Waiting for a baby occupies a woman’s thoughts and feelings so much that sometimes we forget that for a man, pregnancy and the birth of a child are no less an event. What are future fathers afraid of, why do they behave “this way” and when will it all end?

During pregnancy, expectant parents go through special stages of accepting that their lives will never be the same. With the birth of a baby, everything changes: your attitude towards everyday life, your sense of personal responsibility, your own perception of the world.

A woman goes through these stages of accepting the inevitable more naturally, because nature itself comes to her aid. It is more difficult for men; they cannot feel the development of a new life with their whole body and a collision with reality can become painful for them.

Forgetful dad

One of the most common “complaints” of pregnant women about future dads is the feeling of his “indifference.” He is “not so” happy about the news, is not very caring, and often completely forgets about the pregnancy, as if it doesn’t exist at all, especially if the external signs are not yet too noticeable and the period is short. No child? So, there’s nothing to talk about yet!

Siblings tell

“He adheres to the following position: if there is no belly, then there is no pregnancy.”

“The worrying thing is that my husband’s attitude hasn’t changed at all towards me since I told him the news about the pregnancy. He cares, of course, but sometimes he can ask - why can’t you convey this yourself, there’s only 3 kilos there!”

Why is he acting this way?

Psychologists call this behavior denial. It is very typical for the first stage of the reaction to pregnancy in expectant fathers (as well as in expectant mothers). Of course, this does not mean that a person does not agree with the fact of the baby’s appearance. But the words “we will soon have a child” at this stage do not really reach consciousness and are not taken into account. This is why men at the beginning of pregnancy are often surprised why a woman suddenly began to demand increased attention to herself and “shirk” from household duties. Still as usual?

In pregnant women, denial often ends with the first trimester, when the baby begins to actively move and constantly remind of its existence. Men sometimes get “stuck” in denial for a long time - it happens until the very end of pregnancy.

Very Caring Dad

Of course, not all expectant fathers ignore the pregnancy of their partner. Many “pregnant dads” take their wife’s condition very seriously, and sometimes go too far in their annoying care. They constantly ask about your well-being, send you to the doctor for any reason, and prohibit you from doing basic household things. This attitude can irritate the expectant mother and increase her level of anxiety. But there is also a pleasant side - often such men try to free their wives from household chores. You can’t do this and that too, you’d better lie down. And indeed - lie down while they give it, but - with pleasure!

Siblings tell

“My husband shows concern in this way: at night, when, as usual, I get up to go to the toilet, he wakes up with me every time and asks where I went and why. and scolds me if I start to get nervous or whine... and sometimes I just want to cry on a strong shoulder... doesn’t let me».

“He swears a lot - if I forget to put on my slippers or if I go to fill the kettle of water myself (it’s heavy!)”

Why is he acting this way?

This stage in psychology is called “searching for a replacement for the lost object” or simply “bargaining”. The future father tries to compensate for the loss of his usual way of life and, if possible, make sure that the birth of a child does not change his usual life at all. Well, maybe just a little.

Some people throw themselves into work in order to “earn a comfortable life”; others, on the contrary, try to devote as much time as possible to relaxation and fun for fear that later there will be no such opportunity.

Excessive care and control of every step of a pregnant wife can also be a manifestation of such internal “bargaining”. It seems to the man that if he can keep his wife’s current condition under control, then there will be no problems with the future child.

Angry dad

Some expectant fathers, especially towards the end of pregnancy, become very harsh and irritable. They are constantly dissatisfied with something, try to come home as late as possible, and prefer a tablet, phone or TV to communicate with their spouse.

Siblings tell

« During my first pregnancy, it seemed to me that my husband only became more demanding. He kept reproaching me for hiding behind my pregnancy so as not to do anything around the house.”

“41.5 weeks. He comes home from work, eats and plays on the computer or watches TV, we just go to bed together. Not a word, not a caress..."

Why is he acting this way?

This difficult stage - depression - often overtakes the future dad in the last stages of pregnancy, when the tummy becomes more and more obvious, the wife becomes more capricious and distant, and preparations for the trip to the maternity hospital and meeting the unborn baby are in full swing. Now he knows for sure that his life will inevitably change, but is not yet ready to accept these changes. If there are not enough other reasons for joy in the life of such a man, then it may be especially difficult for him to survive this stage. The sight of a pregnant wife can cause unaccountable anger and irritation, and sometimes he may even begin to avoid communication with her. But depression is a necessary stage of awareness of the changing reality. What follows is acceptance and a wonderful new life as a parent. It's worth it.

What to do?

To make accepting the arrival of a new person who will turn your whole life upside down as painless as possible for expectant mothers and fathers, it is important to support each other and respect your feelings and the feelings of your loved one. Expecting a child for both fathers and mothers is a difficult time, which is filled with very contradictory emotions: both joy and fear. Tell your future dad about your experiences, share all the small but important events in the life of the little inhabitant of your tummy. But do not forget that men also experience their fatherhood very deeply and often it takes them more time to realize: “soon I will become a dad.”

Future father

Pregnancy and childbirth remain less and less the exclusive domain of mothers and doctors. The role of the father is also important, both for the expectant mother and the unborn child. These are also skills that are learned before labor begins.

The father is now more and more aware of all the stages of pregnancy. In particular, echography simply changes his attitude towards the child that his girlfriend carries within her. But being able to be a father, this main responsibility, is difficult to come up with in a nutshell, and paternal instinct, like maternal instinct, is a matter of practice and time. More often, it is the woman who has to give up to the father part of what already belongs to him by right and recognize him, even if she is raising the child alone. The ability to be a father is not invented, it comes first in daily communication with the expectant mother during the nine months of her pregnancy, and then in the long process of raising a child.

A mixture of desire and responsibility.

The future father constantly sees changes in his wife's body and sometimes his mood inexplicably changes. He tries to be alive, inspiring trust, understanding, attentive, bringing sufficient material help, and at the same time, he must agree to give the child primacy in the soul of the one he loves. His future child may appear to him as a stranger; excluded from direct mother-child communication, he finds himself faced with a relationship that instantly destabilizes him. Jealousy sometimes comes to him because of the inability to carry a child himself. Faced with this problem, trusting the pregnancy to his wife and the unconscious desire and desire to create a child, some men experience a pronounced manifestation of the unrealizable: they develop a paunch, unbearable toothache and abdominal pain. Psychologists call these symptoms “couvade.”

Some people treat what happens during pregnancy as something alien. Others don't wait until a child is born to become fathers. It's up to you to navigate these nine months of pregnancy without feeling guilty and knowing that there is a lot you could have done.

A place to be found and taken

There is a growing awareness among men of their responsibility in the daily life of a married couple and raising children. But, if the responsibilities of a man and a woman today are getting closer and becoming interchangeable, the essence of the father and the essence of the mother still remain different, which cannot be confused.

In order for a good relationship to be established among the three, it is necessary for the mother and father to agree on the role of each and their complementarity. A man-father is, first of all, the one who takes his place in the soul of a mother. For her, he is both the one she loves and the one who made her a mother. If she recognizes this doublet as legitimate, then an exchange of blood is established between mother and child without excluding the husband from this process. The child, in turn, will rely equally on the mother as well as on the father and will have at his disposal everything necessary to become an autonomous being. After all, it is the woman who informs the man that he has become a father, but the child receives the father’s surname, placing him in the chain of generations, in the history and culture of the family and society. Psychologists call this inevitable process of personification “continuity through symbols.”

Fluctuations of desire.

Over the course of days and weeks, sexual relations will require some comfort. The face-to-face situation is becoming more and more difficult, especially in recent months, and you will need a lot of imagination as well as attention, since everyone's desire will change. It may happen that one of the partners, due to the closeness of the child, will be afraid of hurting him or causing him suffering, or that he will somehow understand about the sexual contact taking place between the parents. In fact, the fetus is under the reliable protection of the uterus, but the feeling of fear or shame remains very strong, which is why physical love can suffer. Some men retain a very strong attraction to their partner, but at the same time they feel her completeness and distance themselves from her. The dissatisfaction they experience can help them get used to having a future child. Others are immediately eliminated, not perceiving their wife in the same way as their own mother.

I would like to know

Is it necessary for the father to be present at pregnancy consultations?

This is not necessary, but if he or his wife wants it, it may be useful. Some questions asked by the doctor during the first consultation concern him directly. Then, echography for the father becomes a very important and exciting event - this is his first visible “contact” with the reality of the existence of this future child, who is not yet able to declare himself otherwise. Moreover, the moment when, placing his hand on his wife’s stomach, he feels the movement of the unborn child, will become for him an exciting stage in the process of getting to know the one whom he will gradually begin to associate in his mind with “his child” even before he sees him .

Can he attend childbirth preparation sessions?

Yes, of course, even long before the great event. By getting used to the course of pregnancy and childbirth in this way, he will then avoid feelings of awkwardness in the face of a real process that does not affect his body, but turns his soul upside down. Finally, he will measure and understand everything in advance, and, if necessary, support the expectant mother at the necessary time. Many preparation techniques, such as aptonomy, will allow him to take an active part in your preparation for childbirth. This, in particular, will help him perceive the child, touch him, caress him, carry the newborn without fear of being awkward or harsh towards this baby, which may seem fragile to him. The child also needs such contacts, and it is important that his relationship develops not only with his mother.

Should the father be present at the birth?

Being present at the birth of your own child is filled with emotions. And not every future father is ready to face them. Some believe that they do not belong in the maternity ward and that they are much more needed outside it. Others are afraid of feeling out of place during this mysterious and stunning event. On the other hand, many women do not want such a presence. The mother may be afraid that her so openly naked body will not subsequently cause cravings in her companion and prefer to be alone with the medical staff. There is no other need for this, everyone is free to make a decision themselves, it will only be better if it turns out to be mutual.

Is there an ideal age for a father?

Of course, there are plenty of examples of “delayed” paternity. For women, as we know, the number of possible problems increases with age, especially after forty years. With regard to paternity, there is insufficient research data on the relationship between fetal or other genetic disorders and paternal age. Modern ideas cannot answer this question scientifically.

Finally, you have found two cherished stripes on the test and your joy knows no bounds! This is the most exciting and crucial period not only for the expectant mother, but also for the expectant father. Why? Because the role that a father plays in shaping a child’s personality cannot be overestimated! Therefore, future fathers need to prepare just as carefully to become a parent as mothers. What does a future dad need to know?

Where to begin?

It is not surprising that a joyful storm of emotions and pride is followed by some confusion and anxiety. The surest way to avoid uncertainty is to get rid of it. The future father needs to select suitable publications, books, videos and thematic magazines for himself and his wife, so that answers to all questions of concern can be found in advance. You definitely need to take pregnancy classes with your wife!

What to buy?

Let's not dwell on diapers, vests, suits; your wife has clearly already bought more than enough of them. The question of a crib remains open for many mothers before giving birth; they are afraid to buy because of superstitions, but if yours is not one of them, it is worth buying and you, like a real man, must assemble it with your own hands, believe me, you will remember this for a long time)) The stroller is usually buy before giving birth. You shouldn't skimp on it. I recommend the best inglesina 3 in 1 strollers. You don’t have to worry about the quality and naturalness of the materials, and this is the most important thing.

How to get used to it?

Whims, ailments, toxicosis... Is this not how you imagined happy 9 months of pregnancy? If the husband does not react sharply to these swings in his wife’s moods, and even better, understands why they occur, then nervous tension will be reduced to zero, and positive emotions will help maintain peace of mind.

How to stay informed?

Listen carefully to your wife's stories about tests, doctor visits and ultrasounds. And visiting specialists together will always allow you to ask important questions yourself.

How to build relationships?

What does a future dad need to know? Express your feelings to your wife even more often. Don’t be afraid to once again praise her for her courage to become a mother. Compliment her body. An enlarged bust and a seductively rounded tummy should not go unnoticed by a loving husband.

Under no circumstances should you blame your wife for being slow and clumsy. Any negative emotions directly affect the baby’s psyche.

Proximity?...

What does a future dad need to know about intimacy? Some men are afraid to even touch their wife during pregnancy. Others, on the contrary, are interested in what it’s like to have sex during pregnancy?

There is no need to be afraid of sex with your pregnant wife unless there are direct contraindications from your doctor. But you also need to understand that something in your usual rhythm will also change. Measurement and tenderness come to the fore in such relationships.

The main thing to remember is that now is not the time for insults and harsh words. The whole family will benefit from mutual support and help.

The role of the father in this important stage of the family’s life is simply priceless!

Cheerful dad. And what awaits him from his wife at home...

Pregnancy is one of the most pleasant periods for a woman, but also one of the most difficult. Still, pregnancy is a huge burden on the body that you have to cope with. During this period, the expectant mother really needs support, care and understanding, and only the closest person can truly support her. This article is dedicated specifically to future dads and I am very pleased that you are already interested in its title and are even reading these lines. Now we will very briefly examine the main points and problems of pregnancy.

Pregnancy lasts approximately 280 days or 40 weeks. Doctors usually consider pregnancy to be weeks, and not months, as we are used to, simply because it is more convenient. The unborn child develops very quickly and changes can occur every week, so knowing the exact date is very important. The entire pregnancy is usually divided into three trimesters or three equal parts.

FIRST TRIMESTER OF PREGNANCY

What happens to a woman

1-2 months of pregnancy can pass unnoticed, at this time the body does not yet respond to its new state in full force, but from about 8 weeks (for each woman this period is individual) toxicosis can begin. This is one of the most difficult periods because hormonal changes begin in the body and, of course, such sudden changes can be very unpleasant. Also, this period is often accompanied by sudden mood swings, which can be very difficult for a woman to control.

Advice for a future dad

Nausea attacks are caused not only by food, but also by smells! Therefore, it is not recommended to smoke or wear perfume near a woman. If she asks you not to do this at all, it’s better to listen to her, an excellent reason, for example, to quit smoking. Cooking also creates a problem, all because of the same toxicosis, and if you can take on at least some of the worries in the kitchen yourself, that will be very good. Mint candies, mint tea, sour fruits and juices help cope with nausea. Mint tea and juice can be frozen, and these ice cubes can be dissolved during an attack of nausea. In the evening, place a glass of juice near the bed and, for example, crackers or an unsweetened bun; women are advised to eat or drink something in the morning, even before she gets out of bed, so that toxicosis does not manifest itself so clearly. Therefore, it’s time to remember romance and the phrase: “Breakfast in bed” is now very relevant. This period is dangerous with the threat of miscarriage, so the woman must strictly limit any physical activity. For these reasons, there should be no heavy bags, renovations in the apartment due to the birth of a child, lengthy general cleaning, etc. things. Take on most of the worries, it’s certainly not so easy, especially after a working day, but you can handle it, this is very important now. As for emotions, take it calmly, even if your wife screams very loudly and then cries. If she screams, be silent, if she cries, then be sorry, if she rejoices, then rejoice with her, and it doesn’t matter that it’s already the twentieth time that day.

SECOND TRIMESTER OF PREGNANCY

What happens to a woman

By this time, the body has adapted and many women are already experiencing toxicosis and other troubles. The figure is already beginning to change, a tummy appears, skin pigmentation may change, for example, a line will appear on the stomach, which will disappear after childbirth. By the 16th week of pregnancy, the length of the fetus reaches approximately 15 cm. If this is the first pregnancy, then at approximately 20–22 weeks the woman will feel the first movements of the fetus. Dads can also feel the baby pushing, but this happens later, when the baby's movements become stronger. By this time, the woman’s circulating blood volume has already significantly increased in order to provide everything necessary for both herself and the child, and the kidneys begin to experience additional stress.

Advice for a future dad

This period threatens the woman with anemia, edema and heartburn. Vitamins, good nutrition and good rest are now necessary. It is better to place an ottoman next to the sofa or armchair; the wife can rest her feet on it to protect herself from severe swelling and manifestations of varicose veins. At this stage, doctors often prescribe a series of necessary examinations, called screening. The purpose of these examinations is to identify possible abnormalities in fetal development. Every woman is very worried when she is waiting for test results. Take this seriously, be calm and self-possessed, support her and tell her more often that everything will be fine. This period is relatively calm, so the future dad has time to rest, and ahead...

THIRD TRIMESTER OF PREGNANCY

What happens to the woman.

The increase in body weight makes itself felt. Fatigue, drowsiness appears, and insomnia may bother you at night. Due to the fact that the enlarged uterus supports the diaphragm, shortness of breath occurs during any exertion. Closer to childbirth, the pelvic floor expands slightly, which can cause discomfort.

Advice for a future dad

It is during this period that a woman wants to arrange a place for her future baby. She wants to start renovations, buy new things, and even sew or knit something, even if she has never done it. This all brings great pleasure, but if it comes to repairs, the smell of paint and other “repair problems” can have a bad effect on the health of a pregnant woman. Now you need to especially avoid any stress and excitement as the risk of premature birth increases. It is recommended for a woman to walk more, and of course not alone, so keep her company. Now we need to resolve a lot of important issues: choosing a maternity hospital and a doctor and the question of your presence during childbirth. Closer to the birth, just in case, you need to prepare a bag with things for the maternity hospital and make a list of necessary purchases that will need to be purchased before your wife is discharged.

CHILDREN

Childbirth is a very important moment. The decision about whether you want to be with your wife at this moment is made only by you together and the decision must be weighed. If the wife does not want this, then there is no need to insist; after all, this moment is quite intimate. If you don’t want to, this does not at all mean a sign of weakness. If you are present: do not interfere with the doctor and obstetrician, it is better to sit next to your wife, near your wife’s head, no one asks you to run up every minute to where you don’t actually need to run. At the beginning of labor, a woman is encouraged to walk, but during contractions this is not easy, support her and massage her lower back (if she wants it).

CHALLENGING MOMENTS

Pregnancy does not always proceed normally; sometimes situations occur when a woman requires treatment and may need to be hospitalized. Problems happen to many people and it is necessary to overcome these troubles. It is important for every pregnant woman to feel the care and support of her husband, and his confidence only in a good result. And now it can be very difficult for a woman to remain calm, and any problems can be perceived as a tragedy. Do not forget that during such a period, you are especially needed.

Well, so we looked at what you can encounter during pregnancy. It turns out that this is not so scary and not so difficult, and it turns out that not so much is required of husbands, namely, to simply care for and love their wife, the mother of their unborn baby.

I wish your family! safe pregnancy and easy birth.

Vitaly 01.01.2016 21:52 8: the next week is more difficult. Guys, pull yourself together now. Salim 18.02.2015 21:57 Thank you!) Very informative. Vadim 07.05.2014 07:26 Thank you very much!!! My first experience Solbon 08.03.2014 11:53 Written very interesting and informative. Thank you. Eugene 05.02.2014 22:20 Well, I congratulate all the future ones, but for now, guys, let’s take heart, it’s worth it, after the birth we’ll recoup)

Fatherhood is no less amazing a state than motherhood. At the same time, it surprises not only with cute family moments, but also with some circumstances for which it is better to prepare in advance. Let's be honest, women more often attend special courses, mothers' schools and, in general, are more responsible in matters of planning. We, men, if we attend such classes, we either sit there and “nod our noses”, or make fun of the video sequence shown by the obstetrician teacher. After all, what should we prepare for? We are breadwinners, our goal is to feed our family and that’s it. But no! There are some things to consider.

1. You are a second mommy

First, the future dad needs to understand one thing - we are not living in an American TV series from the 50s. Yes, you can go to work, leaving the housework to your wife, but this does not mean that she is able to do household chores around the clock.

When you arrive home, don’t rush to familiarly take off your shoes and fall on the sofa, because you have a whole list of all sorts of activities ahead of you, from bathing to changing diapers and the fatherly sport that involves carrying your child in your arms for many hours. And don’t even think about being indignant! After all, today it’s not you who are truly tired, but your missus.

The fact is that while you were “earning bread,” she also did not sit idly by, but did much more difficult work - she looked after the child. And if most employers allow employees to go away for lunch or a smoke break, then the child does not know such a thing as labor standards.

Therefore, when you return from work, your wife will give you the child with a relieved smile and go to satisfy her basic needs: have a quiet dinner, take a bath and simply relax. Don't think she doesn't understand how tired you are. It's more likely that you don't understand her.

Therefore, humbly accept your child from the hands of your beloved woman and allow her to sit down for a while.

2. Bachelor life in a new version

This interesting feature of the life of a new father partially follows from the previous one and is formed when the wife is not at all against being with the child around the clock. In this case, you will have to take care of yourself. It's time to wean ourselves off pots full of borscht, ironed shirts in the wardrobe and other delights of patriarchy. Now you're on your own.

Make a list, set timers on your phone for certain hours, learn the secret of time management, do anything, but be prepared to do absolutely everything.

Do you remember how in your student years you were able to cook 1000 and 1 dish from instant noodles? So, this knowledge in the first months of fatherhood is much more vital than your diploma.

It won't last forever, don't worry. In a couple of months, the wife will recover from childbirth, get used to the child, and then, realizing that maternity leave is a bit boring, she will begin to pamper you with culinary delights and perfect cleanliness.

Before this, you will have to undergo a forced “young fighter” course, struggling with hunger and unwashed dishes.

However, you will have time to prepare, because in the last months of pregnancy your wife will also have no time for household chores. During this period, you can understand her by tying a five-liter bottle of water to your stomach and trying to wipe the dust on the closet. No matter the dust, just walk with this burden for a couple of days.

3. Nothing personal

It's time to talk about the question that many representatives of the stronger sex put into search engines. “When will I finally be able to have sex with my wife?” And in fact, there is simply no exact answer.

The fact is that, according to some doctors, a woman’s body recovers after 40 days. Others claim that it takes her two months. But will she want to make love after giving birth?

No, no one will accept celibacy. But you shouldn’t try to insist on fulfilling your marital duty immediately after 6 weeks.

Think about it, would you want sex after, say, surgery or a car accident? Your wife may simply be afraid of this after the pain she experienced in the maternity hospital. You may not like yourself or simply be too tired.

4. Your child is you

After 2-3 months of living with your child, you will understand that he is you. Not because he looks similar, but because he is already copying your habits and behavior. Here he lies in the same position as his mother sleeping next to him, now he makes a facial expression similar to yours, and now he completely repeats some of your movements, which are unconscious even to you.

At such moments, you understand that the common phrase that “education must begin from birth” is not just loud words. The child really copies his parents.

Not yet able to speak or even walk, he already strives to be like those who are dearer to him than anyone else in the world - you and your wife.

The best education is personal example. This is another truism. It is impossible to tell your child about the dangers of alcohol or smoking while taking a drag from a cigarette and drinking strong drinks. Some couples, in order to set a good example for their child, take him with them to sports training to instill in him a healthy lifestyle. Yes, at first, when the baby cannot even sit, attending such classes together is impossible. But it’s worth monitoring your behavior and speech.

After all, becoming a worthy role model is a great incentive for giving up bad habits and self-development in general.

5. You won't get used to it

When you don't have a child, it seems to you that there is nothing surprising about the growth of children. But when your own son begins to transform from a small lump into a plump man, acquires new skills and habits, you sometimes cannot close your mouth in surprise.

And here it’s worth getting used to one simple thought: getting used to it, adapting, finding ideal approaches for all occasions will not work.

Yes, the period when “you don’t understand me, I want a tattoo on my eyelid and pierced my toes” is still far away, but misunderstanding can arise from the very first years.

At first, the child will change purely physiologically, which will cause a lot of trouble. Today he may have one thing hurting, and tomorrow something completely different, because, as it turns out, he has completely rebuilt one or another system in his body.

You will always be a little confused about what your child wants. Always be sincerely happy when you guess his wish or figure out what hurts him. It's like a constant race in which you don't have time to get ahead. The main thing to remember is that you are running not for the sake of finishing it as quickly as possible, but for the sake of the process.