What to do if a child is aggressive. Aggressive child

Aggressive behavior can baffle even an experienced mother or teacher.
Of course, the best way in this case is to go with the whole family to a psychologist, who will analyze your situation and help you correct your behavior.

Aggressive behavior is always based on 2 reasons. The first and most important thing is emotions. Anger, rage, anger... The second is social. Ideas about possible methods of behavior and the ability to manage these methods. But let's take it in order!

Anger has served humanity well. Without this emotion, we simply would not survive!.. It is anger that helps a dog win back its bone and protect its offspring. And a person needs anger for the same thing: to protect himself and his own.

Our body automatically reacts to the slightest threat: the brain instantly processes information and sends signals to the endocrine system. Specific hormones are released into the blood, which are carried with lightning speed through the circulatory system and act on the entire body. All this happens unconsciously. What we can track at this moment: we tense up and become ready to “beat and beat”...

In this case, the threat situation can take very different forms. Someone can take away something quite material from us (for example, a classmate takes a ruler or tries to take it away), or they can encroach on something intangible, psychological. For example, for self-esteem (we were called names) or freedom (parents forbid us to go for a walk).

And no matter how strange it may sound, physiologically in all three situations the body acts identically. And the same emotion rises - anger. And what we do depends directly on foundation number two - our social skills and abilities!

So, for example, someone will consider it possible to call the offender names, someone will hit him, someone will stamp their foot and express their dissatisfaction, and someone will drown out this emotion and remain silent. And this choice depends precisely on the developed skills to manage your behavior!

The brain structures that are responsible for controlling behavior and self-regulation are formed by about 7 years of age. This is precisely why children are sent to school at this age. And this is why it is really difficult for most preschoolers to manage their feelings - they need help from adults. However, like younger schoolchildren who are still learning to manage themselves.

To help your child cope with internal anger and aggressive behavior, it is important to consider two necessary steps.

First step:
recognize the child’s right to anger in particular and any emotions in general. Identify this right and name it.

At this step, it is important for the parent to talk about what emotion the child is experiencing and why he has the right to feel it. For example, “of course, you’re angry with us now, because you really want to go out, but we don’t let you.”

Second step:
Help your child find an acceptable way to express this anger. If necessary, stopping the unacceptable method...

At this step, it is important for the parent to remember that the basis of anger is tension (the willingness to fight and hit). And the way he offers the child should allow this tension to be released! For example, if a child raises his hand to hit a boy who has taken his toy, the parent can restrain the child's hand by saying, “You're very angry at the boy because he took your toy. And that's understandable - anyone would be angry if they were you. But hitting someone else "You can't do it! Instead, try stomping your foot and telling him loudly to give you back the toy."

Both of these steps are necessary to help your child develop a healthy relationship with their emotions and anger in particular. And it is they who help to gradually overcome the problem of aggressive behavior in children.

One of the most common causes of childhood aggression is accumulated tension. These children have heard so many times that they act “badly” that they have long ago concluded that anger is always bad. This idea has two possible consequences. Either the child begins to restrain emotions, they accumulate and go off scale inside (and then even a little thing causes a storm and explosion), or he immediately concludes that he is unable to cope with it (because stopping being angry is like stopping going to the toilet) and not even trying to learn how to control it!.. As a result, we still have an aggressive child!

The task of parents of such children is to be patient and practice both of the above steps. It is very important for these children to learn that anger itself is normal, that they have the right to be angry, that in fact everyone around them is angry and being angry does not mean being bad!

But it is also very important for them to learn that they are able to control their behavior, that there are many different ways to express their anger, and not all of these methods are condemned. And if parents begin to support them in these “new ways,” very soon the aggressive behavior decreases, and the child’s general condition becomes much more balanced!

Unmotivated or excessive aggression of a child confuses parents, educators, and teachers. And this is a very common source of departure from the father’s family.

The first thing you need to find out is the sources of aggression. In fact, there are not many of them. Let's look at them.

1. Exogenous organic disorders of the central nervous system.

They are clearly seen by neurologists, neurologists, and psychiatrists. These are so-called organic lesions of the brain and nervous system, which cause unmotivated outbursts of aggression, irritability, and weakness.

This happens due to epilepsy, traumatic brain injury and other brain diseases. Medication and supportive psychotherapy for the child and family are usually indicated. Because such children need to be contained, restrained and protected.

2. Endogenous mental disorders.

Aggressive and especially protest behavior often occurs with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Typically, such children show hostility and a protest reaction to prohibitions, restrictions on behavior and deprivation of entertainment.

In schizophrenia and autism, aggressive behavior may be part of a psychotic process. Or it may be a paradoxical reaction to the demands of educators.

A psychiatrist's differential diagnosis can provide insight into which medications to use for biological therapy. But what goals psychotherapy or family psychotherapy will pursue for such children is decided by a medical psychologist.

3. Pedagogical neglect against the background of an antisocial personality.

This reason may be a frequent cause of aggression in children and adolescents from disadvantaged families.

In psychology, these are the most difficult patients who react only to force. And they form the main contingent of prisons and psychiatric hospitals.

But, on the other hand, if we see pedagogical neglect against the background of other personality types, it is quite easy to respond to psychological, pedagogical correction. And if such children are given fairly clear conditions for development, then they can easily outgrow unfavorable environmental conditions.

4. Situational reactive aggression.

It appears as a pronounced hypertrophied reaction to an external stimulus and is perceived by others as inadequate.

It happens when there are excessive demands from adults, often negative behavior intensifies against the background of family uncertainty and tension.

This often happens in adolescents against the background of an acute personal crisis.

One of the reasons for a child’s aggression is the behavior of parents. For example:

The father suffers from mental illness and behaves cruelly towards his children. The mother justifies the father, forbids him to quarrel with him and makes no effort to treat him. A child fights at school.

The father periodically left the family, then returned. Now every business trip causes my son to have fits of anger.

My father left for another city, citing the fact that he wanted to start a new business. Six months have passed, the family lives separately. The mother does not want to go to her unemployed husband, the father does not want to go to his family. The situation is frozen. A child calls names and fights in kindergarten.

The father drinks and beats the mother. The mother returns to the father every time, justifying her behavior by saying that the child needs a father. The child's aggression is directed towards the mother.

Children living in a situation of tension, uncertainty, humiliation or violence cannot openly express to their parents their fear, which is a primary emotion, but they express anger and aggression in school or kindergarten as a secondary emotion generated by fear. No one sees fear, but aggression is visible to everyone, and then parents begin to worry about the child’s behavior, not realizing that they themselves gave birth to him.

In order to help a child cope with aggressive behavior, parents need to deal with their fears and relationships as a couple. A child’s aggression will subside if he realizes that he lives in a safe family.

Popular articles and books often simplify the topic of childhood aggression so much that aggression almost looks like a bad habit. “They beat him up at home, here he is in the kindergarten waving his fists!” - summed up by kindergarten teachers or grandmothers at the entrance who are not particularly savvy in child psychology. In a psychologist's office, everything may look completely different.

Why can a child demonstrate aggressive behavior?

1. If a child grows up in an aggressive environment.

“They beat me up, and I’ll beat him up,” is the motto of many families in which aggressive children are growing up. There is a family scenario that involves humiliation and intimidation of the child. As you know, the humiliated will humiliate, the beaten will beat himself.

In this case, systemic help is required - work with the whole family, an explanation of what aggression can lead to as a habitual reaction to any difficult situation. Ideally, individual correctional work with the aggressor parent. And at the same time, teaching the child how to behave in difficult social situations.

Family aggression can be not only open, physical, but also hidden, emotional. Children who are ridiculed or ridiculed may also show physical aggression among their peers. It is difficult for a child under 7-10 years old to respond to emotional aggression in the same way, so he is physically discharged.

In this case, working with the family is also necessary. Parents must understand that emotional aggression is also aggression that the child will definitely react to, at home or outside the home.

An aggressive environment can be not only parental, but also childish. I had to work with children who grew up in such conditions that they spent a lot of time in children's groups (dormitories, courtyards, where children from an early age spend a lot of time on the street, with peers or in groups of different ages). In such companies, children often copy the leader’s behavioral style, often not the most positive one.

Helping a child can be, firstly, that adults pay attention to children, help them organize games, resolve conflicts without fighting. Secondly, training in forms of behavior that do not involve fighting.

I would classify watching aggressive television as an aggressive environment. In those families where parents watch films containing scenes of violence, children also consider aggression to be a completely acceptable form of behavior. At the same time, parents can be nice and well-mannered people.

2. If a child grows up in a cold environment that does not satisfy his emotional needs.

Indeed, it is not uncommon to observe aggressive children in families where the parents, and often just the mother, are so preoccupied with themselves that the child remains in psychological isolation. They don’t play with him, don’t take him for walks, don’t sing songs, but he needs that so much! And this internal disorder, emptiness often melts into either closedness, apathy, or auto-aggressive behavior, and most often into aggression.

Such children show aggression not only in the children's group, but also in the family. Often mothers take their children to a psychologist with complaints that they might hit their grandmother or the mother herself, or kick the cat. Such children even outwardly look restless.

If the mother manages to turn “facing the child,” aggressive forms of behavior often disappear quite quickly.

3. If the child has disorders of the central nervous system.

If we are dealing with children, we must not forget that aggression can be a symptom of a dysfunction of the central nervous system. In this case, the best help for the child is to consult a psychiatrist or neurologist in a timely manner.

It's worth doing this if:

• a child in a fight shows cruelty, “his eyes and lips turn white,” “as if he stops seeing and hearing”;
• the child seems to accumulate anger within himself, and then suddenly “explodes” over a trifle;
• the child shows aggression directed at himself - hits his head, bites, scratches his hands.

There can be many reasons for childhood aggression, some of them are easily removable, while others require long and difficult work. But any child who is verbally or physically aggressive needs help.

Childhood aggression is a separate issue of developmental psychology, deviantology (the science of deviant behavior) and forensic psychiatry.

Indeed, the spectrum of manifestation of this phenomenon is quite wide, both clinically and behaviorally, and in socio-psychological terms. Thus, aggressive manifestations of children can be expressed in emotional reactions of anger, dissatisfaction and concern disobedience. They can also be expressed in cruelty to animals and people associated with violence, even murder. It is clear that these are extreme forms of social (sociopathy) and mental (psychopathy) pathology.

Moral defects associated with pathological personality development inevitably manifest themselves in antisocial, criminal or other destructive behavior of adolescents, often combined with various deviations in other areas. Thus, chemical dependence, promiscuity (promiscuity, often with perversions) and other deviations are added to delinquent (criminal) behavior.

Young children with normal development are characterized by less destructive forms of aggressive manifestation. Mostly these are emotional outbursts of anger and dissatisfaction towards one’s own brothers, sisters and peers. This can be a form of disobedience towards elders, especially parents.

To understand the origins of aggression in children, it is necessary to keep in mind that this is an innate biopsychic property of any person. And a child is no exception, that is, aggression cannot be completely avoided (and it is not necessary).

Both extreme, destructive forms of aggression and its “normal” manifestations depend on 2 main factors:

1. the ability for self-regulation in behavior and emotional response (within age norms);
2. the presence of pathological relationships in the family associated with both violence and immorality in the behavior of elders.

Pathological forms of aggression are always associated with already developed (or emerging) moral and clinical-psychological pathology. I am sure that the moral aspect is absolutely decisive. Aggression in children associated with the emotions of hatred, rage, and revenge, regardless of the “harmlessness” of the manifestations, refers to destructive manifestations of personality. Its origins are not always obvious, because there are family conditions, psychological characteristics of parents (including hidden and obvious pathology), as well as a biological basis (the so-called biological lining - the soil for the development of behavioral deviations; these conditions include minimal pathology of the central nervous system , any complications of individual psychological development, for example, mental retardation).

Concluding the review of this topic, it should be noted that aggression as a phenomenon in destructive expression in children is almost always a sign of pathocharacterology, the beginning of personality psychopathization. An example of parental relationships and characteristics of emotional contact, along with characteristic errors in upbringing, become key factors in the development of this phenomenon.

At an early age, infants are able to determine a causal relationship between two objects. Therefore, it is advisable to become parents when your ego has acquired the ability to withstand prolonged unpleasant stress and develop in this way, while withstanding the demands of society. When clarity comes in understanding and self-doubt.

If the relationship is filled with tenderness and pleasure, it will give your children a feeling of security and welcome, making them healthy physically and spiritually. The irreplaceable foundation, a sense of security, is also the earliest and most necessary prerequisite for the child's independent existence in the future. Any child perceives his world as real; despite this, this world is symbolic. It is important to consider the child’s expressions symbolically, and not interpret rationalistically from the point of view of adult consciousness. For example, a child expresses a desire to have, possess objects of the world, as in the desire to eat them, this should not be interpreted by parents as an aggressive act.

If the primary relationship is largely negative, characterized by a lack of love, accompanied by great anxiety, and causes aggressive reactions, they are the worst possible basis for development, dangerous. Through emotionally satisfying experiences of confidence and security from parents, the child will gain the ability to withstand discomfort, to exchange comfort for discomfort when circumstances require it. When you notice that a child cannot cope with his own feelings, the likelihood that the child is overwhelmed by parental complexes is very high.

In my practice, there have been cases when it was children who, through their behavior, “prompted” their parents about the need to come to therapy.

For an aggressive child, it is important to be accepted.

The importance of another person’s attitude is enormous in the life of any person, and not just a child. But it is precisely when parents and teachers have had the difficult task of raising and educating such a preschooler or schoolchild that the importance of accepting him for who he is increases significantly. In fact, the success or failure of all measures taken will depend on whether the adult passes the child’s test, expressed in negative behavioral reactions towards him. That is why in no case should you respond with attack for attack, tit for tat, insult for insult, shout for shout, in general, retaliatory aggression against such a child. This is the basic rule for effective interaction with him.

The Latin word “aggression” means “attack”, “attack”. The psychological dictionary gives the following definition:

“Aggression is destructive behavior that contradicts the norms and rules of the existence of people in society, causing physical or moral harm to people, or causing them psychological discomfort.”

The causes of aggression in children can be very different. Some somatic diseases or brain diseases contribute to the emergence of aggressive qualities. Education in the family plays a huge role, and from the first days of a child’s life.

Research has proven that in cases where a child is abruptly weaned and communication with the mother is minimized, children develop qualities such as anxiety, suspicion, cruelty, and selfishness.

And vice versa, when there is gentleness in communication with a child, the child is surrounded by care and attention, these qualities are not developed.

The development of aggressive behavior is greatly influenced by the nature of the punishments that parents usually use in response to the manifestation of anger in their child.

In such situations, 2 polar methods of influence can be used: either leniency or severity.

Paradoxically, aggressive children are equally common with parents who are too lenient and those who are overly strict.

Pedagogical observations have shown that parents who sharply suppress aggressiveness in their children, contrary to their expectations, do not eliminate this quality, but, on the contrary, cultivate it, developing excessive aggressiveness in their son or daughter, which will manifest itself even in adulthood.

After all, everyone knows that evil only begets evil, and aggression begets aggression.

If parents do not pay any attention to the child’s aggressive reactions, then he soon begins to believe that such behavior is permissible, and single outbursts of anger imperceptibly develop into the habit of acting aggressively.

Only parents who can find a reasonable compromise, a “golden mean,” can teach their children to cope with aggression.

Portrait of an aggressive child.

In almost every group of children and adolescents there is at least one with signs of aggressive behavior. He attacks others, calls them names, deliberately uses rude language, i.e. becomes a “thunderstorm” for the entire team. This rough, pugnacious, rude child is difficult to accept as he is, and even more difficult to understand.

However, an aggressive child, like any other, needs affection and help from adults, because his aggression is, first of all, a reflection of internal discomfort, the inability to adequately respond to events happening around him.

An aggressive child often feels rejected and unwanted. The cruelty and indifference of parents leads to a breakdown in the parent-child relationship and instills in the child’s soul the confidence that he is not loved.

“How to become loved and needed” is an insoluble problem facing a child. So he is looking for ways to attract the attention of adults and peers. Unfortunately, these searches do not always end the way we and the child would like, but he doesn’t know how to do it better.

This is how the famous child psychologist N.L. describes it. Kryazheva behavior of these children:

“An aggressive child, using every opportunity, seeks to anger his mother, teacher, and peers; he will not rest until the adults explode and the children fight.”

Parents and teachers do not always understand what the child is trying to achieve and why he behaves this way, although he knows in advance that he may receive rebuff from the children, and punishment from adults.

In reality, this is sometimes just a desperate attempt to win one’s “place in the sun.”

The child has no idea how else to fight for survival in this strange and cruel world, how to protect himself.

Aggressive children are often suspicious and wary, they like to shift the blame for the quarrel they started onto others. Such children often cannot assess their own aggressiveness; they do not notice that they instill fear and anxiety in those around them. On the contrary, it seems to them that the whole world wants to offend them. Thus, a vicious circle results: aggressive children fear and hate those around them, and those, in turn, fear them.

Conducting a mini-survey among junior schoolchildren of our lyceum, the survey was conducted to find out how they understand aggressiveness.

Here are the answers given by aggressive and non-aggressive children:

Understanding of aggression by younger schoolchildren.

1. Which people do you consider aggressive?

2. What would you do if you met an aggressive child?

3. Do you consider yourself aggressive?

Responses from aggressive children	Responses from non-aggressive children
No	No

That is, it is clear that aggressive children have a very limited number of reactions even to standard situations. Most often these are defensive reactions. In addition, children cannot look at themselves from the outside and adequately evaluate their behavior.

Thus, children often adopt aggressive forms of behavior from their parents.

How to identify an aggressive child?

Aggressive children need understanding and support from adults, so our main task is not to make an “accurate” diagnosis or “give a label,” but to provide feasible and timely assistance to the child.

Psychologists have developed criteria for determining aggressiveness that can be used as a child monitoring scheme.

Criteria for aggressiveness.

1. Often loses control of himself.

2. Often argues and quarrels with adults.

3. Often refuses to follow the rules,

4. Often deliberately annoys people.

5. Often blames others V your mistakes,

6. Often gets angry and refuses to do anything.

7. Often envious and vindictive.

8. Sensitive, reacts very quickly to various actions of others (children and adults), which often irritate him. It can be assumed that a child is aggressive only if at least 4 of the listed signs have been manifested in his behavior for at least 6 months.

In addition, in order to identify aggressiveness in a child, you can use a special questionnaire developed by Russian psychologists G.P. Lavrentieva and T.M. Titarenko.

How to help an aggressive child?

Why do you think children fight, bite, push, and sometimes, in response to any, even friendly, treatment, explode and rage? There can be many reasons for this behavior.

But often children do this because they don’t know how to do otherwise.

Unfortunately, their modes of behavior, the so-called behavioral repertoire, are rather meager, and if we give them the opportunity to choose their modes of behavior, children will gladly respond to the offer. Providing a choice in how to interact is especially important when it comes to aggressive children. Work with this category of children should be carried out in 3 directions:

1. Working with anger.

Teaching aggressive children acceptable ways to express anger.

2. Teaching children the skills of recognition and control, the ability to control themselves in situations that provoke outbursts of anger.

3. Formation of the ability to empathy, trust, sympathy,empathy.

Basically, this is the work of a psychologist during an individual psychological consultation. But there are some recommendations you can take into account.

Working with anger.

A person who constantly suppresses his anger is more at risk of psychosomatic disorders. According to the American psychologist Holst, unexpressed anger can become one of the causes of diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis, urticaria, psoriasis, stomach ulcers, migraines, hypertension, etc.

That is why it is necessary to free yourself from anger. Of course, this does not mean that everyone is allowed to fight and bite. We just have to learn ourselves and teach our children to express anger in acceptable, non-destructive ways.

Since the feeling of anger most often arises as a result of restriction of freedom, then at the moment of the highest “intensity of passions” it is necessary to allow the child to do something that, perhaps, is not usually welcomed by us. Moreover, a lot depends on the form in which - verbal or physical - the child expresses his anger.

For example, in a situation where a child is angry with a peer and calls him names, you can draw the offender together with him, depict him in the form and in the situation in which the “offended” person wants. If the child knows how to write, you can allow him to sign the drawing the way he wants, if he cannot, make a signature under his dictation. Of course, such work should be carried out one on one with the child, out of sight of the opponent. This method of working with verbal aggression is recommended by V. Oklender in his book “Windows into the Child’s World.”

True, such “free” communication is not welcomed in our society,

with increased use of swear words and expressions by children in the presence of adults. But as practice shows, without expressing everything that has accumulated in the soul and on the tongue, the child will not calm down. Most likely, he will shout insults in the face of his “enemy,” provoking him to respond with abuse. attracting more and more new “viewers”. As a result, the conflict between two children will escalate into a group-wide or even violent fight.

Another way to help children legally express verbal aggression is to play a game of name calling with them.

Experience shows that children who have the opportunity to express negative emotions, and after this hear something pleasant about themselves, decrease the desire to act aggressively.

“Name-calling.”

Target: remove verbal aggression, help the child express anger in an acceptable form.

“When the situation gets tense, you can agree in advance to call each other different non-offensive words (the condition of what names can be used is discussed in advance. These can be the names of vegetables, fruits, mushrooms or furniture).

Each appeal should begin with the words: “And you..., carrot!” Remember that this is a game, so we won’t be offended at each other. In the final pick, you should definitely say something pleasant, for example: “And you..., honey!”

For many centuries, the Russian people used teasing and calling names to establish emotional contact and communication with a child. Samples of folk poetry that are simple in content and simple in form contain great verbal and semantic riches and serve to relieve aggression in children.

1. Andrey is a mouthful,
Don't chase pigeons.
The pigeons are afraid
They don't sit on the roof,
The roof breaks.
The owner swears.

2. Boris the barberry.
Hanging on a rope.
When the rope breaks,
So Boris will turn over.

3. Valya, Valya, simplicity,
Sour cabbage!
Ate a mouse without a tail.
And she said: “Delicious”!

You can also help children express anger in an accessible way, so-called “Scream Bag”: When anger boils over, you can go to the “Scream Bag” and scream into it as loudly as possible. In this way he “gets rid” of his screaming.

However, children are not always limited to (verbal) reactions to events. Very often, impulsive children first use their fists, and only then come up with offensive words. In such cases, we should also teach children how to deal with their physical aggression.

Seeing that the children are getting excited and are ready to fight, you can instantly react and organize, for example, sports competitions in running, jumping, and throwing balls.

Lightweight balls that a child can throw at a target; soft pillows that an angry child can kick and hit; rubber hammers that can be used to hit the wall and floor with all your might; newspapers that can be crumpled and thrown without fear of breaking or destroying anything - all these items can help reduce emotional and muscle tension if we teach children to use them in extreme situations.

Recognition skill training
and control of negative emotions.

The next very responsible and no less important area is teaching the skills of recognizing and controlling negative emotions. An aggressive child does not always admit that he is aggressive.

Moreover, deep down in his soul he is sure of the opposite: everyone around him is aggressive.

Unfortunately, such children are not always able to adequately assess their condition, much less the condition of those around them,

As noted above, the emotional world of aggressive children is very scarce. They can hardly name just a few basic emotional states, and the existence of others (or their shades) they don’t even suggest. It is not difficult to guess that in this case it is difficult for children to recognize their own and other people's emotions.

In order for children to be able to correctly assess their condition, and at the right moment to manage it, it is necessary to teach each child to understand himself, and, above all, the sensations of his body.

First, you can practice in front of a mirror: let the child say what mood he is in at the moment and how he feels. Children are very sensitive to the signals of their body and easily describe them. For example, if a child is angry, he most often defines his condition as follows: “The heart is pounding, there is a tickling in the stomach, I want to scream in my throat, my fingers feel like needles are pricking me, my cheeks are hot, my palms are itching, etc.” We can teach children to accurately assess their emotional state, and, therefore, respond in a timely manner to the signals that the body gives us.

Thus, the child, if he correctly “deciphers the message of his body, will be able to say: “My condition is close to critical. Wait for the storm."

And if the child also knows several acceptable ways to express anger, he can have time to make the right decision, thereby preventing conflict.

In the book by K. Faupel “How to teach children to cooperate” there is a game

“Pebble in a shoe.”

It is useful to play this game when a child is offended, angry, upset, when internal experiences prevent the child from doing something, when a conflict is brewing.

The game takes place in two stages.

Stage 1 (preparatory).

“Has it ever happened that a pebble got into your shoe? At first, the pebble doesn’t really bother us, we try to move it away, find a comfortable position for the leg, but gradually the pain and discomfort increases, and a wound or callus may even appear. And then, even if we really don’t want to, we have to take off our shoes and shake out the pebbles. It is almost always very tiny, and we are even surprised how such a small object could cause us such great pain. It seemed to us that there was a huge stone with sharp edges like a razor blade.” Next, you say to the child: “Has it ever happened that you never shook out a pebble, but when you came home, you simply took off your shoes?”

Then the pain in the leg freed from the shoe subsided, the incident was forgotten. But the next morning, putting our foot into the shoe, we suddenly felt a sharp pain when we came into contact with the ill-fated pebble. Pain, more intense than the day before, resentment, anger - these are the feelings children usually experience. So a small problem becomes a big nuisance.

“When we are angry, preoccupied with something, excited, we perceive it as a small pebble in a shoe. If we immediately feel discomfort and pull it out, the leg will remain unharmed. And if we leave the pebble in place, then we will most likely have problems, and considerable ones.

Therefore, it is useful for all people - both adults and children - to talk about their problems as soon as they notice them.

Next you say: “Let’s agree: if one of you says: “I have a pebble in my shoe,” we will all immediately understand that something is bothering them, and we will be able to talk about this. Think about whether you are feeling any displeasure right now, something that would bother you. If you feel it, tell us, for example: “I have a pebble in my shoe. I don’t like that Oleg hit me with his briefcase.” Tell me what else you don't like. If nothing bothers you, you can say: “I don’t have a pebble in my shoe.” Together you discuss a way to get rid of the “pebble.” After playing this game several times, children subsequently have the need to talk about their problems.

The game “Pebble in a Shoe” is especially useful for anxious children.

When the child learns to recognize his own emotions and talk about them, you can move on to the next stage of work.

Formation of the ability to empathy,
trust sympathy, empathy.

Aggressive children tend to have low levels of empathy.

Empathy – this is the ability to feel the state of another person, the ability to take his position.

Aggressive children most often do not care about the suffering of others; they cannot even imagine that other people might feel unpleasant and bad.

It is believed that if the aggressor can sympathize with the “victim,” the aggression will be weaker next time.

Having learned to empathize with the people around him, an aggressive child will be able to get rid of the suspicion and suspiciousness that cause so much trouble for both the “aggressor” himself and those who are close to him.

As a result, he will learn to take responsibility for his actions, and not blame others.

True, it would also do well for adults working with an aggressive child to get rid of the habit of blaming him for all mortal sins. For example, if a child throws toys in anger, you can, of course, tell him: “You are a scoundrel! You're nothing but problems. You always disturb everyone!”

But such a statement is unlikely to reduce the emotional stress of the “bastard.” On the contrary, a child who is already sure that no one needs him and that the whole world is against him will become even more angry.

In this case, it is much more useful to tell the child about your feelings, using the pronoun “I” rather than “you”. For example, instead of: “Why didn’t you put the toys away?”, you can say: “I get upset when the toys are scattered.”

In other words, we turn to the technology “I am the message”

Thus, you do not blame the child for anything, do not threaten him, or even evaluate his behavior. You talk about yourself, about your feelings. As a rule, such an adult’s reaction first shocks the child, who expects a hail of reproaches against him, and then gives him a feeling of trust.

In conclusion, I would like to wish everyone working with “aggressive, difficult” children that in order not to get irritated when a child behaves badly, you need to ask yourself the question: “I wonder what’s happening to him now?”

An aggressive child differs in specific behavior from other children. Such a baby is immediately noticeable. Before you begin to take any measures, it is necessary to identify the reasons for this reaction. Parents must behave correctly with their child, given that aggression towards a child can only aggravate the situation.

An infant is capable of expressing his feelings in only two ways: by demonstrating pleasure or displeasure. Therefore, childhood aggression is noticeable from birth. Adults should know, at least in general terms, what child aggression is, its causes and prevention.

The fact that the baby is experiencing discomfort can be reflected in the form of crying, screaming, or hysteria. After some time, aggressive children begin to demonstrate protest reactions more actively. This is expressed in destructive manipulations. They can be directed at others, valuable objects.

Aggression in children is common. It should be perceived as an instinctive form of behavior. The main goal lies in ensuring self-defense and survival. younger students should be discouraged because as people age, they must learn to transform natural instincts into response options that are socially acceptable in society. For correction you need to use special techniques. Prevention is definitely needed, which allows educators and parents to cope with difficulties; it will contribute to the socialization of aggression.

Aggressive children do not know how to control their own impulses, so they face problems communicating with people. If measures are not taken in time, they grow into psychos, unbalanced subjects. If you know how to relieve aggression, you can significantly simplify the process of raising children.

Usually, special games for aggressive children and other special techniques are used to solve the problem. When such a struggle is incorrect, it can provoke auto-aggression. Manifested psychosis can contribute to the emergence of psychosomatic disorders, which can negatively affect later life.

Factors causing the problem

Why is the child aggressive? There are various reasons for aggressive behavior. Destructive behavior is caused by a feeling of fear. Hysterics may be associated with distrust of the world around us. The child’s aggressive behavior must be replaced by the ability to defend a number of his rights, to defend himself in socially acceptable ways so as not to cause harm to others.

The causes of aggression in children are often associated with the fact that they are faced with non-fulfillment of their desires when they are prohibited from satisfying certain needs. Other reasons for childhood aggression lie in the desire to defend one’s personality by any means, to gain independence and independence from adults. When a child behaves aggressively, it is necessary to teach him to keep such behavior under control.

There are different types of aggression, some cases are characterized by the presence of a significant threat to the psycho-emotional state. Aggressive behavior in children may be due to traumatic effects on the child’s psyche. For example, it is associated with quarrels between parents.

Aggression in children can be a consequence of prohibition of certain behavior. Sometimes they appear very often on this occasion. However, parents do not always have the desire or ability to satisfy all needs. Children's aggression can be overcome if adults set prohibitions correctly and use punishment only when necessary.

In each case, it is important to find out the causes and consequences. For example, setting personal boundaries may be a factor. Children's aggression occurs due to excessive parental care. To understand how to teach a child normal behavior, one should take into account the criteria of aggressiveness; the child’s observation scheme should be thoughtful and consistent. This will help to identify serious deviations in a timely manner. With the help of a specialist, you can choose the most appropriate way to communicate with children in each specific case. The adopted method will solve the problem.

Simple algorithm

Not only parents, but also educators should know how to behave with an aggressive child. Such knowledge will help prevent the development of the problem. If no measures are taken, the consequences of childhood aggression can be disastrous, which will affect his future adult life.

Recommendations for parents are to show maximum love for their child. This applies to absolutely all situations. How to deal with child aggression? It is prohibited to voice negative remarks towards the child. You cannot call children offensive words, use threats or insults. This affects their psyche. In order to reveal your dissatisfaction, you need direct action. It must be taken into account that the child is an individual.

What to do if a child is aggressive? It is necessary to prevent the development of aggression by all possible means. Sometimes the baby wants to, but parents don’t always have free time. As part of the behavior strategy of parents raising an aggressive child, it is absolutely forbidden to show irritation or brush off the crumbs. At any age, it is necessary to explain the reasons why it is impossible to play together at a particular moment in time.

How to deal with child aggression? Parents should not bribe their children with expensive gifts and toys. Proper upbringing implies the need to pay enough attention, love and care to children.

When there is an aggressive child in the family, what should you do? The whole family needs to learn social interaction techniques. Children often copy facial expressions, gestures, and remarks of loved ones, but they pay special attention to their own parents. If the mother and father do not want their son or daughter to throw tantrums, start fights, or be disobedient, they should be sure to keep their aggression, offensive remarks or screams under control. You need to play with children more often.

How to achieve results?

Important advice! It is unacceptable to suppress a child’s aggressive manifestations. This has a negative impact on health, the psychosis should go away gradually. Due to suppressed aggressive impulses, the threat of disturbances in the functioning of the central nervous system increases significantly. Sometimes treatment of aggression must be carried out by professionals, for example, if it is a developmentally delayed child.

How to help a child cope with aggression? He should be taught to use acceptable options for expressing hostile feelings. For these purposes, he can use drawings, toys, and plasticine. It is acceptable to use physical activities that do not pose any threat or cause harm to others.

Such corrections of aggressive behavior involve the transformation of feelings from actions into verbal form. This allows children to realize that everything is discussed and that there are ways to resolve conflicts peacefully. For example, you should not get into fights when the peaceful way is much better. Aggression in children will begin to subside over time, since it will not be difficult for them to talk about their experiences, grievances, evil, frustration, etc. The need to attract attention through bad behavior disappears by itself.

Teaching a child not to be mischievous is not that difficult. However, one should not be absolutely sure about what exactly an aggressive child feels, what feelings are now hidden in him. Assumptions can only be made based on one’s own experience and introspection. It is best when children of primary school age have the habit of actively talking about their own inner world. Adults should only provide such manifestation, giving him time and opportunity to express his problems.

Other measures

How to deal with childhood aggression? When a baby or child is aggressive at an older age, you should show him the lack of final effectiveness of aggressive actions. He must understand that if in the future he shows negativity, for example, taking away toys from other children, no one will become friends with him.

How to deal with childhood aggression? On the part of parents, social behavioral rules must be established in such a form that it is understandable to the child. Psychological correction of aggressive behavior in children aged 4 years and older allows for the voicing of more detailed requirements. You should behave with an aggressive child at ease. It is necessary to praise him when he tries to do any work. The child will respond with gratitude.

In most cases, children's reactions are correct. Attacks of aggression in a child are removed by consolidating the results obtained. A child is able to accept praise much better if he sees that they are actually proud of him.

How to help an aggressive child? Raising children is not just about saying banal phrases, for example, good girl. It is necessary to express trust in the performance of important tasks, to make the child feel his importance and need for him.

How to respond to a child's aggression? You should be careful in this matter. You need to talk to your children about bad behavior and wrong actions, but always in private. You cannot talk in front of other children, relatives, classmates, etc. The child will not be able to fully open up and trust his feelings and experiences, for fear of ridicule. Correction of aggressive behavior in children through conversation is carried out so that a minimum number of emotional words are used in the conversation. This is especially true for children with mental retardation.

Adults should learn to suppress aggression in a child. When he has hysterics, he cries, screams, you should just hug him. This action allows you to relieve emotional stress. Hysterics will happen less and less often. The mother will gradually take less time to calm the baby.

In dealing with such a problem, you need to be patient. If a child is already showing aggression, it means that mistakes were previously made in raising the child or the child is simply not being heard. Often children try to give a signal to their parents, but in their haste they do not have time to respond correctly to their child, creating discontent and anger in him. Therefore, you need to communicate every day, delve into problems and show him your love.

Often, parents notice what they think is aggressive behavior in a child aged 5–6 years. It can manifest itself in different ways, for example, in excessive touchiness, a tendency to quarrel with adults and children, and intemperance. The task of the parent of such a child is to understand the reason for his aggressiveness and reduce such behavior to nothing.

However, first of all, you need to understand what the concept of “child aggression” is? How is it different from ordinary anger, which every person experiences from time to time? How to recognize aggressive behavior in children? BrainApps will answer these and many other questions.

What is aggressiveness?

The word "aggression" is of Latin origin and literally means "attack." Aggression in children is not uncommon, but adults are also susceptible to similar behavior. Its main problem is an acute contradiction to the norms established in society. Aggressive behavior causes psychological discomfort in others and often causes physical, moral and material damage. The aggressiveness of children is something that cannot be tolerated, because the behavior of young children can be controlled, but growing up, an aggressive child turns into an aggressive adult and poses a threat to others.

How can you tell if your child is aggressive?

• He often behaves unrestrainedly, does not know how or does not want to control himself. In some cases, an aggressive child tries to control his emotions, but nothing works.
• Likes to spoil things, gets pleasure when he breaks or destroys something, for example, toys.
• Constantly gets into arguments with peers and adults, swears.
• Refuses to comply with requests and instructions, knows the rules, but does not want to adhere to them.
• Commits acts out of spite, deliberately trying to provoke a negative reaction in the people around him: irritation, anger.
• He does not know how to admit mistakes and offenses; he makes excuses until the last moment or shifts the blame onto others.
• The child remembers insults for a long time and always seeks revenge. There is excessive envy.

Please note that children, especially those aged 5-6 years, have bouts of disobedience. Anger caused by a serious reason, such as resentment or unfair punishment, is an absolutely normal reaction. You should only sound the alarm if you have been regularly noticing at least 4 of the listed signs in your children’s behavior for more than six months.

Reasons why aggression occurs in young children:

Aggression in young children can be caused by problems in the family.

Most of the reasons for a young child's abnormal behavior must be sought in his environment. The environment in which children grow and develop is of great importance in the development of personality. Children form their own behavior based on the behavior of loved ones, that is, parents and relatives.

A common reason why children behave aggressively is a tense environment at home. It is not necessary to show aggression towards children; it is enough for parents to often quarrel among themselves. If a child sees aggression from his parents, is present during altercations, or hears screams, this cannot but affect his emotional state.

Quite a few 5-6 year old children form their own behavior patterns by looking at their parents. If mom or dad exhibits aggressive behavior outside the home, for example, in a store or clinic, this can cause children to become aggressive.

Aggression in children caused by socio-biological reasons

As we have already said, aggression in children aged 5 years old appears due to the environment in which he grows up, so aggressive behavior can be caused by misunderstandings. What do parents talk about among themselves when they think that the child does not hear or does not understand? What views on life do they hold and how are they voiced? Let's say mom or dad express disdain or hostility towards people who earn little money.

In such families, young children are aggressive towards, for example, peers who have shabby clothes or old, cheap toys. For the same reason, children 5 years old can show aggression, for example, towards a cleaner in a kindergarten or on the street.

Aggressive behavior in children as a consequence of lack of attention.

When a small child shows aggression, the reason for this behavior may be a banal attraction of attention. If parents do not spend enough time with their child and are indifferent to his achievements and successes, this often becomes the cause of deep resentment in children and, as a result, aggression.

The less attention a child receives, the more likely it is that he will begin to show signs of aggression. There is a fairly clear connection between lack of attention and lack of education. Perhaps the child was simply not explained how to behave with adults and peers? A 5-6 year old child does not yet understand how to behave in society if his parents do not help him, he chooses a model of behavior intuitively and does not always do it correctly.

It is very important that parenting for children aged 5 is consistent and unified. Parents should have the same views on education. When mom and dad cannot agree on the upbringing and behavior of children, everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, and as a result, the children get confused. Ultimately, this results in a lack of education and aggression in children.

Another common reason for aggressive behavior in children in the family is the presence of a favorite among their parents. For example, my mother is constantly strict, forces her to follow the rules, help her around the house, and often scolds her. Dad, on the contrary, behaves kindly with the child, gives gifts, and allows a lot. Children aged 5–6 years are already able to choose a favorite among their parents. If parents suddenly start to quarrel, the child will most likely show aggression towards the less beloved parent, defending the favorite.

Aggression in children caused by personal reasons

Sometimes an aggressive child shows signs of an unstable, unstable psycho-emotional state. There can be quite a few reasons.

In some cases, the reason for such aggressive behavior is the presence of fears. The child is tormented by a feeling of anxiety, tormented by fears and nightmares. The aggressiveness of children in this case is just a defensive reaction.

If parents have not instilled in the child a sense of self-respect, a child under 6-7 years of age may express dissatisfaction with himself and his own behavior through aggression. Such children perceive failures acutely, cannot come to terms with them, and often do not like themselves. Such an aggressive child experiences negative emotions towards himself, and at the same time towards the world around him.

The reason for aggression at 5-6 years old may be a banal feeling of guilt. The kid has unfairly offended or hit someone, he is ashamed, but for some reason he cannot admit his mistake. As a rule, this is excessive pride and an inability to admit one’s mistakes. By the way, parents should teach this skill to the child. Often the aggressiveness of such children is even directed towards children towards whom they feel guilty.

Aggression in children caused by physical health problems.

The causes of aggression do not always lie in the psychological state of the child or his environment. Aggression and aggressiveness are often associated with somatic diseases, for example, with disorders of the brain. They can be caused by severe head injuries, infections, and intoxication.

Remember, if aggressive behavior began to appear after a traumatic brain injury, for example, after a concussion, the cause of aggression may be precisely this injury.

Sometimes the cause of aggressive behavior in children 5–6 years old is heredity. Often, the parents of a 5-6 year old child who shows aggression abused alcohol, narcotic and psychotropic substances before conception.

Could the cause of children's aggressiveness lie in their passion for video games?

Scientists have been arguing for quite some time about whether the cause of aggressive behavior can be a passion for violent computer games. In fact, games themselves rarely cause aggression. Involvement in games with a lot of violence and cruelty is more likely a consequence of aggressive behavior. Of course, such games affect the human brain, making him less compassionate, but this is not enough to turn a peaceful, obedient child into an aggressive one.

How to deal with a 5-7 year old child who is showing aggression?

If you notice aggression in the behavior of a child under the age of 6–7 years, and then were able to identify the reason for this behavior, you need to learn how to behave correctly. Child psychologists and teachers have developed a whole list of recommendations on how to behave correctly with an aggressive child. These rules will not only prevent children’s behavior from getting worse, but also correct it.

1. Don’t react to minor aggression from children.

If children show aggression, but you understand that it is harmless and caused by objective reasons, it is most reasonable to behave as follows:

• pretend not to notice the aggressive behavior;
• show that you understand children's feelings, say the phrase: “I understand that you are unpleasant and offended”;
• try to switch the child’s attention to an object far from the object of aggression, offer to do something else, play.

The aggression of children, and adults, can accumulate, so sometimes you just need to listen carefully to what the child wants to convey to you. In addition, do not forget that a child aged 5–6 years critically needs the attention of an adult, which means ignoring is a powerful and effective way to correct behavior.

2. Assess your child's behavior, not his personality.

Stay calm and speak in a firm, friendly voice. It is important for you to show your child that you are not against him, but against his aggressive behavior. Do not emphasize that similar behavior has already been repeated. Use the following phrases:

• “I don’t like you talking to me like that” - you show your feelings;
• "Do you want to hurt me?" – you show what aggressive behavior leads to;
• “You are behaving aggressively” is a statement of incorrect behavior;
• “You are not behaving according to the rules” is a reminder that aggressive behavior leads to violation of the rules.

After attacks of aggressive behavior, you need to talk to children. Your task is to show that aggression harms the child himself most of all. Be sure to discuss behavior and aggression, try to imagine with your child how it would be better to act in such a situation.

3. Keep your own negative emotions under control

Aggressive behavior in children is unpleasant. Children's aggression can manifest itself in screams, tears, swearing, and it would seem that the natural reaction of an adult to disrespectful treatment is retaliatory aggression. Just don’t forget that you are an adult who is able to control your own emotions.

If a child at 5-7 years old shows aggression, try to remain calm and friendly. Your goal is harmony in the family, a calm, obedient child, and this is not possible without establishing partnerships between children or parents. Therefore, do not raise your voice, do not shout, control your own gestures. Clenching your jaw, clenched fists, and a frown are signs of aggression that should be avoided when interacting with children. In addition, avoid making value judgments about the personality of the child and his friends, do not try to lecture, and of course, do not use physical force.

4. Take care of your child's reputation

Aggression in children often leads to moments when it is difficult for children to admit that they are wrong. It may seem that a child of 5 years old is small and does not yet understand anything, but this is a sufficient age to feel the desire to maintain a reputation. Even if the child is wrong, try not to condemn him publicly, and do not show others your negative attitude. Public shaming is not very effective and will most likely lead to even more aggressive behavior.

Also, learn to make concessions. When you have found out the reason for aggressive behavior, offer your child a compromise way out of the situation; when raising children 5–6 years old, this is the best option. In this case, the child does not feel the need to completely obey, he obeys “in his own way,” which will more likely help resolve the conflict.

5. Choose the kind of behavior that you expect from your children.

You should always remember that when children 5 years old show aggression, you must overcome yourself and, no matter what you feel, show a non-aggressive behavior pattern. When children display aggressive behavior, pause, do not argue, and do not interrupt. Remember that sometimes children need some alone time in moments of aggression to calm down. Give your child this time. And most importantly, express calm with your gestures, facial expressions, and voice.

We have already said that children tend to adopt the behavior of their parents. Friendliness and non-aggression are inherent in children by nature, so they quickly adopt a non-aggressive model of behavior from their parents.

If you adhere to the listed rules, sooner or later it will help overcome aggressive behavior in children. You, however, can speed up the process and help a 5-6 year old child get rid of aggression more quickly. For example, children's aggression in some cases is eliminated by physical activity. Send your child to a sports section so that he can throw out excess energy. If you notice the beginnings of aggressive behavior in children, ask them to talk about their feelings, offer to draw emotions or model them out of plasticine. This will somewhat distract the child from anger and, perhaps, reveal some talent in him.

Thus, to summarize, we can say: the most important thing when signs of aggression appear in children is to remain calm, to be an understanding parent who seeks compromises.

Sometimes the parents of a child who has started going to school or is just about to enter first grade are faced with the problem of attacks of aggression in their child. How to behave in this age crisis and what to do if he does not listen to his parents and teachers?

Causes

Aggression in children is a negative reaction to various actions or comments of others. If a child is not brought up correctly, this reaction can develop from a temporary one into a permanent one and become a trait of his character.

The sources of a child’s aggressive behavior can be somatic or brain diseases, as well as improper upbringing. Another reason for this behavior may be the age crisis.

At this time, children begin to recognize themselves as students, and this is a new role for them. This contributes to the emergence of a new psychological quality in the child - self-esteem.

Watch a video about the causes of crisis in children aged seven and methods for overcoming it.

Why doesn't he listen?

From now on, this is no longer a small baby, but a real adult who strives to become independent. At 6-7 years old, children lose their natural childishness, so they deliberately begin to make faces and behave unreasonably. The reason for this is that children begin to separate the inner “I” from external behavior. They are aware that their behavior can cause reactions from others. Unnatural behavior shows that this is just a child’s experiment, although because of such experiences of the baby, the parents are very worried and worried. Besides, It becomes difficult to put the child to bed or send him to wash, an unusual reaction appears:

• neglect of requests;
• thinking about why to do this;
• negation;
• contradictions and bickering.

During this period, children demonstrably violate parental prohibitions. They criticize any rules that they did not set themselves, and strive to take the position of adults. The existing principles are understood by the child as a childish image that needs to be overcome.

Why does a baby make croaking sounds?

There are times when children begin to make various sounds: croaking, mooing, chirping, and the like. This could just be a continuation of their experiments, but this time with sounds and words. If your child does not have speech problems, then there is no reason to worry. If there are any defects or stuttering, you should consult a doctor.

• Express your approval of your child’s independent actions, allow him to be autonomous.
• Try to become an adviser, not a prohibitor. Support in difficult moments.
• Talk to your child about adult topics.
• Find out his thoughts on an issue of interest, listen to him, this is much better than criticism.
• Let your child express his opinion, and if he is wrong, then gently correct him.
• Allow yourself to recognize his views and express agreement - nothing threatens your authority, and your offspring’s self-esteem will be strengthened.
• Let your child know that he is valued by you, respected and understood that if he makes a mistake, you will always be there and provide help;
• Show your child the possibility of achieving the goal. Praise him for his success.
• Try to give answers to all the child’s questions. Even if the questions are repeated, repeat the answer patiently.

Classes for children 6-7 years old

Actions that show the child that there are other opportunities to get attention and show strength will help reduce a child's unstimulated aggression. To look like an adult, you don’t need to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker, or use bad words when irritated. The following methods for emotional release are recommended:

1. tear into pieces paper that you always need to have with you;
2. shout loudly in a special place;
3. play sports, run and jump;
4. knocking out rugs and pillows will be useful;
5. practice hitting the punching bag;
6. Playing with water helps a lot (contemplation of water and its inhabitants in aquariums, fishing, throwing stones into a pond, etc.)

How to find a common language?

During attacks of aggression in a child, parents need to be calm and restrained. You need to try to understand how your child feels. The most important thing is to love and understand your baby, give him more attention and time.

Unconditional love is the best way to combat aggression. Moms and dads know their children very well and are able to prevent unexpected outbursts of anger. Physical aggression is easier to curb than verbal aggression. At the moment of a surge of emotions, when the child pouts his lips, squints his eyes, or otherwise demonstrates his dissatisfaction, you need to try to redirect his attention to another object, activity, or simply hold him. If the aggression could not be stopped in time, it is necessary to convince the child that this should not be done, it is very bad.

How to deal with shyness?

Among other things, at the age of 7 years, children begin to pay attention to their appearance and clothes. They strive to look like adults. For the first time, the child critically evaluates his behavior. During this period, shyness can very easily develop; the child is not always able to adequately evaluate the opinions of others. An incorrect assessment of what is happening can frighten a child and make him afraid of attracting attention. It may be difficult to establish contacts. But sometimes children are just naturally shy.

How to help?

A shy child is more receptive; often those around him are unable to understand him. Moms and dads are encouraged to emphasize the good qualities of their children more often. In this way, you need to cultivate his self-confidence. Under no circumstances should you be angry with your child for his shyness. He may feel somehow flawed, different from the rest. This may have a bad effect on the development of his character. As an adult, a person will remember his childhood resentment. A child will not become brave and decisive from constant reproaches, but he is able to withdraw from it.