What qualities should a decent guy have? The best qualities of a man for harmony in marriage and more. A decent guy - what he is like.

Just as a man looks at women and tries to determine in advance which of them will suit him, so girls try to find out what qualities a guy should have and with whom it is better for her to connect her future life.

And if we take into account all the good qualities a guy should have, then every girl will have her own ideas about the young man of her dreams. This is not surprising, since every lady has her own taste and desires.

It will probably not be a secret to anyone that both the good qualities of a guy and everything that is bad about him can only be determined by the girl who will look at him with an interested gaze. At first glance, it is quite difficult to say anything about a person.

But such questions must be clarified in advance, since the harmony of the future family will depend on this: a man and a woman must initially have a set of qualities that will allow them to either get closer together or push away from each other.

This is very important, because in order to find a common language in the most difficult situation, it is necessary not to prepare yourself for conflicts and showdowns in advance, but to notice only the best qualities in each other.

But what positive qualities should a guy have so that a woman can follow him, loving and respecting him faithfully?

You can probably say that a young man must have intelligence. Indeed, this is an important, but far from being the most important quality; the mind is a gift from above and it is inherent in every person to varying degrees. Today you can often hear that a guy should be sexy.

But in fact, this is not the main thing, because sexuality is just as much a subjective trait as the human mind. This is present not only in men, but also in women.

If we are talking about the sexuality of a young man, then it is more appropriate to pose the question as follows: how wisely does he deal with this quality?

If a girl is interested in a guy’s good qualities, then she should understand that they cannot always be immediately noticed. Psychologists say that each person can count about a hundred different qualities, both bad and good.

But still, every person has several of the most basic ones, which can be noticed even after several interactions with him. Now we are not talking about this, but about what basic good qualities should a guy have?

First quality: responsibility

Would a girl want a guy to develop a sense of duty both to her and, in the future, to his family? This means that he will look for different ways to provide for his family as best as possible and protect it from various troubles.

A responsible man does not wait for a good job to be handed to him on a silver platter and will not be dependent on a woman. If he can’t find a decent job right away, he will go unload the cars, just so that the family does not go into poverty.

Even when a guy is just dating a lady, he must show his responsibility. How? Often young ladies look at the men they date as their potential husbands.

And if a young man has such a basic quality as responsibility, then he will not fool a girl if he is not going to marry her. If a guy’s good qualities include a sense of responsibility, then he will always keep his promises.

Second quality: determination

This quality can be placed in second place, since if a guy does not have a goal in life, then he is unlikely to achieve great success. And even in the case when he has a goal only in relation to himself, then such a guy cannot be trusted, since he will only think about himself.

For a purposeful man, a woman will be an assistant and ally in achieving his goal. It is important to remember that if these are noble goals, then the union of two hearts will become quite strong.

If the highest goal is only to achieve pleasure in life, then such a union will quickly fail.

Third quality: integrity

If a guy’s good qualities include decency, then you can trust him not only with material values, but also with your future. Such a young man will never stoop to such a state as to reproach or insult his chosen one.

A person with such a quality will think not so much about himself as about the person who is nearby. A girl can entrust her honor and her life to such a young man.

But it should be borne in mind that such an indicator as decency also includes fidelity, tact, nobility, and honesty. After all, these words can be replaced in a sentence and its meaning will not change at all. Can we replace the word “decency” with “honesty”?

Of course, if you say; he acted decently (honestly, nobly), then these qualities are not only quite close, but we can say that they are even interchangeable. Such a young man will not cheat on his chosen one, either physically or mentally.

How to determine whether a man is decent?

Decency is one of the most important male qualities:

1. A decent man with two women will never pay compliments to one of them - by doing this, he not only deprives the second woman of attention, but also insults.
2. Even if he is in the presence of one woman, he will not praise or extol another in front of her.
3. In society, he will not talk about the shortcomings of other people or make comments to his girlfriend. And if he begins to sort things out with her in public, then it is necessary to part with such a person as quickly as possible.

If he doesn’t like any action or words of his chosen one, then he will find an opportunity to talk to her about this situation in private. This will be honest and fair on his part.

But it’s worth keeping in mind that the guy’s good qualities don’t stop there. In addition to responsibility, determination and decency, he must have other positive qualities that can turn a young guy into a Real man.

You should know that although the world is devoid of absolute perfection, such a thing as a “real man” still exists. You can always lean on his strong shoulder.

A real guy should be strong

This does not mean that he will have well-developed muscles, but that he will never complain or whine about anything.

Even if the circumstances are not in his favor, a real man will be able to cope with all problems.

A real guy's word is law

If a man makes any promise, he will try to fulfill it. And if he fails to fulfill it, then he will not make any promise. And this applies to promises to your girlfriend as well as to other people. He would rather lose time and money than break his word.

It is also worth remembering that you can acquire good qualities in a guy, you just have to want it. A real guy will always respect himself and others, love, appreciate and forgive.

You can distinguish a fake from gold, it’s easy to identify a counterfeit banknote, but recognizing a person is much more difficult. But if you have clear criteria for what a real man should be like, then when you get to know him better, you can tell for sure who asked you out on a date: a fake or a real gem.

Any woman dreams of seeing a real man next to her, a certain prince on a white horse or a knight in armor. But the fairy-tale image does not always coincide with reality, and you can run into anyone. But girls really want to meet the ideal candidate for life partner.

In this article we will tell you what it means, in other words, what qualities a representative of the stronger half of humanity should have, according to women.

Masculinity

Perhaps the most important quality. After all, it is this that reveals the essence of a man, combining in him courage, honor, nobility, and the one who possesses this quality is very close to the image of his own ancestors.

Responsibility

According to women, a man should be responsible. Of course, in ancient times this was easier. Kill the beast, bring the prey and go hunting again - this is what the working day of our distant ancestor consisted of. It seems that everything is very simple, not like in the modern world, where a man must bear much greater responsibility. It is necessary not only to protect and feed your family, but also to “turn on” your head in certain situations. And this is quite a difficult task.

Ability to keep your word

There are people who say one thing and do something completely different. And there are men who refuse words for the sake of self-interest. You can't do that. If he gave his word, he will keep it, even if it does not bring him any benefit. These representatives of the stronger sex will always be valued and respected.

Courage

A man must be doubly brave: for himself and for his companion. It is unacceptable to hide behind the backs of your mothers and wives.

Honesty

Not all representatives of the stronger sex have this quality. Most people even lie to their wives. Of course, you can deceive others, but you definitely cannot deceive yourself. The main thing is to be honest with yourself.

Decency

We can say that this is synonymous with honesty. It is a very rare quality among the male population. It’s unlikely to be found 100% anywhere. After all, he must protect, feed and love his own family, not cheat on his wife, respect the elderly, not do bad things, never cheat, etc. This image is too utopian. And if you meet such a man, then you can exhibit him in a museum as a valuable and rare antique.

Kindness

This quality should be inherent in every representative of the stronger sex, especially if they have their own family. Without a good attitude, it is impossible to raise children. Of course, this does not stop some, but what will come of their offspring in the future?

The main sign of kindness is respect for old age and love for animals. In general, to find out the “true” face of a man, you need to find out how he feels about “striped and mustachioed people.” Also pay attention to how he speaks about his own parents or grandparents.

Hard work

This is one of the qualities that reflects the essence of a man. It closely resonates with the responsibility we wrote about above. A man should not be lazy, because he is the provider of resources (money) for his family. In addition, there are many household chores that a woman cannot cope with. You have to be a man and help your chosen one, and not lie on the couch with a can of beer and watch TV.

Determination

One of the most important qualities. Any man should know what he wants to achieve and it can be in different areas: hobbies, sports, career, work. If there is no goal, then a man simply goes with the flow, and all his free time is consumed by surfing the Internet, TV, drinking, lying on the couch, etc.

Sense of humor

In general, it is very difficult to live without it, and it is also quite difficult to conquer a woman, resolve a delicate situation, etc. In modern reality, a sense of humor is not just important, it is vital. As one satirist said: “If it weren’t so funny, it would be scary.”

Mind

For many women, it is the mind that reflects the essence of a man. If it is not enough, then the person is unlikely to make a good head of the family. Raising children, solving everyday problems, making money - all this falls entirely or partially on men's shoulders. And in the organization and calculations of all this, the mind plays a primary role.

Sexuality and attractiveness

Many people believe that men should never be attractive with their appearance. This is a misconception. Of course they should! But we are not talking about this, but about real male sexuality and attractiveness, when a woman walking next to her feels both safe and pleasant.

Intuition

Although it is not so developed in men, nevertheless, each of them should have some kind of sixth sense that suggests that a woman needs help. The main task of a representative of the stronger sex is to console, protect, help in difficult times, or just be nearby.

Mutual aid

The famous actor said in an interview: “I don’t separate housework into men’s and women’s. If necessary, I can sew on a button, wash, cook, and change the child’s diaper.” This is what a man can be! And that's absolutely normal. Moreover, this is how it should be. If previously women were exclusively engaged in household chores, now they work equally with men. Moreover, they may also be late at work. Therefore, a real man will not tell his wife returning after a hard day that he is too tired and will not do anything.

Mobility

In the fast pace of modern life, a man simply must be active and mobile. Sitting in one place, you cannot feed yourself or your own family. And only parasites and lazy people sit out their pants.

Independence

Many women, when asked “what is the essence of a man,” answer: “independence.” That is, the ability to solve absolutely any problems without anyone’s help.

Accuracy

This does not mean metrosexuals, who do not care about anything other than their appearance. We are talking about basic rules of personal hygiene and minimal care about your appearance. Remember, people always greet you by their clothes.

Own opinion

A man must have unbreakable principles on any issue. Otherwise, he will either become henpecked or already is.

Devotion

At the moment, this quality is more characteristic of swan relationships than of human ones. Although ideally every man should be devoted.

Love

To parents, beloved, children, acquaintances, relatives and more. Love for others and the whole world... because without it it is difficult to live and be in harmony with oneself.

Conclusion

So, the essence of a man is expressed in his presence of the qualities listed above. Although they are not a panacea. After all, every woman has her own understanding of what a real man should be.

A decent person evokes only positive emotions. It’s nice to communicate with him, it’s nice to look at him, they trust him.

You can determine whether your boyfriend is a decent person by looking at his actions. Words darken your eyes, and the person seems worthy, but the veil falls and a man who knows how to beautifully tell fairy tales appears before you.

So how can you determine a guy’s integrity at the beginning of a relationship? What qualities does he have? This word is capacious and includes a lot of virtuous qualities and positive characteristics.

Let's figure out where the line is that separates a decent act from a dishonest one. What character traits and personal properties should a guy have so that his actions do not raise even a shadow of doubt about what kind of person he is?

Decency - what is it?

Despite the fact that psychologists, activists and others have already interpreted decency, focusing on a person’s field of activity, this concept is very subjective.

Everyone can characterize a person’s integrity based on their own views, life experience, and personal qualities.

The main characteristic of the concept is a person’s honesty, which is on par with generally accepted social norms of behavior. In other words, such a person complies with all established moral, state and other laws of society. He does not allow himself to commit vicious, base acts that go against accepted norms.

This is not an innate quality of a person, but an acquired one. Its development is influenced by the surrounding society, parents, teachers. Television, books read, friends and acquaintances play an important role.

But even if life circumstances were such that a growing person did not have an example of behavior before his eyes, he can, if he wishes, become such a person. The work is not easy, because it is not enough to control actions, you need to learn, and most importantly, thoughts.

A decent guy - what is he like?

Let's look at the traits inherent in such a guy. The list is far from complete; a lot depends on character, situations and other aspects of life.

1. Honesty. It is logical that a dishonest guy cannot be decent. After all, honesty characterizes a person on the positive side. This trait is . Knowing that the guy is honest, they trust him with their secrets without fear. Those who possess this quality become a strong support in the family, creating happiness and comfort around them.

1. Nobility. This trait gives the guy bright impulses and pure thoughts. At all times, great things have been accomplished by noble people. Noble guys are kind natures who are characterized by serving good motives and intentions. Such guys are valiant and honest; without thinking about their own benefit and well-being, they go to the rescue if they are sure that the goal meets moral standards.

1. Generosity. The guy is not greedy or selfish. Generosity allows people, regardless of financial status, to extend a helping hand to disadvantaged, vulnerable and lonely people. And if anyone needs a benefactor, he will become a support point for him.

1. Justice. This character trait helps to understand any situation. The guy will not offend oppressed people, he will get to the bottom of things to understand the person’s position. Whether this quality is positive or negative is difficult to judge. It is often difficult for fair people to see the truth; they are often led by the nose. But, if the guy is sure that the injured party is right, then he will do everything to help him.

1. Optimism. Yes, such guys are no strangers, they live according to their conscience, believe in a bright and good future and know that evil will be punished. Thanks to optimism, such guys are free from the negative side of life, this trait helps them to be honest.

1. Modesty. Even if a guy has only positive qualities and is liked by everyone without exception, he does not brag about it. This same character trait can become a kind of brake in achieving the goal, because it is not inherent in stubborn people who go over their heads to achieve the desired results.

1. Loyalty. The guy must have this trait. This means loyalty to the girl, to the cause, to the people, to everything that and with whom he does. The guy doesn’t even think about whether to be faithful to him or not, it’s a matter of course.

1. Caring. A person lives in a society and is surrounded by people, such a guy takes care of loved ones. If he is not able to lend a helping hand, he is a guy, nothing more.

1. Cheerfulness. A person who loves people and life in all its manifestations cannot help but be cheerful. And, to feel happiness, a guy does not need external manifestations at all, this is his essence. He is able to enjoy not only material goods and the successes of the people he loves, but also the perception of life, life. Being next to a cheerful guy, you will feel how love for everything that surrounds you awakens in your soul. Such people have many friends, they are always in the center of the company, but at the same time they do not boast about it.

1. Courage. A guy's positive qualities would not be complete without courage. Can a cowardly person be called worthy? A brave person is not capable of betraying in a difficult situation, saving his own skin. A brave person is able to achieve his goal without causing harm to the people around him.

1. Punctuality. This guy doesn't show up late for no reason. And even if urgent circumstances arise, he will solve them or at least warn about his lateness in advance. This character trait helps you achieve a lot in life; it guarantees a clear daily routine, thanks to which all matters are resolved easily and naturally.

1. Politeness. The guy doesn't communicate like a "gopnik". He is polite and courteous. He does not allow himself rude expressions, angry statements, it is not difficult for him to ask and talk to all people politely, regardless of the situation.

If your boyfriend has these qualities, if his words do not differ from his actions. If you see that there are always a lot of people around him who love him, who trust him. Know that you have found a rare specimen - a decent guy.

How does sympathy for a man arise?

The first thing any woman pays attention to is her appearance. In a few seconds, we scan a man who comes into our field of vision, noting to ourselves how he is dressed, what shoes he wears, how he smells, how he is shaved and combed his hair. If, from an aesthetic point of view, everything suits us, we put a “tick” in our mind next to the phrase “seems to fit.” And we begin to perceive the man “by ear,” that is, we evaluate what and how he says. And observe - evaluate how a man behaves in society. And here, at this stageIt is very important to take your time and listen and watch carefully!

The key to success in future happiness is already in the early stages of a relationship, determine whether the prospective partner is capable of experiencing the highest moral feelings - conscience, empathy, compassion and honesty.

Sometimes this is not easy to do!

Example:

Lera met Victor at a friends birthday party. A common feast, slow dancing to romantic music, and a walk under the night moon immediately brought them closer together. A week after they met, Lera called Victor her man. He smiled indulgently in response.

In principle, Lera was pleased with her gentleman. True, Victor could not keep his promises, be late for the date or not come at all. But Lera attributed this to character traits that were unlikely to seriously overshadow their relationship. She was not alarmed by the fact that Victor could yell at a woman on the bus who had touched him with her elbow. And even when it turned out that Victor could not repay the debt to the husband of the very friend from whom they met, Lera did not sound the alarm. “He loves me,” she shrugged proudly. - “And the rest doesn’t bother me.”

When will Victor, after six months of courtship suddenly stopped communicating, Lera sobbed resentfully and in bewilderment: “What a scoundrel he is! If I knew..".

But she knew! I just didn’t want to notice!

From the first days, Lena convincingly lied to herself that everything was perfect. That this is her destiny. Lena wanted so much to quickly close the “question of finding the other half” that she turned a blind eye to Victor’s dishonesty in all its manifestations, justifying the situation in every way, and not even by comparing the merits and demerits of the chosen one (since he did not particularly demonstrate any merits, and justifying him directly there was nothing trivial), but independently attributed to him,imaginary attitude towards her. Lena, being a noble and decent person, really did not want to believe that not everyone in the world is as noble. She didn't want to admit to herself that Victor was a decent bastard. The fictional fairy tale seemed very beautiful.

This behavior is very typical of a modern, highly moral woman who has not lost faith in people. Guided by the stereotype stuck in the head “you need to get married, because if you go through men, then you are somehow wrong” and also fueled by emotions and physiological processes characteristic of the initial period of relationships, women at the very beginning of their journey either consciously or unconsciously turn a blind eye to manifestations of dishonesty on the part of a man. Or they simply do not have practical knowledge of how to determine the true essence of the man whose advances they accept.

To the question asked point-blank: “Is he a decent person?” - we will hear either a confident “yes” or a vague “in relation to me - yes.” While we are unlikely to be lucky enough to hear the reasonable, calm and wise answer “I hope so, but I can’t say so, since we have known each other for only a short time.” And of course, we are unlikely to hear “no,” since either a mentally unstable person or a woman guided by cold, cynical calculation can consciously enter into a relationship with a scoundrel.

Psychologists, what are psychologists, ordinary common sense tells us to connect our lives withnoble and decent people. Long term no dishonest man can make any woman happy for a long time. What is called, by definition. When we say “dishonest,” we do not mean a man with correctable shortcomings, such as sloppiness or laziness in everyday life. We mean a man who lacks the highest moral qualities, such as conscience, empathy, compassion and honesty, that is, a man who exhibits signs of psychopathy . And if you know how to correctly analyze a man’s behavior, know the principles of psychology, that is, know what to look at and how to interpret what you see, you can easily guess who is next to you, what his value system is and whether there is one at all.

The principle of quadruple repetition

Imagine that you have an internal counter, and before making a judgment about character person , mentally add one, noting actions whichs repeatare more than four times . Analyze the behavior of the person you are observing and track the number of repetitions of the behavior patterns that your potential partner chooses for himself in more or less similar situations.

So, A very indicative sign of nature is the desire or unwillingness to take revenge on the offender. If you notice that revenge has manifested itself four times or more, keep this in mind. Most likely in front of youpsychopath - a person in whom feelings of anger and cruelty prevail (since revenge is always associated with cruelty and even violence). A person whose personality is governed by love, tolerance and generosity will be focused on forgiveness. Yes, he can take it out on the offender, he can even resort to revenge (and, often, regret it later), but these will be one-time, not recurring situations. A if a person took revenge four times, he will take revenge at any opportunity and enjoy it. It is quite possible that one day you or your child will anger him with something. Are you ready to deliberately become an object of revenge from a cruel person? Don't think.

The essence of the human soul is most truly revealed in crisis situations. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying that a friend is a friend in need! It is extremely significant that How does a person behave when he has to make a difficult life choice? Does he take a position of unhealthy selfishness and act solely in his own interests, and choose a path that contradicts the interests of everyone else. Or his actions contain the idea of ​​caring not only for himself, but also for the environment. B A noble person, even in a crisis situation, will sacrifice personal gain for the well-being of loved ones.

The behavior of some men against the backdrop of the flood in X was very indicative in this regard. Crimean (Krasnodar region). When some men fled for their lives, abandoning everyone and everything, including their own families. Others, on the contrary, returned again and again to filled residential buildings, collecting and removing people. Even strangers. Even those with whom you were in a quarrel yesterday.

Relations within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more meaningful than words

Noble,decent Human respects and values ​​not only his own comfort and peace, but equally protects and appreciates the attitudes of the society in which he lives. Please note that how your chosen one treats strangers. Does he communicate with respect? service staff in a cafe, store or queue. IN outbursts of aggression or rudeness - clear reason be wary. Because a man who can be rude to a stranger will then be rude to the one next to him.

Small everyday troubles that do not concern a person personally reveal their nature very well. For example, banal assistance to a driver whose car is stuck on the road. You can drive by, or you can go out and help. As a rule, such situations do not take a lot of time, and yes, you can drive past once, because “there is no time”, you can do it a second time, but when your chosen one regularly ignores this kind of victims, and even allows himself derogatory statements from the “it’s his own fault” series ", keep in mind that one day he may begin to treat you the same way. Because such disrespect for others is characteristic of him in general, and not of would-be drivers in particular. And this must be understood very soberly. Such people show respect only where they seek personal gain. They are not capable of disinterested expression of positive feelings, if they are able to feel at all (as is the case with psychopaths). Such a person will show or pretend to show love, affection and a desire to help only as long as it benefits him, as long as you give him something he needs, for example sex or money or a roof over his head. As soon as his need decreases, the incentive to show his best side in such people evaporates. By connecting your life with a person who is led by calculation, you risk one day realizing that you were simply used.

Constancy and loyalty. Will your love boat crash in everyday life?

A potential tendency to cheat, social and spiritual inconstancy can also be determined by indirect signs. Not always, but very often an excessive need for variety (in a variety of foods, frequent trips to new places, new entertainment and thrills) indicates that the state of a calm, measured life is such a man will be difficult to bear. The higher your companion's need for new emotions, adventures and thrills, the greater the chance that sexual and social, for example companionship, true awns are unusual for him. He's bored. He will always demand that the banquet be continued. Yes, for some it may go away with age. Others will be able to control the constant desire to “change the picture,” manage it, and even include their partner in the process of searching for new experiences, for example, traveling with you. But the fact remains that consistency is a difficult choice for such people.

To understand whether you have met a faithful person, you must try to objectively assess the degree of his readiness for the routine phenomena of life. Ask if he was diligent in school. Find out if he has any hobbies and how often he changes them. Ask your potential partner if he likes parties. Are you interested in extreme sports? Gently ask, if it is convenient, how long his relationship with your predecessors lasted. This is very valuable information, based on which it is easy to judge how constant a person is.

Aggression

The level of temper and, as a consequence, aggression can also be recognized by observing a person from the outside. Processes that involve a large number of participants focused on themselves and their own line of behavior are very informative, that is, non-team social processes. For example, you will learn a lot about your companion by observing him as a participant in public traffic. Look how he drives the car. If he is nervous, swears, jerks from row to row, always tries to be the first at a traffic light, “cuts off” neighboring cars, we can say with a 99% probability that in family life he will behave in exactly the same way. Here is a quick-tempered, hot-tempered, aggressive person for whom those around him are second-class citizens. The attitude towards them will be appropriate.

Criticism and perfectionism. Excessive demands on yourself and others

There is neither fire nor evil in hell for perfectionists. There are only slightly asymmetrical chipped cauldrons there.

Try to pay attention to howcriticalHumanin relation toto myself andto others. It is quite possible that the desire to bring everything to perfection is just a mask behind which lies excessive perfectionism. And constant criticism of everything around is an indicator low self-esteem and self-doubt.

After all, who is a perfectionist? Essentially this is a child who was unloved in childhood, who had to achieve parental love with perfect homework, clean floors and immaculately carved crafts. Growing up, perfectionists, who, alas, have not found another way of recognition, continue to strive for ideality and demand ideality from the person next to them. Sometimes a perfectionist's desire for ideals turns relationships into torture. Because they can exert enormous psychological pressure on their partner, justifying their actions with seemingly noble statements from the series “I just want it to be beautiful/correct/ideal.” Perfectionists and critics constantly try to “improve” their family members, gradually instilling in them the idea that they are not “good enough” before. And although it is possible to fight manifestations of hyperperfectionism, it is very difficult.

Decency

The attitude of a decent person towards the people around him is based onthe principle of mutual exchange - “you cannot only take or only give.” A nature whose life rules lie in this plane will always repay debts and will not be afraid to borrow money if loved ones need it. He will not only accept help, but also show an independent desire to help, that is, the balance of selfishness and altruism in a decent person is almost ideal.

In addition, about How decent a person your companion is can be judged by his loyalty to the word. Decent people either keep their promises or don't make them at all. This also includes selfish lies. If you have witnessed a lie that your relationship partner is telling someone around you, be on your guard! He will most likely lie within his own family.

Vulnerability

Degree vulnerability a partner is determined by how a person reacts to barbs addressed to him - indifferently or painfully cowering.

It is clear that you should not give yourself offense and that you should protect the one who is nearby if he is not able to protect himself. For example, a man who stands up for a woman evokes approval and support. However, there are situations when no one planned to attack, but the person came up with it himself and was offended. The excessive vulnerability of one of the partners sometimes results in a state of constant tension in the couple, since there is always a fear in the air of saying something “wrong” to such a sissy and getting into another scandal with elements of hysteria. Moreover, sometimes even an innocent joke can serve as a signal for offense. A very good level of vulnerability manifests itself when a person is in the center of attention. Allow yourself a bold joke at the expense of your partner, and by how adequate his reaction is, you can judge his vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in turn, is closely related to a person’s self-esteem. In order to evaluate the chosen one according to this criterion, you need to monitor his reaction to praise. WITH he will say thank you and smile - a sign of healthy self-esteem, he will begin to make excuses and assure that there is nothing to praise him for, or he will smugly raise his eyebrow, taking kind words for granted - signs of low self-esteem. Need I say that in living together it is easier to communicate and negotiate with people with normal self-esteem? Because people with low self-esteem are characterized by touchiness, temper and perfectionism. And in a relationship, they most often need a nanny, whose meaning in life is to feel sorry for and help the innocent victim of life’s circumstances. And people with high self-esteem do not need a wife, but a fan. People with an abnormal level of self-esteem resist building partnerships, not allowing their partner to become on the same level with them. They need to stand either a little lower or a little higher. In both cases, the one who is told which step to take suffers more. In healthy relationships, people stand on the same level and do not try to consciously or even unconsciously manipulate each other.

Having determined person's character, then it is useful to find out what kind of life goals, interests, what he wants to get from the relationship. Therefore, when communicating, it is important be silent anymoreask more questions listen and watch! It is especially important to pay attention to the contradictions in your views on life and in the system of your and his values, because conflicts in this area will sooner or later appear. And do not rush to justify the gentleman you like, turning a blind eye to emerging shortcomings. Remember, everything that your chosen one does in relation to the environment, he will later broadcast within your union, in relation to you and your children!

Well, at the same time, do not forget about objectivity! If a person has demonstrated certain signs of deviation from the norm, for example, a temper has appeared, this does not mean that the relationship should be given up! There are no ideal people, but everyone has flaws. It’s just that in some cases they are insignificant and can be corrected, while in others they are incorrigible and clearly destructive. For example, the same hot temper in itself is just a character trait, and not a reason to run away from a man. A person can have a hot temperament and be impulsive, but at the same time he will never allow himself to show aggression towards a woman. It's one thing to vehemently criticize a politician on TV, and another to raise your voice at family members.

How to find this line between a slight tilt towards abnormality and a complete lack of chances for healthy partnerships can be read in the following chapters of the book “Illusions in Relationships”.