How to deal with one and two? How to cope with two children (practical advice) How to cope with two small children.

Even during her second pregnancy, a woman has concerns about how she will cope with two children. Because the husband is at work, the grandmothers are far away, and no matter how you look at it, the mother will have to take care of the children all day. How to behave so that both of them have enough affection, attention and care. In order not to cause jealousy and rivalry with the younger child for mother’s love in the older child, you need to set him up in a positive way from the first months of pregnancy.

What to do during pregnancy?
The older child needs to be prepared for joining the family. Under no circumstances tell him: “You will have a brother, and you will have to share candy and toys with him.” In the end, you won’t have to share right away, and you can gently ask him, unobtrusively push him to the right decision, but not put pressure.

The most important thing is to talk to your child in a positive way: “We’re going to have a baby, how great it will be, because you’ll have someone to play with.” Be sure to use the pronoun “we”, because the eldest child is also a full member of the family, he should be involved in the process of discussing upcoming changes in life on an equal basis with adults.
Together with your child, prepare a trousseau for the baby. Let the older one choose a gift for the younger one that he likes. Allow him to play with rattles, sliders, and pyramids intended for the baby. Consult with him about the color of bedding for the baby. If you have clothes left over from an older child, be sure to ask him if the younger one can wear them. Let the firstborn feel like an adult and significant, so a sense of responsibility will come to him, because he is the one who is consulted with!
When buying something for one child in a store, buy something as a gift for the second one. This way you will teach the older child to share with the younger one. And soon he himself will come running to you asking you to buy something for the baby.
Discuss how exactly your older child will help you after the baby is born. Only not in an orderly tone, but in a questioning tone. Let him decide for himself what to help. And then allow him to do this: choose a suit for the street, throw a water thermometer into the bath, take out a diaper, entertain the baby with a rattle.

In some families, it is customary to bring a gift from the maternity hospital for the older child from the newborn. Try to choose not the next hundredth of the same type of car, but some unusual thing that he hasn’t had before. And let the older child give the younger one the rattles he has stored.

How to cope with household chores?
Allow your older child to help you. Especially if he wants it himself. Place dirty clothes in the washing machine and bring out clean ones. Do the cleaning together. For the older child, this will turn into a fun holiday and an extra opportunity to communicate with mom.

Give him a separate rag, instruct him to wipe off the dust, and let him wash the floor himself. So what if you have to wash it, but you will keep your child occupied and make him feel important.

Send your firstborn on exciting trips: to grandma for a day, to the store with dad. Come up with quiet games for your older child while you are busy around the house: modeling, drawing, mosaics, puzzles, construction sets.

Teach your children that mom has her own needs, and they can be alone for 10 minutes after waking up while you go wash your face and brush your teeth. Don’t deny yourself a pleasant vacation: read a book, watch a movie or cartoon with your children, a mountain of dishes won’t escape you, but you need to have time to enjoy their childhood.

What should you do after maternity hospital and how to find time for both.

Let your older child avoid tiptoeing while your newborn sleeps. After all, he wants to run and warm up, and he should. A little noise won't hurt the baby.
It happens that when a newborn appears in the house, the older child also wants to be little: try formula from a bottle, put a pacifier in his mouth, lie in his mother’s arms. Allow him to do this. Even if you are busy with the baby at this time, ask dad to hold the baby while you nurse your firstborn. It is unlikely that he will be interested in this for a long time.
Sing bedtime songs to both children and tell stories. Soon the older child himself will sing a lullaby for the baby.
Don't yell at your elder if he accidentally wakes up your newborn. It’s better to just discuss with him how poor the baby is because he didn’t get enough sleep. Let your child draw the right conclusions from his bad behavior.
Discuss with your older child how big he already is: “The little one doesn’t know how to eat regular food, but here you are quite an adult, you even eat with a spoon.” Find reasons to praise and show pride in him!
Emphasize that you love both children equally. Avoid expressions: “You’re the eldest, so you should...”.
Try to spend as much time as possible with your older child while your newborn is sleeping. Even if you need to cook dinner, do it together with your firstborn, let him participate in the process. After all, this is such an exciting game, especially when mom is nearby and allows you to use all sorts of “adult” kitchen utensils.
Don't leave your older child alone while you are busy with your younger one. Help him move the pieces of the mosaic, talk to him, play some kind of oral game, if you cannot actively move now: feed the baby or hold him in your arms.
Teach children to play with each other. Let the elder, as more experienced, take on the difficult role in the game - doctor, teacher, driver, and let the baby be a patient, student, passenger. It won't be long before the children play on their own.
As a rule, games can be combined. And the younger one can be given large parts from the construction set instead of rattles, for example, if the older child is building a house at the same time. The same applies to large wooden frames, lacing and balls. Surely the baby will also be interested in all these things. Just ask your firstborn for permission to take his toys.
Don't force the older child to watch the younger one and help you. Yes, you can ask him to do something, but don't be offended or scold him for refusing. After all, he himself is still small, do not deprive him of his childhood and his own affairs and concerns.

How can I make my mother's life easier?
Take into account some little things and tips that can give you an extra moment of peace:

buy a sling, it relieves your hands and calms your baby;
plan to sleep together, it will give you extra time to rest;
breastfeed while lying down, this will allow you to relax, at the same time you can read a book or with one free hand help your elder put together a puzzle, for example;
introduce the same sleep schedule for children, at this time you can also sleep or just relax;
buy a “smart” steamer or multicooker, in which you can put food and wait for it to cook without feeling it in the process;
buy a dishwasher, give your back a rest;
keep a notebook and write down what you need to do;
do a minimum number of chores around the house, do only what is urgent;
use the freezer, you can use it to freeze ready-made food for future use;
accept help from your husband, grandmothers, friends - everyone who wants to help, do not neglect it;
buy easy-to-wear clothes for your older child, this way you will save time getting ready for a walk;
leave an extra half hour to an hour for getting ready in order to be on time for planned events;
buy unbreakable dishes, they will not cause unnecessary trouble if a child accidentally knocks them off;
Keep cartoons or toys on your smartphone, you can’t live without them, but try to keep your child occupied in this way only in extreme cases.
Have a supply of quick food, give your older child access to food that he can take and snack on: juices, muesli, washed fruits, dried fruits, nuts, cookies.

What should dad do?
In difficult times, when a woman is already tired and lacks sleep because of a newborn, the father must take care of her and the older child.

when you are busy with a baby, your husband may well feed the older one, play with him, take him for a walk, buy him, put him to bed;
dad can cook food for the whole family, wash the dishes, vacuum;
he can be sent for a walk with the children, and at this time you can be given an extra hour of sleep.

Children's quarrels
When children are a little older and play together, disagreements and conflicts are bound to arise. In such cases, an experienced mother sits them down facing each other and gives everyone the opportunity to express their complaints for 5 minutes. Alternately. And definitely without getting personal: not “You are so and so,” but “I don’t like the fact that you...”. Then they will independently come to an agreement and resolve all disputes.

You are a good mother!
No matter how harsh it may sound, choose the child to whom you are more important at the moment. If the older one is hit, then put the baby down, even if he also starts crying, and calm the older one, check if everything is okay. And vice versa, if you are feeding your baby, and your firstborn asks for some kind of toy, then distract him and ask him to wait. Don’t consider yourself a slow mom because of this.

If you don’t have enough time, don’t be afraid to feed your child yogurt and cookies, for example, instead of porridge. Take bananas and juice with you on your walk. While the younger child is sleeping in the stroller, play with the older one on the playground and feed him at the same time.

Take time for yourself, take a shower, do a face mask. Ask your husband to take care of the children for these 15 minutes. Go to the store. Let it be nearby, let it be for groceries, but take a walk, take a break from the children, so that you don’t have thoughts about confinement within four walls.

Don't forget that you are not the only one who is having a hard time. It is also difficult for a child to accept the new rules of life in the family. It's hard not to run and scream when you want to. And, of course, I really want attention. Try to give it to your firstborn to the fullest. Emphasize the love of the younger child for the older one. Notice the smiles, the finger grabbing.

At the same time, the appearance of a baby in the family stimulates the development of the older child. You can even teach him to eat, dress, and take out the potty on his own; just ask him to show the baby how to do this in order to teach the baby. Be sure to praise your child for his success and show him how proud you are of him!

A note for new mothers of twins

You will have twins! And an involuntary question immediately arises - how to cope? Especially for those whose grandparents are far away and whose husband is at work. Here are some of my experiences and those of other mothers of twins.

Mode

The first thing that is discussed and even leads to disputes is to develop a regime or still live according to demand?

The question is really controversial, every mother herself knows “what is best.” Basically, children develop their own routine, but in the case of twins, you need to be prepared for the fact that if you don’t establish a general routine in time, then each of the kids will live in their own rhythm, and you will spin between them non-stop.

The regime becomes easier if the babies are bottle-fed, although this is perhaps its only advantage. We were on mixed feeding. And the babies drank about three liters a day: 2 liters of my milk and 1.2 liters of formula. Despite the fact that we were on mixed feeding, I felt like just a huge dairy factory. Mine ate 260 ml and gained 2200 grams each in the second month, then the appetite decreased slightly. At night I fed only breast milk, so for the first three months I slept exclusively from six to eight, while my husband got ready for work and looked after them.

Sometimes it was possible to sleep during the day when the grandmothers were walking with a stroller. But usually at this time you start cleaning, cooking, washing... I was ready for the fact that I would have to lack sleep and took it simply.

What to do when they cry?

When twins are born, be prepared for the fact that these lumps will cry (what is it - scream!) at the same time. I think almost each of us at least once went into another room and cried from the inability to calm two people at once. The most important thing is not to blame yourself for not coping - believe me, you are not the only one.

Of course, it is undesirable to make children hysterical. My methods of calming down were as follows: I put them in two carrier bags and carried them around the apartment, or put one in the bathtub in a bag on the floor and turned on the shower - it helped for about 15 minutes. Air baths also helped - I undressed the babies, lay down next to them, stroked them and spoke quietly.

Bathing

While the twins are small (up to six months), it is more convenient to bathe them one at a time. If no one at home can help you, then you can bathe one baby today, and the next day the second. Everything becomes much easier when children start sitting. There you can bathe them together and even entertain them in the bathroom with different games: let them frolic and develop!

How I made life easier

Since my babies were mixed-fed, I prepared two bottles in advance; I know that many mothers put bottles on radiators during the heating season: I opened my eyes, felt the warm bottle, added the mixture and it was done.

Be sure to keep 1-2 spare pacifiers on hand at night: as soon as one child began to whine in his sleep, she gave him a pacifier before he woke up the second or woke up completely.

I had two carrycot bags, I actively used them from three months and, probably, until seven. It was arranged like this - one bag with the baby on one knee, the second on the other, or one on the legs, the second on the stomach, and I was lying on my back. By rocking them in this position, you can even take a nap and then transfer them to their cribs. It is very convenient that the children do not wake up when shifting.

The nursing pillow is a wonderful thing in my opinion! At first I used it during feeding, then the children loved lying on it on their tummies, then they sat in it, then they carried it and used it as a toy.

My kids slept in different beds, and between them I had my own little pillow. Snuggling there, I could even take a nap, and at the same time feed them from a bottle, or lull them to sleep.

From the age of five months we fell asleep on our own in the evening. I downloaded lullabies for the children (the girl very melodiously sings folk lullabies a cappella), and soon a conditioned reflex developed: when I turn on the songs, it means it’s time to sleep. This also became an important regime moment.

On the handles

After the caesarean section, I couldn’t lift the babies or carry them in my arms much. I knew that holding hands is a “quick habit” and immediately warned all visiting relatives that it is better not to carry babies in your arms, but to play with them and hug them when they are lying, for example, on the sofa. When the babies gained weight (and this happened quite quickly), this principled position served me well: I can’t imagine how I would continuously carry two fat, strong babies in my arms.

Walks

A walk, to be honest, is a feat, especially in the cold season. To dress two children and get dressed myself, I had to show miracles of balancing act. In this case, it is still necessary to pull the stroller out from the eighth floor. The question is - how?

You can negotiate with the wonderful neighbors downstairs to watch the stroller. You can take a risk and leave it at the exit.

I pulled the stroller to the first floor. Then she got up and dressed everyone at the speed of light. Before this they were already half dressed. Advice to moms: don’t dress warmly. The load during the walk will be serious; I wore a ski jacket all winter. Children in clothes weigh at least five kilograms, the lightest stroller weighs another 12, for a total of 22 kilograms. In general, if you sometimes have the opportunity to send your husband, relatives or friends for a walk, do it without a twinge of conscience!

You can get a lot of pleasure from the walk itself, especially in the warm season. My children slept for 3-4 hours, and I walked and listened to music, talked on the phone with my friends. It must be admitted that this brought variety to life.

No need to refuse help! Husband, relatives, girlfriends - do not hesitate to accept help and even openly ask for it (my friends even came to wash the floor and cook!). Try to take a nap at any suitable moment - now this is one of the most important things for you, more important than washing, cleaning and cooking.

If you have twins, you will have a difficult year, you can trust me. Sometimes, when I got up early in the morning, I didn’t get to the sink to brush my teeth until midday. After two years it will become easier. And after three, you will discover that life with twins is a song of the heart!

The possibilities for being a mom of twins are endless, remember that! And one more thing - you are the best mommy in the world!

Coping with two small children and not having constant help is difficult. But as experience shows (and not only mine), this is quite possible.

Initial data

the difference between children is 2.5 years;

there is no nanny or kindergarten;

Grandma is sometimes available on weekends;

My husband works a flexible schedule.

So what helped me:

Mood
I was ready (and understood that it was right) to meet all the needs of the newborn. Feed, carry, comfort, and so on for as long as he needs, instead of wasting physical and moral energy on “training” and “not pampering.” It turned out that the mother’s efficiency increases when she “surrenders” to the child, rather than “fighting” him.

Advice:
Learn as much as you can about how babies work and what their needs are. This will help you to be willing and willing to care for your child. You will understand what needs to be prepared for the baby’s arrival and what you need to learn.

Husband's help
From the first day, the husband took over the evening care of his eldest son. Played, bathed, put him to bed, slept with him, solved all night problems (if he was sick, for example). It was (and is) just mega-help!!! My husband also buys food once a week according to my list, so I don’t need to waste time going to the store.

Advice:
Discuss in advance with your spouse how he will help you after the birth of your second child. Try to introduce routines into your older child's day that he only does with dad. For example, dinner, evening bathing and going to bed, walks only with dad on the weekends.
Take care of dad's nighttime sleep; if he rested well at night, it will help during the day.

Slings
Having tied the youngest child to me with a scarf, I could do homework and completely live in the rhythm of the older child, which was very important for us. Learning the art of carrying a child on yourself was not difficult, here practice is everything!

Co-sleeping
The baby turned out to be very demanding from birth, he woke up often, his sleep period was about 40 minutes. Therefore, sleeping together saves both energy and time, and it brings great joy!

Ped feeding
This method of complementary feeding is very relieving! The youngest eats the breast as much as he wants, and sits down at the table with us and tastes/eats/spits/swallows our food (we all eat healthy food). I don’t need to prepare “baby” food separately, grind anything, etc. Saving time and effort is colossal!

GV - only lying down
I breastfeed exclusively while lying down! (Well, except for feedings while sleeping in a sling, and while walking in a sling). This is a very cool opportunity to relax and should not be neglected. Sometimes you can even take a good nap this way, and the relief for your back is colossal!

Synchronizing children's naps
I realized that my eldest must sleep for two hours during the day (or just lie silently). Whether he wants or not, he has “quiet time.” It was not difficult to move the younger one’s sleep to the older one’s “quiet hour.” And so, I have 2-3 hours of silence and the opportunity to sleep/lie down/relax.

Rest while children sleep
I always tried to sleep/read lying down if the youngest one was sleeping (and the older one was “watched” by dad or a cartoon in case of emergency). I did all the housework when the youngest was not sleeping - I carried him along with me in a chaise longue or on me in a sling. The main thing here is to plan/write down in advance what needs to be done so as not to waste time thinking when the right moment comes.

Minimum household chores
Household chores were reduced to the necessary minimum:

cooking (very simple: side dish, meat from the oven, simple soup);

washing/drying/laying out clothes (no ironing);

everything else (dishes, sinks, toilet, floors, dust) went into “flylady” routine;

if possible (well, if a grandmother suddenly appears and is watching the children) - emergency cooking of food followed by freezing (frozen cutlets especially help out);

multicooker: the main thing is to have time to throw food into it (of course, you need to think in advance what to throw), press the button - and you can go for a walk/sleep/play... This is the most important thing. You don't need to stand over it!!! I can no longer imagine my life without her.

Advice:
Learn to think through your actions in advance. At first, you may have to discipline your brain and put effort into it, but then everything will work out on its own. And if possible, be sure to write down what you decide.

Smartphone is my life!
There is one more thing without which I definitely would not survive. It is even more important than a multicooker. This is my smartphone (and at first it was a PDA). Thanks to him, I can spend every free minute interesting and useful. And unload your brains and fill them. I read, write, plan, study, surf the Internet while rocking the baby in a sling, lying down and breastfeeding. A smartphone helps me keep my inner world in order; without it, it would be very difficult for me personally.

Requests for help
Still, mothers, if there are no helpers, you need to look for them! You need to ask for help wherever possible! Otherwise you will simply burn out and there will be trouble for everyone. Ask your husband, relatives, friends, neighbors. All options will be good. Alone in the field is a warrior, but not for long.

In general, the answer to the question “how to cope with two children without helpers” is hidden in the flylady system itself. If you follow it scrupulously, you will soon become a mega-housewife. Even with two kids. But it's not that simple. It takes a lot of effort, it’s true. But this is definitely better than being hysterical, feeling sorry for yourself and angry at the chaos around you and the lack of help.

And one last thing. The bread of twice-mothers and twice-fathers is heavy. But how sweet he is! Children are a great happiness, and the more there are, the fuller and more beautiful the life of parents.

So here are my secrets to success in life with two children:

The right attitude

Thinking ahead

Husband's help

Slings

Co-sleeping

Ped feeding

GV - only lying down

Synchronizing children's naps

Rest while children sleep

Minimum household chores

Smartphone is my life!

Requests for help

Well, all my experience slowly resulted in 5 steps for a mother who wants to do everything. Listen :))).

What secrets do you, “twice-mothers”, have?

“Children are the flowers of life”, “children are our reward, the meaning of life and happiness”... These are very beautiful phrases, but in reality, along with great love and fullness of every day, children bring us a lot of trouble. By deciding to have a child, you have already completely changed your life. What will she become with the birth of her second? How to cope with double workload, stay sane, and even better, become a happy two-time mother who truly enjoys raising her kids? In this article we will talk about how to prepare for the birth of your second child and what to expect from motherhood “squared”.

Preparing for the arrival of your second child

If you have taken a serious and responsible approach to planning your second pregnancy, and have thought about what the optimal age difference between children will be for your family, that’s great. After all, no one will deny that it is quite difficult to cope with the weather and children close in age. The older and more independent your firstborn is, the easier it will probably be for you. When planning, you should also take into account the psychological characteristics of a mother who will have to raise two children (her stress tolerance, tendency to depression), and the absence / presence of assistants. However, parents who are expecting the arrival of their second baby with a slight difference and who do not have grandmothers “close by” should not panic. You will succeed!

Your eldest child is a full member of the family, so he has the right to know about the imminent addition and, together with his parents, to participate in preparations for the arrival of a brother or sister. Do not say: “Soon you will have a playmate,” otherwise the first-born will be truly disappointed when he sees a helpless baby who can only eat and cry. Do not focus your child’s attention on the fact that he will soon have to start sharing toys and sweets with his brother or sister; This way you risk causing completely understandable rejection of the new family member. Tell the truth: a tiny, helpless little man will appear in your family, who at first will only eat his mother’s milk and sleep most of the time. Emphasize that being a senior is very serious and responsible. Consult with your child on the choice of clothes, bedding and toys for the baby. If you plan to use items left over from your first child, ask his permission to do so. Make plans with your child using the pronoun “we.” Ask how he will help you after the birth of the newborn (and he probably wants to participate in caring for the baby - the main thing is that it is voluntary). Let your child feel important, responsible and grown up!

Together with the older child, choose a gift for the younger one, and prepare a “reciprocal gift” yourself, which you will give upon arrival from the maternity hospital. The experience of many families suggests that this method helps somewhat smooth out the difficulties of the first days and the inevitable jealousy on the part of the first-born. Try to choose something especially interesting and original as a gift, and not the hundredth doll or car.

Will it be difficult with two children?

Many mothers assure that it is much easier with two children than with one. Firstly, an only child is more demanding; he is used to having his mother at his complete disposal. And besides him, my mother, in general, has no one else to go out with and talk to at home. When there are two kids, the older one quickly gets used to this state of affairs, and the younger one initially grows up in a more “busy” environment. It often really becomes easier for the mother, because now she is not, as the first time, alone with the baby. Of course, we are talking about children with an age difference of at least two or three years.

Another point is also important. In any case, you will feel much more confident with your second child. You already know how to change diapers, don’t panic because of crying, and have a certain strategy for behavior in a given situation.

How can a mother of two children cope with household chores alone, without helpers?

It is a rare mother who actually has absolutely no help. If you have two children, then they most likely have a dad who can and should be involved in helping with the housework. Don't take on ALL the housework - your children need a physically and mentally healthy mother! Dad may well take one or both kids for a walk, giving you a little break. And the grandmother will probably be glad to somehow spend the day with her beloved eldest grandson.

There are also extreme situations when dad is not there or he is at work from morning to evening, and grandparents live very far away. The lack of help from husband, mother and mother-in-law seems catastrophic only at first glance. Often a large number of people in the house can lead to real chaos, and the so-called help begins to simply get in the way. Therefore, do not be discouraged and proceed from what you have.

Depending on the age of the older child, give him responsible tasks. Give him his own dust cloth, sponge for washing dishes, trust him with a mop - encourage his desire to help you. And even the smallest children love to load or unload the washing machine and hang clean clothes on the dryer. And even if your eldest doesn’t succeed in everything right away, it’s not that important! You teach your child responsibility and give him importance in his own eyes. Praise your baby and emphasize how mature and independent he is. Say: “Brother (sister) looks and is surprised at how great you are doing this! He will grow up and follow your example.” You will see how this will please the older child and stimulate him to further “exploits.”

Don't put off housework while the children are sleeping. Let their sleep be a time for your rest. Teach your kids that mother is also a person, she needs to wash, go to the toilet, and brush her teeth. The elder, if he is already at a more or less conscious age, may well look after the baby for a few minutes or play a little without you while you change the little one or feed him. If you are busy with housework, keep your firstborn busy with mosaics, drawing, and modeling. Encourage his independent play and development of imagination - this is not only beneficial for you, but also useful for the child's development.

Don't try to be a heroine mom by cooking a three-course meal every day and keeping the apartment in perfect order. Learn the Fly Lady principles. Do household chores a little at a time, it will be much more effective than trying to wash the floors in the entire apartment at once or iron all the laundry.

Remember, your children’s childhood will not be repeated, and every minute spent together is valuable. Read a book to the older one while holding the younger one in your arms, watch a cartoon together, listen to an audio story.

An indispensable assistant in household chores for a mother of two children. It will free up your hands, and with two children this is even more important than with one. The baby will not cry when his mother runs from the stove either to him or to the older child, because he will constantly feel that his mother is nearby.

Useful helpers for a young mother of two children are a multicooker, a steamer, a dishwasher, and, of course, a washing machine. Using these units, you will significantly save your time.

Two small children: how to cope without going crazy?

Here are a few tips that we hope will make life easier for a mother of two:

Accept any help, don't strive to be a superwoman.
Write down your plans for the next day in a notebook.
Store food in the freezer for future use in separate portions. Always have a supply of “quick food” for your older child: fruits, muesli, dried fruits, nuts. You can even have a breakfast of bananas, juice and cookies on the playground while your baby is asleep in the stroller.
Don't complicate your own life. Buy clothes for your children that are easy to put on - this will reduce the time it takes to get ready for a walk. And let it be made of a material that is easy to clean or wash. Use unbreakable utensils. Place small and fragile items away. Do only the bare essentials around the house, at least in the first months of your youngest child's life.
Use natural parenting techniques, even if you consider it a bit fanatical. will give you the opportunity to get a good night's sleep. Breastfeeding and pedagogical complementary feeding will be much easier than formula feeding and introducing complementary foods according to traditional patterns. Breastfeed while lying down - this way you will give your back a rest, and at this time your older child can be entertained by reading a book, telling rhymes or simple oral games.
Using a sling and ergo backpack is not suitable for everyone, but for many mothers of two they make life much easier.
Encourage the older child's desire to entertain the baby. Let him show the baby his books, cars and construction sets (but don’t force him to give away what he rightfully considers his own). When the younger child learns to crawl and sit, he and the older child will be able to “play.” Teach your firstborn to be the main one in the game - a teacher, a doctor, a salesman. And the baby will be a student, a patient or a customer. After the youngest is a year and a half old, the children will already play wonderfully together.

Remember that the older baby is still a child himself and is not obliged to help you with the newborn. You can only ask him for a little help, but do not force him, and certainly not scold him for refusing.
Set your priorities. The youngest should not always be more important just because he is small. If the older one is hit or very upset about something, you should first calm him down by putting the baby in the crib, and not demand that the first-born deal with the problem himself.

The problem of jealousy of an older child towards a younger one

Jealousy on the part of an older child towards a newborn is a moment that frightens many mothers. They are afraid of dividing their attention incorrectly, of “abandoning” their firstborn. But should we strive to be the same with both children? After all, this is actually impossible. Your behavior will depend on the age of the older baby.

Until the age of three, the child feels like one with his mother, and if a brother or sister appears during this period, it will be truly difficult for the baby to accept this fact. Therefore, in this case, the mother needs to show special patience and tenderness towards the older child. Take him in your arms as often as possible, talk to him, stroke him and kiss him. Look together at photographs of him at the same age as the youngest child.

When a baby appears, some babies try so hard to draw attention to themselves that they pretend that they have returned “back to childhood” - they want to suck a pacifier and lie in their mother’s arms, they scream instead of talking. Show understanding to a child who is having a very difficult time right now. Most likely, his desire to be small will not last long. Psychologists assure that the appearance of a younger child stimulates the development of the older one. Ask him to show the baby how it is to eat with a spoon or go to the potty. Proud of his own independence and maturity, the older child is likely to quickly master everyday skills that were still a challenge for him.

If the difference between the children is 3 years or more, jealousy is also possible, and it will be more “conscious”. The child needs time to accept changes in the family - be patient. Tell him more often that you love him. It was him, and not “both of you.” Encourage any help from the elder, his every manifestation of care for his younger brother or sister. Explain why you are performing certain manipulations with the baby, ask your first-born to give you a diaper, baby cream or diaper. Do not scold for awkwardness or noise while the baby sleeps. Praise your elder and emphasize how big he is and how much he can do compared to a newborn.

When the baby is sleeping and while feeding him, give maximum attention to your firstborn. He doesn't need much - just to be close to you and participate in your activities, to see interest in his games and to hear kind words. And, of course, feel my mother’s love. Discuss with your child, as with an adult, basic everyday issues; talk to him about the newborn. Notice how your baby smiles, laughs, and grabs your finger. Emphasize that he loves his older brother or sister very much.

As the children grow up and inevitably begin to argue, quarrel, and perhaps even fight, mom will have to be sensitive and wise. You should not always take the side of the one who is younger and weaker, or punish both. It is difficult to understand every incident, but you can teach kids to sort things out themselves. Teach children to listen to each other and express complaints in the form of “I don’t like that you...” rather than “You’re bad” or “You’re doing it wrong.”

How to plan a day with two children?

One of the biggest challenges of living with two children, especially at first, is the different daily routines. Real stress is experienced by mothers who are used to doing everything right, hourly, with their older child. The presence of two children in a family, in principle, distracts attention, and besides, the sleep schedules of children of different ages will in any case differ in the first year of life of the youngest of them. Don't be discouraged if the regime is a little "walking" at first. Half an hour or an hour is not such a terrible deviation, everything will gradually settle down.

With the newborn regimen, it will most likely be easier. To put him to sleep, his mother's breast is enough. But putting the eldest to bed at a time when the brother or sister is not sleeping will depend on the age of the first-born and the rituals familiar to him. By the time the second child arrives, it is advisable to teach the older one to fall asleep without the help of his mother. Otherwise, you can put him to bed while holding the baby in your arms, while humming a lullaby or reading a fairy tale - this will calm and calm both children.

Walking with two children is a separate cause for concern for mothers expecting their second baby. If the age difference is small, it is advisable to purchase a special stroller for the same age. Does your older child confidently walk long distances? Great! And still, keep in mind that he may get tired - you shouldn’t set records for walking distance with two children. Shopping for a mother of two children will make the sling much easier; with it you are more mobile and “maneuverable” than with a stroller.

Mother of two needs a break

We all want to be wonderful mothers whose children don’t cry or misbehave, whose home is always in order, and whose husband is not deprived of attention. But the ideal mother, wife and housewife is just an illusion.

Trying to pay attention to both children, your husband and keeping all household affairs under control, do not forget about yourself! Find at least 10-15 minutes a day that you devote only to yourself: go to the shower, take a bath, make a face mask.

Don't forget about your hobbies, and if you don't have any, it's time to find something that really interests you. Knitting, sewing and other types of needlework, reading books or watching your favorite films - it’s really possible to find time for all this, even with two kids. The main thing is that you really want to do something. A small outlet just for yourself will give you strength and optimism, which are sometimes so lacking.

When your youngest child is six months old (and possibly earlier), periodically allow yourself to go out for a walk, leaving your husband with the children. At least to the grocery store, at least once a week. Mom should rest and, albeit occasionally, have the opportunity to be alone with her own thoughts.

If you have recently become a mother of a second child or are about to become a mother, congratulations! The birth of a second baby is a great happiness. All accompanying worries and difficulties are temporary, and you will certainly cope with them. The second time everything will be much easier, because you already have the experience, knowledge and skills necessary to care for a newborn. And having an older child will make everyday life with a baby much more fun. Don't worry that you won't be able to cope with household chores or children. You are already a mother, which means you can do a lot. Good luck to you and happy “motherhood squared”!

Often, in dreams of a second child, a woman imagines a touching picture where a brother protects his sister or an older sister takes care of the baby. However, at first everything happens completely differently...

Instructions

1. The birth of a second baby is inevitable stress for an older child at any age. Jealousy, hostility towards the baby, and a desire to capture your attention appear. Often the older child becomes unbearable: he forgets the skills that he has already learned, for example, going to the toilet on his own, eating carefully at the table, demanding to be picked up and fed from a bottle. A newborn baby needs you almost around the clock, while the older one is tangled and crying under your feet. Western psychologists and experienced mothers tell us how to cope with two children and go crazy.

2. Start preparing your older child for the arrival of the baby in advance. Warn immediately that the child will be born small and helpless, and will not be able to immediately take part in games. Give your elder some time when you return from the hospital. Tell him that he is now a senior, an adult and the kid is very proud of him. Give your child a “baby gift” that you purchase in advance.

3. Do not force love for the baby on your older child. Perhaps he still seems alien to him, ugly and uninteresting. Give the elder time to take a closer look and get used to the newborn.

4. Do not force your older child to do something for the baby. At the same time, encourage initiative and show how he can be useful. Ask to open a pack of diapers, bring a towel, and measure the water temperature. Praise him for his independence, constantly repeat how glad you are that he is an adult and can do everything, while the baby is still so stupid.

5. Schedule walks with your children during your baby's nap time. While he is sleeping in the stroller, do not drag the children to the shops, but spend time with your older child. Play with it, collect a herbarium from leaves, build a sand tower. Satisfied with your attention, the elder will thank you by playing quietly in his room when the baby wakes up.

6. When your baby sleeps at home during the day, do not shush your older child, forcing him to remain completely silent. A small level of noise will not harm the baby, but ringing silence, on the contrary, will make his sleep overly sensitive over time. If the apartment has a loggia, buy a baby monitor and put your infant to sleep on the loggia in a stroller. At this time, the games and running around of the elder will not bother him, and you will hear the baby’s cry in a timely manner.

7. If the difference between the children is small and the eldest is not yet independent enough, he may ask to be held, reach for the breast, and take away the pacifier and bottle. Experienced mothers of the same age share advice not to interfere with the elder’s desire to spend a few minutes in the baby’s place. Instead of scolding your baby and asking him to behave, pour formula into his bottle, swaddle him in a blanket, and rock him in your arms. Most likely, he will quickly get bored with this game.

8. When the children get a little older, try to find a few minutes to not just keep an eye on them, but to play games together. Children will not learn to play with each other on their own; they need to be taught this by offering age-appropriate games. Let the eldest be the bus driver, and you and the child be passengers. If the older boy plays soldiers, offer “medical care” to those wounded in battle with your younger daughter. But remember that the older child should have his own territory, corner. Protect him from the baby’s attempts to get his favorite toys and children’s valuables.

9. Several months will pass, and you will notice that the most difficult thing is behind you - a regime, favorite games and traditions have appeared. And in a couple of years, you will no longer be able to imagine how you could live with just one child in the family!