Legal basis of child-parent relations. Child-parent relationships

Child-parent relationships in the family

According to researchers involved in family problems, the family can act as a positive or negative factor in raising a child.

The positive impact on the child’s personality is that no one, except the people closest to him in the family, treats the child better, loves him and cares about him as much. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially cause as much harm in raising children as a family can do.

Family education is a complex system. It must be based on certain principles and have certain content, which is aimed at developing all aspects of the child’s personality. It should be based on certain principles:

humanity and mercy towards a growing person;

involving children in the life of the family as its equal participants;

openness and trust in relationships with children;

optimism in family relationships;

consistency in your demands (do not demand the impossible);

Providing all possible assistance to your child, willingness to answer questions.

The implementation of these principles will also depend on type of upbringing :

autocratic - when all decisions concerning children are made exclusively by parents.

liberal – when the child has the last word when making decisions.

chaotic - management is carried out inconsistently: sometimes authoritarian, sometimes democratic, sometimes liberal.

L.G. Sagotskaya identifies 6 types of relationships between parents and children: 1) an extremely biased attitude, the belief that children are the most important thing in life; 2) an indifferent attitude towards the child, his needs and interests; 3) a selfish attitude, when parents consider the child to be the main labor force of the family; 4) attitude towards the child as an object of education without taking into account the characteristics of his personality; 5) treating the child as an obstacle in career and personal affairs; 6) respect for the child in combination with the assignment of certain responsibilities to him.

The basis of the family microclimate, according to researchers A.S. Makarenko, A.V. Petrovsky, A.I. Zakharova, A.B. Dobrovich and others, it is interpersonal relationships that determine its climate.

It is in the attitude of parents towards their child, as E.M. Volkova believes, that one can assume what he will become in the future.

According to A.Ya. Varga and V.V. Stolin, “parental relationships” are a system of various feelings towards a child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, characteristics of perception and understanding of the character and personality of the child, his actions.

The problem of the influence of parental attitude towards the child was studied by such researchers as A.V. Petrovsky, A.I. Zakharov, I.M. Balinsky, V.N. Myasishchev, R.A. Zachepitsky and others.

S. Soloveichik believes that the relationship of parents to a child is characterized by high psychological tension and is diverse in its manifestations. The most common types of relationships, in his opinion, are: attentive, fearful, vain, angry, irritable, adaptable, sociable, sensational, persistent, constant, confident, encouraging.

P.F. Lesgaft identified six positions of parents in relation to children that influence the child’s behavior:

Parents do not pay attention to their children, humiliate them, ignore them. In such families, children often grow up to be hypocritical, deceitful, and often have low intelligence or delayed mental development.

Parents constantly admire their children and consider them to be models of perfection. Children most often grow up selfish, superficial, and self-confident.

Harmonious relationships built on love and respect. Children are distinguished by their kindheartedness, depth of thinking, and desire for knowledge.

Parents are constantly dissatisfied with their child, criticizing and reproaching him. The child grows up irritable and emotionally unstable.

Parents overindulge and protect the child. Children grow up lazy and socially immature.

Parents whose position is influenced by financial difficulties. Their children grow up with a pessimistic attitude towards the world around them. If they don’t influence, then the children are calm and modest.

A.S. Makarenko draws attention to such relationships in the family as coexistence, confrontation, and community.

A.B Dobrovich highlights the roles of the child in the family, defined for him by his parents: “family idol”, “mother’s treasure”, “good girl”, “sick child”, “terrible child”, “Cinderella”.

In my research AND I. Varga and V.V. Stolin identified the following criteria for parental relationships:

“Acceptance – rejection.” Acceptance: The parent likes the child for who he is. He respects the child’s individuality and sympathizes with him. Rejection: the parent perceives his child as bad, unadapted, unsuccessful, and for the most part feels anger, annoyance, irritation, and resentment towards the child. He does not trust the child, does not respect him.

“Cooperation” - the parent is interested in the child’s affairs and plans, tries to help him in everything. Appreciates his intellectual and Creative skills, feels proud of him.

“Symbiosis” - the parent constantly feels worried about the child; he seems small and defenseless to him. The parent does not provide the child with independence.

“Authoritarian hypersocialization” - the parent demands unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. He tries to impose his will on him in everything; the child is severely punished for showing self-will. The parent closely monitors the child's social behavior and demands social success.

“Little loser” - in the parental attitude there is a desire to infantilize the child, to attribute to him personal and social failure. The child appears to be unadapted, unsuccessful, and open to bad influences. The adult tries to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly control his actions.

Analysis of the literature shows that, despite the variety of concepts describing parental relationships, in almost all approaches one can notice that parental attitudes are contradictory in nature. E.O. Smirnova and M.V. Bykova distinguish two opposing moments in parental relationships: unconditional (contains components such as acceptance, love, empathy, etc.) and conditional (objective assessment, control, focus on nurturing certain qualities).

Thus, we have every reason to conclude that family relationships can be diverse. Child-parent relationships are affected by the type of family, the position taken by adults, relationship styles and the role they assign to the child in the family. His personality is formed under the influence of the type of parental relationship.

Types child-parent relationships

Children in a family are an addition and enrichment to the lives of two people who have tied the knot. A child needs both parents - a loving father and mother. Without exaggeration, we can say that the relationship between husband and wife has a huge impact on the development of the child’s personality. A conflictual, tense environment makes the child nervous, whiny, disobedient, and aggressive. Friction between spouses usually has a traumatic effect on the child.

Just as the personality of each person is unique, the relationship between spouses is individual, the relationship of parents to their child is just as complex, and the styles of family education are ambiguous. Family parenting style is understood as a set of parental stereotypes that influence the child.

Observations of the upbringing of children in various families have allowed psychologists to create a description of various types of upbringing.

A. Baldwin identified two styles of parenting: democratic and controlling. Democratic The style is characterized by the following parameters: a high degree of verbal communication between parents and children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the success of the child with the parents always ready to help, the desire to reduce subjectivity in the child’s vision. Controlling the style presupposes significant restrictions on the child’s behavior in the absence of disagreements between parents and children regarding disciplinary measures, and a clear understanding by the child of the meaning of the restrictions. The parents' demands may be quite strict, but they are presented to the child constantly and consistently and are recognized by the child as fair and reasonable.

D. Boumread In a series of studies, an attempt was made to overcome the descriptive nature of previous works by isolating a set of child traits associated with factors of parental control and emotional support. Based on his observations, Boumrid identifies 3 types of children, whose character corresponds to certain methods of educational activity of their parents.

Authoritative parents – proactive, sociable, kind children. Authoritative parents are those who love and understand their children, preferring not to punish, but to explain what is good and what is bad, without fear of praising them once again. They demand meaningful behavior from children and try to help them, being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, such parents usually show firmness when faced with children's whims, and even more so with unmotivated outbursts of anger.

Children of such parents are usually inquisitive, try to justify, and not impose, their point of view, they take their responsibilities responsibly. It is easier for them to assimilate socially acceptable and encouraged forms of behavior. They are more energetic and self-confident, they have better self-esteem and self-control, and it is easier for them to establish good relationships with peers.

Authoritarian parents – irritable, conflict-prone children. Authoritarian parents believe that the child should not be given too much freedom and rights, that he should obey their will and authority in everything. It is no coincidence that these parents, in their educational practice, trying to develop discipline in the child, as a rule, do not leave him the opportunity to choose behavioral options, limit his independence, and deprive him of the right to object to elders, even if the child is right. Authoritarian parents most often do not consider it necessary to at least somehow justify their demands. Strict control over a child’s behavior is the basis of their upbringing, which does not go beyond severe prohibitions, reprimands and often physical punishment. The most common method of disciplinary action is intimidation and threats. Such parents exclude emotional closeness with their children, they are stingy with praise, so a feeling of affection rarely arises between them and their children.

However, strict control rarely produces positive results. In children with such upbringing, only a mechanism of external control is formed, a feeling of guilt or fear of punishment develops, and, as a rule, self-control is too weak, if it appears at all. Children of authoritarian parents have difficulty establishing contacts with peers due to their constant wariness and even hostility towards others. They are suspicious, gloomy, anxious and, as a result, unhappy.

Indulgent parents – impulsive, aggressive children. As a rule, permissive parents are not inclined to control their children, allowing them to do as they please without demanding responsibility and self-control from them. Children most often have problems with discipline; often their behavior becomes simply uncontrollable. What do indulgent parents do in such cases? Usually they become desperate and react very sharply - they rudely and harshly ridicule the child, and in fits of anger they can use physical punishment. They deprive children of parental love, attention and sympathy.

Types of family relationships

To determine the life path of a child’s development, his emerging life position, we propose to focus on the strategy for the development of the child’s personality in the family, including the mechanism of family development, types of family relationships, family life styles (family credo).

Different family life styles and types of family relationships have different effects on the development of a child’s personality, determining the paths of his development (D.A. Leontyev, E.R. Kalitievskaya).

Authoritarian type family relations determines the conformal path of child development in the family, which is characterized by a predominance of reliance on external decision-making criteria and a sense of independence of the results of actions from one’s own efforts. The child’s actions depend entirely on external evaluation, which can be earned by behaving in accordance with external requirements. In the future, such a person can successfully adapt to life at the cost of unconditionally accepting external requirements and assessments as a guide to action.

Authoritative type family relationships determines, in our opinion, the symbiotic path of development of the child in the family and includes the prerequisites for neurotic personality development, which is due to the fact that the child experiences emotional alienation in relation to his parents due to “tight” control on the part of the mother and attitude as little one on his father's side; since parents have a fear of the child’s independence and they, most often unconsciously, strive to maintain his dependence on them, making their love a conditional reward for the desired behavior. The lack of freedom of a child is combined with a perverted form of responsibility - with “responsibility” for the realization not of one’s own, but of other people’s values. Parents closely monitor and evaluate the child’s behavior without accepting him as a whole as an individual. Thus, he develops an orientation towards “earned” recognition.

Democratic type family relationships shapes the impulsive path of development of the child’s personality. The contradictory relationship between parents gives the child the right to be active, but undeveloped self-regulation makes true freedom incomprehensible, the place of which is taken by impulsive protest, opposing oneself to others.

Altruistic type family relationships forms an autonomous path for the development of the child’s personality, based on freedom and responsibility, as parents provide the child with independence while maintaining emotional acceptance. The autonomous path of development is the only path based on true freedom and responsibility, leading to personal maturity and a full human existence. True freedom and responsibility that reign in the family develop in the child, respectively, activity and awareness as the foundations that form the individual’s attitude towards his own life during school years, i.e. life position. The combination of these foundations as parameters gives four types of life position, corresponding to the four paths of personal development described above.

Conformal type development gives rise to the child’s passive position and is characterized by a lack of activity and awareness in relation to his life; complete passive submission to circumstances; accepting everything that happens as inevitable and uncontrollable.

Symbiotic Path child development determines a contemplative position, which is characterized by awareness and lack of activity. Realizing the events of his life as occurring separately from his “I”, such a person is not able to influence them either because of the conviction of the impossibility of doing this, or because of neurotic self-doubt in himself, his strengths and capabilities.

Impulsive way personal development forms a person’s impulsive position, which is characterized by the presence of activity and lack of awareness. Such a person strives to manage his life, being unable to comprehend it, so life management takes on the character of chaotic, impulsive decisions, not connected by a single logic and life goal.

Autonomous path personal development gives rise to an effective life position based on activity and awareness, and is characterized by the fact that a person is not only aware of the course of his life, but is able to take an active position in relation to it and manage it.

Parenting styles in the family (A. E. Lichko and E. G. Eidemiller)

Of the classifications that compare the characteristics of children’s personality formation and family education styles, the most interesting and detailed is the classification proposed by A.E. Lichko and E.G. Eidemiller for teenagers. The authors identified the following deviations in family parenting styles:

Hypoprotection. Characterized by a lack of guardianship and control. The child is left without supervision. They show little attention to the teenager, there is no interest in his affairs, physical abandonment and unkemptness are common. With hidden hypoprotection, control and care are formal in nature, parents are not included in the child’s life. A child’s lack of inclusion in family life leads to antisocial behavior due to unsatisfied needs for love and affection.

Dominant hyperprotection. It manifests itself in increased, heightened attention and care, excessive guardianship and petty control of behavior, surveillance, prohibitions and restrictions. The child is not taught independence and responsibility. This leads either to a reaction of emancipation, or to lack of initiative, inability to stand up for oneself

Pandering hyperprotection. This is what they call raising a “family idol.” Parents strive to free the child from the slightest difficulties, indulge his desires, overly adore and patronize him, admire his minimal successes and demand the same admiration from others. The result of such upbringing is manifested in a high level of aspirations, a desire for leadership with insufficient perseverance and self-reliance.

Emotional rejection. They are burdened by the child. His needs are ignored. Sometimes he is treated harshly. Parents (or their “deputies” - stepmother, stepfather, etc.) consider the child a burden and show general dissatisfaction with the child. Hidden emotional rejection is often encountered: parents try to veil their real attitude towards the child with increased care and attention to him. This parenting style has the most negative impact on a child's development.

Abusive relationships . They can manifest themselves openly when they take out evil on a child using violence, or they can be hidden when there is a “wall” of emotional coldness and hostility between the parents and the child.

Increased moral responsibility. The child is required to have honesty, decency, and a sense of duty that are not appropriate for his age. Ignoring the interests and capabilities of a teenager, they make him responsible for the well-being of loved ones. He is forcibly assigned the role of "head of the family." Parents hope for a special future for their child, but the child is afraid of disappointing them. Often he is entrusted with caring for younger children or the elderly.

In addition, the following deviations in the style of parental education are also identified: preference for feminine qualities (PZHK), preference for masculine qualities (PMK), preference for children's qualities (PDK), expansion of the sphere of parental feelings (RRH), fear of losing a child (FC), underdevelopment of parental feelings (NHR), projection of one's own undesirable qualities (PNK), introducing conflict between spouses into the sphere of education (VC).

One of the directions in describing the typology of family education is the study of educational parental attitudes and positions. In the most general form, optimal and non-optimal parental positions were formulated. The optimal parental position meets the requirements of adequacy, flexibility and predictability (A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya).

Adequacy The parental position can be defined as the ability of parents to see and understand the individuality of their child, to notice changes occurring in his mental world.

Flexibility The parental position is considered as the ability to restructure the impact on the child as he grows up and in connection with various changes in the living conditions of the family. A flexible parental position should not only be changeable in accordance with the child’s changes, it should be anticipatory and prognostic.

Predictiveness parental position means that it is not the child who should lead the parents, but, on the contrary, the behavior of the parents should be ahead of the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of the children.

In disharmonious families, where the upbringing of a child has become problematic, a change in parental positions is quite clearly evident in one or all three selected indicators. Parental positions are inadequate, lose the quality of flexibility, become unchangeable and unpredictive.

There is an attempt to describe upbringing in a family through the roles that the child performs. A role is defined as a certain set of patterns of behavior towards a child in the family, as a combination of feelings, expectations, actions, assessments addressed to the child by adult family members. Children's roles are clearly identified in families when parental positions lose flexibility and adequacy.

The most typical include four roles: “scapegoat”, “favorite”, “conciliator”, “baby”.

"Scapegoat". This child role arises in the family when the marital problems of the parents are transferred to the child. He seems to take on the emotions of the parents, which they actually feel for each other.

"Favorite." It occurs when parents do not experience any feelings for each other, and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated care for the child, exaggerated love for him.

« Baby " In this role, the child is distant from his parents, he is, as it were, forced out of the family community, he is once and for all ordered to be in the family only a child, on whom nothing depends. This role occurs when the spouses are very close to each other.

« Conciliator " A child in this role is early involved in the complexities of family life, occupies the most important place in the family, regulating and eliminating marital conflicts.

The above descriptions well illustrate the fact that children are influenced not only by intentional influences, but to an equal or even greater extent by all the characteristics of their parents’ behavior.

The parental position is a kind of holistic formation; it is the real direction of the educational activities of parents, arising under the influence of the motives of education. What kind of parental position is realized in interaction with the child depends primarily on the relationship between conscious and unconscious motivational tendencies. The typology of A. Roe and M. Sigelman includes such attitudes towards children and parental positions in education as rejection, indifference, overprotection, over-demandingness, stability, active love.

Types of improper education according to V.I. Garbuzov

IN AND. Garbuzov, noting the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of a child’s characterological characteristics, identified three types of improper upbringing.

Type A parenting (rejection, emotional rejection) – rejection of the child’s individual characteristics, combined with strict control, with the imperative imposition of the only correct type of behavior on him. Type A upbringing can be combined with a lack of control and complete connivance.

Type B (hypersocializing) upbringing is expressed in the parents' anxious and suspicious concept of the child's health, his social status among friends, and especially at school, and the expectation of academic success and future professional activity.

Type C parenting (egocentric) - cultivating the attention of all family members on the child (family idol), sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members.

Types of mother-child relationships (S. Brody, E.T. Sokolova, L. Kovar)

S. Brody identified four types of maternal relationships:

mothers of the first type easily and organically adapted to the needs of the child. They are characterized by supportive, permissive behavior. Interestingly, the most revealing test of a particular maternal style was the mother’s reaction to toilet training her child. Mothers of the first type did not set themselves the task of accustoming their child to neatness skills by a certain age. They waited for the child to “mature” himself;

mothers of the second type consciously tried to adapt to the needs of the child. The not always successful implementation of this desire introduced tension into their behavior and a lack of spontaneity in communicating with the child. They dominated rather than conceded;

mothers of the third type did not show much interest in the child. The basis of motherhood was a sense of duty. There was almost no warmth and no spontaneity in the relationship with the child. As the main tool of education, such mothers used strict control, for example, they consistently and sternly tried to accustom their one and a half year old child to the skills of neatness;

mothers of the fourth type of behavior are characterized by inconsistency. They behaved inappropriately for the age and needs of the child, made many mistakes in upbringing, and did not understand their child well. Their direct educational influences, as well as the reaction to the same actions of the child, were contradictory.

According to S. Brody, the fourth style of motherhood turns out to be the most harmful for the child, since the constant unpredictability of maternal reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability in the world around him and provokes increased anxiety.

Birth order and role position

3. Freud was one of the first to notice that the child’s position among his sisters and brothers is of utmost importance in his entire subsequent life. Walter Towman, based on a study of thousands of normal families, discovered that people occupying identical positions in the family structure have identical characteristics. Most researchers confirm this point of view. All other things being equal, some couples get along better than others simply because their role positions complement each other well. Good complementarity usually means reproducing the same conditions in terms of age and roles that each was accustomed to in his family of origin. For example, younger sister brothers usually get along better with the older brother of sisters. This ratio of age-role positions is most comfortable for both.

The prevalence of one-child families in society, in addition to direct ones negative consequences(decrease in population size over the life of one generation) also leads to an ever-increasing likelihood of marriages between only children, and this poses significant difficulties for the stability of marriages.

In many ways, only children have significant advantages over children with siblings. The only child has more high level self-esteem, he suffers less from loss of authority, expects and easily accepts help when he needs it, and has the highest scores in most tests of knowledge and “logical” abilities. However, since an only child is not used to close communication with other children (only parent-child relationships are natural for him), he often does not know how to behave in intimate relationships later, when he gets married or lives with someone . It does not perceive "peaks" and "troughs" in Everyday life with others and therefore has difficulty accepting and understanding normal mood changes. He is not used to the difficulties of other individuals.

The most difficult couple is the other only child. Both of them are unable to cope with close and equal relationships, neither of them is used to the opposite sex, and both want the other to play the role of parent. The most difficult type of marriage occurs when two only children from single-parent families are united.

If there are families in society with two or more children, there is the possibility of various combinations of grown-up children as spouses.

Since quite a significant part of our ideas about life depends on our place among brothers and sisters, then in later life we ​​experience the least difficulties when this place is preserved in adult relationships in one form or another. Thus, in a family in which there are only sisters and no brothers, children do not develop the habit of everyday communication on an equal basis with representatives of the opposite sex, as a result of which in later life it is difficult to understand the differences between themselves and their spouse in marriage.

The role of siblings.

According to Adler, birth order is the main determinant of attitudes that accompany lifestyle. He argued that if children have the same parents and grow up in approximately the same conditions, they still do not have an identical social environment. The experience of the eldest or youngest child in the family in relation to other children, the particular influence of parental attitudes and values ​​- all this changes as a result of the appearance of subsequent children in the family and greatly influences the formation of a lifestyle.

The child's position in the family is crucial. Particularly important is the perception of the situation, which most likely accompanies a certain position. That is, the importance the child attaches to the current situation determines how the order of his birth will affect his lifestyle. However, in general, certain psychological characteristics turned out to be characteristic of the child’s specific position in the family.

According to A. Adler, the position of the first-born can be considered enviable as long as he is the only child in the family. Parents are usually very worried about the birth of their first child and therefore devote themselves entirely to him, striving for everything to be “as it should be.” The firstborn receives boundless love and care from his parents. The birth of a second child, according to Adler, dramatically changes the position of the first-born and his views on the world. The author describes the position of the firstborn at the birth of the second child as that of a “monarch dethroned.” And he claims that this experience can be very traumatic.

If a second child of a different sex is born, this event is not so dramatic for the firstborn, since there is no direct competition between them. In this case, the characteristics of the older child are less pronounced. If the second child is of the same sex, its effect on the firstborn is very strong. According to Towman, it stimulates one of the common stereotypes of behavior of the older child: he tries very hard to be good so that his parents will continue to love him more than the newborn. Parents unknowingly reinforce this tendency by telling the eldest that he is bigger and smarter and expecting help from him. As a result, older children often have many parental qualities: they know how to be educators, are able to take responsibility and play the role of leader. A sense of responsibility in the family can often be a heavy burden and lead to anxiety, since the first-born does not dare to make a mistake or upset his parents.

The middle child is the second of three or one of the middle ones in the big one. large family- difficult to describe. He is both senior and junior at the same time. Adler believed that the second child (the middle one) is set the pace by his older sibling. The rate of development of the middle child is often higher than that of the firstborn (may begin to talk and walk earlier). As a result, the second child grows up to be competitive and ambitious, since his lifestyle is the desire to prove that he is better than his older brother or older sister.

One study conducted on large families showed that the eldest and youngest are always the favorites of the family. Therefore, the middle child in the family has it in many ways more difficult than others, since he is forced to compete both with the older one - more skillful, strong, and with the younger one - more helpless and dependent. Richardson notes that the average child may fluctuate in his behavior between trying to be like the older one and trying to return to the role of a cared for child, as a result he does not have firm guidelines for highlighting his individuality. Middle children in adulthood, according to these views, are less able to take initiative and think independently (they often make “rebels” against any authority). Unlike Adler, Richardson believes that middle children have the lowest motivation to achieve among children of different birth orders, especially in school.

The second child strives to get ahead of the first-born, but he rarely succeeds, and due to his uncertain position in the parental family, he acquires a somewhat skeptical idea of ​​​​his capabilities, as a result of which motivation to study may decrease. Richardson notes that in their attempts to feel important, these children try to compete with others in destructive ways: they may become destructive, self-destructive (drinking and eating too much), or forming annoying, attention-seeking habits. Middle children lack the authority of the elders and the spontaneity of the younger ones, but the “middle” position in the family also brings its own fruits: they often learn to deal well with different people, are friendly with everyone, and are able to negotiate. They usually have aptitude for diplomacy, secretarial work, and any service activity (hairdresser, waiter, etc.), where the ability to get along with a variety of people is very important.

The youngest child, like the only one, was not traumatized by the appearance of the next (another child). The peculiarities of the youngest child are that for the whole family he is a baby, and some, even in adulthood, continue to seem small. There is no doubt that fewer demands are placed on younger children, especially if there is a sibling of the same sex. He is forgiven much more than the elder, who at a similar age is usually considered “big”.

There are, however, conflicting views on the outcomes of raising younger children. One view, coming from Adler, is that the youngest develop a strong motivation to outperform their older siblings. As a result, the youngest child can become the fastest swimmer, the best musician, the most ambitious student.

Richardson writes that since a younger child is not new to parents, they already have experience raising children, they are less concerned about how they will cope with their responsibilities, and they demand less from him. Based on this point of view, since parental expectations are lower for the younger child, he achieves less. Usually the younger one lacks self-discipline, he has problems making decisions, so he either expects solutions to problems from others (from his spouse), or rejects any help. Younger children develop a manipulative path in relationships with people, since from childhood they get used to the fact that aggression is useless.

According to Towman, the youngest child spends his entire life trying to catch up with his elders, but he succeeds only if he chooses a different field of activity (different from the older sibling) and life style. The younger child, who was treated well as a child, is easy to talk to and popular with friends. If teased and oppressed, he is timid and irritable with others.

Children without siblings have both the best and the worst of worlds. Since an only child is both the eldest and the youngest, he accordingly possesses both the characteristics of the eldest child and retains childlike characteristics into adulthood. According to Adler, the position of an only child is unique - he does not have a brother or sister with whom he would have to compete. This circumstance, along with special sensitivity to maternal care, often leads the only child to strong rivalry with his father. He has been under the control of his mother for a long time and expects the same care and protection from others. The main feature of this lifestyle is dependence and self-centeredness. Such a child continues to be the center of the family throughout childhood, and further, as it were, awakens and discovers that he is no longer the center of attention. The only child never shared his central position with anyone, nor did he fight for this position with his brother and sister. As a result, according to Adler, he has difficulties in relationships with peers.

On the other hand, due to his special position in the family, the only child expects and easily accepts help from others (unlike the elder, who does not need anyone’s advice regardless of his competence), tolerates loneliness well and has a high level of self-esteem (quite deservedly so). ).

The influence of parental attitudes on children's development

It is especially important for parents to understand what role parental attitudes play in the emotional and personal development of a child. Parents are the most significant and beloved people for a child. Authority, especially in the early stages of psycho-emotional development, is indisputable and absolute. Children's faith in the infallibility, correctness and justice of parents is unshakable. Children cannot put up a psychological barrier in their relationship with their parents. Therefore, many of the attitudes that they receive from their parents further determine their behavior, which is stereotypical and the same in similar life situations.

Negative attitudes

Strong people don't cry.

Think only about yourself, don’t give your things to strangers.

You are the same as your (your) dad (mom).

Fool, stupid, stupid! You can't do anything, not like Sasha.

It would be better if you weren’t in the world!

So you will wander through life like your (your) dad (mom).

If you don't listen, you'll get sick.

Don't go there - you'll get hit by a car.

Don't run fast - you'll fall.

The apple never falls far from the tree.

How much strength we gave you, and you...

It's none of your business.

Don't eat a lot, you'll be fat, no one will love you.

Eat more, otherwise you won’t have the strength.

Don't trust anyone, they will deceive you.

If you do this, no one will be friends with you.

You will always be dirty!

You are bad!

Positive Attitudes

Cry - it will be easier.

How much you give is how much you will receive.

What a smart mom! What a great dad we have!

You are smart, you will definitely succeed! Let's try it together.

What a blessing that we have you!

Everyone chooses their own path.

Be attentive to yourself - and you will always be healthy.

Let's see if the car is moving.

What nimble legs you have: they run smartly!

What goes around comes around.

We love and understand you.

Everyone is interested in your opinion.

Eat for your health, as much as you want.

The stomach also sometimes needs to rest.

Choose your friends yourself and trust them.

How you treat people is how they treat you. As it comes back, so will it respond.

Cleanliness is the key to health. Sometimes you get dirty at work...

You accidentally did it this way (badly). I love you any.

Love yourself and others will love you.

Everything in this life depends on you.

CONTENTS INTRODUCTION................................................... ........................................................ ..........3 1. Features of parent-child relationships.................................... ................5 1.1. Child-parent relationships as a factor determining the development of a child’s personality.................................................... ........................................................ ........................5 1.2. The structure and dynamics of the parental relationship in ontogenesis.................................................... ........................................................ ...............12 1.3. Identification of parents’ ideas about the development of a preschooler.................................................. ........................................................ ..........18 2. Application of diagnostic techniques to study the relationships between children and parents in the family.................................... ...........................27 2.1. Diagnosis of the family microenvironment.................................................... .............27 2.2. Studying the features of the development of parent-child relationships in the family……………………………………………………………...29 CONCLUSION............. ........................................................ ....................................33 LIST OF SOURCES USED…………………… ……...34 APPENDIX............................................... ........................................................ .......35

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Federal Agency for Education

State educational institution

higher professional education

Saratov State University

Them. N.G. Chernyshevsky

PEDAGOGICAL INSTITUTE

Faculty of Pedagogy, Psychology and Primary Education

Department of Educational Psychology

Specialty 050706

pedagogy and psychology

PSYCHOLOGICAL FEATURES OF CHILD-PARENT RELATIONS IN THE FAMILY

Course work

Saratov 2007

INTRODUCTION........................................................ ........................................................ ..........3

1. Features of parent-child relationships.................................................... ....5

1.1. Child-parent relationships as a factor

determining the development of the child’s personality................................................................. ........................................................ .....................5

1.2. The structure and dynamics of parental attitudes

in ontogenesis................................................... ........................................................ .........12

1.3. Identifying parents' ideas about development

preschooler........................................................ ........................................................ ......18

2. Application of diagnostic techniques for studying

relationships between children and parents in the family................................................... .......27

2.1. Diagnosis of the family microenvironment.................................................... .............27

2.2. Studying the features of the development of parent-child relationships in the family……………………………………………………………...29

CONCLUSION................................................. ........................................................ ..33

LIST OF SOURCES USED…………………………...34

APPLICATION................................................. ........................................................ ..35

Introduction

The problem of parent-child relationships and their influence on the development of the child has been repeatedly considered in the works of both domestic and foreign researchers. Psychologists of almost all directions emphasize the fact that the main and necessary condition for the development of a child as a human being, the formation of his inner life, are the close people around him, especially his parents. In accordance with the views of L.S. Vygotsky, a person cannot fully develop in isolation from other people who fill the environmental influence with either positive or negative stimuli.

Thus, one of the leading places in a person’s life is given to the family. Child-parent relationships are the basis of vital relationships between people. For a small child, a family is a whole world in which he lives, acts, makes discoveries, loves, hates, rejoices, and sympathizes. Being a member of it, the child enters into certain relationships with his parents, which can have both positive and negative influence on him. As a result, the child grows up either friendly, open, or anxious, rude, hypocritical, and deceitful. According to A.Ya.Varga, V.V. Stolin and others, parental relationships are a system of various feelings towards a child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, peculiarities of perception and understanding of the child’s character and personality, and his actions. To develop positive parent-child relationships, adults must have a certain level of knowledge on the issue of upbringing and relationships with the child. Therefore, the relevance of the problem of parent-child relationships remains invariably acute throughout the development of psychological science and practice.

Object of study -features of the relationship between children and parents in the family.

Subject of study -diagnostic techniques used to study the characteristics of relationships between children and parents in the family.

The purpose of the course work isstudy the characteristics of the relationship between children and parents using diagnostic techniques.

Working hypothesis.Improving parent-child relationships is possible provided:

a) creating an environment of emotional comfort and psychological well-being of the child in the family;

b) studying the characteristics of parent-child relationships;

c) the use of methods and means of psychological and pedagogical correction in the system of relations.

Tasks:

1. Study and analyze scientific and educational literature on this issue.
2. Study the nature of parent-child relationships.

To achieve the above goals and objectives, the following methods of psychological and pedagogical research can be used:

Conversation with children and parents;

Application of the drawing projective technique “My Family”;

Using the “Parental Essay” technique;

Using a number of questionnaires (scales) to identify the characteristics of a child’s life in the family. The course work with a total volume of 34 pages consists of an introduction, two chapters, a conclusion, a list of references and an appendix.

1. Features of parent-child relationships

1.1. Child-parent relationships as a factor determining the development of a child’s personality

The modern family is included in many spheres of society. Therefore, the climate within the family is influenced by many factors: political, socio-economic, and psychological. A reduction in parents' free time due to the need to find additional sources of income, psychological overload, stress and the presence of many other pathogenic factors stimulate the development of irritability, aggressiveness, and chronic fatigue syndrome in parents. Many parents, under the pressure of emerging problems, consider it possible to throw out their negative emotions on a small child who cannot resist the psychological and often physical aggression of those seemingly closest to him. This is how children become completely dependent on the mood, emotions and physical condition of their parents. This is far from in the best possible way affects their psychological health, attitudes in communication and behavior at the stage of growing up. In general, psychologists and sociologists characterize modern parent-child relationships as characterized by a general tendency towards neglect of parental responsibilities and the widespread manifestation of cruelty in both physical and psychological aspects.

In the course of studying parent-child relationships, specialists from various fields of science identified a number of aspects that make it possible to paint the most complete picture of the relationship between children and parents. This:

Real interaction between parent and child;

Attitude towards a child based on the unconscious motivation of the parent;

Attitude towards the child formed during reflection.

This trinity is influenced by a number of factors:

1. Personality characteristics of parents and forms of their behavior.
2. Psychological and pedagogical competence of parents, their level of education.
3. Emotional and moral atmosphere in the family.
4. Range of means of educational influence.
5. The degree of involvement of the child in the life of the family.
6. Taking into account the child’s current needs and the degree to which they are met.

In her long-term study, M.Yu. Sinyagina identified groups of families according to the type of parental relationship (Table 1).

Table 1

Typical profiles of parental attitudes influencing the social adaptation of the child

The view of the American psychoanalyst J. Bowlby on the characteristic features of pathogenic parental behavior is interesting. He believes that the most painful situations for a child are the following:

When parents do not satisfy the child's needs for love and completely reject him;

When a child is a means of resolving conflicts between spouses in a family;

When parents use the threat of “stop loving” the child or leaving the family as a disciplinary measure;

When parents openly or indirectly tell their child that he is the cause of their troubles;

When there is no person around the child who can accept the child’s experiences.

In one of the studies Spivakovskaya A.S. identified several types of dysfunctional families that use thoughtless educational influences:

"Family Sanatorium"

Petty guardianship, strict control and excessive protection from unnecessary dangers. The result is excessive overload of the child’s nervous system, which causes nervous breakdowns and the formation of emotional characteristics such as hypersensitivity and irritability. With increased control and guardianship in children, protest reactions intensify, aggressiveness increases and a desire to decisively change the situation appears.

"Fortress Family"

Parents try to do the right thing, being overly principled. This leads to increased self-doubt and lack of initiative in the child. In many cases, the child’s attention is concentrated on his own internal experiences, which leads to his psychological isolation and causes difficulties in communicating with peers."Fortress Family"usually leads the child to constant intrapersonal conflict, consequently, to overstrain of the nervous system and an increased risk of neurotic diseases.

These children often have concerns.

"Family - the third wheel"

In such a family, marital relationships are emotionally exaggeratedly significant, and the parents tend to instill in the child a feeling of inferiority, focusing attention on shortcomings and imperfections, which, again, gives rise to a child’s feeling of self-doubt, lack of initiative, painful experiences of his own inferiority with increased dependence on subordination to parents. Such children often have fears for the life and health of their parents, they have a hard time being separated from them and have difficulty finding contact with others.

It is in such families that the syndrome of dangerous communication with children (DCSD) has become widespread, including a range of actions from physical violence to insufficiently thought-out pedagogical influences. In other words, SOOD is “the behavior of parents towards a child, accompanied by physical,

mental and moral trauma."

1.2. The structure and dynamics of the parental relationship in the ontogenesis of the child

“Personality is like a story that has a beginning but no end.”

I.S.Con.

From the first months, the child becomes aware of himself through relationships with his parents, and this process of not only external, but also internal interaction continues throughout his life. The specificity of the parental attitude lies in its constant and inevitable change with the age of the child. The relevance of this study is related to the need to consider the parental relationship in its dynamics, which is determined by the age of the child.

At the heart of most Western theories and approaches, the age-related dynamics of parent-child relationships comes down to a movement from the child’s pronounced dependence to emotional self-sufficiency and equal relationships of all participants in the interaction (psychoanalytic direction, attachment theory, behaviorism, social learning theory, humanistic approach). The study of the content of the parental position reveals the following trends: inconsistency, duality, ambiguity, internal conflict (S. Freud, E. Frolin, J. Bowlby, D. Winnicott, K. Rogers and others). On the one hand, the main characteristic of the parental relationship is love, which determines trust in the child, joy and pleasure from communicating with him, unconditional acceptance, and a holistic attitude towards him. On the other hand, parental attitude is characterized by demandingness and control, the need to instill social norms of behavior, and develop social skills. Despite the development of terminology, this duality (pleasure and reality, love and control, unconditionality and conditionality, etc.) can be traced in most descriptions of parental relationships. Many modern studies abroad are still based on the basic typology of parental relationships, based on two factors - emotional (love/hate) and behavioral (autonomy/control), which was proposed by E.S. Shafer, R.A. Bell (1969 ), or the well-known model of D. Baumrind (1967), which identified and described four main styles of parental relationships: authoritarian, permissive, ignoring, authoritative.

In Russian psychology, it is traditional and generally accepted that adults recognize the role of the bearer of human culture—a necessary source of child development. The most important characteristic of development is the “social situation of development” (L.S. Vygotsky, D.B. Elkonin and others). The relationship between parent and child is the environment where the personal formation and development of each participant in this process arises and takes place.

Child-parent relationships during the period of growing up of a child go through a number of specific stages, the content of which has not yet been studied. Only a few researchers note that one of the main factors influencing changes in parental relationships is the age of the child (O.A. Karabanova, I.S. Kon, G.G. Filippova). Modern research conducted within the framework of a systems approach (V. Satir, S. V. Minukhin, A. V. Chernikov, A. Ya. Varga and others) allows us to consider and study the family in its very complex hierarchical and historical aspects, i.e. . in terms of genesis: formation, development and decay. Transitions between stages of the family life cycle represent normative crises in the development of the family system.

Peculiarities of parental attitude towards children of different ages

Infancy– this is the period of formation and development of direct emotional communication between a child and an adult (D.B. Elkonin), the formation of basic trust in the world (E. Erikson).

The baby is born in pain, but brings joy and happiness to the parents. So that this joy and this happiness are companions not only in the first year of life, so that the grown child does not become the cause of grief, it is in infancy that a reliable foundation must be laid for the “building of his personality.” Those parents who believe that in the first years of life all concerns about the child come down to purely physiological care are mistaken: washing, changing clothes, feeding, etc. In the parental attitude towards babies, the personal element is expressed to the greatest extent: one can see sincere joy from direct communication, from the very fact of the child’s existence, the possibility of relationships and interaction with him (“It’s so great that he exists!”, “How happy I am when he smiles at me")

A strong emotional connection between the mother and the child is obvious, empathy and compassion are expressed (“I cry myself when he cries,” “I love it when she laughs”), and concern for physical health. The remaining studied values ​​in this age group do not have significant indicators. Parents provide maximum assistance to the child in various situations, showing a lot of patience, attention and imagination; they are ready to make concessions and compromises. This is reflected in the greatest expression of the facilitating and indulging styles. At this age, tension is most pronounced: “We are happy that you exist (LN), but we are very worried about your health (PN).”

Early age is a period of mastering objective actions (D.B. Elkonin), becoming independent (E. Erikson). Parents of young children are characterized by a focus on the well-being and emotional comfort of the child (“The main thing is that he is cheerful and happy”). Parents strive to support children's activity and help them learn new activities, as evidenced by the predominance of a facilitating style of behavior. At the same time, many independent actions of a young child are prohibited, since they can harm the child or cause damage to the parents. Therefore, along with support, the parent is forced to constantly monitor and limit the child’s activity. This tendency is reflected in an increased focus on the formation of the child’s volition, which at an early age is associated with observing prohibitions and following rules of behavior, i.e. obedience, and a strict parenting style. This is especially pronounced among mothers, since at this age they spend more time with the child than fathers. Intensive cognitive development and speech acquisition at this age, as well as a social emphasis on early development, orient parents towards the child’s intellectual achievements (in comparison with other children’s age norm). This orientation is again reflected in a strict and explanatory parenting style. Thus, for parents of two-year-old children, the main contradiction is associated with the apposition “a happy childhood of a child” (CH) - “obedience, intelligence and submission” (PN).

Preschool ageis the period of formation of the child’s motivational sphere (L.N. Leontiev) and the development of meanings (D.B. Elkonin), the formation of initiative (E. Erikson). This is the period of flourishing of children's forms of activity (various types of games, drawing, modeling, design). Parents of five-year-old children are committed to recognizing their interests, specifically children’s activities, and supporting the child’s initiative. This is evidenced by a pronounced personal element in parental relationships, a focus on the development of the child’s will and a flexible situational style of interaction with him. At the same time, this age is the period of preparation of the child for school, which is reflected in the increased importance of intellectual development. The contradiction between the increased importance of the child’s creative self-expression and the focus on his mental development as the main condition for future success in school constitutes the main apposition of the LN and PN in the attitude of parents towards their children preschool age.

Junior school ageis a period of mastering new ways of action (D.B. Elkonin), developing a sense of competence (E. Erikson), purposeful learning, and inclusion in a socially organized structure. In the parental attitude towards eight-year-old children, the child’s viability in this structure comes to the fore, which is embodied not so much in the requirement for intellectual achievements, but in the increased value of arbitrariness (discipline) and moral qualities (honesty, decency). These qualities are especially highly represented in this group of parents, since they reflect the normative system of requirements for a “good person.” Parents also build their relationships on the educational model and resort primarily to an explanatory strategy of behavior. At this age, the main contradiction in parental relationships can be expressed as follows: “satisfied, happy” (LN) - “decent and obedient” (PN).

IN adolescencethe degree of freedom of the child from his parents increases significantly. This is a period of rapid development of self-awareness and ego-identity (E. Erikson); communication with peers also occupies an important place in life. The adult loses his unconditional authority and becomes an equal partner. All this is reflected in the strengthening of the personal element in parental relationships, which is now expressed in the desire for “spiritual closeness”, “community of interests”, and trust between the parent and the teenager. Parents' concerns are also associated with a possible loss of trust, distance, and alienation of the child. The facilitating style becomes predominant at this age, and the explanatory style, reflecting the mentoring position, on the contrary, reduces its importance. In the value orientations of parents, the child’s will, his determination, perseverance and his ability to communicate with others and the ability to make friends are of great importance. Along with this, of course, the child’s success in school and his moral qualities are of great importance for the parent as an important condition for his well-being in the future. It is interesting that the autonomous style is practically not expressed among parents of teenagers: the independence and freedom of will declared by parents are not reflected in real interaction with the teenager. So, in a group of parents of fifteen-year-old children, the apposition of two principles is described as follows: “an attitude towards the independence of a teenager and the expectation of his achievements” (PN) – “the desire to preserve an elusive connection, community” (LN).

Comparing the presented characteristics, we can note a certain similarity between parents of children of infant, preschool and adolescence, on the one hand, and parents of children of early and primary school age, on the other. The positions of parents of infants, preschoolers and adolescents are united by a pronounced personal principle in relation to the child, an orientation towards the development of his volitional qualities, and the predominance of a facilitating style of behavior. In contrast, parents of children of early and primary school age are focused mainly on the development of the child’s volition, his moral and intellectual characteristics. As for personality, at these ages it has less pronounced indicators.

The identified trends prompt us to correlate them with the periodization of mental development according to D.B. Elkonin, which distinguishes the ages of primary development of motivational-semantic and operational-technical aspects of activity. From this point of view, the results obtained may indicate that parents generally grasp the specifics of their child’s age-related development. During periods of mastering the motivational and semantic side of activity (infancy, preschool and adolescence), they demonstrate a more holistic, personal attitude towards the child. During periods of mastering operations and methods of action (early and junior school age), they are more interested in the development of volition, intelligence, and moral qualities.

It can be noted that parental attitudes change significantly with the age of the child. The personal beginning of parental relationships is most pronounced in infancy, preschool and adolescence, less pronounced in early and primary school ages. The nature of the objective relationship also changes with the age of the child: for parents of infants, the most significant value is the child’s health; at an early age, the focus is on the development of the child’s voluntariness; in preschool age, intellect; in primary school, moral development; in adolescence, the development of will.

1.3. Identification of parents’ ideas about the development of a preschooler

Phenomenology of parental relationships, positions, styles of behavior, as well as their directed influence on the formation of the child’s characterological characteristics within the framework of normal or deviant behavior. In this case, the extreme variant of disrupted parental behavior is maternal deprivation, i.e. depriving a child of the love and care of his mother. Maternal deprivation can provoke the formation of the variant of psychopathic development first described by J. Bowlby in the form of emotional insensitivity, including: inability to emotional attachment and love, lack of a sense of community with other people, global rejection of oneself and the world of social relations. Disturbed parental behavior often leads to the formation of a “neurotic personality” - with low self-esteem, increased anxiety, dependence, and obsessive fear of losing the object of attachment.

Improper upbringing as a factor predisposing to the occurrence of neurotic reactions in children is discussed in detail in the work of Z.I. Garbuzov, A.I. Zakharov, D.N. Isaev. They identified three main types of incorrect education: rejecting (non-acceptance), hyper-socializing, egocentric.

A.I. Zakharov, in a study of families in which children suffered from various forms of neuroses, identified the characteristics of the educational process and described those combinations of them that can be correlated with various types of neuroses. He considers the following five parameters of the educational process:

1. The intensity of emotional contact between parents and children:

a) overprotection;

b) guardianship;

c) acceptance;

d) non-acceptance.

2. Control parameter:

a) permissive;

b) allowing;

c) situational;

d) restrictive.

3. Consistency - inconsistency.

4. Affective stability - instability.

5. anxiety – absence of anxiety.

A.Ya. Varga in her work describes three pathogenic types of parental relationships that are unfavorable for the child: symbiotic, authoritarian and emotionally rejecting. It should be noted that the characteristics of a child’s development are influenced not only by violations of parent-child relationships, but also by different ways of communicating with him.

So S. Brody identified four types of maternal attitude towards the child, which directly affects the methods of communication:

Mothers easily and organically adapt to the needs of the child. They are characterized by supportive, permissive behavior.

1. Mothers consciously try to adapt to the needs of the child. They often dominate, but do not concede.

2. Mothers do not show much interest in the child. The basis of motherhood is a sense of duty.

3. Mothers' behavior is characterized by inconsistency. Their educational influences and reactions to the same actions of the child are contradictory.

All of these types can be located on the “acceptance-rejection” continuum. If rejection prevails in the mother's attitude, then the child develops a feeling of fear, which leads to the formation of a personality with certain characterological traits: self-doubt, avoidance of new situations, lack of curiosity and initiative. It should be noted that S. Brody studied mother-infant communication.

In relation to the development of older children, an important factor is the style of parental education. The concept of “parental style” is often used in the literature as synonymous with the concepts of “attitude” or “position”. Parenting styles were examined in detail by A. Baldwin. He identified two styles of parenting practice: democratic and controlling. The democratic style involves providing the child with reasonable independence, taking into account his opinion when discussing family problems. The controlling style involves significant restrictions on children's behavior. The works of this author have shown that the style of parental education influences the developmental characteristics of the child. In families with a democratic upbringing style, children were characterized by a moderately pronounced tendency towards leadership, aggressiveness, and a desire to control other children, but the children themselves were difficult to succumb to external control. The children were also distinguished by good physical development, social activity, and ease of making contact with peers, but they were not characterized by altruism, sensitivity and empathy. Children from families in which a controlling type of upbringing dominates were obedient, suggestible, fearful, not too persistent in achieving their own goals, and non-aggressive. With a mixed parenting style, children are characterized by suggestibility, obedience, emotional sensitivity, non-aggression, lack of curiosity, lack of originality of thinking, and poor imagination. In the studies of A.E. Lichko and E.G. Eidemiller, a broad classification of parenting styles was proposed, and the question of the influence of these styles on the occurrence of character accentuation and psychopathy in adolescents was also considered. The following parenting styles have been identified that contribute to abnormal development.

1. Hypoprotection: lack of guardianship and control over behavior, sometimes reaching complete neglect.

2. Dominant hyperprotection: intense attention and care for the teenager is combined with petty control, an abundance of restrictions and prohibitions.

3. Indulging hyperprotection: upbringing according to the “family idol” type, indulging all the desires of the child, excessive patronage and adoration.

4. Emotional rejection: ignoring the needs of a teenager, sometimes even cruel treatment occurs. Hidden emotional rejection manifests itself in global dissatisfaction with the child.

5. Increased moral responsibility: demands that do not correspond to the child’s age and real capabilities are combined with ignorance of the child’s real needs, his own interests, and insufficient attention to his psychophysical characteristics.

V.V. Stolin and E.T. Sokolova identify several more types of inadequate parental (maternal) attitude towards the child.

1. The mother’s attitude towards her teenage son as a “replacement” husband: an active demand for attention to herself, care, an obsessive desire to constantly be in her son’s company, to be aware of his intimate life, a desire to limit his contacts with peers.

2. Overprotection and symbiosis: an obsessive attitude to hold, tie a child to oneself, deprive him of independence for fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future.

3. Educational control through deliberate deprivation of love: unwanted behavior, insufficient school achievements or carelessness in everyday life are punished by the fact that “he is not needed, his mother does not like him.”

4. Educational control through inducing feelings of guilt: a child who violates a ban is told that he is to blame for the parents’ ill-being (poor health, etc.).

Such upbringing is a special case of the upbringing described above in conditions of increased moral responsibility.

L. Benjamin proposed the following classification of types of communication between parents and children:

Direct and indirect (through behavior) instilling in parents an image or self-attitude;

Indirect determination of a child’s self-attitude by forming his standards for performing certain actions, forming the level of aspirations;

Control over the child’s behavior, in which the child learns the parameters and methods of self-control.

Indirect control of the formation of self-awareness by involving the child in behavior that can increase or decrease his self-esteem, change his image of himself.

E. Schaefer's research has shown that parental behavior can be described by two pairs of important characteristics: non-acceptance - disposition and tolerance - restraint. Parents who simultaneously show affection and control can be called patronizing and indulgent. Parents who demonstrate unacceptance and tend to be overly controlling may be called demanding and intolerant. Parents who show non-acceptance and do not consider it necessary to limit the child may be considered indifferent and negligent. Parents who are inclined to provide their child with a greater degree of independence and are friendly towards him can be called democratic and helping.

D. Baumrind identified three models of child behavior and, accordingly, groups of children:

1. Socially developed, mature children.

2. Children are not confident enough.

3. Children with a low level of social development.

The behavior of parents of children from all three groups was examined according to four parameters.

1. Control is an attempt to influence the child’s activities.

2. Requirement of maturity: parents putting pressure on the child to force him to act at the limit of his mental capabilities, at a high social and emotional level.

3. Level of communication: parents use persuasion to get a concession from the child, to find out his opinion or attitude towards something.

4.Agreeableness: the extent to which parents show interest in the child and warmth towards him.

Since the listed models of behavior of parents do not exhaust the variety of educational techniques, two more models of behavior were studied. The model of harmonious parental behavior is similar to the model of authoritative parental control in all respects, except for the control itself. So, without rejecting it, parents rarely use it. Children act as their parents wish, without any visible pressure. The nonconformist behavior pattern includes parents who do not accept the traditional idea of ​​parenting. Their pedagogical tactics are based on the idea of ​​free development of children.

An important place in studies devoted to the role of child-parent relationships in the development of a child’s personality is occupied by the works of C. Rogers. He believed that every person has two main needs: the need for a positive attitude, which is satisfied when the child experiences approval and love from others, and the need for self-esteem, which develops as the first is satisfied. A condition for the healthy development of a child is the absence of a contradiction between the “ideal self” (the idea of ​​how one is loved) and the “real self” (the level of love). From the point of view of K. Rogers, the main task of parents is to create conditions for the development of a child’s sense of psychological security and safety, confidence in goodwill and respect from adults. As a result of such a positive attitude and dialogic communication between the child and the adult, the child’s self-esteem increases, which helps to reveal his creative potential.

An interesting approach to considering parental positions was proposed in the work of G.T. Khomentaukas. He showed that the parental position determines the child’s holistic, generalized attitudes towards his parents and himself. Four such installations were identified:

This attitude favorably distinguishes children with high self-esteem and trust in the people around them. The emergence of such a position is facilitated by the generalized positive experience of relationships with people, especially with father and mother. It can be formed in a family in which the child constantly feels close to his parents, in which children and parents are often involved in common activities and experience joy together with their parents. Externally, the parental relationship with the child is usually characterized by the following three features:

c) while recognizing the rights of the child, parents at the same time do not forget about their desires and aspirations and strive to realize their life plans.

Under such relatively constant living conditions in the family, the child constantly comprehends and finds life truths that contribute to the full development of his personality.

1. I am needed and loved, and I love you too.

This attitude favorably distinguishes children with high self-esteem and trust in the people around them. The emergence of such a position is facilitated by the generalized positive experience of relationships with people, especially with father and mother. It can be formed in a family in which the child constantly feels his own closeness to his parents, in which children and parents are often included in common activities and, together with their parents, are often included in common activities and experience joy together with their parents. Externally, the parental relationship with the child is usually characterized by the following three features:

a) general positive emotional background of interaction;

b) recognition of the autonomy and uniqueness of the child’s personality, his right to choose;

c) while recognizing the rights of the child, parents at the same time do not forget about their desires and aspirations and strive to realize their own life plans.

2. I am needed and loved, and you exist for my sake.

This internal position more often arises in families with a predominant cult of the child, in which all affairs and worries are concentrated around a small idol. In such families, the child early begins to understand how significant he is to his parents, how much they love him. This increases his self-esteem and creates a sense of security, however, already in preschool age, the child’s behavior often goes beyond the norms of accepted social behavior: he does not take into account those around him, acts contrary to their desires and demands.

3. I am not loved, but with all my heart I wish to get closer to you.

This position is often found among so-called problem children:

a) the absence of a child in the life plans of the parent(s);

b) dissatisfaction with the child as he is;

c) unlawful demand for attention.

4. I am not needed or loved, leave me alone.

When a child “takes revenge” on his parents, the latter still remain significant people for him and the child, deep down in his soul, hopes that they will suddenly hear him, see the seething cauldron of his feelings and begin to love him and take care of him. Children's “revenge” often has hidden content - “look how bad I feel.” This is a cry for help addressed to parents, while complete indifference and isolation from them indicates an even greater psychological distance between parents and child.

Naturally, the first position is optimal for the development of the child. The results obtained by researchers in various fields suggest that there are two main parameters of the attitude of parents towards the child that influence his development.

1. Attitude towards the child. Acceptance of the need for one’s active participation in this process or withdrawal from it.
2. Ways to influence a child. Taking into account the characteristics of age and promoting their fullest implementation, or aimed at accelerating development and not taking into account the age characteristics of the child.

A child living in a family accumulates a lot of experience interpersonal relationships. He perceives, correctly or distortedly, how his parents treat him - they avoid him, are dissatisfied with him, recognize his autonomy or infringe on it, treat him kindly or not. Over time, he understands whether his parents love him or not, whether they need him, whether he is significant to them. The child also forms his own attitude: does he love his parents for who they are, does he feel their emotional distance and strive to reduce it, does he avoid traumatic relationships with his parents. The content of his understanding of the relationship with his parents is manifested in his statements, actions, and moods.

2. Application of diagnostic techniques to study the characteristics of relationships between children and parents in the family

2.1. Diagnosis of family microenvironment

Currently, foreign and domestic psychology has significant experience in diagnosing child-parent relationships. However,

as rightly pointed out by A.G. Leaders, O.A. Karabanova, A.S. Spivakovskaya and many other psychologists involved in the study of family psychological services, and today there remains a certain need for methods for diagnosing child-parent relationships on the part of both parents and children.

According to many psychologists, the technique is very successful"Parental essay"(Author V.V. Stolin, Adaptation by A.I. Tashcheva).

A.I. Barkan offers a number of questionnaires (scales) to identify the characteristics of a child’s life in a family."Child's Attachment to Family Members Scale", “Scale of the degree of child rejection in the family”. From the author's point of view, they should be used with analysis of the figures“My family”, “The family I want”.Using them, let’s not forget that a child’s drawing is a product of creative activity, in it the child reflects not only his perception, his idea of ​​the family, the present and the past, but also the future. Drawing allows him to rethink family relationships and solve a number of family problems that are important to him. And this should be taken advantage of - a teacher (psychologist) can help the child understand his situation, together with him look for ways and means of solving problems that concern the child related to optimizing his family microenvironment.

One of the new techniques that can be used by both psychologists and parents is the“Birthday” of M. Panfilova.The author suggests including this test game as an auxiliary tool. However, practice shows that this technique is quite informative, easy to process and interesting for children. One of the main methods can be used"Interview with a Child"(author A.I. Zakharov). In the process, the details of intra-family relationships and the role of the child in the family are clarified. As a number of studies show, the desire of parents to subjugate and place their child in a dependent position, even in the pursuit of noble goals, entails a decrease in the child’s self-esteem. In order to identify the child’s ideas about the relationship of other people (especially close ones) to him, to identify his self-esteem, as well as the nature and degree of awareness of this relationship, it is necessary to use the techniqueV.G. Schur "Ladder".Another technique that can help clarify a child’s relationship with his family members ismethod of E.A. Bondarenko.During the study, it is proposed to make a drawing on the topic “Who do I love most in our family.” On the reverse side of the drawing, the content and verbal interpretation of what is depicted are recorded. Depending on the content, the drawings are divided into 5 groups: portrait, joint activities and communication of the child with his most beloved person, household work of parents, recreation and entertainment. This technique gives an idea not only of the child’s personal preferences, but also of the nature of relationships in the family.

This complex does not exhaust the wide range of diagnostic tools designed to identify the characteristics of parent-child relationships. Quite widely in the practice of advisory work such methods as the parental attitude test (POR) (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin), the DIA method of E.G. Eidemiller, the method"Portrait of my child."There are a number of projective drawing techniques offered to children:“My Family”, “The Family I Want”, “Animal Family”, “Lamb in a Bottle”, the “Test Film” method by R. Gilles, etc.. In the course of practical work, the psychologist develops his own preferences in choosing certain methodological means. The main thing is that the chosen diagnostic complex corresponds to the set goals and makes it possible to quickly collect and qualitatively analyze the information necessary to provide qualified psychological assistance.

2.2. Studying the features of the development of parent-child relationships in the family

Purpose: to study the features of the development of parent-child relationships in the family.

Tasks:

1. Determine satisfaction with your position in the child’s family;

2. Find out the parental attitude towards the child.

The research methods consisted of two groups of methods. The first group of methods is aimed at studying the child’s position in the family. When working with children, we used the following methods: - drawing test “My Family”. The second group of methods is aimed at identifying parents’ knowledge about the child and studying parental relationships with children. When working with parents, we used the following methods: questionnaires, parent essays. The study was carried out in MDOU D/S No. 236 in Saratov. 20 people participated in the study. We began our work by examining children. Goal: study of interpersonal relationships in the family (through the eyes of a child), to identify the child’s idea of ​​the family and his position in it. Instructions: “Please draw your family” (do not explain the word family). Repeat: “Draw your family.” The analysis of the drawings is carried out according to the following indicators:

1. The presence of concern in children about the attitude of adults towards them.

2. Emotional stress and distance.

3. Discomfort.

4. The presence of hostility towards adults.

Based on these indicators, the levels of influence of family relationships on the child were identified. A high level of parent-child relationship includes drawings where the child is comfortable in the family, all family members are present in the drawing, and in the center of the drawing is the child himself surrounded by his parents; depicts himself and his parents as elegant, carefully draws every line, there is a smile on the faces of adults and children, calmness can be seen in poses and movements. Average level of child-parent relationships: the absence of any family members, the presence of anxiety, the child draws himself sad, away from his parents, the presence of hostility towards adults through shading of details, the absence of some parts of the body. Low level of child-parent relationships: the presence of one of the parents with an object that is threatening to the child, a frightened expression on the child’s face, a feeling of emotional tension through the use of dark colors in the drawing. The presence of hostility towards parents can be traced through the drawing of such details as spread arms, splayed fingers, bared mouth, etc. Analysis of the drawings showed that out of 20 families, only 5 families (25%) can be classified as having a high level of parent-child relationships. As an example, let's look at several drawings (Appendix 1): Katya P. drew a complete family, all the lines are clearly drawn, there are many colors in the drawing, both the parents and Katya herself are drawn elegantly, calmness can be seen in the poses. 9 families (45%) can be classified as having an average level of parental attitude. As an example, consider a drawing by Nastya G. Nastya drew the whole family, all family members are smiling except Nastya herself. Everyone's arms are spread out to the sides. Everything suggests that the child is not very comfortable in this family. Clouds are drawn over all family members - anxiety. We classified 6 families (30%) as having a low level of parent-child relationship. Let's consider as an example a drawing by Vlad K. Vladik depicted the whole family, but drew a tree between himself and his parents - he separated himself from them. The arms are spread out to the sides, the fingers are long. Analyzing this drawing, one can understand that the child is not satisfied with his position in the family and the attitude of his parents towards him. Based on the results of this test, we can judge that not all families have an atmosphere of positive parent-child relationships. By analyzing the drawings, a diagram of the levels of parent-child relationships was compiled. (Appendix 2) To study the nature of parent-child relationships, to study the personality characteristics of the described object (child) and subject (the author himself), the “Parental essay” technique was used (Appendix 3). With its help, possible psychological and pedagogical recommendations are given for psychological correction and further education of the child. The essay is processed using the method of content analysis. A facilitating point for analysis is the fact that many data about the child are known in advance and reliably, for example: his gender, age, nationality, place of residence, social origin, etc. Content analysis of parental essays is carried out according to the following categories: sympathy - antipathy, closeness - distance, respect - disrespect. The parental attitude represents the unity of the emotional attitude towards the child, the style of communication with him and the peculiarities of understanding and cognitive vision of the child by the parents. All the parents’ writings describe their admiration, affection for the child, approval of his actions, benevolence, use of the child’s name, emotionally charged words, recognition of merits, respect for the child’s activities and hobbies. Parents asked questions in their essays that interested them: how to react to explicit movements in dance?, How to properly punish a child?, At what age can you leave a child alone at home and how to do it correctly, etc. Consultations on the topics: “The influence of parental attitudes on the development of children”, “Punishment and encouragement” and others were posted in the parent corners. (Appendix 4)

Parents were also offered a questionnaire to identify the degree of rejection of the child in the family. (Appendix 5) Parents were offered a list of some character traits and characteristics of the child. When getting acquainted with this list, it was necessary to put a “+” in front of the serial numbers of those character traits and characteristics of the child that they dreamed that the child would have before birth, as well as before the serial numbers of those character traits and characteristics of the child that the child currently has. By analyzing the questionnaires, a diagram of the degree of rejection was constructed. (Appendix 6)

The results of the work carried out proved the reliability of our hypothesis. It is the creation of an environment of emotional comfort and psychological well-being in the family, the accumulation of parents’ knowledge about the psychological characteristics of a given age, the forms and methods of children’s perception, the integrated use of means and methods of psychological and pedagogical correction that contributes to the improvement of child-parent relations.

Conclusion

The considered problem of psychology of parent-child relationships in the family allows us to summarize some results of theoretical and diagnostic work. The influence of the family on the development of a child is incomparable. Unfortunately, not always and not every family is able to sufficiently fulfill its functions. The general atmosphere of the family, which significantly influences the developing personality, depends on the systematic contact in the joint life of all family members. It is important to help parents understand the real reasons for the wrong relationships between parents and children.

An analysis was carried out of the influence of child-parent relationships on mental development from different points of view regarding the structure of the parental position. The main objectives of the works of many authors were the analysis and systematization of existing categories describing parental attitudes, as well as the construction of a scientifically based approach to its analysis, and the development of a study method. An understanding of parenting style was introduced, and original parenting style options were proposed; shows the connection between parental attitude and child-rearing style; the dynamics of the parent-child relationship are proposed and its characteristics are described at different stages of the child’s growth - from infancy to adolescence.

List of sources used

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3. Makeeva T. G. Testing of children. Rostov n/d.: “Phoenix”, 2006. – 348 p.
4. Porotskaya E.P. Identification of parents' ideas about the development of preschool children. // Questions of psychology. - 2004. - No. 4. pp. 31-39.
5. Porotskaya E. P. Study of the peculiarities of the position of parents in relation to the mental development of preschool children. // Psychology in kindergarten. -2000. -No. 2-3 -S. 204-214
6. Sinyagina M.Yu. Psychological and pedagogical correction of child-parent relationships. - M.: 2001.
7. Smirnov E.O, Bykova M.V. Structure and dynamics of parental attitudes // Questions of psychology. - 2000. - No. 3. - P. 3-14.
8. Stolyarenko L.D. Basics of psychology. Workshop.- Rostov n/d.: “Phoenix”, 2006.- 704 p.
9. Tarasova L.E. Diagnosis and correction of mental development of preschool children: Part 2. Personality development. Textbook / - Saratov: - 2004. -96 p.

10. Tseluiko V. M. Psychology for everyone. Psychology of an unfavorable family M.: “Vlados Press”, -2006

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Introduction

Conclusion

Introduction

The family has played one of the determining roles in the formation of a child’s personality for a long time, but at each age stage the role and significance of the family changes and has its own specific characteristics.

Compared to other institutions of socialization, the family has its own characteristics. First of all, a teenager’s family relationships have their own history, accumulated experience of communication, parental influences, and sometimes mistakes and miscalculations made by parents at previous stages of upbringing.

A family is a multi-age group in which a teenager gains experience in communicating and interacting with people of different generations and different genders.

The nature of the developing relationships and the degree of their impact on the child depend on many factors.

These are, firstly, the individual personal properties of a teenager that have developed by this time, which are the result of a complex interaction of genetic (inherited from parents and grandparents) and environmental factors.

Secondly, “family” factors, in particular the psychological atmosphere in the family as a whole, including emotional, role and communicative aspects of relationships, as well as the psychosocial qualities of parents, the style of family education, the nature of relationships with brothers and sisters, the financial and social situation of the family, level of education of parents and much more.

Thirdly, one cannot ignore the teenager’s own activity. He is not just a product of upbringing, he himself comprehends the family and himself in it, determines his behavior, attitude towards the family and himself. Social experience gained in the family is actively processed, becoming a source of individualization of the individual (Rean A.A., Kolominsky Ya.L., 1999).

Based on the above facts, we formulated the topic of our research: “Personal characteristics of parents, developed in childhood or later in life, that prevent them from being effective parents.”

The object of our research is the personalities of parents.

The subject of the study is the personality traits of parents that developed in childhood or later in life, preventing them from being effective parents.

The purpose of the study is to identify personality traits of parents that developed in childhood or later in life that prevent them from being effective parents.

Research objectives:

1.Analyze psychological, pedagogical, methodological literature on the research topic.

2.Describe the basic concepts of work.

.Identify personality traits of parents that developed in childhood or later in life that prevent them from being effective parents

children's parent family education

Chapter I. Study of the characteristics of parent-child relationships in the family

1.1 Child-parent relationship

The family is a kind of micro-collective that plays a significant role in the education of the individual. It includes all the conclusions that we came to as a result of the analysis of the interaction between the team and the individual. But the family is a special kind of collective that plays the main, long-term and most important role in education. Trust and fear, confidence and timidity, calm and anxiety, cordiality and warmth in communication as opposed to alienation and coldness - a person acquires all these qualities in the family. They appear and become established in the child long before entering school and have a lasting impact on his development. Anxious mothers, for example, often have anxious children. Ambitious parents often suppress their children so much that this leads to the appearance of an inferiority complex. An unrestrained father, who loses his temper at the slightest provocation, often, without knowing it, forms a similar type of behavior in his children. A mother who blames herself for everything that she doesn’t succeed, and thanks fate and life circumstances for everything that she succeeds, can with a high degree of probability count on the formation of the same psychological attitude in her children.

Relationships between people in a family are the deepest and most durable of all human relationships. They include four main types of relationships: psychophysiological, psychological, social and cultural. Psychophysiological - these are relations of biological kinship and sexual relations. Psychological ones include openness, trust, caring for each other, mutual moral and emotional support. Social relations contain the distribution of roles, financial dependence in the family, as well as status relations: authority, leadership, subordination, etc. Cultural relations are a special kind of intra-family ties and relationships determined by traditions, customs that have developed in the conditions of a certain culture (national, religious and etc.), within which this family arose and exists. This whole complex system of relationships influences the family upbringing of children. Within each type of relationship, there can be both agreement and disagreement, which have a positive or negative impact on education.

In connection with the special educational role of the family, the question arises of how to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influences of the family on the upbringing of the child. To do this, it is first necessary to accurately determine the intrafamily socio-psychological factors that have educational significance.

Living together requires spouses to be constantly ready to compromise in each of these types of relationships, the ability to take into account the personal interests and needs of the partner, respect each other, trust each other, and find mutual understanding with each other. Divorce statistics prove that the greatest difficulties arise in the sphere of relations associated with intra-family culture. They account for the majority of divorces, especially in young families existing from one to five years. The culture of communication presupposes, in turn, mutual trust, politeness, tact, sensitivity, goodwill, attentiveness, responsiveness, and kindness.

Normal educational relationships develop when the spouses are mutually satisfied and consistent with each other in all types of intra-family relationships. Of particular positive importance for raising children are trusting relationships in the family, as well as the socio-psychological readiness of spouses for marriage, including the assimilation of elementary norms and rules of human communication, the acceptance of mutual obligations towards each other, corresponding to their family roles: spouse, father , mothers, etc.

Frequent causes of anomalies in raising children are systematic violations by spouses of the ethics of intrafamily relationships, lack of mutual trust, attention and care, respect, psychological support and protection. Often the reason for this kind of anomaly is the ambiguity of spouses’ understanding of the family roles of husband, wife, master, mistress, head of the family, and the excessive demands that spouses place on each other. But perhaps the most significant factors that negatively affect the upbringing of children are the incompatibility of the moral positions of the spouses, the mismatch of their points of view on honor, morality, conscience, duty, responsibilities to the family, and the degree of responsibility for the state of affairs in the family.

The main ways and means of practically eliminating the negative impact of the listed factors on the upbringing of children are to achieve mutual understanding and harmonize the personal relationships of spouses. They require their acceptance of the following basic principles for building relationships:

1. Don’t set yourself the task of necessarily remaking your spouse in your own way. It is much better and easier to try to understand him as a person, take his point of view, find a reasonable compromise in what seems unusual, unusual, causing protest, but is not essential for raising children.
2. Search and everyone possible ways strengthen common views and positions, especially on issues of education.
3. If differences in approaches arise, which are inevitable due to the fact that people entering into marriage are already formed individuals who have gone through a significant life journey, do not lead such differences to conflicts. Any disagreements that arise must be discussed, allowing in advance the right of everyone to remain unconvinced, but at the same time striving for agreement on as many issues as possible. In disputes and discussions between the parties, the spirit of compromise should be clearly evident.
4. Don’t be shy about openly admitting your mistakes and doubting your own rightness.
5. Before you can be critical of your spouse, you need to be equally critical of yourself. You can always find quite a lot of good reasons for this.
6. Consider it quite normal and not feel particularly disappointed if your spouse suddenly reveals some shortcomings, for example, negative character traits. All normal people, without exception, have them.

To achieve educational goals in the family, parents turn to a variety of means of influence: they encourage and punish the child, they strive to become a model for him. Praise from parents with whom the child has friendly relations is usually more effective than that received from cold and indifferent parents. As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of children as individuals can be accelerated and made more successful than when using prohibitions and punishments.

Punishment is necessary, but only when it is practically impossible to change the child’s behavior in any other way. If the need for punishment nevertheless arises, then in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments, if possible, should follow directly after the offense that deserves them. Punishment should be fair, but not cruel. Very severe punishment can make a child afraid or angry. Children learn the rules of social behavior that are imposed by such feelings the worst. Punishment is more effective if the child’s offense for which he is punished is reasonably explained to him. It has been found that a child compromises more quickly if he understands why he should do so. A child who is often punished or who is often shouted at becomes alienated from his parents, becomes emotionally indifferent, and shows increased aggressiveness.

Children who are the first and the next born in the family find themselves in psychologically different conditions and should be brought up somewhat differently. It has been established, for example, that parents treat their firstborn differently than children who are born later. With the arrival of a second child, the privileges of an older sibling are usually limited. The older child is now forced, often unsuccessfully, to regain parental attention, which is usually directed to a greater extent to younger children.

Siblings influence the upbringing of boys and girls differently. Boys who have older brothers exhibit more purely masculine traits and interests than girls who have older sisters exhibit feminine interests and traits. Girls who have older brothers are often more ambitious and aggressive than those who do not have such brothers. They also have many masculine character traits and have more developed intellectual abilities than girls who were raised only by older sisters.

Specific conditions for upbringing develop in a so-called single-parent family, where one of the parents is absent. Boys perceive the absence of a father in the family much more acutely than girls; Without fathers, they are often quarrelsome and restless. The difference in the behavior of boys in families without fathers in the first years of life is especially noticeable. Two-year-old children living in such families are often less independent and more anxious and aggressive than children who had fathers. The behavior of girls raised in such families is not much different from the behavior of girls raised in two-parent families.

For all family members and especially for children, divorce is a strong shock that disrupts the stability of the atmosphere. The effects of divorce usually affect boys more than girls. After their parents divorce, boys often become uncontrollable, lose self-control, and at the same time show increased anxiety. These characteristic behavioral traits are especially noticeable during the first months of life after divorce, and by two years after it they smooth out. The same pattern, but with less pronounced negative symptoms, is observed in the behavior of girls after their parents’ divorce.

Family breakdown negatively affects the relationship between parents and children, especially between mothers and sons. Due to the fact that parents themselves experience disturbances in mental balance, they usually lack the strength to help their children cope with the problems that have arisen just at that moment in life when they especially need their love and support.

There is evidence that shows that after the birth of the first child, there can be a noticeable decline in marital satisfaction for both fathers and mothers. Marital discomfort, in turn, leads to a deterioration in the relationship between parents and the child, to a possible slowdown in his cognitive, personal and socio-psychological development.

The decline in marital satisfaction is explained by the interaction of the following five factors:

1. The individual characteristics of each family member, in particular the ideas each of them has about himself.
2. Relations between husband and wife, especially those that arise in the system of distribution of housework between them.
3. The relationship between each parent and child.
4. The connections that exist between new family and two original ones: parents and relatives of the husband and wife.
5. Material and professional circumstances of family life.

Marital satisfaction or dissatisfaction may be due to any of these factors alone or any combination of them.

It has been noted that changes in all areas of family life are accompanied by a decrease in marital satisfaction from the time the wife begins pregnancy until the child reaches 18 months of age. Childless couples maintain stable levels of satisfaction throughout this period. Although men and women experience many similar changes during this time, their transition to parenthood is somewhat different. The perception of oneself in the role of a loved one decreases in women, for example, much faster than in men. The reaction of men to being transferred as a parent occurs much later.

The greatest dissatisfaction with marriage occurs in women during the period from pregnancy until the child reaches six months of age, and for men - from approximately six months after the birth of the child until he reaches one and a half years of age. These differences can lead to a more or less pronounced feeling of mutual alienation, which in turn serves as the basis for serious interpersonal conflicts that affect the assessment of the marriage and the prospects for its preservation by both partners. The more differences arise between spouses, from the time of the wife’s pregnancy until the child reaches six months of age, in self-esteem, in the perception of existing relationships, in assessments of the spouses’ parental families, in the spouses’ ideas about parenthood, in assessments of the material and professional conditions of life together, the more conflicts occur between them during this period of time and the more dissatisfaction with the marriage both partners experience. Unfulfilled expectations of partners associated with marriage can play the same negative role.

Low self-esteem and low marital satisfaction at the end of a wife's pregnancy often foreshadow individual and interpersonal discomfort, usually occurring two years later. In women, depression usually develops as a result of the restriction of their lives to household chores for eighteen months after the birth of a child, as well as due to differences in the views of spouses on the distribution of responsibilities within the family: The risk of marital discomfort increases significantly in the case where initially one of the spouses was not I’m fairly confident about whether it was worth having a child.

It has been established that the mere fact of the presence or absence of children between spouses has a much smaller impact on family discomfort than the existing discrepancies in assessments of personal, marital and extra-family relationships. The transition to parenthood only reinforces the differences that previously existed in the individual lives of men and women.

When studying such features of parental behavior style as positive emotions, cooperation, and a penchant for creativity, it was found that they have a significant impact on the development of the child. A correlation has been identified between the style of parental behavior and the relationship between parents and child. However, no relationship was found between spouses' satisfaction with family relationships and indicators of the psychological development of their children. The latter depended more not on how the parents viewed marriage, but on how this was reflected in practice in their behavior when communicating with the child (parental behavior style). This style has been consistently associated with children's cognitive and personality development.

Mothers who are satisfied with their marriages show more ten-lotness and are less angry with their sons, while fathers who are satisfied with their marriages are more authoritarian towards their daughters. Those parents who show more positive emotions in their relationships with each other also display a greater degree of authoritarianism in their interpersonal relationships with their daughters.

Marital dissatisfaction before the birth of a child, it turns out, can lead to marital discomfort four years later, which in turn is associated with tension in the parents' relationships with each other and with the child.

Different areas of children's development are associated with different manifestations of intrafamily relationships. A child's cognitive development depends most heavily on how each parent handles his or her education. Behavioral problems scores were most significantly related to parental behavior toward each other.

The interdependence of the personal characteristics of parents, the style of parental behavior and the level of development of the child is different for fathers and sons, mothers and sons, fathers and daughters, mothers and daughters. One of the most interesting observations made by psychologists was that it is almost impossible to predict the attitude of a father towards his son depending on the father's satisfaction with his marriage. In contrast, a man's dissatisfaction with his marriage led to him expressing less positive emotions and being less authoritarian toward his daughter. A woman's marital satisfaction was significantly associated with the nature of her relationships with both sons and daughters.

Thus, important indicators of a child’s level of development are determined not so much by the individual qualities of the parents, but by the relationships that developed in the family in the first years of its existence. How mothers and fathers cope with the formation of a family in the first 3.5-4.0 years of its existence determines the child’s readiness for school and his subsequent development.

Throughout the entire period of growing up, parents are extremely significant people for the child, and they appear for him in different “guises.”

This is, firstly, a source of emotional warmth and support, without which the child feels defenseless and helpless.

Secondly, parents are the decision-making authority, the administrators of life’s benefits, punishments and rewards.

Thirdly, parents are a model, an example to follow, the embodiment of the best personal qualities, a model of relationships with other people.

Fourthly, parents are a source of knowledge, life experience, friends and advisers in solving difficult life problems. As the child grows up, the ratio of these functions and their psychological significance change (I. S. Kon, 1989).

In adolescence, as in previous stages of development, the family retains its importance as a source of emotional warmth and support. This support is especially important because the teenager enters a phase of intensive formation of the self-concept, often accompanied by conflicting experiences, polar assessments, an acute sense of inferiority, and an inability to respond adequately and constructively to failures. In these conditions, it is the family that is able to provide a basic sense of security, being a source of constant optimistic support that instills confidence in the teenager in his own abilities, a source of a calm, balanced assessment of the teenager’s qualities, and helping to reduce the feeling of anxiety that arises in the teenager in new or stressful situations.

The teenager's dependence on the family is still quite high. Parents are the “supreme power” on which the satisfaction of a significant part of his needs depends, including material and everyday needs, which in adolescence is of particular importance, since during this period the position in the group of peers is largely determined by the presence of prestigious things, clothes and etc.

In adolescence and especially adolescence, parents are no longer such an absolute authority for a teenager as in childhood. Children begin to perceive their parents more critically. The desire to imitate and the degree of identification with parents noticeably decreases, and other people begin to act as examples and role models; acquaintances, peers, popular personalities. At the same time, adolescents want to have parents who “set good role models”; adolescents “want to be proud of their parents, to see them as people to admire,” and then they, as a rule, feel quite comfortable in this world (Raie F., 2000. P.436).

The most important function of parents in adolescence is to help the child solve complex life problems, explain, inform, and assist in the formation of an assessment of various aspects of life. A teenager enters a period of intensive mastery of the social roles of an adult, his social circle is rapidly expanding, and with all the craving for independence, teenagers are in dire need of life experience and the help of elders. This role of parents is also felt by teenagers themselves.

Adolescence is the period of a child’s emancipation from his parents, the achievement of a certain level of autonomy and independence from them. This process is complex and multidimensional and includes at least three aspects: emotional, behavioral and normative (Kon I. S., 1989).

Emotional emancipation is the restructuring of the entire system of emotional relationships of a teenager, getting rid of children's emotional dependence on parents, the emergence of significant emotional relationships with other people.

During adolescence, emotional dependence on parents begins to burden the teenager. There is a growing need to build a new, complex system of emotional relationships based on mutual understanding, affection and respect and free from dependence, a system whose center is the teenager himself, and not his parents. Relationships with parents continue to occupy a significant place in this system, but it now also includes emotional relationships with other people - friendship, love.

The desire to free oneself from emotional dependence on parents is less expressed among girls than among boys, sometimes to such an extent that it “seems to them to be unimportant at all.” Girls are more agreeable to parental demands and are more concerned with maintaining emotional relationships with their family. Boys confront their family more forcefully and often use their peer group as a means of supporting their attempts to achieve independence.

The degree to which the transition to emotional autonomy is dramatic depends largely on the behavior of the parents. If parents do not understand the natural nature of emotional emancipation, they often feel resentful, accuse their children of being callous and ungrateful, may encourage their children to be overly dependent, or themselves turn to their children for emotional support. In this case, the transitional age may drag on for a long time. As a result, infantile young people may never achieve social maturity and often prefer to live with their parents, even after entering into their own marriage. With a healthy process of individualization, a teenager forms an idea of ​​himself in a system of relatively stable emotional connections.

The value system of the individual begins to take shape in adolescence, since by this time the child has already accumulated a certain amount of knowledge, acquires the ability for logical reasoning, abstraction, he has a need to understand his personality, his place among other people. The family is one of the most powerful factors in the formation of a teenager’s value system, but one cannot ignore the influence of other extra-family factors: the norms and values ​​of the reference groups in which the teenager is included, the stability (instability) of the socio-economic situation, etc.

According to research, the influence of parents on the value orientations of children is stronger in those families where there is emotional support and mutual understanding, frequent and intense communication, where family discipline is consistently maintained in the form of emotional communication and beliefs through words, rather than control imposed from outside. When family relationships are dysfunctional, the influence of extra-family factors on the formation of a teenager’s value ideas increases.

The problem of differences in values ​​between different generations is often called the problem of “fathers and sons,” thereby emphasizing its inevitable and enduring nature, its existence at all times. Indeed, there are at least a few fairly significant differences between a teenager and a middle-aged person (and in most cases, parents of teenagers are about 40 years old). So, if a middle-aged person is inclined to be cautious and rely on life experience, then adolescents are characterized by adventurism, audacity, and a tendency to take risky actions. If parents are characterized by memories of the past, a tendency to compare today and yesterday, then teenagers live in the present, the past does not matter to them. Middle-aged people profess a realistic, somewhat skeptical attitude towards life, while teenagers are characterized by idealism and optimism. Parents are more conservative and agree with the existing state of things, while teenagers tend to criticize the existing situation and strive to change everything, etc.

Empirical studies of terminal values ​​(values ​​of the meaning of life) suggest that, in general, they are similar and non-antagonistic among parents and children. A comparative analysis of value preferences among parents and children (carried out according to the method of M. Rokeach) showed: for fathers, “health, family, material security, love, freedom, independence” are important; for mothers, “family, health, love, material security, feeling duty, responsibility." The structure of the value preferences of their high school children was distinguished by the fact that the value - freedom, independence - occupied one of the first places along with the same values ​​of health, love, family, friendship (for girls) and material security (for boys) (Yasyukova L.A. ., 1996).

More differences between parents and adolescents are found in instrumental value orientations, i.e. in understanding the means by which terminal values ​​can be achieved.

Despite the fact that the value structures of high school students have individual differences, for example, they may be focused on the values ​​of social success, the values ​​of individual self-realization or the values ​​of social interaction, most teenagers name among the most important such universal human values ​​of personal happiness as “love, health, a happy family life, material security, life wisdom" (Kirillova N.A., 2000), For students 18-19 years old, such life values ​​as love, self-confidence, good and faithful friends, health, active, emotional life, freedom, independence in judgment and actions (Moskvicheva N.L., 2000). Thus, during adolescence and adolescence, the hierarchy of value preferences changes somewhat in accordance with the specifics of each age stage (Sobkin V.S., 1997), but at the same time they are close and universal.

The drama of normative emancipation intensifies in times of fundamental, revolutionary changes in society, when the value orientations of parents and children can come into sharp conflict, affecting ideological and spiritual aspects and creating uncertainty and anxiety on both sides. The social values ​​that the “fathers” lived by, in the new situation, for the most part lose their practical significance and, because of this, are not inherited by the “children”, since they are not suitable for them either for the present or for the future life (Lisovsky V.T., 1998). In addition, in a totalitarian society, the attitude of parents towards a child is largely determined by the extent to which the child fulfills social norms (Kagan V.E., 1992).

Behavioral emancipation is the desire to free oneself from parental control, asserting the right to make one’s own decisions without external guidance. The desire for behavioral autonomy in adolescents increases sharply, and they stubbornly strive for independence in making independent decisions. In high school, a teenager already decides on a fairly wide range of issues: distributes his time, chooses friends, leisure activities, clothing style, etc. At the same time, the degree of behavioral emancipation from parents among adolescents can differ significantly in different areas: in more serious issues, for example, choosing an educational strategy, they obey their parents. Thus, the desire for behavioral autonomy is relative. In reality, teenagers do not strive for complete freedom because they do not know how to use it. Teenagers need freedom to be given to them gradually as they learn to use it.

It seems that the extravagant actions of adolescents are dictated by the need to determine the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior; they seem to be experiencing the reaction of their parents. If parents vaguely express their attitude, withdraw from education, give the child complete freedom, then the teenager begins to experience a feeling of anxiety and rejection from the family. Therefore, the behavior of a teenager must be controlled, it is necessary to establish certain behavioral norms in the family and adhere to them, and, of course, one should clearly and unambiguously express one’s attitude towards certain actions of one’s child.

The behavioral emancipation of a teenager frightens and worries parents to the greatest extent and often becomes the cause of conflicts in the family. The following areas of teenagers’ lives are the most “conflict-prone”:

1. social sphere of life: choosing friends and partners, spending free time, planning the future, infantile behavior;
2. appearance and behavior: bad habits - smoking, drugs, alcohol, expressions used, deceit, sex life;
3. school: academic performance, attendance, general attitude towards learning and teachers, behavior at school;
4. behavior in the family: performing household chores, spending money, attitude towards personal belongings, clothing, family property - housing, furniture, household appliances, demonstrative behavior towards parents, quarrels with brothers and sisters, relationships with elderly relatives, etc. .P.

As noted by R.T. Bayard, J. Bayard (1991), the problem with regulating adolescent behavior is that it is very difficult for parents to delegate responsibility for their own behavior to their children. Parents' actions are dictated by concern for the future of their children, but the paradox is that if their control is successful, the child may miss the opportunity to better master an independent lifestyle.

Statistics on conflicts between adolescents and parents in different countries are approximately the same: despite the fact that about 70% of adolescents note the presence of some problems that are the subject of disputes and mutual complaints, serious conflicts between adolescents and parents occur in approximately 15-20% of families (Craig G., 2000), approximately 5-10% are in constant acute conflicts, declare misunderstanding on the part of their parents and deep differences with them on many issues. In general, more than 60% of teenagers believe that they are understanding from their parents and enjoy their company. Data obtained for Russia are consistent with this: the majority of adolescents have an emotionally positive attitude towards their family, feel confident in the family and love to communicate with members of their family (Yartsev D.V., 1999). 3% constantly have conflicts with parents, 10% often, sometimes 26%, rarely 38%, 22% of respondents do not have conflicts (Human Psychology, 2001).

It is generally accepted that the need to communicate with parents in adolescence decreases, giving way to the need to communicate with peers. However, as some data show, it is necessary to distinguish between formal, regulated, and devoted to issues of behavior, study, etc. and informal, unregulated communication with parents. If the first causes acute dissatisfaction among high school students, then the need for the second is no less than for communication with peers, but is satisfied by less than half (29.2%). At the same time, it was found that only 31.1% of adolescents were satisfied with communication with their mother, and even less - 9.1% - with communication with their father (I. S. Kon, 1989). The reason for such a psychological barrier that arises between a teenager and parents is I.S. Cohn calls “the inability and unwillingness to listen and understand what is happening in the complex youth world”, the inability to accept a teenager as some autonomous reality, confidence in the infallibility of one’s life experience.

"They don't listen to me!" - the most common (and completely fair) complaint of boys and girls about their parents. According to high school students, the level of understanding on the part of their parents, ease of communication and their own frankness with them sharply decrease from 7th to 9th grade, and in all these parameters, parents are significantly inferior to friends - peers of the respondents (Kon I. S., 1989. C .114).

Attitudes towards family change as you grow older. In the process of socialization, a group of peers largely replaces parents ("depreciation" of parents - in the words of X. Remschmidt). The transfer of the center of socialization from the family to the peer group leads to a weakening of emotional ties with parents. It should be noted that comments regarding the “devaluation” of parents in adolescence and adolescence are very common and, one might say, have become a commonplace. For example, a special behavioral feature has been described for adolescence - the “emancipation reaction.” Even attempts have been made to explain it from an evolutionary biological point of view. All this is true as a general direction of age-related personality development. However, the globalization of these ideas, the exaggeration of the idea of ​​​​"replacing parents" by a group of peers does not correspond much to the real psychological picture. There is evidence that although parents as the center of orientation and identification recede into the background at this age, this only applies to certain areas of life. For most young people, parents, and especially mothers, remain the main emotionally close persons.

Thus, in one study by German psychologists it was shown that in problematic situations, the most emotionally close, confidant for a teenager is, first of all, the mother, and then, depending on the situation, in different sequences, the father, girlfriend or friend. In another study, carried out on a domestic sample, high school students ranked with whom they would prefer to spend their free time - with their parents, with friends, in the company of peers of the same sex, in a mixed company, etc. Parents were in last (sixth) place for boys, and in fourth place for girls. However, answering the question: “Who would you consult with in a difficult everyday situation?” - both of them put the mother first. In second place for boys was the father, for girls - a friend. In other words, as I.S. noted regarding these results. Con, it’s nice to have fun with friends, but in difficult times it’s better to turn to your mother. Recent data obtained from samples of modern adolescents, boys and girls confirm this trend. As shown in one such study (Rean A.A., Sannikova M.Yu.), in the system of relationships of the individual to the social environment, the attitude towards peers was also determined; it was the attitude towards the mother that turned out to be the most positive. It was found that a decrease in a positive attitude towards the mother, an increase in negative descriptors (characteristics) when describing the mother correlates with a general increase in the negativization of all social relationships of the individual.

It can be assumed that behind this fact there is a fundamental phenomenon of the manifestation of total negativism (according to A. A. Rean) - i.e. negativism towards all social objects, phenomena and norms among those individuals who are characterized by a negative attitude towards their own mother. In general, as found in the study, a negative attitude towards the mother is an important indicator of overall dysfunctional personality development.

Communication with father and mother in adolescence develops differently. In different countries, the overwhelming majority of middle and high school teenagers prefer to turn to their mother rather than their father on all issues related to personal, social, educational and even ideological problems (Raie F., 2000). High school students, regardless of gender, are more frank with their mother than with their father, more often turn to her for advice and are more sympathetic towards her. Fathers have an advantage in the “information sphere,” discussing politics and sports. The psychological reasons for this preference among adolescents are the rigidity and instrumental masculine nature, which make mutual understanding and compromise difficult, as well as the fact that fathers spend significantly less time with adolescents.

The presence of certain cultural prohibitions leads to the fact that the topics of puberty and intimate relationships take last place in conversations with parents, i.e. the most important sphere of a teenager’s intimate experiences is “removed” from communication with his parents. But if it is impossible to talk about what worries you most, communication inevitably takes on a formal, routine character. The more parents “press” on behavior, academic performance and other formal role aspects, the drier the relationship becomes (I. S. Kon, 1989).

Socialization in the family is carried out in different ways and occurs mainly in two parallel directions: as a result of the purposeful process of education and social learning.

Family education is targeted, conscious educational influences carried out by parents with the aim of developing certain qualities and skills.

Educational influences are carried out on the basis of a reinforcement mechanism - by encouraging behavior that adults consider correct and punishing for violation of established rules, parents introduce into the child’s consciousness a certain system of norms, compliance with which gradually becomes a habit and internal need for the child; identification mechanism - the child imitates his parents, follows their example, tries to become the same.

When considering the educational activities of parents, the following are distinguished:

1. different parenting styles;
2. factors of educational influence;
3. educational position of parents, etc.

The process of social learning, in turn, occurs both through direct interaction between the child and parents, and through observing the characteristics of social interaction between other family members (Rean A.A., Bordovskaya N.V., Rozum S.I., 2000 ).

In addition to conscious, purposeful upbringing carried out by parents, the child is influenced by the entire family atmosphere, family conditions: social status, occupation, material level, level of education, value orientations of family members. Therefore, any deformation of the parental family leads to negative consequences in the development of the child’s personality.

1.2 Family parenting styles

Many works devoted to parent-child relationships are based on the typology of family education styles proposed by D. Baumrind more than 30 years ago, which substantively described three main styles: authoritarian, authoritative, but democratic and permissive (Baumrind D., 1991).

Authoritarian style (in the terminology of other authors - autocratic, dictatorship, dominance) - all decisions are made by parents who believe that the child should obey their will and authority in everything. Parents limit the child’s independence and do not consider it necessary to somehow justify their demands, accompanying them with strict control, severe prohibitions, reprimands and physical punishment. During adolescence, parental authoritarianism generates conflicts and hostility. The most active, strong teenagers resist and rebel, become overly aggressive and often leave their parents' home as soon as they can afford it. Timid, insecure teenagers learn to obey their parents in everything, without making any attempt to decide anything on their own. If mothers tend to implement more “permissive” behavior towards older teenagers, then authoritarian fathers firmly adhere to the chosen type of parental authority. With such upbringing, children develop only a mechanism of external control, based on feelings of guilt or fear of punishment, and as soon as the threat of punishment from the outside disappears, the teenager’s behavior can become potentially antisocial. Authoritarian relationships exclude spiritual closeness with children, so a feeling of affection rarely arises between them and their parents, which leads to suspicion, constant vigilance and even hostility towards others.

Democratic style (in the terminology of other authors - authoritative, cooperation) - parents encourage personal responsibility and independence of their children in accordance with their age capabilities. Teenagers are included in the discussion of family problems, participate in decision-making, listen to and discuss the opinions and advice of their parents. Parents demand meaningful behavior from their children and try to help them, being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, parents show firmness, care about fairness and consistent discipline, which forms correct, responsible social behavior.

Permissive style (in the terminology of other authors - liberal, indulgent, hypoprotective) - the child is not properly guided, practically does not know the prohibitions and restrictions on the part of the parents, or does not follow the instructions of the parents, who are characterized by the inability, inability or unwillingness to guide children.

As they grow older, such teenagers conflict with those who do not indulge them, are unable to take into account the interests of other people, establish strong emotional connections, and are not ready for restrictions and responsibility. On the other hand, perceiving the lack of guidance from parents as a manifestation of indifference and emotional rejection, children feel fear and uncertainty. The inability of the family to control the behavior of a teenager can lead to his involvement in antisocial groups, since he has not developed the psychological mechanisms necessary for independent, responsible behavior in society.

Subsequently, other characteristic styles of family education were identified.

Chaotic style (inconsistent leadership) is the absence of a unified approach to education, when there are no clearly expressed, defined, specific requirements for the child or there are contradictions and disagreements in the choice of educational means between parents. With this style of education, one of the important basic needs of the individual is frustrated - the need for stability and orderliness in the surrounding world, the presence of clear guidelines in behavior and assessments.

The unpredictability of parental reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability and provokes increased anxiety, uncertainty, impulsiveness, and in difficult situations even aggressiveness and uncontrollability, social maladjustment.

With such upbringing, self-control and a sense of responsibility are not formed, immaturity of judgment and low self-esteem are noted.

Nurturing style (overprotection, focusing on the child) - the desire to constantly be near the child, to solve all problems that arise for him. Parents vigilantly monitor the teenager’s behavior, limit his independent behavior, and worry that something might happen to him. Despite external care, the nurturing style of parenting leads, on the one hand, to an excessive exaggeration of a teenager’s own importance, and on the other hand, to the development of anxiety, helplessness, and delayed social maturity.

Factors in parenting. The parental attitude is dual and contradictory, representing, on the one hand, unconditional love and a deep relationship with the child, and on the other, an objective evaluative attitude aimed at developing valuable qualities and behaviors.

In many studies, these are the main factors of family education:

1. emotional attitude, love, acceptance;
2. features of requirements and control (Smirnova E.O., Bykova M.V., 2000).

E. Fromm identified a qualitative difference between maternal and paternal attitudes toward a child based on the characteristics of conditionality-unconditionality and controllability-uncontrollability. Mother's love is unconditional, given from birth, but beyond the control of the child, it cannot be won (either it is there or not). Father's love is determined by whether the child meets his expectations; it is controllable (it can be earned and achieved through the child's own activity) (Fromm E., 1998).

Factors that create inharmonious family parenting styles

E.G. Eidemiller, V. Justitskis (1998) identified the factors of parental education that are most important from the point of view of the formation of behavioral disorders and personality deviations in children and adolescents.

The level of protection is the amount of effort, attention and time that parents devote to raising a child. With hyperprotection, parents devote an enormous amount of time, effort and attention to the child, and his upbringing becomes the main task of their lives. With hypoprotection, the teenager finds himself on the periphery of the parents’ attention, “no hands reach him”, and they take up education only when something serious happens.

Another important factor is the degree to which the child's needs are met. When indulging, parents strive for maximum and uncritical satisfaction of any needs of the child and pamper him. Ignoring is characterized by an insufficient desire to satisfy the child’s needs, and spiritual needs more often suffer, especially the need for emotional contact and communication with parents.

The quantity and quality of demands on a child in a family are represented by different scales: the degree of demands-responsibilities, the degree of demands-prohibitions, the severity of sanctions. Stable combinations of these parameters create several characteristic inharmonious parenting styles.

Indulging hyperprotection - parents strive to free the child from the slightest difficulties, indulge his desires, overly adore and patronize, admire minimal successes and demand the same admiration for them from others. The result of such upbringing is manifested in the teenager’s high level of aspirations, his desire for leadership with insufficient perseverance and self-reliance.

Dominant hyperprotection - the child is also the focus of intense attention from parents, who devote a lot of time and effort to him, but deprive him of independence, setting numerous restrictions and prohibitions. This leads either to a reaction of emancipation, or to lack of initiative and inability to stand up for oneself.

Hypoprotection - little attention is paid to the teenager, there is no interest in his affairs, he is physically neglected and unkempt. With hidden hypoprotection, control and care are formal, and parents are not included in the child’s life.

Emotional rejection - the child is burdened, his needs are ignored. Parents consider the child a burden and show general dissatisfaction with him. With hidden emotional rejection, parents try to veil their real attitude towards the child with increased care and attention to him.

Increased moral responsibility - the child is required to have honesty, decency, and a sense of duty that is not appropriate for his age; he is given responsibility for the well-being of loved ones, and the teenager is afraid of disappointing them.

Child abuse is the tendency of parents to use harsh punishments even for minor behavior violations while ignoring the needs of the teenager. They can manifest themselves openly when they take out evil on a child using violence, or be hidden when there is a wall of emotional coldness and hostility between the parents and the child (Eidemiller E.G., Justitskis V., 1998).

In adolescence, the educational position of parents acquires special importance - a set of parental attitudes regarding the upbringing of children, which characterize, first of all, the parents themselves as subjects of upbringing. The most important features of the educational position of parents are adequacy, flexibility and predictability.

Adequacy is the ability of parents to see and understand the individuality of their child, to imagine the characteristics of his personality, cognitive, emotional, motivational sphere, characterological manifestations, the ability to notice changes occurring in his mental world.

Flexibility is the ability to change influences on a child as he grows up or in connection with various changes in family living conditions. An inflexible parental position is characterized by a tendency to stick to the same pattern of behavior and a reluctance to change one's views or discuss different points of view.

Predictiveness is the ability of parents to anticipate and predict the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of children, including qualities determined by family upbringing. A non-predictive, or “short-sighted?” (Eidemiller E.G., Justitskis V., 1998), model of relationships with a teenager is characterized by a tendency to take into account only the features of the momentary situation or the immediate consequences of one’s actions and not think about the more distant ones.

The most important, yet insufficiently studied, characteristic of parents as subjects of upbringing is the motivation of their attitude towards the child and its subjective awareness. The educational position of parents is determined by the complex interaction of conscious and unconscious motives. Really active motives that determine relationships with children can be repressed or represented in the minds of parents by substitute, socially approved motives.

Chapter II. Studying the personality traits of parents, developed in childhood or later in life, that prevent them from being effective parents

2.1 general characteristics parental attitude

The family is the source and mediating link in transmitting socio-historical experience to the child, and above all, the experience of emotional and business relationships between people.

Of all the diversity of the surrounding world, which in one way or another influences the child, the “intimate circle of communication” is of particular importance. This circle includes parents and other close people who satisfy the child’s needs to be protected and loved. The family contributes to the gradual introduction of the child to social life and the gradual expansion of his horizons and experience. At the same time, family education is not always of “quality” due to the fact that some parents do not know how to contribute to the development of their own children, others do not want to, and others cannot.

Specific conditions for upbringing arise in an incomplete family where one of the parents is absent. The breakdown of a family changes its usual way of life, which complicates the child’s development process. It has been proven that in two-parent families, fathers, along with mothers, play an important role in children's communicative development. In the broader context of the development of the child's linguistic abilities, the father plays the role of a "bridge" between the narrow family environment and the outside world, expanding the child's linguistic and practical experience. In an incomplete family, the financial situation often worsens, the mother’s ability to communicate verbally with the child decreases, and the family’s social ties are restructured (some friends and relatives are lost). The child experiences an increased need for communication, activity processes and emotional status are disrupted, which means that the child’s speech capabilities are not fully realized. So the process speech development in an incomplete family becomes poor.

The uniqueness of a child’s vocabulary is determined by those words that are most common in his immediate environment, in his family. By imitating parents and close people (identifying with them), the child unconsciously adopts a communication style that becomes his nature. A family that has a verbal culture and restrains its emotional manifestations forms the same type of communication in the child. A family that is undisciplined in terms of speech culture and emotional manifestations will receive in its child an imprint of its shortcomings in communication. At the same time, the speech of a 3-4 year old child is not simple imitation. The child also shows creativity in forming new words. For example, wanting to say “a very small giraffe,” a child, just like adults, builds his own neologisms and says “little giraffe.”

E.O. Smirnova noted that words of approval cause disproportionate delight in children and encourage their speech creativity, that is, they are also a necessary condition for the speech development of a child at this age.

Some domestic scientists believe that there is a peculiarity in the development of speech in children in a large family.

Experimental studies by T.N. Trofimova-Karatsuba show that in a large family the process of identification is difficult, which means that the child has difficulties in speech imitation of persons with mature speech, which leads to a lag in all indicators of speech development.

Parental attitude represents the unity of the emotional attitude towards the child, the style of communication with him and the peculiarities of understanding and cognitive vision of the child by parents.

Varga A.Ya.’s research on the influence of the family on the development of a child’s personality showed the danger of excessively close emotional contact with the child, overprotection over him; on the contrary, the scope of his independence should be expanded. Varga A.Ya. distinguishes four types of parental relationships:

1. Accepting-authoritarian, characteristic of subjectively prosperous parents: they accept the child, treat him warmly, demand social success and achievements and control him in these areas (socially desirable result).
2. Rejecting with infantilization and social disability, parents emotionally reject the child, evaluate him low, see him as younger than his real peer.
3. Symbiotic: parents strive to establish close emotional contact with the child and participate in all the little things of his life.

Most parents perceive the last two types as favorable. From the child's point of view, they are perceived as traumatic.A.Ya. Varga and V.A. Laughter identifies the following reasons for the ineffectiveness of the parental relationship with the child:

1. Pedagogical and psychological ignorance.
2. Uncritically learned and rigid stereotypes of raising a child.
3. Personal problems and characteristics of parents that he brings into communication with the child.
4. Features of communication with other family members that affect relationships with the child.

Isaev D.N. identified three types of relationships between parents and children. Parents, starting from the first months of their child’s life and illness, can develop three types of attitudes towards the disease:

1. Adequate, ensuring harmonious upbringing.
2. Overvalued (anxious and suspicious), associated with raising a child in conditions of overprotection.
3. Indifferent, underestimating the severity of the child’s illness, and an overprotective teacher.

AND I. Varga identifies some types of parental relationships with a child:

2.2 Features of manifestations of parental love

The emotional side of parent-child relationships largely determines the well-being of the child’s mental development and the realization of the educational potential of parenthood as a social institution. The emotional attitude towards a partner between parents and a child in the context of their relationship has different origins, psychological content and dynamics of development. If, in relation to marital relationships, we can talk about the fundamental equality of partners - both in relation to the genesis and development and implementation of the emotional connection - then in the case of child-parent relationships, the nature of child and parental love turns out to be different. The emotional attitude of a parent towards a child is qualified as a phenomenon of parental love (E. Fromm), and in modern psychology there is a clear distinction between the emotional attitude of mother and father towards a child, acting as maternal or paternal love. Along with the concept of parental love, the term “acceptance” is used (A. Roe, M. Segelman, A.I. Zakharov, D.I. Isaev, A.Ya. Varga), which characterizes the affective coloring of the parent’s attitude towards the child and recognition of his self-worth. Emotional closeness (V.V. Stolin) determines the affective sign of the relationship (sympathy - antipathy) and the emotional distance between parent and child.

The term "attachment" is used to describe the relationship of a child to a parent. In modern psychology, J. Bowlby's theory of attachment is generally accepted and the most authoritative in the study of the phenomenon of a child's love for a parent. We emphasize that the theory of attachment itself, in considering the nature of the child’s relationship with the parent (close adult), going beyond the purely emotional aspect, also includes into consideration the patterns of development of cognitive activity and mental development of the child, depending on the characteristics of child-parent interaction.

Parental love has a sociocultural and historical nature. Until the 18th century. the social value of parental love was relatively low. Sociocultural expectations ordered parents to raise a child, take care of his soul and physical well-being, control, punish if necessary, but did not qualify parental love as a special virtue. One of the reasons for this situation was the high child birth rate against the background of high mortality and large families. In medieval Europe, about 30% of children under the age of 5 died. In the second half of the 19th century. family S.A. and L.N. Tolstykh lost five of her twelve children. Parents divided their attention between many children, often losing them at a very early age. Close emotional long-term relationships between parents and children were rare due to the peculiarities of the family structure and lifestyle of the family at that time. Only in the second half of the 18th century. in Europe, maternal love becomes a mandatory normative attitude [Kon, 1988], and from the second half of the 19th century. A child-centric type of family arises. In modern society, the social value of parental love is extremely high, and the intimate and emotional closeness of parents with children in the context of a small family and planning the birth of children is a mass phenomenon. All this has led to the fact that parental love is today considered by society as the “norm” of human mental health, and the behavior and personality of a parent who has the misfortune of not loving his child is considered a pathology, a mental deviation, a manifestation of immorality and promiscuity. However, it would be unfair to blame and condemn such parents, of course, provided they fulfill their parental duty, show care, attention and guardianship towards the child. Love for a child - emotional closeness and mutual understanding - is not an innate ability of a mother and father and does not appear by magic with the birth of a child. The ability to love him is formed in the practice of parenthood, in the process of joint activity and communication with the child, bringing the mother and father a feeling of happiness, fullness of self-realization and self-completion. On the contrary, the experience of “unlove” and rejection of a child causes severe emotional and personal disorders in the parent - guilt, depression, anxiety and fears, violations of the self-concept in the form of self-sacrifice and low self-esteem. Therefore, in such cases, the strategy of psychological assistance to the family is built as a consistent solution to the following tasks: stabilization of the emotional state of the parent - awareness of the child’s rejection and objectification of the reasons and mechanism for the formation of dislike for him - overcoming feelings of guilt - optimization of communication and cooperation with the child - increasing the level of empathy and emotional mutual understanding and attachment in the parent-child dyad.

In the continuum of meanings of the emotional attitude of a parent to a child, several options for relationships can be distinguished, from the unconditionally positive to the openly negative pole.

Unconditional emotional acceptance of the child (love and affection “no matter what”). Unconditional acceptance involves the parent's differentiation of the child's personality and behavior. A negative assessment and condemnation by a parent of specific actions and actions of a child does not entail a denial of his emotional significance and a decrease in the self-worth of his personality for the parent. This type of emotional relationship is most favorable for the development of the child’s personality, since it ensures full satisfaction of the child’s needs for safety, love, care and affiliation in relations with parents.

1. Conditional emotional acceptance (love conditioned by the child’s achievements, merits, behavior). In this case, the child must earn the love of the parent through his successes, exemplary behavior, and fulfillment of requirements. Love acts as a benefit, a reward that is not given by itself, but requires work and effort. Deprivation of parental love is a fairly frequently used type of punishment in such cases. This type of parental attitude provokes anxiety and uncertainty in the child.
2. Ambivalent emotional attitude towards the child (a combination of positive and negative feelings, hostility and love).

Indifferent attitude (indifference, emotional coldness, distance, low empathy). This position is based on the unformed maternal position, infantilism and personal immaturity of the parent himself.

1. Hidden emotional rejection (ignoring, emotionally negative attitude towards the child).
2. Open emotional rejection of a child.

A.S. Spivakovskaya, based on a three-dimensional model of love, offers an original typology of parental love. Let us recall that the three dimensions of the feeling of love within this model are: sympathy/antipathy; respect/contempt and proximity - distance.

The causes of violations of parental love have not yet been sufficiently studied, but some of them can be named:

Types of parental love (according to A.S. Spivakovskaya)

Type of love/rejectionCharacteristics of love/rejectionParental behaviorParental creed1. Effective lovesympathy respect intimacyAcceptance of a child; attention and interest, respect for his rights and obligations; cooperation and willingness to come to his aid “I love my child for who he is, he is the best”2. Detached lovesympathy respect distanceAcceptance of the child; lack of attention and care; hypoprotection; low level of cooperation and assistance “I have a wonderful child, but I am very busy” 3. Effective pitysympathy disrespect intimacyAcceptance of a child; distrust of him; excessive care and indulgence “Although my child is not smart and developed enough, he is my child and I love him”4. Condescending withdrawal sympathy disrespect distance Acceptance of the child; detachment; hypoprotection, justifying ill-being by the child’s illness, bad heredity “You can’t blame my child for being like this - there are objective reasons”5. Rejectionantipathy disrespect distanceRejection of the child; restriction of communication, ignoring; hypoprotection bordering on neglect “I don’t love my child and don’t want to have anything to do with him!”6. Contempt antipathy disrespect intimacy Rejection of the child; total control, the use of punishment, lack of rewards, the predominance of prohibitions in the parental educational system “I am tormented and suffering because my child is so bad”7. Persecutionantipathy respect intimacyRejection of the child; dominant hyperprotection, abuse, total control “My child is a scoundrel, and I will prove it!”8. Refusal, disrespect, importance, rejection of the child; hypoprotection and neglect, connivance, ignoring “I don’t want to deal with this scoundrel!”

• Frustration of the vital needs of a parent in connection with raising a child. Deprivation can cover a fairly wide range of needs, the subjective significance of which is largely determined by the degree of personal maturity of the parent: the need for sleep and rest; in safety; in communication with friends; personal achievements, career, professional growth. In this case, psychological assistance should be aimed at finding a way to satisfy the vital needs of the parent while maintaining the full function of caring for the child and raising him, as well as at developing the parent’s value-semantic sphere.
• Mystification and distortion of the child’s image as a result of the projection of negative qualities and attribution of them to the child; identification of a child with an aversive personality that causes disgust in the parent, and, as a result, transfer of a negative emotional attitude to him. Psychological work in this case should be aimed at objectifying the reasons for such a projection, analyzing them and helping the parent resolve the deep-seated conflict that underlies the actualized defense mechanisms.
• Negative emotional attitude towards a child as a manifestation of post-traumatic stress. It arises as a result of a fatal coincidence between the birth of a child or the initial period of his upbringing, which is sensitive to the formation of attachment, and psychological trauma, such as the loss of a loved one. The child acquires the meaning of a symbol of a traumatic situation or is associated with it. Psychological assistance here is built in the context of overcoming post-traumatic stress.

Personal characteristics of the parent (infantility, character accentuations, neurotic personality type, inadequate attachment type of the parent himself, emotional disorders). This requires individual psychological counseling, and, if necessary, psychotherapy. An example of a destructive influence on a child’s mental development is the so-called “schizophrenogenic mother,” who reveals coldness, emotional distance and rejection in her relationship with the child, and a lack of respect and recognition of the child; her behavior is characterized by authority, despoticism, and low empathy. Mothers who experience depression are also prone to abandoning their children. The characteristic style of education in this case is either hypoprotection, which turns into neglect, or total control, in which the actualization of the child’s feelings of guilt and shame becomes the main method of educational influence.

The individual typological characteristics of the child - “difficult temperament”, excessive excitement, discipline problems, inattention, impulsiveness - mediate the formation of parental attitudes. It has been found that parents tend to perceive children with stronger temperaments as more mature. The degree of correspondence between their temperaments is important for the formation of the emotional relationship of a parent to a child. If the child's temperament is opposite to the parent's, this may be perceived by the parent as a negative characteristic of his personality or a sign of immaturity and immaturity. For example, the impetuosity and impulsiveness of a child, the opposite of the restraint and slowness of a parent, is perceived by the latter as a manifestation of the child’s weakness.

Low degree of marital satisfaction and conflict in marital relationships.

Speaking about parental love, maternal and paternal love are traditionally divided as differing in content, nature, genesis and forms of manifestation (3. Freud, A. Adler, D. Winnicott, M. Donaldson, I.S. Kohn, G.G. Filippova ). Recognizing the existence of two social institutions of parenthood - motherhood and fatherhood, it is important not only to note serious differences in the implementation of motherhood and fatherhood as qualitatively unique forms of parenthood, but also to point out their similarities. In the works of E. Galinsky [Kraig, 2000], six stages of parenting are identified, the content and sequence of which is determined by the logic of the development of cooperation between parent and child. At each of them, the parent solves certain problems related to the need to rebuild parent-child relationships, taking into account the child’s development and his increasing independence. The first stage - the stage of image formation - lasts from the moment of conception to the birth of the child and is considered as the initial stage in the formation of the parental position. It is at this stage that the primary image of parent-child relationships is formed, including an idea of ​​the goals and values ​​of education, the image of an ideal parent as a standard, an idea of ​​the child and interaction with him. At the second stage - the feeding stage (from birth to 1 year) - the central task is the formation of attachment and the first forms of cooperation and joint activities with the child. The primary hierarchization of values ​​and roles in the context of the development of parental identity also occurs precisely at this stage. The authority stage (from 2 to 5 years) marks the transition of parents to solving the problems of socialization of the child and, accordingly, to the first assessment of the effectiveness of the upbringing process. To what extent does my child correspond to the ideal image created in my mind? Can I accept my child as he is? How satisfying am I as a parent? The answers to these questions require reflection by the parent about the content and foundations of his relationship with the child and a transition to a more thoughtful system of education, taking into account the “work on mistakes” of the early period of parenthood. The fourth stage - the stage of interpretation - occurs at primary school age: here parents revise and revise many of the concepts of education that they previously adhered to in their communication with children. The fifth - the stage of interdependence - is characterized by a change in the structure of power relations: parents must rebuild their relationships with teenagers, taking into account their desire for autonomy and independence. The nature of the restructuring of relationships with maturing children can make them partnerships or, in the case of destructive development, relationships of rivalry and confrontation. At the sixth stage - the stage of separation - parents must finally recognize the adulthood and independence of their children, accept their psychological “departure” and solve the difficult task of rethinking and assessing what kind of parents they were.

The fundamental discovery of psychoanalysis was the position about the role of the mother (close adult) in the mental development of the child. The external world (environment) is revealed to the child through an adult and primarily acts as the world of human interpersonal relationships, the world of people [Freud, 1991; Adler, 1990; Freud, 1993; Winnicott, 1995; Elkonin, 1989].3. Freud believed that it is the mother who is the source of the child’s experience of pleasure and the object of the first sexual choice.

From the recognition of the decisive role of the mother (close adult) in the mental development of the child, the question arises of how the mother’s behavior influences the development of personality. D. Winnicott was one of the first to propose the hypothesis of a harmonious interaction between the environment and early intrapsychic processes. He proposes to consider as an object of development in the early stages of ontogenesis not a separate mother and child, but an integral mother-child dyad. Due to the helplessness of the baby and his dependence on the mother, the child and mother are a single whole. The mother not only provides the conditions for the child’s bodily, physical development, but also, realizing the function of holding and bodily contact (holding), ensures the process of personalization - the formation of the child’s self, i.e. differentiation of the subject and the environment and the formation of an autonomous personality. The formation of one's own Self is carried out through development from absolute (extreme) dependence to relative independence and autonomy. The mechanism for establishing independence is the process of the child realizing omnipotent desires and primary aggression in relations with the mother (close adult). Patience towards manifestations of aggressiveness, caring for the child, meeting his needs, and the mother’s implementation of “supportive” behavior create conditions for the harmonious development of the child. The behavior and position of the mother is an essential condition for the effectiveness of this process. Winnicott considers the mother's ability to create a favorable environment for the development of the child as her natural ability. The mother must trust her intuition and act spontaneously; training can only hinder the realization of this ability. Love and care, a warm, accepting, respectful attitude of a mother towards her child create the necessary attitude of trust and stimulate the child’s independent activity in relation to his self-development. Thanks to psychoanalysis, the problem of parent-child relationships, quality maternal care and type of upbringing became central in the study of patterns of personality development in childhood. The peculiarities of maternal and paternal love, the position of both parents in upbringing not only determine the individual trajectory of the child’s development, but also act as an essential condition for the progressive normative development of the individual [Adler, 1990; Horney, 1993]. In resolving the issue of the nature of maternal love and maternal position, two approaches can be distinguished - evolutionary-biological (J. Bowlby, D. Winnicott) and cultural-historical (M.I. Lisina, G.G. Filippova).

According to the evolutionary approach, maternal love has biological, natural prerequisites, is a natural characteristic of a woman and does not need further explanation. Parental behavior from a biological perspective is programmed. The human child is the most helpless and least prepared for life from the moment of birth of all living beings. The possibility of his survival directly depends on the care of his parents. It is known that the mother is the primary and main close adult who provides care and protection to the child throughout human history. The uniqueness of the mother’s position in implementing the function of parental care is justified by the fact that the mother, unlike the father, most adequately implements the reproductive function precisely in a close, stable connection with the child. This is due to the mother’s complete confidence in her parental status, a shorter reproductive period in the ontogenetic cycle compared to men, a longer interval between the birth of children and greater energy costs during the period of gestation and childbirth. Bowlby argues that the preservation of the maternal instinct in the process of evolution in the face of the loss of most instinctive forms of behavior by humans is associated with its special significance for the preservation of the human race. Hormones associated with pregnancy and lactation, in particular oxytocin, play an important role in “triggering” maternal behavior in relation to the care and care of the baby. For example, high levels of oxytocin indicate global changes that prepare for caring for an infant - greater calm, high tolerance to stress and monotony. It has been suggested that there is a critical period of imprinting in the formation of maternal love and attachment to the infant, when certain “key stimuli” trigger the mother’s innate program of care, concern and affection. However, there is evidence that adoptive parents who have not gone through a period of imprinting are capable of forming a reliable positive emotional connection in their relationships with their adopted children.

Within the framework of the cultural-historical approach, motherhood is considered as a social institution that develops throughout human history. E. Badinter believes that the concept of “maternal love” has different content in different historical eras. The importance of the roles of wife, mother and free woman changes throughout history. Motherhood acts as one of the social roles of a woman, and, therefore, the formation of a maternal position and the corresponding role model of behavior is determined by the values, attitudes, traditions and norms of the culture of society. Directly opposite examples of maternal behavior are well known - from self-sacrifice to neglect of maternal responsibilities. In modern society there is a growing social orphanhood- lack of guardianship and care with living parents. Increasingly, we are faced with the phenomenon of abandoned children, cases of mothers selling their children, forcing them to engage in antisocial activities (begging, prostitution, theft, etc.), cruel treatment, beatings, etc. There was even a corresponding term to denote such behavior - “evasive motherhood.” All these facts cast doubt on the thesis about the innate instinctive nature of motherhood and testify in favor of the cultural-historical approach.

The maternal position is the result of an individual’s appropriation of the experience of the sociocultural practice of motherhood, is formed in the specific activities of caring for and raising a child, and is determined by the cultural characteristics and childhood memories of the mother about being raised in her own family. The development of motherhood is determined by congenital prerequisites (psychophysiological, hormonal mechanisms), the active activity of the woman herself and those given in culture " ideal forms motherhood", cultural models of the mother's role behavior. For example, the formation of maternal emotional acceptance of the child is largely determined by the mother's position during pregnancy and her orientation towards culturally specified forms of behavior. It is known that women who think about the child during pregnancy talk with According to him, the emotional connection with the child in the postnatal period is formed much faster. On the other hand, it would be wrong to ignore the organic prerequisites for the formation of the maternal position. Based on the study of rituals and traditions of raising children in primitive cultures, M. Mead came to the conclusion that maternal care and affection. are determined by the very organic conditions of conception, gestation, childbirth and breastfeeding. At the same time, social attitudes and regulations can distort the maternal position: where society strictly prescribes the principle of legitimacy, the mother of an illegitimate child can take his life or abandon him to his fate.

In the formation of parenthood, a number of stages can be distinguished: making a decision to have a child, pregnancy, the period of formation of parenthood, the period of mature parenthood, the period of “post-parenthood” (realization of the roles of grandparents) (V. Miller).

G.G. Filippova identifies six stages of ontogenesis of the maternal sphere, which determine the formation of a woman’s maternal position and her psychological readiness to realize the parental function. The first stage - interaction with one's own mother - begins with intrauterine development and continues throughout life, appearing in qualitatively new forms at each stage of ontogenesis. It determines the formation of the value and emotional basis of maternal behavior. The mother acts as a significant figure for the girl, crystallizing the image of motherhood, a mediator between her, the girl, and the sociocultural practice of motherhood. The experience of interaction with the mother is the basis for the formation of a woman’s own maternal identity. The value attitude of a mother towards her daughter determines the formation of a value attitude towards her own child. The facts of violation of maternal behavior up to rejection and cruelty towards the child are well known in the case when one’s own childhood experience relationship with the mother was determined by the experience of rejection, unlove, and ignorance. The value of motherhood arises in a girl later on the basis of the experience and reflection of social assessments of motherhood as a cultural model of behavior and her own mother’s attitude towards motherhood. The process of assimilation of the maternal role is regulated by psychological mechanisms of assimilation, identification, and conscious learning of parenthood.

The second stage - play - provides the girl with orientation in the content of the maternal role in the conditions of visual modeling in role-playing game. Playing “family” and “mother-daughter” opens up opportunities for the child to experiment in the field of maternal behavior and form a stable image-standard of the maternal role. The game of "mother and daughter" has long been cultivated in folk pedagogy as a school for preparing girls for motherhood. One of the first toys given to a girl by her parents was a doll. The doll was passed from mother to daughter, it was stored and specially made. The girls sewed her clothes, played with her, and took her out on holidays. By how the doll was kept, what outfits it had, how the girl played with it, they judged whether she would become a good mother. Dolls as display toys and family play were an important element of socialization in preparing the child for future family life.

The third stage is nursing (from 4-5 to 12 years) as involving the girl in the actual care of the baby and its upbringing. Babysitting in a modern family is more associated with the birth of a second child and the inclusion of the eldest in the process of raising the baby. In the history of society in primitive cultures, children as young as six or seven years old are involved in the process of caring for six-month old and older children. An analogue of babysitting can also be observed in the behavior of higher animals that lead a herd lifestyle. For example, among chimpanzees, older cubs play with younger ones, carry out mutual searches, protect the baby from other individuals, carry them to a safe distance, etc. Babysitting G.G. Filippova distinguishes two periods. The content of the first is to establish emotional and personal communication with infants in the first six months of life. The second period involves the older child caring for the younger one and mastering his instrumental side. Here an individual style of emotional support for caring for a baby is formed. The sensitive period for developing a nanny attitude is the age of 6-10 years. It is then that the child caring for the baby gets the opportunity to realize his need for serious, adult, socially significant activity, and in a playful form that is attractive to him and without taking full responsibility for the well-being and health of the baby. The question arises: why is adolescence, according to the author, excluded from the zone of sensitivity to nannying? After all, it is the teenager who acquires the necessary technical skill and competence in caring for a baby, and the prospect of motherhood for a teenager is undoubtedly much closer than for a younger schoolchild. The fact is that without first developing the experience of emotionally positive communication with the baby, the transition to the technical side of care can cause rejection and disgust in the teenager, and the need to be distracted by caring for a younger sibling, which creates a lack of time to communicate with peers, shapes the attitude towards the baby as hindrances, obstacles to the realization of one’s own interests, an unpleasant burden. It is precisely this attitude that often manifests itself in young mothers who seem to have sufficient teenage experience of caring for a baby in their own ancestral family.

The fourth stage - differentiation of the motivational foundations of the maternal and sexual spheres - occurs during puberty. The main task of this stage is the integration of the values ​​of sexuality and motherhood based on their initial separation. Psychological problems of the connection between the birth of a child and sexual relations themselves, in particular out-of-wedlock pregnancy and raising a child, birth control and its planning, determine the development of the motivational and value-semantic sphere of motherhood.

The fifth stage - interaction with one's own child - includes several periods that determine the formation of the mother's position during pregnancy and expecting a child and during the period of caring for and raising the baby.

Finally, the sixth stage is the formation of attachment and love for the child as an individual (starting from an early age). At this stage, the mother’s relationship with the child develops in the direction of overcoming the symbiotic type of relationship and differentiating the boundaries of “I” - “child”. It is synchronized with the crisis of the first year of life and the restructuring of the social situation of the development of a young child in the form of overcoming the system of relations “Primary-We” (L.S. Vygotsky) and entering the space of subject-oriented cooperation between child and adult.

Study of deviations in maternal behavior [Brutman et al., 1994; Brutman et al., 2000; Radionova, 1996; Filippova, 1999] found that the risk group consists of women with a persistent ignoring type of pregnancy experience. The ignoring type is the most difficult to correct and is expressed in such destructive characteristics of the parental attitude as emotional rejection, authoritarianism, directiveness, hypoprotection, etc.

Of special interest in connection with the problem of the nature of maternal love (organic/biological or cultural-historical) are cases of mothers abandoning their newborn children. Refusal is an extreme version of the mother's rejection of the child. The psychological characteristics of mothers who refused and the reasons for refusal became the subject of research by M.S. Radionova and F.E. Vasilyuk. According to him, in Moscow 1-1.5% of mothers abandon their children in maternity hospitals. In the period from 1991 to 1997 in Moscow the number social orphans increased from 23 to 48% with a general decrease in the enrollment of children in these institutions by 11% and an understatement of birth rates by virtually one and a half times. It was shown that a mother’s abandonment of a child is experienced as a crisis caused by a conflict in the motivational-need sphere. The authors identified significant components of the structure of a crisis situation: the mother’s conscious attitude towards motherhood or refusal of it, motives that realize unconscious drives, i.e. natural spontaneous attraction to motherhood; difficulties or problematic social situation (negative attitude of loved ones towards the birth of a child; lack of material means of subsistence; the need to continue studying, etc.). Based on the contradictory combination of these components, a crisis arises in a woman’s acceptance of the maternal role, which finds various options for its resolution. Moreover, the mother’s personal characteristics are of primary importance when choosing one option or another. The authors conclude that child abandonment is possible only with a certain personality type. The work identifies four personality types: infantile, realistic, value-based and creative. The infantile personality type is a risk factor for a mother’s abandonment of her child; the abandonment is impulsive in nature and represents a protective action. Mothers of the infantile type are characterized by an ambivalent or sharply negative attitude towards the child (“the child is the culprit of my misfortune”). If the child is nevertheless accepted, then a symbiotic relationship is established in his relationship (“the child is part of me”). In case of abandonment of a child, an unfavorable history can be traced - the mother was the object of rejection in childhood and experienced a lack of love from her own mother. The strategy of experiencing a crisis in infantile mothers is avoidant, repression-type behavior. In relation to pregnancy, a kind of “agnosia” is observed: a woman can find out about her pregnancy in the middle, or even in the last third, often from others. As a rule, she does not think about her condition, lets everything take its course, and finally, easily abandons the child immediately before giving birth or immediately after. No worries, conflicts, remorse.

Realistic personality type: refusal of motherhood is a purposeful act. All the pros and cons are rationally weighed. The interests of the mother herself are put at the forefront. The attitude towards the child is instrumental: if it can be useful for obtaining benefits and privileges, the mother will raise him, if not, she will refuse. For example, if there is not enough child to improve living conditions, she comes and takes the child, although she previously categorically refused him. Strategy is rational, rational; attitude towards the child is indifferent, cold. The psychological characteristics of such a mother are a low level of natural attraction, maternal need and, as a rule, a low level of empathy. History: restraint and coldness in relationships with loved ones in one’s own ancestral family. Child abandonment occurs before or after childbirth. As a rule, the mother does not experience any doubts or difficult emotional experiences. However, often the refusal is not formalized legally - just in case the child is still needed.

For the value type, the value of motherhood is very high, the social role of the mother is significant. The conflict is caused by the lack of spontaneous attraction to motherhood or difficult external circumstances. As a rule, a woman gives birth to a child without a husband, without support, or in very cramped material and living conditions. The crisis is long-lasting and continues throughout pregnancy and after the birth of the child. The mother has a high level of emotional experiences. Against this background, a feeling of guilt often arises, and as a result, the child becomes an object of projection of negative emotions, and the attitude towards him is ambivalent. The strategy is hesitant. Constant struggle of motives, situation of choice, difficulty in making a decision.

For a creative personality type, abandonment of a child is unlikely even under the most unfavorable circumstances. The social value of motherhood and the natural attraction to it are great. Refusal of motherhood for such mothers is tantamount to the loss or threat of loss of the meaning of life. The attitude towards the child is certainly emotionally positive, he is “one of my own”, “the person I care about.”

The reasons for abandonment of children include instability and the threat of disintegration of one’s own family, financial insecurity, personal immaturity, distortions of personal development, depressive and affective disorders, and rejection by their own mothers in the anamnesis of mothers who abandoned them [Brutman, Varga, Khamitova, 2000]. Deprivation of maternal love experienced by a rejected child leads to disturbances in the formation of the maternal position in adulthood.

Thus, the presented data indicate that, while recognizing the presence of natural prerequisites for motherhood, we must not forget about the undeniable priority of socio-historical factors in determining the nature of the emotional attitude towards the child.

Conclusion

The family is a social institution, that is, a stable form of relationships between people, within which the bulk of people’s daily lives and the satisfaction of their needs are carried out. She is the first and leading subject of education. The Convention on the Rights of the Child (1989) declares that “for the full and harmonious development of his personality, a child must grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.”

Today, there are a large number of social problems for families, including: sharp stratification of society, insufficient government assistance, difficulty in social and geographical mobility, migration, deteriorating health of the population and families, demographic situation, domestic violence, etc. Today in our country the percentage of families at social risk (deviant families) has increased, i.e. families where, for objective or subjective reasons, it is difficult for the family to perform their functions.

Nevertheless, the educational potential of the family, that is, the totality of material, national, psychological, pedagogical, spiritual, emotional opportunities in raising children, determined by its characteristics, remains quite large.

Emotional relationships in the family play an important integrating role, thanks to which family members feel like a single community and feel the warmth and support of each other. Relationships of love and sympathy help to reduce frustrating experiences, without which family life and raising children are indispensable.

Violation of emotional relationships in the family has a negative impact on the formation of a teenager’s personality. Summarizing the rich experience of family psychotherapy for adolescents, Eidemiller E.G., Justitskis V. (2000) identify two types of the most common violations of the emotional relationship of parents to a teenager.

“Undeveloped parental feelings” is expressed in a reluctance to deal with a teenager and a superficial interest in his affairs. Parents often complain about how exhausting parenting is and how much it takes them away from something more important and interesting. The reason for the underdevelopment of parental feelings may be, in particular, the characteristics of family upbringing, for example, the fact that the parent himself was rejected by his parents in childhood and did not experience parental warmth. Thus, women who were not paid enough attention by their own mothers in childhood and who did not receive the necessary support from their parents tend to use punitive measures of education (swearing, spanking) and take out their anger on their children (Baron R., Richardson D., 1997) . It has been noticed that among very young parents, parental feelings are also much weaker, but they tend to intensify with age.

“A shift in a parent’s attitudes towards a teenager depending on gender” - often this attitude of a parent towards a teenager is determined not by the real qualities of the teenager, but by those that the parent attributes to his gender - “generally men” or “generally women”. Then, if there is a preference, for example, for feminine qualities, there is an unconscious rejection of the male teenager, and vice versa. This rejection is felt by adolescents and can lead to violations of gender-role identification, the use of inadequate defense mechanisms, and neurotic reactions.

In the process of communication in the family, there is a coordination of mutual needs, perception and interpretation of each other’s behavior, the development of a common position and ideas, etc., and it is the characteristics of communication in the family that have a significant impact on the formation and development of the child’s personality.

Ineffective communication, consisting of contradictory statements or nonverbal manifestations, mismatch between the verbal and nonverbal levels of messages, errors in mutual perception by family members of each other and their own family as a whole, the presence of many “closed” topics for discussion, etc., leads to the formation of communicative and personal problems in a child.

Communication in the family is, first of all, directly related to the child’s self-image, for the formation of which he must integrate messages received from each parent separately and from both parents together. If the parents' own attitudes are unclear or contradict each other, the information the child receives will be incoherent, which leads to an incomplete self-image and low self-esteem. The child cannot act in accordance with one of the instructions without disobeying the other, and therefore invariably causes parental displeasure.

Often parents who outwardly criticize a teenager, at a hidden level, support the condemned behavior and contribute to its persistence. This phenomenon may take various shapes: empty threats, delayed punishment, indifference to and acceptance of the child's symptom, increased interest in the child's symptom, or significant collateral reward. As a result, the person who has grown up in a family with dysfunctional communication "does not have the means for accurate self-perception and self-expression, as well as for the correct interpretation of messages coming from outside. The assumptions on which her actions are based will be false, and her attempts to adapt to the surrounding reality will be confused and inadequate " - (Satir V., 2001. P. 154).

The unclear and contradictory communication style learned in the parental family is subsequently reproduced by a person when creating his own family. In adolescence, accentuations of character are especially pronounced, characterized by the fact that under the influence of psychogenic factors that address the “weakest”, vulnerable place of the corresponding accentuation, disturbances in social adaptation and deviations in behavior may occur. Violations of the relationship between a teenager and his parents, the style of family education can be precisely such factors that provoke an increase in accentuated behavior in adolescents, neurotic and psychosomatic disorders, even psychogenics (Lichko A.E., 1979).

A.E. Lichko characterizes in detail the most unfavorable combinations of character deviations with violations of the relationship between a teenager and his parents. Dominant hyperprotection (excessive care, petty control) has the most adverse effect on hyperthymic adolescents; enhances the emancipation reaction, leads to a sharp confrontation with parents, and can cause acute affective manifestations. At the same time, with psychoasthenic, sensitive and asthenoneurotic accentuations, hyperprotection, on the contrary, enhances asthenic traits: anxiety, a tendency to hypochondriacal experiences, a sense of one’s own inferiority.

E.G. Eidemiller, V. Justitskis revealed the existence of a “mechanism of pathologizing family inheritance” in dysfunctional families - “the formation, fixation and transmission of patterns of emotional-behavioral response from representatives of one generation to representatives of others (from grandparents to parents, from parents to children, grandchildren, etc.) etc., as a result of which the person on whom the pathologizing influence is focused becomes incapable of adaptation" (Eidemiller E.G., Yustitskis V., 1998).

In the family, a teenager learns behavioral patterns for resolving life situations and certain value ideas. For example, a family with alcohol problems increases the likelihood of behavioral decompensation in adolescents and causes socio-educational neglect, the development of infantile personality traits, and neurotic disorders. But at the same time, it makes habitual the very style of family relationships, which form an immature personality, resorting in difficult situations to a surrogate for interpersonal interaction (alcohol, drugs) (Emelyantseva T.A., 2000).

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