Why should you unfriend your exes on social networks? The girl removed her from friends in contact. Removing from social networks is really painful.

Good day!
Cleaning your friend list is a tedious, but necessary task. You must be able to get rid of useless things, broken toys, sad memories and unnecessary people. So what are the criteria for choosing to delete a friend?

1. He is not your friend

The reason is obvious, but many people overlook it. You met a person online, or knew each other once a long time ago, or met once in your life, but decided to add each other. You talked at the very beginning of your contact friendship, and now this friend is hanging like a dead weight and does not show any activity. You may think that this acquaintance will be useful to you someday in the future, but this is about the same as storing old skis on the balcony: there is no benefit, and it’s an eyesore.

2. You can't stand this person in your life.

Perhaps this is your classmate whom you always could not stand, but were forced to share the same desk with him for several years, or your brother best friend, who pushed you into a puddle as a child. And now it seems that everyone has grown up, past grievances have been forgotten, but the residue remains. However, you added each other as friends because you have many mutual friends and have some kind of common past. But if a person is disgusting to you in real life, do you need to make concessions on a social network? Maybe it’s easier to click “delete”?

3. You don't remember who it is

This often happens: you added a person and forgot about him, and then an audit reveals an unidentified person in your friends list. You can, of course, ask the person how he knows you, but perhaps your memory decided not to save this file because there was nothing interesting or useful in it.

4. It's your ex and you broke up.

It’s worth mentioning that you parted not as friends, but with screams, scandal and broken hearted. Although even if the gap was mutual consent It’s worth removing the person so as not to get on your and his nerves with photographs of new passions and changes in the joint venture. After all, most of us are owners, and such information can be painful.

5. I'm sick of it!

A person writes to you a lot and often, comments on everything he can get his hands on, urgently demands attention and answers - yes, most likely he is interested and attracted to you, but such importunity is very tiring. If transparent hints about the need to leave you alone do not produce results, it is better to simply reduce the list of your friends by one annoying character.

6. You owe him money.

This is, of course, mean, but some people do it. For example, scammers who collect money from all compassionate users on their friends list and then send them to a blacklist.

7. He refreshes the page too often

It is very difficult to make friends with active users: the status updates every five minutes, hundreds of photos are constantly added, new friends appear, comments and new topics pop up every now and then. As a result, your news is occupied by this Contact Stakhanovite. But I also want to learn something new about others! It’s easier to add such a friend to your bookmarks so as not to lose track of him, and remove him from friends, having first explained the reason.

8. You found out something about him that you can’t come to terms with.

He slept with your girlfriend. Or is a Spartak fan, while you only recognize the blue-white-blue colors. Or is he talking behind your back? fascinating stories with you in the leading role, after which your friends saw you in a completely different and not at all rosy light. What kind of friendship is there after this? This cannot be tolerated, so Adios, amigo!

9. He is your boss and he fired you

It happens. It seemed like the relationship was normal, and he commented on your photos from Turkey, and suddenly - and goodbye. There is no longer any point in raising his rating and giving him gifts, so you can safely remove your former boss from your page and from your life.

10. A friend deleted you himself

What a beast! You were sitting in the same sandbox, hitting each other on the head with shovels, and he took and crossed out these happy memories. So what if you have nothing in common. Doesn't shared childhood count? You need to take revenge for this: add him as a friend again and delete him. Let the last word remain with you!

Thousands of friends are, of course, cool. But isn’t it better if there are fewer of them, but they really are your friends, or at least those with whom you enjoy communicating, whose opinion you care about? Extra rubbish, including in the list of friends, is not according to Feng Shui. Yes, and it gets in the way.

Even if you have a good relationship with your ex, you still don't need her. And what does “good relationship” mean? A good relationship can only be preserved if the two of you have no mutual reproaches at all, which is extremely rare. Otherwise, someone wants to return someone, and if they don’t want to, they simply pursue them, because there’s no point in being happy when you’re suffering. If your relationship ended relatively recently, in most cases you will be interested in her life, if only to find out whether she is suffering or not. It's very rare that you don't care about your ex because she's in the past. Most often, this attitude comes with experience or with the time that has passed since the end of the relationship, when you stop even remembering why you broke up.

You look at your ex's page. Maybe more, maybe less. Are you still friends? Seriously? Remove it! Why?

1. Stalking a person is creepy

Just imagine that you visit her page regularly. Every day, or every other day, or several times a week. Don't you think it's creepy? Imagine for a moment that you are being stalked by some dude who looks at your page, looks at your photos and comments on them.

Not long ago, when I had a VKontakte account, I noticed that my ex was coming to my page suspiciously often, commenting on my statuses and liking every picture I published on my page. It's a little scary. And then I discovered that my current girlfriend's ex was doing the same thing. Why is this? This is even more creepy! Although if I found out that he moved closer to me, goes to the same store with me and looks at me through binoculars in the house opposite, I would feel much worse.

Just imagine this state and finish as soon as possible! This is some kind of perversion, man!

2. It only makes you angry and ruins your mood.

You might see a few messages like, “I still love him,” but that's unlikely. No one wants to show that he is dependent on a previous relationship, that he wants to return to “that bastard.” Therefore, with an 80 percent probability, you will see the typical statuses of a girl who has gotten rid of a relationship: “Have we broken up? So what! I'll go eat something". Even if she really feels bad without you, her pride will not let her show it. Otherwise, she would probably write to you with an offer to return. Girls experience relationships much easier and faster than we do. This is the sad truth of life. You'll see photos of her with friends, and perhaps with her new muchachos. And was it worth ruining your day?

3. You might “accidentally” like something on her page.

With this you seem to be telling her: “I’m taking care of myself!”, “I’m still here and suffering,” “You’re a heartless bitch, don’t you dare post pictures of cats and yourself with a happy face!” Shame on you! Mutual friends probably see these attempts to "remain friends as civilized people" and they feel the same unpleasant feeling, man, because they have no doubts about your behavior.

4. You can act like a complete psycho

See where she went in the tagged photos. Look for photos from these events from mutual friends. Look for photos of these events from strangers, where you would look for her, what she is doing, and most importantly, who she is with. I see you have too much free time! Buy yourself a bike, go to the gym, get busy. A dude who is busy forgetting his ex three times faster. Checked personally.

5. You can't get someone back or get back at them by looking at their photos on social media.

The best way to understand whether a situation is shit or not is to remember the old lady logic. Why are you looking at her photos? “Simple” is not the answer. “Simply” is a common excuse to disguise the need to sincerely take responsibility for your words. Well, why are you doing this? “You want to follow her life” is one of the logical answers to the question, but, as we wrote above, it’s creepy, you just have to try this story on yourself! “You want her to feel the same as you after the breakup,” and how will this affect? How will your terrible revenge work? Will you send her brain impulses full of seething hatred and malice? It is obvious that you urgently need to forget about the situation.

In all of the above cases, we exhibit a disgusting trait of human nature - possessiveness. If we did not consider a person as a thing that once belonged to us, and then left, like Kolobok from his grandmother, it is obvious that everything is not okay with us. You cannot consider a person your property, if only for the reason that slavery was officially abolished a long time ago. But the main reason is that you become dependent on another person, and this is insanely, terribly harmful for the subtle mental organization of any person.

This is always unpleasant, and especially when done quietly and without explanation. Many people say in justification, “I don’t have to explain myself - it’s my right!” Formally, they are right, but the fact of the matter is that it is only formal, since in addition to law, there is also morality and conscience. If a person has a minimum of upbringing and a certain amount of conscience, he will explain the reason or at least warn you in advance if he really wants to remove you. Of course, any analogy is not very accurate, but for example, giving up space in public transport The law does not prescribe for old women and there is no corresponding article in the Criminal Code, but a well-mannered and conscientious person will definitely give up his seat, although he is not legally obliged to do so. In social networks, of course, the standard of morality is greatly lowered, but this does not mean that you need to turn into a mean, cynical and insensitive brute, concerned only with your own “I”! After all, it’s so easy to deal with any problem: put it on the black list - that’s the end of it! If a person gets used to behaving cynically and unceremoniously with friends on VKontakte, then he will real life will behave the same way. Below I talked about why other people unreasonably refuse friendship on social networks: lack of upbringing is also one of the reasons. Another argument: “I unfriend you if a person doesn’t write to me for a long time.” Selfishness in its purest form! Why should anyone entertain you with long conversations! What if a person has problems in real life, the computer is broken or the Internet is turned off? Have you written to him at least a couple of words in a month?
Personally, during the 3 years of my stay on social networks, I deleted one or two friends, and they were spammers with fake profiles, whom I added without understanding. Perhaps I deleted some of them by mistake. being new to social networks, I was intimidated scary stories about profile hackers. Now I take it quite calmly and add people as friends without trembling in my knees or surges in blood pressure. So then I wanted to find the person I deleted to apologize, but I couldn’t find it because his profile disappeared.
I still regret that I offended the person, perhaps in vain, although perhaps he really was a spammer. Now it is impossible to find out.
Over all the years of my presence on social networks (and this is Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki and mail.ru) I was removed from friends 10 or 12 times, despite the fact that I only have about 400 friends in all these resources. As I managed to make sure, I was removed (sent to the blacklist) by those who either are not on friendly terms with their heads, or are unscrupulous and ill-mannered, or are simply dependent on other people’s opinions and not very smart people.
Of course, there were deletions by mistake and misunderstanding (“I misunderstood”, “pressed the wrong button”, hacked”), but there are not very many such cases. Of course, I take such things to heart (although I shouldn’t, but in my opinion You can’t correct your character with age), but I quickly move away, although an unpleasant aftertaste remains. On the other hand, such cases clearly show: who is a true friend, and who doesn't. Six months ago I talked on one serial forum and from there I have about 10 people as friends on VKontakte. An unpleasant conflict situation occurred, and two of them, believing the gossip, removed me from their friends list without explanation, and when I tried to find out the reason, I was immediately blacklisted by one of them. This is just an example of people who do not have their own opinion, and the fact that they deleted me from their friends is rather good for me, since I myself am disgusted to be friends with those who will sell for 3 kopecks. Later I found out that they were set against me by a mutual friend, the moderator of the forum with whom I had a discussion and in retaliation she decided to quarrel between them and me. Well, what happened is that they exposed themselves in an unsightly manner and God their judge. It is possible, of course, that the matter is in their youth and immaturity, and therefore lack of worldly wisdom. I hope that they will grow up and become wiser.
In conclusion, I will say that such cases, even on social networks, say a lot about the personal qualities of users. If someone turns their profile into a kind of mini-sect, where only initiates can get in, then with a high probability we can say that this is either an evil person, fixated on his person, or suspicious with low self-esteem. All in all complex nature it's obvious here. The same can be said about people who are removed from friends or blacklisted without explanation and without any particular reason.
Of course, people with mental disorders also behave this way, but among those with whom I personally encountered, the majority were people who were either evil, overly proud with great self-importance, or who had no position of their own and acted on someone else’s orders. There were also those who They are guided by emotions rather than reason.
In general, they apparently themselves realized that they were unworthy of my friendship. A joke, of course, but in every joke, as you know, there is some truth.
For me personally, deleting someone from friends is the most extreme measure, and I will do this only when I find out absolutely for sure that the person is really to blame. Only not very smart people solve problems in relationships with such surgical methods, not wanting to first explain themselves in human terms. For them, their own “ego” is higher than everything in the world. As for the blacklist, I sent it there only after dirty insults or threats against me or my loved ones. In my memory, there was only one such case, when I got involved in a dispute in one of the VKontakte groups and one of the participants in the discussion (due to the lack of normal argumentation, and just brains) in retaliation left obscene comments on my profile photos. The girl was distinguished by her special “courage”, because... blacklisted me in advance, apparently afraid of my response. That’s when I sent her there (in the sense of the same black list). But that’s a girl, and a couple of years ago there was a similar case when the forum administrator, with whom I had a conflict, sent a personal message (in Contact) with threats against me, also having previously sent me to the blacklist. Well, oh-oh-very masculine I must say! Then I also sent this guy to the emergency room. so as not to read his nonsense anymore, but after a couple of days I removed it from there because I thought that it was better not to pay attention to such people, and by ignoring such people we instill in them the idea that we are afraid of them and that they are stronger than us. Returning to the first case - there were dirty insults against my mother and my family in general from a mentally ill person, so h.s. was necessary, and as for the forum admin who sent the threats, it was not a very smart and childish act, so I didn’t take it seriously when I realized that in front of me was not quite an adult with an immature brain. I will add that on this moment my blacklist is pristine and even that crazy, foul-mouthed girl is not on there. Now it is only for spammers and fakes and that’s it a short time. Only cowardly, vindictive and foolish people keep someone on blacklists for years. After all, this is another reminder of some past unpleasant situation or quarrel. Why is this necessary?
This applies to outright insults or threats. If there is nothing of the kind, and you are removed from friends (and without warning) due to the usual difference of opinions or because you rarely write or, finally, because of third-party gossip about you, this is either selfishness coupled with heightened pride, or a banal lack of intelligence and education. Apparently, in this way, other users try to raise their self-esteem, knowing that some of the deleted ones will worry, ask why, but these comrades will remain silent and ignore in response, stroking their pride, because since they write to them and are offended by being removed from friends, that means their person is still interesting to someone. What else can you say about such people - kindergarten, and that’s all.
By the way, the notorious “cleaning up your friend feed” is another way to attract attention, which is usually used by complex people with low self-esteem, since among the “cleansed” friends there will definitely be those who will be offended and start sending emotional letters with perplexed questions. This is what the “cleaner” needs because... He is flattered that he is interesting to someone other than himself or himself.

A week has passed since your relationship ended. You go to your favorite social network and see that your partner has liked another person’s photo. Or he posted a photo of himself having fun at a party. It makes you sad and angry at the same time. What is the best thing to do in such a situation?

Many articles with advice on how to behave with ex-partners on social networks recommend blocking or deleting your crush so as not to constantly return to past emotions and feelings and, thus, speed up your recovery.

However, there is no scientific evidence that completely stopping online communication with your ex-partner will make the breakup easier. In 2012, a study was conducted among 464 young users of social networks. Average age The group was 21 years old, the majority of the participants (84%) were girls. As a result, it was possible to reveal: maintaining contact and friendship with a former partner on social networks was associated with a more complex, more emotional way out of the crisis caused by a breakup.

But please note: the study does not prove the presence causation. It only talks about association. That is, it is likely that people who are predisposed to more difficult experiences also have a higher predisposition to maintaining online relationships on social networks.

Articles claiming to be removed ex-partner friends or those who insist that such an act will help bring him back are missing one important nuance. In fact, all your actions should be aimed at finding out what will be useful and right for you. But acting to impress your ex-partner or those around him will be wrong.

In my opinion, there is no single solution that would suit everyone. What to do - delete or leave - is up to you.

How to make the right decision?

You, like every person, have a unique way of building relationships and communicating with others. Your views may change over time. A week, month or year after the breakup, your attitude towards him may change.

After a breakup, for example, you may want to move away completely and cut off all contact. A year will pass, and you will understand that this did not affect your life in any way - everything would be the same, even if your ex-partner remained your friend. Another thing is important: you must be sure that you make all decisions yourself and every step brings you closer to what you really need.

For some of us, life and love crises help us develop. But for many, they rather raise a whole series of questions in which one can see a feeling of guilt: “What did I do wrong?”, “How could I have avoided this?”, “?”, “Why didn’t I see what was wrong?” heading towards a break?

If your partner initiated the breakup, you most likely feel pain from the fact that someone decided everything for you. You are offended that you were not heard and your wishes were not taken into account. In this case, a short pause will be useful to you. Give yourself the space and time to figure out what you really need. You can find out more about that here.

This can be a very difficult step for many. Oddly enough, accepting the fact that everything is in your hands can be very difficult. Most of us are reluctant to manage the present, but instead torment ourselves with thoughts about the past or worry about the future.

Ask yourself 5 important questions

I offer you five questions. The answers to them will help you determine what you really need. After that, you will decide whether to unfriend your ex-love.

1. What do you need?

I put this question first because it's really important to understand what your ex means to you. You may find that at different times, for example, during a breakup and after it, you had completely different wants and needs. Because during the romantic period of a relationship, it is very easy to forget that only your own needs should guide your life.

Therefore, now it is important to stop being interested in the fate of your love using social networks and figure out what you really need to get out of this situation.

Do you need to expand your comfort zone and personal space? Do you need to figure out what happened? Or do you need closer relationships with friends? Maybe you want to keep the connection so as not to lose part of your past life?

2. Why do you want to stop communicating with your ex-partner on social networks? What will continued communication give you? Will unfriending help you get closer or further from your goal?

If you feel the need to distance yourself from your ex, will that make you more independent? If you feel like you need to figure out what happened, will unfriending you help you get the information you need? And will this information help you achieve your goal?

3. What does it mean to you to ignore your ex-partner? Are you trying to say something with this? If yes, then maybe there are other ways to do this?

Perhaps you are afraid that your ex will delete you first. Or maybe you're upset that your messages are going unanswered and want to show him how upset you are?

A conversation where you can express all your emotions will be much more effective. If you feel misunderstood, showing anger by unfriending may not meet your expectations. Perhaps over time you will want to.

4. What is stopping you from achieving your goals?

There are often obstacles in our way. You think that you need to move away, but you cannot remove your ex - because it seems that this is forever. Is it hard for you to get rid of the last clue, do you want to continue to believe that you are part of his life? Perhaps you are hesitant to take this step because you still want to observe the actions of your love? Answer yourself, perhaps this is precisely the obstacle that closes your true goal, the long-term perspective, from you? Maybe you're just satisfying a short-term curiosity that only fuels your pain?

5. How do you feel after the decision is made?

It will be helpful to continue to monitor your feelings after making a decision. Is everything happening the way you wanted? You may find that needs change over time. If your desire to block your ex-partner has changed to the exact opposite, you can change your mind. You have the right to change your point of view.

After a breakup, you may have difficulties with precise definition what you need. By allowing yourself to figure this out over time without self-judgment, you can live and develop further, regardless of whether you maintain a relationship with your partner on VK/Odnoklassniki/Facebook or not.