Is it good when there are no quarrels in a relationship? Is a quarrel really inevitable? How to avoid conflicts

Now the turn has come to examine the quarrel, under which title there are two points: 1) whether the quarrel is a sin; 2) whether she is the daughter of wrath.

Section 1. IS A QUARREL ALWAYS A SIN?

With the first [position] the situation is as follows.

Objection 1. It seems that quarreling is not always a sin. Indeed, a quarrel seems to be a kind of competition, for which reason Isidore says that “the word “rixosus” (quarrelsome) comes from the growling (rictu) of a dog, since a quarrelsome one is always ready to argue; he finds pleasure in the fight and encourages competition." But competition is not always a sin. Consequently, a quarrel is not always one.

Objection 2. Further, we read [in Scripture] that Isaac’s servants “dug another well - they also argued about it” (). But it is difficult to believe that Isaac's household could argue and not be condemned by him for it if arguing were a sin. Therefore, quarreling is not a sin.

This contradicts the following: quarrel is listed among the works of the flesh (), about which it is further said that “those who do this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Therefore, quarrel is not only sinful, but also a mortal sin.

I answer: while a contest means a confrontation in words, a quarrel means some opposition in deeds. Therefore, the gloss on the words [of Scripture] () says that “a quarrel is when people beat each other in anger.” Consequently, a quarrel is a kind of private war - after all, it takes place between private people and is declared not by public power, but, perhaps, by a disordered will. Therefore, quarrel is always sinful. Indeed, it is the mortal sin of one who unjustly attacks another, since if someone causes harm to another, even [only] with the help of fists, then there is always something of a mortal sin in this. But the one who defends himself, depending on his intention and the chosen method of defense, can remain without sin or commit a venial, and sometimes even a mortal sin. Indeed, if his only intention is to resist the harm done to him, and in doing so he defends himself with due restraint, then there is no sin and, in the strict sense of the word, no quarrel on his part. But if, on the other hand, his self-defense is associated with revenge or hatred, then there is sin. However, it is a venial sin if his hatred and desire for revenge are minor and do not unsettle him too much, but if they prompt him to confront his opponent with the firm intention of killing him or causing him serious harm, then it becomes a mortal sin.

Reply to objection 1. A quarrel is not the same as a competition, as evidenced by three provisions in the above statement of Isidore, which express the disordered nature of the quarrel. Firstly, a quarrelsome person is always ready for a quarrel, and this is conveyed by the words that the quarrelsome person is “always ready to object,” that is, regardless of whether the other person speaks or acts well or badly. Secondly, he enjoys the quarrel itself, which is further stated that “he finds pleasure in the fight.” Thirdly, wherever he is, he, “inciting competition,” provokes others to quarrel.

Reply to objection 2. The meaning of the [biblical] text is not that Isaac’s servants quarreled, but that the inhabitants of that country quarreled with them, and therefore they sinned, and not the reproached household members of Isaac.

Reply to objection 3. As was shown above (40, 1), in order for a war to be just, it must be declared by an authority authorized to do so, while a quarrel arises from a private feeling of anger or hatred. In fact, if the royal servants or judges, endowed with the appropriate public power, attack some people, and they defend themselves, then it is not the former who are considered guilty of the quarrel, but those who resisted the public authorities. Therefore, in this case, it is not the attackers who are guilty of quarreling and committing sin, but those who defended themselves in a disorderly manner.

Section 2. IS QUALIFICATION THE DAUGHTER OF WRATH?

With the second [position], the situation is as follows.

Objection 1. It seems that quarrel is not the daughter of anger. After all, it is said [in Scripture]: “Where do you have enmities and strife? Is it not from here, from your lusts that war in your members?” (). But anger is not in the lustful faculty. Therefore, the quarrel is not the daughter of anger, but of lust.

Objection 2. Further, [in Scripture] it is said: “The arrogant starts a quarrel” (). But a squabble, perhaps, is the same as a quarrel. Therefore, it seems that quarrel is the daughter of pride and vanity, which prompts a person to boast and exalt himself.

Objection 3. Further, [in Scripture] it is said: “The lips of a fool go into strife” (). But foolishness is different from anger, since it is not the opposite of meekness [and humility], but of wisdom and prudence. Therefore, quarrel is not the daughter of anger.

Objection 5. In addition, [the Scripture] says: “He who strives for disagreement loves quarrels” (). But disagreement, as shown above (37:2), is the daughter of vanity. Therefore, this is what a quarrel is.

This is contradicted Gregory’s words that “anger creates a quarrel,” and [in Scripture] it is said: “An angry person starts a quarrel” ().

I answer: as already said (1), quarrel means opposition, which extends to matters where one person intends to harm another. Then, there are two ways in which one person can intend to harm another. Firstly, when he intends to cause absolute harm to him, and then this is a consequence of hatred, since the intention of hatred is determined to openly or secretly cause harm to the enemy. Another way is that by which a man intends to harm one who knows his intentions and opposes them, and this we call a quarrel, which in the strict sense of the word is associated with anger, which is the desire for revenge. Indeed, the angry person does not intend to secretly harm the object of his anger, moreover, he wants him to feel the harm and know that he is suffering due to revenge for what he has done, as is clear from what we have already said about the passion of anger (II-I , 46, 6). Therefore, in the strict sense of the word, quarrel is a consequence of anger.

Reply to objection 1. As has already been said (II-I, 25, 1), all irritable passions are consequences of the passions of the concupiscible faculty, so that any immediate consequence of anger also arises as from its first root in concupiscence.

Reply to objection 2. Arrogance growing out of pride and vanity in itself is not a direct, but an accidental cause of squabbles and quarrels, since a person’s resentment that someone else was preferred to him awakens anger in him, followed by squabbles and quarrels.

Reply to objection 3. Anger, as shown above (II-I, 48, 3), interferes with the judgment of the mind, as a result of which it is in many ways similar to stupidity. Thus, they have a common consequence, since it is precisely because of the damage of the mind that a person has the desire to harm another in a disorderly manner.

Reply to objection 4. Although a quarrel is sometimes a consequence of hatred, it is not its inherent consequence, since when one person hates another, it is not always his intention to harm him openly, much more often he wants to harm him secretly. And only when he is convinced of his superiority, then he tries to harm him through squabbles and quarrels. On the other hand, for the reason given above, to harm a person by quarreling is the effect that is inherent in anger

Reply to objection 5. A quarrel causes hatred and discord in the hearts of the participants in the quarrel, and therefore the one who “seeks,” that is, intends to sow discord among others, induces them to quarrel. In a similar way, anyone can dispose of the act of another sin, determining it to his own end. However, this does not at all prove that quarrel directly and in the strict sense of the word is the daughter of vanity.

Conflicts and their constructive resolution are the only way to achieve harmony in a couple. Find out what you can gain if you stop avoiding arguments.
1. you will begin to trust each other more.
Conflicts that cannot be resolved quickly terrify many couples so much that they prefer to avoid them at all costs. People consider such quarrels fatal to relationships. And completely in vain.

Attention! Only if you manage to talk without getting personal, but without suppressing your emotions, but on the contrary, making them accessible to your partner, such a quarrel will only strengthen your relationship. You will understand this when the storm subsides.
Having survived one quarrel, you will be less afraid of the next ones. You will begin to trust your partner and yourself more, knowing that you can fully cope with possible disagreements. As a result, you won't put off difficult conversations with your significant other until the last minute. You will understand that it is better not to accumulate negative emotions, but to find out what is wrong as early as possible.
2. After a quarrel you will feel much better.
Thus, if you can express your emotions and let off steam, you will get rid of tension, anxiety and fear. This will have a positive effect on both your mental health and physical health.
Of course, this doesn't mean you need to dump all your toxic thoughts on your partner. Although sometimes it’s better to express everything that’s boiling over than to keep it inside and wait for everything to work itself out.
Greg Godek, author of Love: The Course They Forgot to Teach You in School, believes that the golden rule of ethics rarely works in real-life arguments. Talking too cautiously will lead nowhere. Therefore, sometimes it is better to let out all the emotions in order to finally figure out what’s going on.
The only rule that should be followed in quarrels is not to hit your partner or throw heavy objects at him. As for the rest, go ahead: make noise, slam doors, swear with the last words. Do anything if you feel it will help.
Greg Godek.
3. your partner learns about your thoughts and feelings.
No matter how close you are, your partner cannot read your mind. He probably just doesn’t realize how much some topic offends you.
At the same time, the question arises: how to convey your thoughts to your partner so that he perceives them correctly and is not offended? Especially if these are some claims against him. How not to depress him with your dissatisfaction?
Try not to blame, but to talk about your feelings, about how your partner’s behavior affects you. Psychologists call these I - statements. For example, you might say, "I'm fed up with your work." I - a statement that conveys the same idea would sound like this: “It really upsets me that you often come home late. I would like to spend more time together.”
They say that arguing brings out our worst traits. But they can also bring out our best qualities if we get through the hard part.
4. you will become closer.
During arguments, you find out what is important to your partner, what he likes, what he wants, how he sets boundaries, how flexible he is, what hurts him and what he needs to feel better.
In the event that you quarreled because your significant other is throwing socks around the apartment, the matter may be completely different. Perhaps the reason lies in respect and personal space, and not in neatness.
Greg Godek.
There is one more fact that cannot be ignored. Sex after a disagreement is worth almost any quarrel. And it will also make you closer to each other. In all senses.
5. you will understand that your soul mate is a separate person.
Quarrels very quickly dispel the illusion that you have already merged into one whole and reached complete mutual understanding. It's even good if this never happens. This way you can get to know each other from new sides throughout your life.
6. you will become a better person.
You learn to focus on what matters most. The fact that your significant other is very important to you and you want your loved one to be happy. This is how you become more patient, understanding and caring, and learn to truly love.
When you're in the middle of a fight, you're clearly not having fun. You feel disgusting. In a way, quarrels are reminiscent of sports training. Does sweating at the gym always feel good? No. But this is how you improve your weak points.
Greg Godek.
To quarrel is to forge a sword of steel. Only after hardening, after repeated immersion in hot oil and cold water, will a work of art be obtained that can survive any test. It's the same with your union.
7. You will understand that you don't have to be perfect.
Fighting shows that you are only human. Sometimes you're in a bad mood, sometimes you're stressed, and sometimes you're just tired. Accordingly, your relationship cannot be ideal.
All your inner cockroaches, which you are aware of or not aware of, will make themselves felt in close relationships. It's unavoidable.
During a quarrel, our inner children come into interaction. They are vulnerable and irrational. It's like you're two or three years old again. Therefore, when they hurt you, remember that it is a child doing it. To do this, you can keep a childhood photo of your loved one on hand. Hedy Shleifer, licensed psychologist - consultant, director of the Center for Relationship Therapy.

Constant quarrels in relationships. Why do quarrels arise?

The fact that you quarrel shows that you care about what happens between you. You still care about each other. Otherwise, you would not react so violently to what is happening, there would be no intensity of passions. However, a quarrel also indicates that not everything between you is as ideal and smooth as we would like. There is a certain problem that is causing the conflict.

A quarrel indicates a change in the situation and that your relationship as a couple is developing. It is the controversial issues and conflict situations that arise between loving people that force them to work together to find a solution to the problem, try to change and become better in order to preserve their love.

Thanks to quarrels that ended in reconciliation and conflicts that were resolved through joint efforts, couples take their relationship to a new level. Such shake-ups are a kind of test of the strength of feelings for a couple who wants to be together.

Why do quarrels occur in relationships?

Sometimes conflict situations can arise if people are already in a bad mood before a quarrel or in a negative state after a working day, exhausted. Also, the reason for its occurrence may be a lack of understanding on the other side.

For example, a wife expects her husband to wash the dishes and clear the table after he eats, but he doesn’t do this, and a conflict may arise. If the wife is busy and in a good mood, everything will work out, and she will be able to remove it herself, but otherwise it seems like a trifle, but there may already be a reason or reason for a quarrel.

Conflict situations are almost constantly caused emotionally. Sometimes in a strong quarrel that started small, at the end offensive or unpleasant phrases like “I regret that I met you!”, “How could I even let you become a part of my life?!” Without even noticing, you can express everything that has been boiling and painful for several years. The result is discomfort, the mood of both is spoiled, nerves are frayed, but there are no conclusions, and this is the worst outcome of the quarrel.

Similar situations can happen to couples who love each other very much. This kind of quarrel only causes harm to relationships, and there are practically no results. You can recover from this in different ways: within an hour or after a few weeks. But, unfortunately, the fact of a quarrel may appear after some time. There are certain rules for reducing a quarrel to minimal damage for both.

1. A quarrel, if it has already arisen, must have a good reason. In the example, you could simply answer: “I don’t like that you don’t wash the dishes after yourself and don’t clear the table.”

2. If you both deviate from the topic of the quarrel, it is better to stop doing this.

3. It’s definitely not worth pointing out shortcomings, for example, with the words “Sloppy, inattentive, frivolous,” because there is a discussion of the problem, not the character of the person.

4. It is worth considering that while cleanliness is important to one person, it may not be particularly important to another.

5. Under no circumstances should you be intimidated by leaving your apartment for a short time because a trifle can cause a divorce.

It is impossible to live life without quarrels. We argue with friends, parents and partners. There is nothing wrong with conflict, because it often leads to solutions to problems and clears the atmosphere: “After a storm, the sun always comes.” It is important, however, to be able to argue constructively, that is, to have an open, honest discussion, without shouting or violence.

But how can we argue calmly when negative emotions are “tearing us from within”?

A quarrel at the beginning gives rise to anger and disagreement with the current situation. You should not suppress bad emotions, because they will eventually find a way out and burst out with a vengeance at the least opportune moment.

Suppressed anger is a destructive force that carries a large energy charge. This energy, however, can be directed into creative and useful actions, for example, when you feel that anger is taking over you, go for a run in the park, clean the house, shake out the carpets, go to the pool. Do something that won't let anger ruin your relationship.

At the beginning of a relationship, it is impossible to predict everything, so men and women face different difficulties. It seems that everything is wonderful, but after a few days misunderstandings, disputes, and then scandals begin. This happens due to the fact that all people are different, and in a relationship with another person you have to take into account his desires and principles.

But not everyone is used to making peace, giving in and understanding, so quarrels occur already at the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes this ends in reconciliation and recognition of mistakes by each partner, but it also happens that couples break up. In this case, much depends on the woman herself, who can approach the situation as competently and wisely as possible. It is much easier to end a relationship than to come up with a strategy for communicating with your loved one and seeking mutual understanding with him. If you want to solve the problem rather than run away from it, then check out the recommendations below.

Why do quarrels happen at the beginning of a relationship?

Many people wonder why quarrels occur at the very beginning of a relationship and how long they will last. In fact, this is quite normal, because two completely different people want to start a life together. Do not forget that men and women are very different both in appearance and in thinking, so you should not hope that your loved one will perfectly understand you in everything.

Firstly, pay attention to the fact that at the beginning of a relationship there is a grinding of characters, so in this case quarrels are inevitable. Some people have very little conflict, while others cannot understand the partner, which results in quarrels. For example, you like to take a hot bath, and your boyfriend likes a refreshing, cool shower.

In this case, the question arises regarding the purchase of plumbing fixtures, so sometimes you need to look for the most acceptable options for two. For many, quarrels occur exclusively at the initial stage of a relationship, because then people get used to each other and soberly evaluate the pros and cons. If this person is ideal for you, then after a short amount of time you will find a common language and stop quarreling over trifles. If nothing changes between you, think about whether the person next to you is the right one.

Perhaps end the relationship because of a quarrel?

It often happens that there is simply no strength left to endure a loved one and separation seems to be the only logical option. This is a completely logical solution to the problem, but have you ever thought about the likelihood that things won’t be exactly the same with another man? Psychologists say that in order for the relationship between a man and a woman to be of high quality and normal, it is necessary to wait out the initial stage. But many people lack patience, which leads to separation.

Try not to pay attention to quarrels and scandals for a certain time, wait until the relationship between you normalizes. Do not forget that you can end the relationship at any time convenient for you. If you want to date or live with your ex-lover again, it is unlikely that everything will be the same for you. Try to get through this difficult stage for both of you, because if you want to be together, you will have to learn to deal with difficulties. In this case, you should not listen to your mother or friends, because they do not know all the features of the relationship between you, and with their advice they will only confuse you.

How to deal with quarrels in a new relationship?

If you don’t know how to stop endless quarrels and scandals, try to find the most alternative methods. For example, stop proving anything to your partner. This could be a dispute about who is cooking dinner today, or maybe you want your loved one to stop showing his softness in certain life situations. Therefore, first of all, you will need to work on yourself.

As soon as you develop a reluctance to argue, you will notice that the man has also stopped proving that he is right. Don't allow yourself to raise your voice, because it puts a huge wall between you. Discuss any misunderstanding in a quiet, calm voice, trying to find a compromise.

Learn to respect other people's space. Even before the start of the relationship, each of you had freedom, personal interests and hobbies that made you happy. After people create couples, there is a desire to control the partner and choose their own leisure time. This should not be done, because this way you will disrupt the sense of inner comfort in your loved one and provoke a new quarrel.

Try to understand that a happy relationship is the ability to love, understand and appreciate your partner and his interests, regardless of your mood or principles. When you want to do something, focus on how you would like your loved one to treat you.

Every family has problems and conflict situations often occur. This is due to the fact that all people are different and sometimes thoughts about this or that do not coincide. This is how conflict arises. If this is familiar to a married couple, they should not be discouraged that the family is breaking up. Conflicts are a normal phenomenon, and it is worth worrying if there are none, because this means that people accumulate all the negative energy and keep it inside themselves. In this case, sooner or later the emotions will come out and everything will end rather badly.

There are many positive aspects to family conflicts. Firstly, quarrels teach spouses to be patient with each other, to listen to the opinions of their other half, so after a surge of emotions, the spouses become calmer.

Secondly, family quarrels further strengthen the relationship between spouses. If a husband and wife often quarrel, then this is a sign that their feelings have not yet cooled down, they still love each other and are not indifferent to the problems of their other half. A quarrel teaches you to analyze your behavior, your character and improve as individuals.

Also, family conflict helps to solve the problem that caused the quarrel. If the problem is not discussed, it will not go away. Therefore, the dialogue, even in a raised voice, is better.

But there are also a number of negative sides to the quarrel. Very often family quarrels are advertised. This is a huge mistake, because the family is a separate planet where there is no place for strangers. Family conflicts should occur within the family, and no one has the right to poke their nose into it.

Sometimes it happens that children are witnesses to marital scandals. This cannot be allowed to happen. Firstly, the child forms a bad opinion about his parents, and secondly, this is a very negative psychological factor.

Often, in a quarrel, a wife or husband can insult their other half. This is another negative side of family conflicts. It can be very difficult to control yourself at such moments, but it is simply necessary to do this, because insults spoken in the hearts can be very painful and etched in the memory.

In a quarrel, you should not compare your significant other with someone you know. This is a big mistake that forms certain complexes in a person, and can also become the cause of more than one conflict.

Be that as it may, you should always think about your soulmate, respect and love her, then the family will be strong and no quarrels will destroy it.

and. quarrel, disagreement, discord, squabble, (squabble), spat, enmity, goats, discord, discord, hostility, strife, nonsense; opposite sex peace, harmony, friendship, harmony. Quarrels and strife, quarrels and intrigues. Wherever he comes, he will start a quarrel. He is at odds with everyone. We are in a quarrel with him, we do not bow. Every quarrel is washed down with peace. Quarrel does not lead to good things. A quarrel in your family before the first glance. Children fight over toys, mothers fight over them. | See also litter and rubbish. Quarrelsome, related to quarrel. Quarrelsome, grumpy, scolding, contentious. -ness, this property. To quarrel someone with someone, to create discord, to be the cause of someone’s quarrel, disagreement, quarrel. - with whom to take into account, to scold, to quarrel, to quarrel, to discord, to be at enmity. God forbid you quarrel, and God forbid you make peace! They quarreled over trifles. The whole family quarreled. We quarreled all evening. They quarreled and went their separate ways. Quarrel Wed. valid according to the verb, quarrel. A quarrelsome person who quarrels with others or generally excites them, incites quarrels. And he, Vasily, sends to the prison, led thieves and ushniki and quarrels, Acts.

There are many ways to avoid constant quarrels in relationships, but do we always use such advice? Constant arguments in a relationship are not normal. If you see that the quarrels do not stop, then you should take a look at the suggested ways to stop this eternal fight and start enjoying each other's company again. Remember that most quarrels arise when there is misunderstanding.

1. Don't bring up the past

This is a huge step, and you just need to learn it. I would say that this is the key point if you want to stop the constant quarrels. Stop bringing up the past! The past is the past, and the more you remember, the more quarrels will arise. Remembering often brings up a lot of old emotions, and this will never be good for our current relationships.

2. Don't leave issues unresolved

I know that this is difficult, and you have probably heard about it more than once, but until the problem is solved and you feel resentment or anger, you should not go to bed with these emotions. This can make both of you even more offended, and the quarrel will drag on for a long time. Why not solve the problem before you go to bed, or at least talk about it so that you both feel better?

3. Learn to accept each other

Everyone in this world has their own shortcomings that you will have to face and some of them you will have to put up with. You need to accept each other as you are. Your boyfriend never comes home with a bouquet of flowers and your girlfriend constantly whines, but this is something you need to learn to accept.

4. Find out the root of the problem

Every quarrel has its beginning and its root. If you find out what is the cause of this quarrel, then you can solve this problem and get rid of unnecessary quarrels. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it!

5. Control yourself

One of my biggest problems is that when I start arguing, I lose control of myself and cannot stop. It is difficult to admit that you are wrong or to take the blame. However, do it at least once. After all, this is the right decision that will make your partner appreciate you even more.

6. Ban on “But”

“But if you did this”, “but if you did that”, enough of this “but”, eliminate it from your vocabulary and forget that it exists. I used to use this “but” very often, and as soon as I got rid of it, all the quarrels stopped lasting so long. So curb your tongue!

7. Is this a recurring “performance”?

Does this same question constantly come up, and every time a quarrel ensues? The same thing over and over again? Didn't you think this was a sign? If your quarrel revolves around one specific issue, why not sit down and calmly discuss everything and stop the constant quarrels about the same issue forever?

8. Remember this is important

Finally, never forget that your relationships are very important and should be cherished. After all, you are together for a reason. It's hard to remember this when you're fighting, but it's so important!

Constant quarrels with my boyfriend. Instructions

1. Stopping quarreling with your loved one is much easier than it might seem. To begin with, take “preventive measures.” To stop quarreling with your guy, learn to have a constructive dialogue. Learn to listen and hear your loved one, and also explain your position without getting personal, without giving free rein to your emotions. Teach your boyfriend the same.

2. To stop arguing with your guy, be willing to compromise. It is impossible to have the same point of view on all issues, and the interests of lovers will not always coincide. Therefore, searching for a third option that will suit both lovers can be a good way out of any conflict situation.

3. It will be easier to stop quarreling with your loved one by learning to discuss problems and compromise. But sometimes emotions literally overwhelm you, preventing you from thinking well about your behavior strategy. If you're ready to lash out at your boyfriend, try to get your emotions under control. Try the deep, slow breathing technique and count to ten. During this time, emotions will subside a little, and you will be able to understand that a calm discussion will give you much more than shouting and mutual reproaches.

4. You can stop quarreling with a guy if you sometimes let him cool down. If you have learned to control your emotions, then your boyfriend may not have such a skill. If this is the case, and your loved one starts up at half speed, let him cool his ardor. Sometimes it is useful to move the conversation to another topic. By putting aside your emotions, you will be able to solve your problems much more effectively.

5. To stop quarreling with your loved one, learn to switch gears and joke. Psychologists have proven that humor and aggression are incompatible. Once you start laughing, you will no longer be able to quarrel with each other. Once you have calmed down, you can move on to discussing the situation. Sometimes, instead of humor, you can use tenderness and affection. Not a single guy can resist such a weapon in a woman’s hands.

note

After some time of “correct” behavior, lovers get used to this order of things. If such communication is difficult at first, then over time you will become better at using these skills in resolving your conflicts.

Helpful advice

If a quarrel does occur, apologize to each other. And after some time, try to resolve the problem in a calm environment.

Video of quarrels in relationships

QUARREL, quarrels, wives. Mutual hostility, accompanied by a complete cessation of relations, a serious disagreement. To be in a quarrel with someone. Their (or their) quarrel has been going on for several years. “A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.” (last). || Mutual... ... Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary

Quarrel, disagreement, discord, discord, disagreement, infighting, disagreement, opposition. Major disagreement with someone. Home flares. .. Wed… Synonym dictionary

Women quarrel, disagreement, discord, squabble, (squabble), spat, enmity, goats, discord, discord, hostility, strife, nonsense; ·opposite peace, harmony, friendship, harmony. Quarrels and strife, quarrels and intrigues. Wherever he comes, he will start a quarrel. He's at odds with everyone... Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary

QUARREL, s, women. 1. A state of mutual hostility, a serious disagreement. To be in a quarrel with someone. 2. Mutual bickering. Noisy village Ozhegov's explanatory dictionary. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova. 1949 1992 … Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary

argument- Absurd, ugly, reckless, insane, continuous, incessant, furious, stormy, eternal, absurd, stupid, loud, penny, rude, dirty, wild (colloquial), long, long, nonsense (colloquial), pathetic, cruel , ill-fated,... ... Dictionary of epithets

argument- QUARREL1, conflict, discord, spat, quarrel, squabble, obsolete. peace, outdated strife, discord squabble quarrel, scold, conflict, outdated. sodomize, colloquial quarrel, talk swear, talk reduction fight, colloquial reduction squabble, colloquial reduce... Dictionary-thesaurus of synonyms of Russian speech

Argument- A quarrel in a dream foreshadows disagreements and squabbles in real life. For a girl, such a dream can result in trouble, and for a married woman - long-term discord in the family and even divorce. If in a dream you witnessed someone else’s... ... Large universal dream book

argument- furious quarrel big quarrel stormy quarrel major quarrel irreconcilable quarrel serious quarrel noisy quarrel ... Dictionary of Russian Idioms

argument- a quarrel occurred existence / creation, subject, fact a quarrel occurred existence / creation, subject, fact ... Verbal compatibility of non-objective names

argument- whom and between whom. A protracted quarrel between neighbors (between neighbors) turned into hostility... Control Dictionary

Books

• Quarrel with the patriarch. The collection “Quarrel with the Patriarch” includes works by classics of Italian literature of the late 19th - early 20th centuries: G. Verga, L. Pirandello, L. Capuana, G. D. Annunzio, A. Fogazzaro and G. Delleda.…
• Quarrel of birds: Indian fairy tale, Epics, legends and tales. “One bird catcher spread a net in the forest, and various birds were caught in it. They began to say..."...

Which reader starts a relationship thinking about how to quarrel with her new boyfriend? Most likely, no one has such thoughts. Quarrels at the beginning of a relationship can both destroy a “new” union and move it to the next stage, when the partners are no longer trying to please each other, but rather clarify the issue that caused the disagreement.

Why do disagreements arise at the beginning of a relationship? The women's site notes several reasons:

1. The inability of people to come to terms with other people's desires and views. No two people are the same, which is something men and women remember until they begin a relationship. The desire to fulfill their own dreams first of all, everyone forgets that their partner also has his own plans. If someone's interests are infringed, then it is no wonder that disputes will begin between them.
2. Inability to give in, accept, understand. And again, a man and a woman stop meeting each other halfway as soon as they begin a relationship. They no longer try, but demand and want to receive.
3. Different goals for relationships. If a guy and a girl meet for different purposes, then disagreements become natural. In this case, separation between them is inevitable.

In fact, every couple has their own story of why their relationship broke up at the initial stage after a quarrel. However, the reason always remains the same - the partners wanted to achieve something, and not build a relationship.

Wish not to quarrel, but to resolve the issue

How many couples do you think have broken up just because men and women did not resolve the issue, but quarreled? Judge for yourself: what result can be achieved when you quarrel, and what result is achieved when you resolve the issue that has arisen in your relationship?

If you evaluate objectively, you will understand that when you quarrel, you only achieve misunderstanding and hatred on the part of your partner. Have you ever been able to reach an agreement when both you and your partner were arguing? It is only when someone surrenders that there is a truce. But what is it based on? On the victory of one, on the loss of another and on the understanding of each that he is still right. Do you think you've won? You are wrong. They were simply tired of making trouble with you, so they decided to lose in words, but not in thoughts.

However, when partners do not quarrel, but directly resolve the issue that has arisen, they do not affect each other’s personalities. During a quarrel, partners get personal, condemn and criticize who they are. And when the issue is resolved, the problem itself is considered, and not what kind of people the partners are, who is right and who is wrong. The problem needs to be solved - both partners are working on it.

Do not wish to quarrel, but to resolve the issue. Repeat to yourself as often as possible that you want to resolve issues with your partner and not quarrel. Discuss what worries you, and not about who is to blame for the problem and what a bad person the culprit of the trouble is. Your task is not to judge people, but to solve problems that sometimes arise. If you choose this strategy, you will notice how harmonious and effective it is. In this case, many couples will maintain their union because they solve the problems of the external world without judging each other's internal worlds.

Quarrels in relationships are natural

It doesn't matter what stage the relationship is at. Many people think that in the beginning everything should be wonderful and peaceful. And if quarrels suddenly arise, then you should definitely separate. This erroneous opinion has already destroyed many couples, some of whom, perhaps, could have once lived together for the rest of their lives. In order not to destroy your relationship, you should remember the following idea: quarrels in relationships are natural, regardless of when they arose.

Why do misunderstandings arise between partners in the initial relationship? This question arises because people think that nothing bad can happen between a man and a woman. However, we do not forget that a woman and a man are two genders that differ not only on the external, but also on the internal level. A man and a woman think differently, feel differently, think and desire not the same things.

It is natural that quarrels will arise at the beginning of a relationship. This is due to the fact that two people met who simply matched their characters, views, and desires. It is quite natural that they will not agree on something - and the first quarrel will arise.

What its outcome will be depends on the partners. You can destroy the union, that is, run away from the problem. Or you can solve the problem in order to save the relationship.

How to quarrel?

No person can boast that he has never quarreled with another person. Conflict situations of this kind have existed at all times, anywhere on Earth, between people of different nationalities, classes and ages. A quarrel occurs for any reason and for any duration, it all depends on the parties to the conflict. This is an integral part of the life of any person. What is a quarrel in itself? Why do many people quarrel so much that the relationship between them changes radically, and the people themselves become different?

Firstly, a lot depends on our upbringing and the people who were our teachers in life. Secondly, people's lack of understanding of how to conduct disputes without harming relationships. Quarrels, disputes, discussion of conflict situations are synonyms, and their processes are the same: at least two views, opinions, ideas for getting out of a particular situation are put forward, followed by their further discussion and the final choice of the best.

People dealing with business never negotiate in a raised voice. Their main goal is to defend a more advantageous position for them. They will never allow themselves to raise their voice or rush into physical fight, even if the matter is not decided in their favor. So, why don’t people learn to handle everyday quarrels at the level of business negotiations?

The essence of a quarrel is a clash of at least two opinions. The task is to consider them and decide whose position to accept. Even if you can’t come to a common opinion, you need to have the strength to accept someone else’s point of view and continue to keep it in mind. But the main thing is to always remember that a quarrel does not necessarily imply shouting and scandal, which only irritates the opponent. A quarrel is just a way to find a multi-variant way out of any situation. And, of course, maintain peace of mind!

Break up or stay?

If a quarrel arises, the question of what to do next arises by itself. A man and a woman want to decide for themselves whether to break up or stay together. Well, it’s up to the partners to decide in this situation.

Quarrels and misunderstandings can arise even at the beginning of a relationship. You haven’t gone through a lot yet, but you’re already quarreling and even thinking about breaking up. It's quite normal. There are situations when you really should break up. The partners are so different in their views, desires and lifestyles that it will be easier for them separately.

However, there are couples who are ideal for each other, but disagreements also arise between them. Arguments are normal even at the beginning of a relationship because everyone is different. A man and a woman cannot be alike. And if a quarrel arises, which often appears in the first months, then you should make a decision for yourself: will you do everything to break up, or will you start solving and eliminating the problem?

How to behave during a quarrel?

If suddenly you are faced with a situation where you are quarreling with your new beloved man, and want to maintain the relationship, then recommendations on how to behave during a quarrel will help you:

1. Don’t raise your voice, don’t insult anyone, and don’t humiliate yourself. If your partner communicates calmly with you, then you behave calmly.
2. Stop insisting that you are right. No, don't agree with your opponent's opinion if you don't accept it. However, for your part, stop insisting and proving. You will notice that after a few minutes the man will stop insisting on his truth, which will significantly reduce the temperature of the argument.
3. Respect other people's space. If a dispute arose because someone entered someone else’s territory, where he began to establish his own rules, then a quarrel became natural. The one whose territory has been invaded has the right to defend it. If you're the one who's trespassing on a man's territory, then back off.

Quarrels - no, joy - yes

Stop arguing. Take the time when your loved one is near you to rejoice and be happy.

What does a woman who is dissatisfied with her man usually do? She argues with him, nags him, criticizes him. What does this usually lead to? To the fact that a man is increasingly immersed in watching football, computer games, walking with friends or communicating with his mistresses. The woman herself, with her eternal dissatisfaction, pushes the man to move away from her. After all, who would like to constantly hear how bad and wrong he is? No one. And each person would suffer at first, and then begin to look for other places and entertainment that are not connected with the “grumpy wife.”

But you don't want that, do you? You desire love, attention, understanding, affection. And you will finally see that you are not getting what you want with your scandals and outrages. It's time to change tactics: while you criticize and nag, you get the same result - rejection and lack of attention from your loved one. Change your tactics and you will get a different result.

If you want to be loved, appreciated, people come to you, listen to you, want to do something nice, then start behaving in such a way that the other person has the same desires. Be glad to see a person when he appears before your eyes, communicate with him cheerfully, good-naturedly and respectfully, make him happy and accept gifts from him, try to fulfill some of his desires so that he wants to fulfill yours. In other words, forget about the urge to show your dissatisfaction because you are missing something. On the contrary, make sure that the person comes to you to spend his free time with you, because he knows that you are happy to see him and will be kind and generous with him.

Say “no” to quarrels and “yes” to joy. Start to rejoice yourself and be glad to your loved one, then he will want to be with you as often and as long as possible.

Bottom line

Relationships are never complete without arguments. Men and women tend to quarrel. This is due to the fact that no one is like the other. People will always quarrel, this even applies to same-sex partners. How strong the relationship turns out to be ultimately depends on the partners themselves who create it.

A man and a woman will always quarrel. What the outcome of these disputes will be depends on their behavior and goals. If they want to break up, then they will achieve this result in the same way as if they want to maintain the relationship. The main thing is commonality of goals.