How to find a common language with my girlfriend's child? How to please a child without complex strategies? Additional question on the page.

Question to a psychologist

I have a girlfriend (almost a fiancee) named Lena, with whom we have been together for quite a long time. She has a child, a girl named Julia, she is 5 years old. I don't have children.
Initially, the girl didn’t want to introduce us - she was afraid that we wouldn’t find mutual language. Then, nevertheless, I introduced her, everything seemed to be fine.
But then terrible jealousy began - as soon as Yulia saw Lena and me, even just holding hands, whims began, screams about “I want this, I want that, I want to be held in my arms, I’m tired, I want to sleep, I want to eat.” Fortunately, relatives agreed to look after Yulia, so Lena and I could spend time together. When we did intersect, I personally simply ignored such behavior.
After some time, these whims decreased greatly, and it seemed as if contact had somehow improved. And then she just started ignoring me.
Lena tried to talk to her and from her questions it turned out that Yulia was used to always being the center of attention (she is the only Small child in a big family) that everyone is always fussing over her. But I don’t do this and she thinks I’m bad.
The problem here is that I believe that children cannot be pampered like that, they cannot be made the “center of the world,” because this only makes them more capricious. Plus, I don’t really know how to communicate with children of this age. I am afraid of her, deep down, because I really don’t like hysterics and screams.
She apparently senses this and moves away too.
I don’t want to lose my relationship with Lena because of this, we are very good together, we are planning life together, I can’t imagine my life without her at all.
How to find a common language with a child?

Dmitry, if you want to be with a girl, then you just need to establish a relationship with her child. And this is not an easy matter.

She is not just capricious, she does not treat you as a kind uncle, but as something completely incomprehensible to her. And if children don’t understand something, then they scream and cry like animals (instincts, you know).

Understanding takes time and correct behavior seniors If you resist her, she will not give in.

I advise you and your girlfriend to contact a family psychologist (namely an adult), only through coordinated actions will you be able to instill trust in the child.

Good luck to you.

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Dmitriy! For most parents, children really are the “center of the world.” I suggest you simply enter this center, not as an adult, but as a child. Let’s imagine how it could be (and you either do that, or come up with an option yourself or together with your beloved mine).

You will find out what toys Helen likes to play with. You need to buy a toy, one that she doesn’t have (by the way, a great option is to buy it together at a toy supermarket, arranging a little game there. For example, the desired doll in one hand will start talking to the bear in the other hand - this will be a funny dialogue between two toy correspondents who will interview the beautiful girl Lena who happened to be here: Oh, what a sweet girl, let’s ask her if she can play with us, we’re bored together. Agree, the three of us will have fun. (Your girl should be surprised by your transformation, interested and encouraged to contact .Here you offer to buy these toys and continue playing at home with you and your mother, because you can’t go to the store. When communicating, be sure to sit down at the child’s eye level. Your task is to make friends, to love her as much as Lena. I’ll be glad I helped you , may everything work out for you.

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Your friend has a wonderful baby who hit you in the eye, and your eye is now twitching at all the children in the world? Read the article, apply our tips on how to make friends with your child and get him to like you, and enjoy the company of the most happy people on the planet.

It's really fun with kids. If, of course, you make friends with them. This is especially important for those who work with children. If you make friends with a child, you will gain his trust. If you gain trust, then it is much easier to communicate with him and explain what can be done and what cannot be done.

And there is another undeniable advantage in communicating with a child - it relaxes. Children are straightforward, sincere and unpretentious. You can (and should) be honest with them, you can relax and chat with them. But first you need to establish contact with him. Here's how to do it.

Children from three to seven years old do not like to be treated like little ones. Talk to children like an adult, but without forgetting that you are talking to a child. If you are communicating with a child for the first time, be sure to introduce yourself and ask his name.

You will simply be amazed when you find out how much a small child can (and wants!) to tell. The main thing is to ask him about different things. Of course, not all children like to talk. Sometimes there are very modest and shy children. But by showing genuine interest, you will melt the heart of any child. If you don’t know what to ask, then look at what the child is doing or what he’s holding in his hands. Show genuine interest in what he loves.

Children are incredibly impressionable. And they really love attention. Show him that you are not one hundred percent an adult, that you still have gunpowder to fly back to the land of your childhood. Many are afraid, but love tickling. They will run away from you, but come back for you to tickle them again. Scary faces can make children laugh. But just don’t scare the children until you have more or less become friends with them.

Do you know how to do simple tricks? Or simple paper airplanes? Or draw? Or maybe you can make funny sounds or imitate animals? Whatever. Many children are easily surprised and interested in even simple things. Especially when they are bored.

Tip five. If the child is modest and shy

Then talk to him quietly and calmly. Introverted children do not like noisy and loud people. One more thing: when you talk to children, bend over, or even better, sit down. To be on the same level as the child. If you are taller and bigger, it may intimidate him. And he will become even more embarrassed.

You can find an approach to every child. It is much easier to make friends with them than with adults. The main thing is to smile at them, be sincere with them.

Have you ever noticed how happy your child is when a particular person comes to visit? Be it your friend or even a colleague. The smile never leaves the baby’s face, the eyes sparkle, and the entertaining stories addressed to the guest seem endless. Why is this happening? Maybe this man knows special approach to the children? On the one hand, this is true. If you can follow the actions of a person who gets along well with children, then you will better understand not only your child, but also the children of your friends. And this is necessary if you decide to babysit someone else’s child. This is where you need the ability to establish contact.

Let's look at the whole situation. A smile is the first thing that puts a child at ease. This, I think, will not raise the slightest doubt. A dissatisfied or insensitive facial expression will scare off not only a child, but also an adult. Therefore, we smile sincerely, no frills. A forced wide smile can also repel rather than attract.

When communicating, try to protect yourself from unpleasant thoughts. Children often feel what we are going through. Therefore, it is unlikely that you will be able to deceive a child, wearing a mask of goodwill. No masks! Only sincere kindness and genuine interest will become your first helpers.

The next step is to pay attention to the child. Listen to what he says, praise what he shows you: toys or drawings. Most likely, they will evoke positive emotions in you, so we are not talking about deception. Next, you need to determine what the child is interested in. This is exactly what is worth talking about. It is advisable to translate games into more real things. Many children find this very interesting. How to do it? Very simple! For example, he shows you a drawn tank, an airplane, a soldier. In this case, tell him an entertaining story about the war. Of course, not about the suffering of people, but, for example, about the organization of battles, types of troops, etc. Girls, for example, who draw girls in beautiful dresses, you can talk about how these dresses are created. Naturally, information must be presented in a language that the child understands. It's not that difficult. Over time, you will learn to do this without thinking. This approach can be used in almost any case, you just have to show your imagination.

Often, children enjoy such conversations. They will also broaden the child’s horizons a little, most importantly, do not forget that you are not talking with an adult, this is very important!

So, a smile and an unusual approach to communication are not everything. Be sure to listen to your baby, and do not ignore him under any circumstances. Try to develop topics of conversation that are interesting to him, and not just to you. After all, a child is already a little person who, like all of us, loves when people listen to him and pay special attention to his remarks. When you realize this, your chances of being liked by your child will increase significantly. This will happen by itself. And you don't need any complicated strategies.

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“Children are the flowers of life,” says folk wisdom. Sometimes these flowers produce smooth and shiny, sweet fruits, and sometimes they produce thorns. For years, parents and teachers have been trying their best to educate their children, and sometimes the result is zero. What is missing is the desire to learn, disobedience, disrespect. The list could go on for a long time, but for now let’s look at the problem.
Reluctance to learn. Where is it from?

After all, children from birth have zero information, everyone is ready to perceive it equally. Although each person has his own intellect, mental abilities, character traits, it is inherent in him to learn and be teachable.

What is really good and what is bad? What is beautiful and what is not? What is good and what is evil? Only by teaching a child correctly, although each person’s concept of “correctly” is radically different, can the desired results in learning be achieved. Therefore, in order to educate best quality In a small person, you need to constantly consult with other parents and specialists, and not just use your established beliefs.

You need to overcome your pride and teach your child kindness, wisdom, compassion, also guided by outside help. In post-war times, children were raised in the old way, but those cruel years have passed, and this does not mean that if you were raised in the old way, then you should do the same with your children.

The ideal person is a benevolent, affectionate, loving, ready-to-help patriot of our majestic country. Otherwise, we will never get out of the list of countries that are developing. Therefore, raising a citizen of our own country, and not of the country that we will later leave in search of income, is our real goal.

A child acquires knowledge like a sponge that absorbs water. But sooner or later the sponge will dry out on its own, and the knowledge gained will no longer be enough. To prevent this from happening, you need to constantly replenish the sponge with water, that is, constantly provide knowledge and stimulate them. This is the role of, firstly, parents and, undoubtedly, teachers.

In order to instill in a child the desire to at least go to school, it is necessary, first of all, and this is no secret, to please him. And only then will it be possible to talk about successful studies when the child is interested, happily attends all lessons, when mistakes are not punished, but stimulated, pushed towards a natural instinct - learning new things, because a person is inquisitive from birth.
Therefore, how can you please your child? How to get people interested in your subject? This is what our conversation will go on next.

Let's imagine a child comes to school for the first time. This means that the circle of friends in her life has changed, some uncles and aunts have appeared who force her to do incomprehensible things, a terrible uncle-director who threatens her with his finger.

The teacher’s task is to understand the child, provide support, convey knowledge in an accessible form, and help him get along with classmates. The list of responsibilities of a primary school teacher is very long, but let’s consider the problem of establishing relationships between teacher and child.

Every girl or boy needs to be developed individual approach. Apparently, you have observed when children hide behind their parents when meeting a stranger, especially when this unfamiliar person tries to pat the child on the head? Just imagine: a child was left with a teacher whom he was seeing for the first time!

An individual approach is to find a common language with the child, i.e. in the first fifteen seconds, establish contact. To do this, you need to be very friendly and always smile - the child will feel lighter, more free, more relaxed.

1. The first thing I would like to draw your attention to is that when meeting, as mentioned above, you need to smile and be friendly. This will set the child in the right mood: establishing positive contact within the first fifteen seconds. This method is called the "first fifteen second rule."

But it should be remembered that each child perceives everything differently. Some people, seeing a smile, may think that this uncle or aunt is very kind, and may feel too free. This freedom can manifest itself through negative behavior, violation of discipline, and the like.

That is, we tried to achieve desired result, which was not to scare the child, but instead achieved something completely different. That child who behaves badly in class, rest assured, is no longer afraid of you and is already smiling wider than you.

To prevent an unwanted reaction to your sincerity, you need to promptly prevent unwanted actions on the part of the child. This is the skill of the teacher, namely, timely detection and prevention. Children need to know that you are friendly, but that you will never tolerate bad behavior. In order to make this clear, sometimes a stern look is enough, and sometimes it is worth raising your voice.

2. Second. Don't be stingy with praise. The child should be encouraged even for the smallest achievements, for writing the letter correctly and the like. But remember the main principle: don’t over-praise! There is no need to praise the child constantly, even when the child has not achieved the desired result. Because of this, he will have a feeling of permissiveness, and the child will stop trying, knowing that he will be praised anyway.

You can also encourage with small surprises, however, remember that the child may take this for granted, and then the internal motive for studying will turn into an external one, when the child agrees to study, but only for candy. This definitely needs to be prevented. There is no need to say under any circumstances that the child will receive gifts for his studies.
Here is an example of correct motivation: “Sunny, you studied well today! In addition to a good grade, you will also receive today little surprise. Today you showed your knowledge especially well. Good girl!”

Avoid the following phrase: “Now every lesson you will receive candy for good mark" You need to let your child understand that he will not always receive a gift for a good grade. You need to do this kind of encouragement occasionally. Otherwise, having received a good grade, the child will be disappointed if he does not receive anything.

3. When motivating a child, it is imperative to tell him sweet words, for example, “sunshine”, “pearl”, “bunny”, “dear (oh)”, “well done” and the like... And also, if you pat the child on the head, he will shine with happiness and will tell stories at home how he likes your classes, and his parents will be happy too.

But, as you already know, you need to know the limit in everything, including praise. Many teachers believe that it is not worth violating a child’s intimate distance (0.5 meters). However, who will feel sorry for the child in the lesson if not you? Who will provide such strong motivation?

But be careful! Make sure that the child does not have any views regarding you. First love most often occurs in children school age, they even fall in love with teachers. Then it will be very difficult for you to teach this child. But that is another topic.

4. Punishment. Firstly, what is it? It can be physical and moral. None of them are correct from a legal point of view. It is forbidden to shout at a child, much less hit him. But there must be some levers of influence if a child behaves badly and does not follow the teacher’s orders!

And this is the way out! Bad behavior unacceptable when studying. You must first understand why the child behaves this way. Perhaps he is not interested? Perhaps he doesn't respect you? This means you need to earn the child’s respect. And to achieve this, you need to please him. Then the child will not disrupt your behavior in class.

Regarding failure to complete teacher assignments, there may be the following reasons:

. the child is slow, absent-minded and does not have time to complete everything;
. the child is sick;
. the child has problems at home;
. the child is not interested, although he respects the teacher;
. the child does not respect the teacher, although he is interested in the subject.

As you can see, some problems need to be clarified with your parents, and some you can overcome on your own. If possible, do not meddle in the child’s family affairs, so as not to traumatize him, so that he does not withdraw into himself; however, you can carefully ask whether his parents punish him at home. Perhaps the child is just waiting to be pitied. Perhaps you are the only one who will do this today. And if you feel sorry for him, you will gain the child’s trust, his respect, and interest in your subject.

The child should not be punished (you can go to jail for this), but encouraged to study, as described in paragraph 3, told different stories from the lives of people who have found your item useful, tell them that it is fashionable, prestigious and vital.

5. Call your child by name. It is very important. A name for a person is the sweetest sound. It is impossible to convince children to study well without calling children by name!

And the last thing that can be recommended: be sincerely interested in your student, his life, health, ask how he spends his free time, what his hobbies are, find something in common between you and start creating a miracle that only a teacher can do - to educate an honest, fair, polite, kind citizen who loves his country.

Additional question on the page

What plants are a must have at home?

It is not at all news that flowers enrich the air with oxygen, make the microclimate in the house much more comfortable, clean the premises of dust, and simply make others happy. There simply cannot be strict recommendations on what plants should be in the house. Because it depends on their usefulness and your preferences.

The variety of indoor flowers is great, but from them we can select those species that are suitable specifically for specific rooms. When you come to an ornamental plant nursery, they will help you. Chlorophytum, monstera, spathiphyllum, and spurge are suitable for the kitchen. Here the air must be cleared of combustion products, and the flowers, releasing oxygen, destroy excess gas. Place a pot of clivia in the smoking area. To get rid of harmful substances clivia, it needs to be taken out regularly Fresh air. Flowers that do not have a distinct scent are suitable for the bedroom. Ficus will have the best influence on your sleep.

In large rooms, monstera, hibiscus, palm, and cypress will be cozy. Orchids do not require special care and bloom for several months, so they will decorate any room.

Remember, some indoor flowers are quite dangerous. Dieffenbachia juice is dangerous for animals. Plants that release essential substances well, such as rhododendron, citrus fruits and geranium, can cause allergies in children.

Otherwise, when choosing colors, be guided only by your own tastes and common sense.

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You've had an interview and decided to open your home to a nanny. How to prepare a child? What should parents pay attention to? How should a nanny behave when meeting a child and how to prepare for the meeting? We will give you a number of recommendations.

The child needs to be prepared for the meeting with the nanny several days in advance. Tell us what her name is and what she looks like. Describe the nanny as very kind, positive person. Set your baby up for the fact that they will have a lot of fun with the nanny, that together they will play your baby’s favorite games, draw, read books and do many other interesting things.
1. When your long-awaited guest arrives, give her a tour of the house. Outline the territory of the apartment where the nanny will work with the child.
2. Your task is to competently build a relationship with the nanny. Mom orders the service, the nanny performs it. Of course, if your nanny has extensive teaching experience, you should listen to her advice and recommendations. But the last word should remain with mom. You are responsible for the child's health and upbringing.
3. Another important aspect is the boundaries in the relationship between mother and nanny. Even if the nanny is your age and has similar hobbies and interests to you, you need to maintain a distance. Do not discuss personal topics with the nanny and do not ask her about personal matters. The nanny should perceive you as the mother of her pupil.
4. In the first days, you should not leave the child alone with the nanny. The child’s usual routine and daily routine should not change due to the presence of a nanny. It will be better if the nanny is present with you at first.
5. You can organize a walk together. Show her where you usually walk with your baby, introduce her to your child’s friends.
6. To make it easier for you to explain all the rules of behavior to the nanny, we have compiled.
7. You've probably wondered: is it possible to spy on a person, is it ethical? What is ethical is what benefits your child. You will be calmer if there is a surveillance camera in your house. Any reputable office has cameras and people can work quite comfortably. Also, in children's centers and private kindergartens there are security cameras and it is absolutely normal that a mother can look at her child online.
8. Do not allow any misunderstandings. If you don’t like something in the nanny’s actions, it’s better to tell her about it right away. After all, the nanny does not yet know your rules and habits.
After the nanny leaves (her first visit should not be long, 2-3 hours is enough), talk to the baby and ask about his impressions of his nanny. It is difficult to judge the correctness or incorrectness of your choice of nanny based on your impressions from the first day. In a week or two you can already draw conclusions. If the baby runs to meet the nanny with pleasure and does not want to part with her, then you have made the right choice.
More more tips You can read how to conduct a telephone interview and an interview in the section.

The nanny needs to be well prepared for the first meeting with the child.
1. You must have a neat, well-groomed appearance. None long nails, red lipstick and miniskirt. You go to work with your family, not the office.
2. You need to take with you a change of clothes and shoes that will be comfortable for you to work with your child. As soon as you come into the house, be sure to wash your hands.
3. To establish contact with your child, bring some small toy, book or coloring book.
4. Ask the mother and the baby to show you the child’s room, his toys, things for the house and walks.
5. Don't try to be too active on the first day. Always be present in the house during normal activities, let the baby begin to get used to you. Observe the actions of the mother and the habits of the child. See yourself as quiet and modest; too much activity from you can frighten the child and mother.
6. Talk less about your achievements and educational methods; you should have told this at the interview. You come to the child, try to establish contact with him.
6. When you see that the child has begun to show interest in you, invite him to talk about his toys. If he is still cranky and gloomy, try starting to play with his toys yourself and role-play. This will help the baby calm down and get involved in the game. You can start drawing, for example, a forest with animals, and also comment on your actions.
7. You must understand that the success of establishing yourself in the family depends on whether the child likes you.
8. What games does the baby like, what food does he like, does he have allergies - you should find out all this from the parents during the interview and record it in your notebook. So that on the first day of work you will not be distracted from communicating with your child by various questions.
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