set for their children when communicating with other people.

2. Parents believe that everything is fine with the child, and if there are any problems, then those around them are to blame: teachers who do not properly organize communication in the classroom; children who are aggressive and cannot communicate normally; their parents raising their children incorrectly.

The mother of a very aggressive boy, Andrei, did not want to admit that the problem was not her son’s classmates, but his inability to communicate with them. Andrei loved to laugh at the failures of his comrades, called them names, and tried to lead them in games. Based on the results of sociometry, it turned out that none of Andrei’s classmates wanted to take him to their team and no one would trust him with their secret.

By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that becomes the reason for the rejection of their child by others. The child gets used to considering others to blame for his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, and does not want to take into account their interests and opinions. In the studies of V.M. Galuzinsky emphasizes that the reasons for the rejection of some tenth-graders lie in individualism, fueled by parents (for example, emphasizing the special giftedness of their child in comparison with others).

Sometimes parents are right - in bad attitude It’s really the people around them who are primarily to blame for their child.

A negative attitude towards Senya from the first grade was provoked by the class teacher, who disliked both Senya himself and his parents. The teacher called the boy only by his last name, never praised him, and made comments more often than others. Her hostile attitude towards him gradually spread to the rest of the students.

In a situation where there is a specific offender (teacher or classmate), parents often try to “deal” with him themselves. They go to complain to the administration about the unfair treatment of their child by the teacher. If a child is bullied by classmates, then the parents, coming to school, reprimand the offender, threaten him or reprimand his parents. Unfortunately, such actions do not help, but harm the child. As a result, the teacher, having learned about the complaint, becomes even more disliked towards the unfortunate student. Persecutors become more careful and sophisticated in their bullying, threatening violence if the victim complains to anyone again. And the parents of the offender also do not remain in debt. Sometimes you have to watch very ugly scenes when the parents of the offender and the victim shout, insulting each other in front of the children. Naturally, such an example of “resolving” conflicts is not useful for children. In addition, with such intercession, parents do their child a disservice.

Starting from the first grade, Sonya’s mother came to “deal” with her daughter’s classmates who teased her. The girl was used to just complaining to her mother, and among her classmates she was known as a sneak; no one wanted to be friends with her.

3. Parents who seek help realize that the child is not doing well in class due to his personality traits. They are ready to cooperate with the psychologist and class teacher and help the child. This type of reaction occurs most often.

The problem of abandoned children is a double-edged sword. No parent wants their child to become a victim, to be attacked and bullied by others. And at the same time, it is unlikely that anyone would want their child to be the initiator of bullying another.

Working with parents of child instigators or child persecutors is not easy. Not every parent can admit that his affectionate, kind child may derive pleasure from humiliating a peer.

Here's what the mother of one child said: “Five-six-year-old children on the playground all the time unite and attack one person. I told my son that it was unacceptable to do this. One day he himself became the object of attacks. But this did not change anything. The next every day he attacked his comrade with the same enthusiasm along with everyone else." Children tend to unite against a peer who has displeased them in some way. This is called "being friends against someone." Parents are upset that their child succumbs to the general mood and commits unseemly acts. In this case, they should try to explain to the child how his behavior looks from the outside, to make him think about the feelings of the victim. A child striving for independence can be told that in this situation he behaves like a ball - where he kicked it, he rolled there. No manifestation of one's own will. In general, the ability to resist a team does not come immediately. But precisely by giving the opportunity to analyze one’s own behavior, one can bring closer the moment when the child will no longer succumb to the influence of others.

It is necessary to explain to the child that it is unacceptable to call others names, to laugh at them - let him put himself in their place. We must teach the child to take into account the opinions of others and find compromises.

If the victim is not liked by the parents, you should not “add fuel to the fire” by discussing this with the child. Ultimately, the child must learn tolerance and accommodation. When talking with a child or in his presence, you should not evaluate other parents, children, or teachers.

General characteristics of rejected children

In my experience, Rejected children themselves do much to become victims of attacks. As already noted, they easily succumb to the provocations of their classmates and give expected, often inadequate, reactions. Naturally, it is interesting to offend someone who is offended, who throws fists at others after any innocent remark addressed to him, who begins to cry if he is teased a little, etc.

Rejected children do not know how to manage their feelings, restrain emotions, and incorrectly assess the motives and meaning of actions. For example, one boy said that "vindictiveness is good quality", regarding it as the ability to stand up for oneself. The behavior of another boy surprised a classmate: "Why is he acting so strangely? When we call him names, he starts waving his arms and chasing us screaming. I would just hit him in the forehead, that’s all.”

These children are very sensitive to the attention and sympathy shown to them. Any peer who provides them with support, suggests something, or shares something is immediately elevated to the rank of “best friend.” This is quite a heavy burden, since rejected children can be quite intrusive. Tired of excess attention and gratitude on the part of the rejected person, the sympathizer can go into the camp of the persecutors.

Janusz Korczak believed that caring for rejected children requires great tact: “We must make sure not only that they are not offended, but that they do not disturb anyone.” Such children need to be taught the rules of communication and interaction.

What to do if your child is rejected

Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and how older child, the less likely it is that he will complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in your child’s affairs, but doing it unobtrusively. If he doesn't say anything himself, you should watch him.

First of all, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationships with classmates, see how your child behaves in class after school or during recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom does he communicate, who communicates with him? etc. You can turn to a school psychologist for help; it is easier for him to monitor children.

The following symptoms may indicate that the child is not doing well in class and is being rejected.

Child:

Reluctantly goes to school and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;
- returns from school depressed;
- often cries for no obvious reason;
- never mentions any of his classmates;
- talks very little about his school life;
- does not know who to call to find out lessons, or refuses to call anyone at all;
- for no apparent reason (as it seems) refuses to go to school;
- lonely: no one invites him to visit, to birthday parties, and he doesn’t want to invite anyone to his place.

How to Help Your Child Build Relationships in the Classroom

Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, need to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, skin diseases must be monitored and treated if possible. All this can lead to ridicule from peers.

It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer your child pink ones, thinking that this is not important. It may not matter to the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This doesn’t mean that you have to follow your child’s lead and buy him a hat “like Lenka’s from 5 B.”

Advise your child to change their behavior tactics. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able to not only puzzle his pursuers, but also take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can invite your child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone, to look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: “So what?” - or start laughing with them. In general, to do something that is not at all expected of him.

Try to ensure that your child communicates with classmates outside of school. Invite them to visit, organize parties, encourage your child to communicate with them. It is necessary to encourage the child’s participation in class events and trips in every possible way. You should not take your child out of school immediately after school, even for English or music classes. Otherwise, all the kids will become friends with each other, and your child will remain a stranger in the class.

You should not come to school to personally deal with your child’s offenders; it is better to let them know class teacher and a psychologist. Do not rush to rush to protect your child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to experience all stages of a conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own. But when teaching a child to be independent, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without adult intervention. Such a situation, of course, is systematic bullying and persecution of a child by peers.

Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect your child from communicating with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you shouldn’t leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help the child survive the mental trauma received, so most likely he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.

A few words about self-confidence

If a child in the class is not loved and rejected, his parents need to:

Be ready to cooperate with a teacher and psychologist;
- show tolerance and restraint towards offenders;
- and most importantly - support your child.

I have already said that children who have any physical disabilities or behavioral problems or lack self-confidence often become unpopular. It is parents who can help a child overcome feelings of inferiority and turn a disadvantage into an advantage. However, parents, on the contrary, are often too critical and intolerant of their child’s characteristics. Unfortunately, we too often give any assessment to the actions and words of our children, sometimes without even noticing it. The child seems too active to us, and we, lamentingly, tell our friend: “He is restless.” Thus, we predict his future based on our assessment, and, communicating with the child, we begin to drive him into the framework of our negative forecast. “You’re always fidgeting and freaking out! You can never sit silently...”, etc. If a child is quiet and does not strive to communicate with others, we worry that it will be difficult for him to make friends and that he will be lonely. The child says something that does not correspond to our mood, we abruptly cut him off: “Again you are talking nonsense!” By attaching labels, we convince the child that he is exactly like this: insecure, restless, stupid. The child, first unconsciously and then consciously, begins to build his behavior based on the role prescribed for him by adults.

The boy Vasya, the hero of the story by Yu.Ya. Yakovlev “Knight Vasya”, because of his corpulence and clumsiness, was nicknamed the Mattress, and he dreamed of knightly armor. But “besides the mocking mirror, his mother brought him back to reality. Hearing his steps from the kitchen, which made the glasses clink pitifully, his mother shouted: “Careful! There's an elephant in a porcelain shop!" And in this difficult situation, parents themselves turn from allies and helpers into persecutors, and the child is left alone with his problem. If parents do not accept the child for who he is and mock him, then what can we expect from others.

As a child, I really liked the fairy tales of the wonderful Finnish writer Tove Janson about Moomintroll. In one of them, Moomintroll, playing hide and seek with his friends, hid in the Wizard's hat and came out so transformed that his friends did not recognize him and even gave him a beating. Moominmama, who came to the noise, also did not recognize her son at first, but, looking closely at his “frightened saucer eyes,” she recognized that it was Moomintroll. And then he became himself again. Moominmama hugged him and said the words that especially impressed me: “I will always recognize my little Moominson, no matter what happens.” For me, these words contain the main meaning parental love and support: accepting and helping the child in any situation. The main thing is to be able to accept your child (maybe more shy or overly emotional compared to others) for who he is...

Calm, self-confident parents, who do not expect instant super-achievement from their child, and who are understanding of their successes and failures, are the key to the child’s development of self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.

How to help your child become more confident

In difficult situations, don’t try to do everything for your child, but don’t leave him alone either. Offer to deal with the problem together (no matter what it is - shoelaces or the first quarrel with a friend). Sometimes it's enough to just be with your child while he's trying to do something.

Parental love is not an obvious thing for a child; if parents do not show their warm feelings in any way, then the child may decide that he is not loved. This will create in him a feeling of helplessness and insecurity, and, consequently, self-doubt. Body contact helps overcome this feeling. You can simply pat the child on the head, hug him, or sit him on your lap. This will never be superfluous either for kids, or for preschoolers, or for primary schoolchildren.

All of the above does not mean that the child should not be criticized. But when condemning him, you should make it clear that you are criticizing a specific act of the child, but your attitude towards him does not change. You can tell your child: “We always love you, no matter what you do, but sometimes it is difficult for us not to be angry (offended) with you!”

Children's friends

Parents are often concerned about the problem of their child’s friendships with peers. Usually they worry that their child is either not friends with anyone or is friends with the wrong person.

Problems with friends usually arise in shy children. Indeed, shy and timid children are more likely than aggressive children to suffer from isolation. Therefore, a very shy and introverted child needs the help of adults to establish communication. Given a favorable classroom environment, such a child gradually finds a suitable companion and feels quite comfortable.

Sometimes very sociable parents are worried that their child does not actively communicate with peers and has few friends. But some people need many friends to feel happy, while others only need one friend. According to psychologists' research, at least one mutual attachment in the class makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a group compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not by those whom he chooses. Having friends is a very important component of a child's emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and someone is interested in you. Growing up, a child considers the concept of friendship to be a more serious and deep relationship.

Parents usually get upset if those whom their child calls friends offend him, neglect him, and do not value their friendship. If parents don't like their child's friends, then they shouldn't insist on ending the relationship and constantly criticize their boyfriend or girlfriend. It makes sense to draw the child’s attention to negative sides peer and let him decide for himself whether to continue to maintain this relationship. Sometimes it’s enough to casually ask: “So, Petya didn’t wait for you?”, “Did Tanya treat you to anything?” to make the child think about how his friends treat him. It happens that a child maintains humiliating relationships out of despair. For example, at the dacha he has no one else to communicate with, and he is glad to have any companion. And the other child understands that they depend on him and takes advantage of it.

Quiet, dreamy Nastya valued her friendship with the lively and self-confident Masha, who constantly led her and forced her to obey herself. Almost as if it was not for her, Masha threatened Nastya that she would not be friends with her. Nastya was often upset about this, but, according to her mother, she continued to “dance to the tune of the Machine.” That was until Nastya went to school, where she made new friends - she saw that relationships could be built differently, without blackmail and threats, on equal terms. Nastya began to be more critical of Masha. When I asked what she didn’t like most about her peers, Nastya said: “I don’t like it when they force me to do what I don’t want, and they say: “Then I won’t play with you anymore!” That’s what my friend Masha does.” I asked why she continued to communicate with her. Nastya replied: “Masha comes up with a lot of things, it’s interesting to work with her.”

As practice shows, children who are actively rejected by their classmates usually do not have stable friendships outside of school. However, if a child who is unpopular in the class has the opportunity to communicate with peers outside of school - in the yard or in circles where he is accepted and appreciated - then the lack of recognition at school does not traumatize him.

How to help your child choose friends

It is important to know all of your child's friends, especially if you are afraid of negative influence from them. We need to help organize communication for the child and create an appropriate environment. It’s not enough to just send him to a suitable team; invite the children home, if possible, meet their parents. Most importantly, unobtrusively create an acceptable social circle for your child (you should take care of this while the child is still small). These could be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and who treat each other kindly.

The task of parents is not only to support a child who finds himself in a difficult situation, but also to teach him to interact with others. There is no need to try to completely protect the child from negative experiences. IN Everyday life It is impossible to avoid anger, resentment or encounters with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without becoming like them. A child must be able to say “no”, not succumb to the provocations of his comrades, treat failures with humor, know that sometimes it is better to let adults in on his problems than to figure it out on his own, and be confident that his family will not brush him off, but will help and support him. in difficult times.

Today, the question of how to find a common language with classmates has taken the form of a communication problem among students.

This has become one of the most pressing topics, since according to research conducted by school psychologists, more than 50% of students cannot find a common language with their classmates.

Communication with peers is a very important part of learning the world and self-knowledge.

Each person is individual, he has his own inner world, he has his own character and his own characteristics. This is important to remember and take into account when communicating with peers.

Communication is an art and not everyone is able to establish contact with people around them, much less make friends. It is even more difficult for schoolchildren, since children tend to express emotions more vividly, fully, clearly and are less inclined to be flexible in communication. This is further complicated by the fact that children are often cruel to others, and especially if they feel that their friend is weaker. Thus, they increase their self-esteem, often without thinking about the feelings of others.

Not being accepted by the team is very difficult for children, since this is their main circle of communication and interests, the main opportunity for self-realization and recognition, and acceptance by society. Rejection into one's team can be expressed by the group either by ignoring or by physical violence. This negative attitude from people significant to the child has a traumatic effect on his mental state.

In order for a child to successfully integrate into the school community, be accepted by classmates and find friends, it is necessary to be interesting to those around him. To be accepted, you need to learn to accept people yourself, with their character and characteristics.

Adaptation in a team largely depends on the child’s self-esteem; the more adequate it is, the easier it is for him to find a common language with team members.

Children express their emotions very openly and sense falsehood. Therefore, you should not try to earn the attention of your classmates with flattery and ingratiation; no one will like this and will give a completely opposite result.

In cases where children show verbal aggression in the form of name-calling, accusations, insults, thereby trying to humiliate the interlocutor and raise their self-esteem at his expense, you should try to avoid contact of this kind and in no case engage in verbal altercations, since victory is already initially on the attacker's side.

You need to speak calmly, confidently, and clearly express your thoughts and desires.

Those around you should be interested in communicating with the child, so you need to expand your range of interests by visiting various clubs and sections. Thus, the child’s horizons will broaden, he will have something to interest the team and something to talk about. This will also allow him to communicate not only with his class, but also to find friends with similar interests.

In order to be able to carry on a conversation with classmates, you need to find out what they are interested in and try to take an interest in this too, then you will have something to talk about during breaks.

It is necessary to develop the child in different directions, then the child himself will be able to set topics for conversation and be interesting to the team.

Another component of constructive communication is flexibility. You should not be too categorical; you should show loyalty to your classmates, but at the same time be persistent and defend your opinion.

Organization joint activities very close. Therefore, it is worth doing a common business or arranging joint leisure, spending time together and preferably outside of school and class, this will allow each child to show a new side of themselves and be interesting to their classmates.