Do you want to be right or happy? Do you want to be right or happy? Be happy and not right.

In this post I want to talk about quarrels. As far as I remember, most of the quarrels arose over some nonsense. In general, I am a patient person, but if I swear, it’s from the heart. I remember quarreling with a friend because I “said the wrong thing.” Each of us considered ourselves to be right, she believed that I should ask for forgiveness, she would not be the first to approach (pride gets in the way). I didn’t go for reconciliation because I didn’t consider myself guilty.

I can ask for forgiveness, the crown will not fall off my head, but if I really messed up. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask. As a result, our paths diverged and our friendship was interrupted. Do I regret this? No, everything turned out the way it did, but as the years pass, I understand that this situation “wasn’t worth a damn.” It's stupid to lose a person because of pride.

It’s even stupider if it’s not a friendly relationship, but a relationship as a couple. This is where it is most difficult to control yourself. When feelings appear, it happens naturally. Any trifle is perceived as a tragedy, a threat to relationships, etc., and we ourselves no longer understand how we “blowed each other out” over nothing.

And so you quarreled. Each believes that the other should be the first to reconcile. The reasons may be different. However, the most common is pride (our ego) - I will not bend under her/him (suddenly he will think that this is weakness on my part), it is he (s) to blame, so let him apologize. And we walk around so offended, waiting for the first step from each other, but we don’t call ourselves. Then time passes and somehow it becomes more difficult to admit that you were wrong.

It seems that we would rather regret that this happened than admit that we were wrong.

"While pride wins, people lose each other. S. Yesenin."

It happens that one of the two goes for reconciliation - for him, feelings turn out to be more important than pride, but even here, not everything is simple. It's good if the partner is will appreciate And will accept but it won't use this is against you: “So I won and so that I forgive you, you must... Perhaps he will do it once, maybe even another, a third, but then he will get tired of taking the first steps and he (s) will leave.

In general, most disagreements can be resolved simple conversation there is really one condition - sincerity. It’s not that I blame you or want to hurt you (because in fact it hurts me even more inside), but I explain to you why I did what I said.

Why are we all making trouble? WE FEAR! We are afraid that we do not appreciate, do not accept or understand, do not pay due attention, we are missing something(again, out of fear of losing something), etc. So it may be worth explaining the reason, rather than “Let him (s) understand that he was wrong.”

What is a trifle for one may be of paramount importance to another and this is important understand.

So, ask yourself again: “Do you want to be right or happy?”

Do you want to be right or happy?

This is the first question I will ask you when you take your place in my office.
I will continue to amaze you with my stupidity, asking it again and again....
I'm very boring and monotonous)))!

And my thoughts are about peace between Happiness and justice.

Well, or between humility and pride....

And this is all based on my last couple of groups: algorithm and marathon.

So about humility and pride.

I assume that many at this point yawned and reached out for the “mouse” - there is no interest in reading about these “church” words.

Religion is alien to me personally.
I am closer to vulgar materialism both because of my Soviet upbringing, and in my first, natural science, education (biology-chemistry), and in my profile of activity.

I understand these words - pride and humility - not as religious (Orthodox, Muslim, Jewish or Buddhist) concepts, but as universal human categories and psychotherapeutic tools.

I encounter these categories (pride-humility) at every training, at every family and individual consultation. By and large, any family quarrel, any showdown, and even just a statement can be attributed to a manifestation of pride or humility.

This is not what they should have done;
-I was tricked;
-My husband does everything wrong;
-My mother always thinks that I am wrong;
-I should have told him this.
etc., etc., etc....

In response to such descriptions, I always ask the question: do you want to be right or happy?

Rightness, the search for justice, the desire to win are the essence of the expression of pride.

The feeling of happiness belongs to another category - humility.

“Humility” is to be “with the world” in one dimension, in one rhythm, in one matrix, if you want.

Not in the context of good and evil, but in the context of worldview, belonging to the world.

Humility, in my understanding, is a kind of universal tool, the key to solving any problem.

A key that can lead beyond justice, rightness, victory, and thus rise above conflict.

If any conflict, for example, blacks with whites, is raised up to the level of universal human values, then it loses its meaning.

Conflict involves the opposition “we, whites, are good, they, blacks, are bad.” Who are "we? People. And they? People. We love children and want to be happy, what about them? They love children and want to be happy.

There is no opposition at this level. At the level of the question “Who am I?” the “us-them” conflict disintegrates.

In psychology, this is called outframing—to go beyond the conflict into a broader framework.

At the risk of seeming overly religious, let me suggest that God is beyond conflict, because his scope is much wider than ours!

The paradigm of clash, struggle, conflict, comparing oneself with others (no matter for better or worse) is pride.

People agree that clashes between peoples and racial strife are explained by national and racial pride (pride).

Pride is the strongest motivator for achievement. So is there something stronger, more important, more valuable than achievements?

But any dictionary will tell you that pride is the opposite of humility.

• October 7, 2018
• Life style
• Liliya Ponomareva

To move through life, a person needs guidelines. You need to understand what is bad and what is good, what is correct and what is misleading. At some point, the world is divided into white and black, and in order to notice the undertones, you need to step back and look from a different point of view. A logical question arises: “Do you want to be right or happy?”

Understanding the importance of another opinion

Sometimes it seems that the point is clear, that someone has acted unfairly. After receiving additional information, it becomes obvious that the person could not have acted differently. The realization comes that life is multifaceted and full of surprises. There is an understanding that if a person did exactly that, then he definitely had reasons for it. Before you judge him, you should ask yourself what is more important, being happy or being right. After all, showing injustice to others makes it difficult to be happy.

However, to accept the world in all its diversity, you need a developed worldview, a psyche capable of perceiving the world as it is. The ability not to judge people, not to prove that one is right, but simply to be happy, respecting the right of others to live the way they want, characterizes a mature, full-fledged personality. A formed harmonious personality will not prove anything to anyone, because he knows that everything comes to a person when he is internally ready for it.

Someone may wake up in the morning and suddenly realize that his family loves him sincerely, and the manifestation of the brightest feelings is not always in words. Life often plays a cruel joke when people, proving someone’s guilt, condemning someone, find themselves in a similar situation a little later. The same object is turned the other way, showing all its sides, making one feel the unacceptability of categorical opinions. A person has the right to be happy and live as he sees fit.

Pathological rejection of someone else's truth

There is a category of people who are incapable of perceiving another point of view. Constant disputes, active proof of correctness and the unacceptability of another opinion indicate a pathology of mental perception of reality. Such people do not recognize the right of everyone to be happy, making their own demands on everyone.

Although rightness in itself is a paradox, because it is based on the subjective perception of a particular person and cannot exist in principle. But a person, proving that he is right, feels superior to others, succumbing to the fear of being wrong, wounded and imperfect. At the same time, he forgets that it is much better to be happy than to be right. Disputes and condemnations take away a share of peace and happiness from life.

Confirmation error

The desire to be right in all aspects is based on inadequacy complexes. The point here is not deception, but the principles of the brain, which is designed in such a way that it manipulates arguments to prove its beliefs. "Do you want to be right or happy?" - this question does not arise in the presence of pathology.

A person sees first of all what he believes or what he wants to believe. This phenomenon is called the term “confirmation bias” and is based on the fact that the basic principle of perception is the search for facts that confirm an existing system of attitudes, and not the search for new opinions that can destroy existing stereotypes.

The Basics of the Habit of Being Right

Psychologists see the root of everything in culture, when from childhood the opinion is instilled that only stupid people make mistakes. Next, a person strives to avoid mistakes, not realizing that it is in the process of life, and not the fear of making mistakes, that the most valuable experience is acquired, which makes it possible to achieve goals and make dreams come true. In fact, whoever is happy is right.

Stages of developing the habit of being right

The formation of a pathological desire for rightness goes through the following stages:

• ‌a person is wrong and does not have the courage to admit it even to himself;‌
• there is an awareness of error under the influence of other people’s arguments;
• denial of wrongness and search for justifying arguments.

At the last stage, a person may come out of an argument nominally right, but deep down in his heart he will know that this is not so. This situation hurts pride and ego no less, adding a feeling of deception of others and oneself.

Tools of Rightness

The writer K. Schultz, the author of a book about the phenomenon of rightness, identifies the following arguments for defending rightness to oneself, most often used by consciousness that does not want to destroy established stereotypes and perceive another point of view to the detriment of its own pride:

• Ignorance of others (a belief arises about the low level of education and experience of other people, the lack of some important information, which is the reason for their opinion). In this case, peace sets in, the person no longer doubts that he is exceptionally right, trying to explain to others their mistakes.
• Incorrect judgments of others, their low mental abilities (with the same information environment, others do not see the most important thing, there is a feeling that they are not able to understand the situation due to the lack of information processing abilities, a logical conclusion is drawn that people with low mental abilities are mistaken) .
• Maliciousness of others (confidence that others also know the truth, but try to denigrate the opponent due to malicious intent).

As can be seen from the listed arguments, they all relate to the people around them. There is an opinion that the desire to be right is a sign of a vulgar mind. This is partly true, because only a high level of self-awareness can make you doubt yourself, ask the question “do you want to be right or happy?”

The danger of perfectionism being right

By accepting the fact that everyone is a living person and has the right to make their own decisions, a person takes himself to a new level of knowledge of himself and the world. The new level is based not on the right to make mistakes, but on the absence of the right to judge what is right and what is wrong.

Objectivity is an illusion that people have created to bring at least apparent order to life. But she has insidious qualities. The desire for perfectionism reduces human behavior to a narrow framework, regulated from all sides.

This state of affairs closes the way to constant development, which is the basis of the universe. The law of philosophy “everything flows, everything changes” applies to everything around. Science, technology, political and literary thought, fashion, culture - all these areas went through many stages of development. One rightness replaced another, thereby moving the development of society. To take a revolutionary step forward, it was necessary to break the existing system of stereotypes; this was painful, with sacrifices and suffering, but all life is in this development and movement.

The same thing happens to a person when he accepts the world with its imperfections and allows it to develop, evolving with it.

The Advantage of Being Wrong

Awareness of one's own wrongness and recognition of one's right to search for the truth together with others requires practical effort.

Being wrong has a number of advantages:

• awareness of oneself as a human;
• recognition of one's imperfections and thus getting rid of the pressure of social and internal stereotypes;
• awareness of one’s shortcomings and adequate self-esteem, the ability to work on oneself and develop;
• formation of a worldview of understanding the world, improvement and learning, building a priority for self-development rather than reputation.

Training the ability to be wrong

Do you want to be right or happy? Everyone chooses the answer for themselves. If you want to be happy, you need to learn to give up eternal rightness.

Only a brave, self-sufficient person can admit that he is wrong. It is much more difficult for people with complexes and worldview disorders to accept their imperfections and look openly at their shortcomings and fears. Given the fact that being wrong is a skill, it is therefore trainable.

The following techniques will help you develop the ability to adequately perceive the world with all its advantages and disadvantages:

• lose an argument - entering into an argument and deliberately losing it will help to recognize the right to the existence of another point of view, to experience the versatility of the world and opinions;
• support another point of view;
• accept an alien opinion as the truth - look at the world for a while through the eyes of an opposing opinion, looking for confirmation of it in surrounding events;
• prioritize compassion over being right in dealing with others;
• open up to other opinions, change your own, which will not be a betrayal of yourself, but will mark personal growth.

Lara was an open person, but too “correct” and principled. In addition, an avid debater. Having received a lawyer's education, she firmly believed that truth should triumph everywhere. And truth, as we know, is born in a dispute. Therefore, in the team where she worked, they did not like her; the bosses remembered her only when it was necessary to complete difficult work, completely forgetting about Lara when it came to choosing a candidate for the vacated leadership position. Her friends preferred to immediately agree with her opinion, rather than engage in a long, tedious debate, and Lara didn’t have any close friends. As for men, despite her intelligence, beauty and youth, they did not stay near her for long. Only her dog named Gangster remained faithful to her.

It’s not that Lara was bothered by this state of affairs, but the years passed, and she realized that it was time to start a family.

One day, fate threw her and her employees on company business to the Black Sea coast. It must be said that the company, in Lara’s opinion, was the same - Lenochka, the same age as Lara, a soft girl and, in Lara’s opinion, somewhat naive and “spineless”, and Fyodor, the head of the department, to whom Lara had not very friendly feelings, because she believed that she could have handled this position better.

Lenochka in the team was known as a soft, kind-hearted girl who everyone loved, and men idolized her, although Lara did not understand why? Not to say that she was a beauty, well, she has a pretty face, a so-so figure, wide hips, short legs, a looming belly - unlike Lara, long-legged and fit, who never missed a single workout in the gym. However, there was something in Lenochka that was attractive to men, what exactly, Lara could not understand, and wondered what they saw in her that they were ready to do anything for her, or almost everything.

Fedor was a fairly handsome man, who knew how to get along with both his superiors and his subordinates, who was even with everyone, but who knew how to touch a nerve.

One day, after finishing their work day and having dinner in a cafe, they decided to walk through a nearby park. Passing by the next pavilion, Lenochka stopped and froze in delight in front of the luxurious outfits of the last century.

“Let’s all take a photo together in these outfits,” she suggested, to which Lara received a skeptical grin in response.

- So that I fit into a pile of this junk - never in my life!

- But in vain! Girl, you are so beautiful, look, I have a special dress for you, it has probably been waiting for you all your life, will you really just pass by it like that? – the photographer, the owner of all this “beauty,” entered the conversation.

- What are you saying, dresses don’t know how to wait, they absolutely don’t care whether someone puts them on, or whether they’re collecting dust in some chest.

“You’re wrong, dear, every thing has its own soul, come up to this dress, touch it with your hands, and you will feel how it responds to you.”

- Larochka, please try it on, it will suit your eyes so well, you will look amazing in it! - Lenochka squealed.

“Len, if you want, dress up in these rags,” Lara snapped, “but leave me alone, this is not my style.”

“Really, Lena, leave Larisa, she’s too emancipated to be just a woman,” Fyodor intervened in their argument, “I’ll keep you company, look, there’s also a man’s outfit here.” You and I will look great together in a photograph.

Something in the depths of her soul pricked Lara very painfully, but she, as always, did not show it.

“Okay, if you have nothing to do, have fun, and I’d rather walk along the beach,” she said and walked towards the coast.

For some time Lara heard Lenochka’s cheerful laughter and Fyodor’s witty comments. For some reason, cats scratched at her soul, and everything - both people and houses - irritated her incredibly, it was unclear why.

Lara walked onto the pier, sat down on the edge, and tears flowed naturally from her eyes. Now she hated Fyodor, and Lenochka too, and did not understand why this situation hurt her so much.

- Girl, did you come here to drown yourself? Otherwise I will save you immediately!

Lara turned around and saw a strong, tanned guy with a bottle of beer.

“Leave me alone, I won’t touch you, and you don’t touch me,” she answered sharply.

- It’s a pity, such a beautiful girl, and so rude, I didn’t say anything bad to you, I just wanted to help. Well, sorry,” the guy answered and walked away.

Lara was left alone. It began to get dark, and music from a nearby cafe could be heard in the distance. They sang about love, and Lara felt incredibly lonely. She gave vent to tears, but for some reason it did not become easier.

Lara didn’t know how long she sat there, however, when she woke up, she realized that it was already late and it was time to return to the hotel.

Walking past the ill-fated pavilion, she again saw the same dress, and for some reason she wanted to apologize to him.

“Am I completely crazy,” she thought, but she went up to the dress and stroked it with her hand. And it really seemed to her that the dress responded joyfully, that it had been waiting for her all her life, and that it simply would not survive if Lara passed by like that now. Or is it she, Lara, who will not survive this?

“What nonsense?” Lara thought, but then a familiar photographer arrived.

“I knew you would come back,” he said, “the fitting room is here.”

For the first time in her life, Lara didn’t want to argue, she quietly went into the fitting room and changed into a dress. What she felt was so new to her that she literally felt dizzy.

Lara went out and looked in the mirror. A completely different girl looked at her from the mirror - tender and defenseless, with beautiful gray eyes and a mysterious smile. “Is it even me?” - flashed through Lara’s head, but she liked the new image so much, she felt so comfortable in it, that it seemed as if she had returned to her home, where she spent the best years of her life.

“You are simply magnificent,” said the photographer, and Lara saw so much admiration in his eyes that she involuntarily smiled even more. The photographer pointed the camera, and Lara caught herself thinking that she wanted to flirt with this man, she wanted to be frivolous, flighty, spinning in this extraordinary dress, she wanted to be a fragile porcelain figurine, valuable and carefully preserved.

Lara took pictures and took pictures, sitting, standing, taking various poses, and it gave her so much pleasure that she simply did not remember when she felt so good.

“The photographs will be ready tomorrow evening,” said the photographer, “come, I’ve never had such a beautiful model in my life, can I hang one of the photographs on the stand?”

“Hang me, of course,” Lara answered and was surprised at her complaisance.

I really didn’t want to take off my dress, but I couldn’t leave it with me, Lara thought, changing into her own clothes. After the wonderful dress, the tight, tight trousers that she loved so much somehow uncomfortably squeezed her thighs, so that it became difficult for her to breathe.

“I’ll go buy myself a skirt tomorrow, long and fluffy,” she thought, returning to the hotel.

The next day, barely waiting for a break, Lara ran to a nearby shopping center to carry out her idea. Among all the colorful variety of styles and fabrics, she settled on two things - a long white sundress and a colorful skirt. Both things looked equally good on Lara, all that was left was to choose what to buy.

“I think I’ll take the skirt,” she said to the saleswoman, counting out the money.

- Take a sundress, you are simply stunning in it!

Lara turned around and saw Fyodor standing next to her.

- I came to buy souvenirs and accidentally saw you. By the way, forgive me for yesterday, I was unjustifiably harsh with you, I don’t know what came over me...

“I’ll take a skirt, it’s more practical,” Lara said rather coldly.

- Then take both things.

“I didn’t expect to spend so much, I’m afraid I won’t live to see my salary.”

- I can lend you the required amount... Do you want me to give you this sundress to make amends to you?

- No, thank you, this is too expensive a gift. I don't want to be beholden to my superiors.

- Well as you know. My job is to offer...

“And mine is to refuse,” Lara completed the dialogue, paying for the skirt.

In the evening after work, Lara ran to pick up the finished photographs. Approaching the pavilion, she noticed Fyodor and Lenochka carefully examining the advertising stand.

- Hello, what are you looking at so closely? – she asked and saw one of her photographs hanging on the stand. I must say, the photography was truly magnificent.

- Larka, I can’t believe my eyes! It's you! Wow! – Lenochka squealed, “You still did it!” I told you, this dress is YOURS!

And Fedor just stood there silently. But there was something strange and still unfamiliar in his gaze. It was admiration mixed with amazement at what he saw.

Taking her photographs, Lenochka said goodbye to the company, citing the fact that she had urgent business.

- Lara, I never made amends to you, let me do this by inviting you to a restaurant for dinner.

- Come on, whoever it happens to, I’m not mad at you.

“Then even more so, let me steal you away this evening.” If you don’t want to go to a restaurant, let’s go for a boat ride and watch the sunset at sea.

“You’re a romantic,” Lara smiled. - Okay, let's go watch the sunset.

The evening turned out to be surprisingly warm. Lara felt unusually good in the company of Fedor. He felt masculine strength and reliability, and this calmed, lulled, surprisingly relaxed Lara, and she discovered new, hitherto unknown facets of femininity, sensuality and defenselessness.

“Thank you for a wonderful evening,” Fyodor said in parting, “I’m very glad that I got to know you better, I haven’t felt so good for a long time.” I hope we'll see you tomorrow?

- Of course, see you tomorrow at 9 am at the workplace. “I promise not to be late,” Lara laughed it off and disappeared behind the door of her room.

The next morning Lara was torn by contradiction. On the one hand, her principles did not allow having affairs at work. On the other hand, Lara really wanted her friendship with Fedor to develop into a closer relationship.

“Lara, you’re not yourself today,” Lenochka remarked when they were alone in the room during a break. - Are you all right? How was last night?

- The evening was wonderful...

- So what's the deal?

“I don’t know...” Lara hesitated, but still decided to open up to Lenochka. - You see, Len, Fyodor is a wonderful person, but all this is not right...

- What do you mean?

- Well, you see, we work in the same organization. Having an affair at work is bad form. Especially with the bosses. You know, this is not welcome in our company and is contrary to all established standards.

- Wait, Lara, work is work, but no one canceled personal life. And then, if you were family people, that’s one thing. But you are completely free and are perfect for each other.

- No I can not. After all, in the near future everyone will know about everything, rumors will spread. This will damage both my reputation and Fedor's reputation. In addition, it will negatively affect the workflow. You can forget about your career. So it’s not far from dismissal... What if things don’t work out for us? What to do then?

- Lara, what are you saying, are you ready to let such a man go for the sake of your reputation and career? Do you choose who you want to be - right or happy? Happiness is in your hands, but you want to miss it because of your principles? Think carefully, life rarely throws such chances around.

- Yes, that’s true... but you know, it’s too risky an idea for me. For some reason, men don’t linger near me... I’m afraid that the affair with Fedor will end the same way. And then how to work together?

- Lara, everything is in your hands. If you want the result to be different, act differently.

- Yes, that’s the point, I don’t know how to act? Tell me, how is it that crowds of gentlemen run after you, just waiting for the moment to serve you?

“Well, you’ve already gone too far,” Lenochka laughed. - But thanks anyway. Lara, in fact, there are no special secrets. I just let them feel like men next to me. You know, there are so many strong, self-sufficient and independent women in the world that men have nowhere to show their best qualities, they are simply not in demand by anyone. Women compete with men in literally everything, not understanding that a Woman’s strength is in her weakness, in her ability to reveal his strengths in a Man.

- How is that?

- This means forgetting about “I myself” and giving the man the opportunity to solve problems.

“But I can’t even imagine myself in the role of a weak, defenseless woman, I’ve been self-sufficient my entire adult life, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to ask someone for something.” This means losing your independence... So it’s not far from slavery... And, then, men are not always right, so now should we remain silent and watch them make mistakes in something?

- Yes, and let them make mistakes, this is their life, their experience, and then it is unknown, maybe this mistake will result in something good, because, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. And you, with your “correct” instructions, are filling yourself with them not as a wife, but as a mother. So it turns out that strong men do not stay long, because they are looking for support and trust in a woman, and not a collection of useful tips for all occasions.

- Yes, there is something to think about... In any case, thank you.

In the evening in Lara the decision was finally made to buy the sundress that Fyodor liked so much. But when she came to get it, it turned out that someone had already bought it.

For the rest of the business trip, Lara was in doubt. She really wanted to believe Lenochka, but the fear of the unknown, new experience did not give her peace. Fedor saw that something was struggling inside Lara, and did not rush things, patiently waiting for her decision.

We decided to spend the last evening before leaving at a restaurant.

Lara came to the room to change clothes and clean up after a day of work - and was stunned. The same sundress lay on her bed. Joy and anger mixed all Lara's thoughts. She realized that Fyodor had bought it. For her. Lara didn't know what to do. Put it on, thereby capitulating, giving up your independence, or send the sundress to this impudent person, showing him his place.

Lara dialed Fedor's number.

- Why did you do that?

- I wanted to please you... It didn’t work out?

- No, of course I’m glad... Listen, let me give you the money for it? I can’t accept such gifts, I’m not ready for such a relationship... Hello!

The conversation ended. Fedor did not call back. Lara dialed his number again, but in response she heard the operator's standard offer to call back later.

Lara's legs gave way. Limply, she sank to the floor, hugging her sundress and realizing that she had simply passed by her happiness. Like the last fool who thinks God knows what about herself. Tears flowed from her eyes, and she did not block this salty flow.

- Young lady, I don’t understand, are we going for a walk today or what?

Looking up, Lara saw Fyodor standing with a bouquet of flowers.

- Lara, are you okay? Are you crying? - said the confused Fedor. -Did someone offend you?

- No, everything is fine, I was just scared...

- Scared of what? “Fyodor began to gradually understand what was happening. - Lara, my phone is dead, I had a lot of calls today, I almost didn’t take it out of my ear... Silly girl, what did you think of yourself? – And gently pulled her towards him.

Lara did not resist or argue.

“I choose to be happy,” she decided, comfortably burying herself in Fedino’s shoulder.

Sincerely, Inna Kichigina.

Everything we see is only one appearance.

Far from the surface of the world to the bottom.

Consider the obvious in the world to be unimportant,

For the secret essence of things is not visible.

Omar Khayyam

The dilemma posed in the title goes deep into human wisdom. Buddha Shakyamuni also bequeathed: “Focus more on being happy than on being right.” Although this is not in the Gospels, Jesus Christ said the same thing: “You can be right or you can be happy.” The ancient sage king Solomon spoke about this in a slightly different manner: “Lord! Give me the courage to change the things that can be changed, give me the patience to accept the things that cannot be changed, and give me the wisdom to know the difference.”

Truth (or rightness, although this is not the same thing) and happiness have always been at the center of human thoughts about life, higher values ​​and meanings. Therefore, it is difficult to survey the widest range of opinions about them, dividing people into adherents of one or another. It is generally accepted that the sages have always given preference to happiness, understanding better than others the unattainability, uncertainty and even the danger of being right.

Rightness, confidence in it, the desire to win an argument are the essence of pride. But happiness does not affect anyone’s interests and is often considered a form of humility before all the hardships of life.

Rightness, even the truth, bears the Cain stamp of pride, struggle, conflict, intolerance, one-sidedness, thirst for revenge. Pride is guided by the categories of good-bad, right-wrong, victory-loss. Happiness and humility are a holistic perception of life as it is. To come to terms is to live in peace, to carry peace in your soul. The logic of rightness is “all or nothing”, the logic of happiness is both.

I would generally introduce an absolute ban on the words “you’re wrong!”, because I’m afraid of idiots speaking in the name of the truth and only the truth. They are idiots - because they are not given the opportunity to understand the grandeur of the depth of existence and the primitiveness of any superficial “truth”. Rightness, the fight for truth, absolute faith - very often are reflections of inner blindness, fixation, denseness, inadequacy, and lack of understanding of the bottomlessness of existence.

Facts should not be confused with rightness-truth - especially since facts are continuously updated, and rightness-truth changes. Knowledge itself is conventional in nature, that is, based on recognition by the majority. Not to mention the fact that society often rejects the new knowledge of pioneers and defends the truths of yesterday. History is replete with examples of great ideas and inventions that seemed ridiculous only because society was adamant in its unwillingness to go beyond the traditional thinking of its time. A person who strives to be right all the time often clings to outdated information that may have been true in the past but is no longer true.

Experience shows the undoubted advantages of communication through love, forgiveness and kindness compared to communication through “right and wrong.” Even in the recognition of the new, benevolence, condescension and tolerance win. Compromise is preferable to being right. The Chinese say: “Let your opponent save face.” Failures and mistakes should not be ridiculed, but encouraged, and inflexibility should be viewed with suspicion. After all, in the end, “your freedom ends where the freedom of another begins.” And God is above the truth, because the truth is EVERYTHING for Him. And the very desire to prove that you are right rarely brings happiness.

If you want to be happy, stop being right. Enjoy life, the fullness of being, by accepting others as they are and “allowing” them to have the views that they have. In the end, everyone has the right to their opinion, regardless of the degree to which they are right. But other people’s anger, pain, and aggression in response to your “rightness” are unlikely to bring you happiness or peace of mind.

Sometimes it seems to me that “RIGHTNESS”, “CONFIDENCE”, “CONFIDENCE”

and “Zombie” are synonyms. I don’t know what kind of rubbish other people’s opinions and beliefs are made of in their heads, but there is no doubt that the faith of many rests solely on a tremendous lack of knowledge or mental abilities...

Eugene Ionesco testifies: “More than once in my life I was struck by a sharp change in what could be called public opinion, its rapid evolution, the power of its contagion, comparable to a genuine epidemic. People suddenly begin to profess a new faith, accept a new doctrine, and succumb to fanaticism. Finally, one is amazed at how philosophers and journalists, claiming to have an original philosophy, begin to talk about a “true historical moment.” At the same time, one is present at a gradual mutation of thinking. When people stop sharing your opinion, when it is no longer possible to come to an agreement with them, you get the impression that you are turning to monsters...”

The world is so complex, deep, diverse and unpredictable that most statements about it are in the same relationship with it as zero is with infinity. This means that most opinions about anything are worthless.

I prefer folk wisdom to opinions. Here are extracts from it:

A fanatic is someone who takes his own opinions seriously.

God, how they appreciate the fact that everyone thinks the same thing.

There is nothing more despicable than the opinion of the crowd.

Everyone finds their own way to common misconceptions.