How to raise a husband and an ideal family. How to raise a man for yourself

When you mention the term “upbringing,” the first thing that comes to mind is the association with raising a child. However, you can often hear about human upbringing in relation to married couples, in particular to men. But is this right and is it worth doing at all?

First of all, it is worth mentioning that the expression “raising a husband” is not entirely correct. Of course, this phenomenon occurs in some cases, but in a traditional couple it is the husband who is the head of the family, and no matter how women with feminist inclinations try to argue with this, the primacy of the husband in the relationship is only confirmed by many characteristic female traits, such as shifting responsibility, touchiness, capriciousness, spoiledness, etc. Therefore, by “education” we mean only some adjustment in the behavior and character of a man.

One of the reasons why women resort to “raising” a man (as can be seen from the numerous women’s forums replete with this topic) is that women consider men to be big children.

After all, almost every man has favorite hobby, a hobby that for him is a Great Business with a capital G, and it can be anything - tourism, car overhaul, computer games or sawing with a jigsaw.

A woman usually does not take such passion seriously and, at best, treats it with condescension. And at worst, she makes scandals about the fact that her husband devotes little time to her and sets some ultimatums.

But this is wrong - after all, without his passion, a man is not a man, this must be taken for granted. In this case, you need to clearly explain to your husband in a calm atmosphere that he should reconsider his time planning and pay more attention to his beloved wife, and that harmony is needed in everything.

You need to say this kindly (sincerely!), because a man can simply ignore nervous attacks directed at himself, but with affection, as you know, you can achieve much more.

In general, when presenting any claims to a man, it is important to calmly and consistently express your thoughts. A man is used to perceiving the world rationally, guided by logic and common sense (unlike a woman, who is guided by feelings), so it would be wiser to sort his thoughts into categories and present them to the man exactly in this form.

Simple but important rule healthy climate in the family - sincerely praise and thank your husband for any successes from the bottom of your heart. A man is always pleased to know that his achievements are appreciated (especially by the woman he loves), and this can be a good incentive to strive for new successes. In this case, the reciprocal affection will not take long to arrive.

Often the cause of quarrels is everyday “everyday life”, for example, cleaning the house or washing dishes. It's no secret that many men

In this matter, they are guided by the policy “it’s not a lord’s business,” which women put up with for the time being, and then one day they lose patience and start a scandal.

So that the performance of all household duties by the wife is not taken for granted, you need to immediately discuss this nuance and make it clear to the man that keeping the house clean is a mutual responsibility. And after successfully completing the “mission”, don’t forget about “Thank you for your help”!

But what you shouldn’t do when raising a man is deny him sex. Firstly, the very fact of such a refusal already puts the woman in a not very good light, and secondly, abuse of this kind of “education” can lead to the husband simply going to the left.

There is also no need to be too enthusiastic about trying to adjust your husband “to suit you” - a man will not tolerate an invasion of his territory and attempts to make any adjustments to his “I”. In addition, imagine that the situation changed symmetrically and one fine day, he decided to rebuild you for himself, so to speak, to raise an ideal wife. I don't think you would like this situation. Therefore, always remember that you are raising children because they need parental care, but not like your man, whom you have chosen as your husband and head of the family. Teach your grandmother to suck eggs.

Thus, any wife needs to remember that she should not try to explain male behavior from a female point of view. Men and women have different views on the world, different priorities and characters, so you need to adequately treat the hobbies and oddities (if any) of your halves. The main thing is that everything can be achieved with warmth and affection, and only they can create comfort and harmony in any family.

In fact, psychologists say that a person’s personality is formed in the first three years of a child’s life, and everything that happens next is just polishing and adjustment, exploding from time to time with normal age-related crises. But fortunately, the human brain is flexible and we change throughout life, so raising your husband to suit you is not such an impossible task. The main thing is women's wisdom!

Never point out your loved one’s poor upbringing, criticize his parents, or lament his difficult childhood. These are very personal topics, and usually they are very painful, so there can be no question of any trust in the person who unceremoniously goes through them. Be more careful and tactful in your upbringing. Don't talk about what's bad, point out what's good.

· Kindly make fun of a man’s minor everyday clumsiness. No one will like the lectures about dirty socks that are always scattered, this is a greeting from childhood from a demanding mother! But it’s quite appropriate to laugh together at the fact that they could easily ruin a brand new vacuum cleaner if you brush it under the sofa without looking. The effect will be, characteristically, not comic.

· Use positive reinforcement. There is no need to scold for failures, but never forget to praise for doing the right thing. This is more pleasant for both of you, and more effective.

· Lead by example. Try to fulfill his requests (unless, of course, they contradict common sense and moral issues), and even more so always follow your own recommendations. You are unlikely to be able to persuade him not to raise his voice if you yourself are prone to scandals and scenes.

· Be tactful but direct. He shouldn't know that you decided to raise your husband, but guys hate it when they get hints. In addition, men and women have different views on the transparency of hints, so you may well encounter a completely unexpected interpretation. It's better to make it easier for both of you to understand and tell it like it is.

· Always give your man a choice. Even if it sounds like “Dear! Are we going to go out of town this weekend or frolic with friends at the water park?” It seems that you don’t push him to the wall, you leave room for maneuver, and you yourself remain satisfied with any of his decisions.

Remember - everything ends well and successfully only if your plan to raise your husband is on the side of good. Nothing good will ever come from trying to lasso a man, make him henpecked, or twist him blindly. And if your motives are quite bright - be sincere and act, luck will accompany you!

How to raise your husband without him noticing it

As psychologists say, the male half of humanity, even in adulthood, does not like it at all when people try to educate them. After all, remember, when a mother points out some shortcomings to an adult guy, he always starts to grumble, saying that he will figure it out on his own, and you are not a mother, it’s even more difficult for you, but nevertheless you want to raise your beloved husband.

What should the woman he lives with do in this case? This is especially true when they have a serious relationship. Indeed, in this case, the process of raising a loved one is completely practically impossible.

But psychologists have been arguing here for a long time. Most of them note that this is possible. It is only necessary to take into account some factors that may influence it.

Factors that help in raising a husband

If the love is mutual;

In such cases, parental influence must be taken into account. After all, it very often happens that the mother’s influence very significantly affects family relationships;

The desire of the man himself to change;

The ability of partners to find a solution to a problem together.

Naturally, it is impossible to take into account all cases when raising a husband, but it is possible to minimize this. The main thing is patience and endurance. After all, this kind of process takes more than one day a month. So let's start giving you tips on how to raise a husband.

You should not speak disparagingly about his upbringing and sexual ability. After all, this is a very painful topic for every man. And harsh bullying will not help you with this. It is better to achieve all this progressively and quietly. Give easier tasks first and praise him for completing them. This way you will achieve a positive result faster. And best of all, try to do a lot of things together. Then it will have a positive effect on everything;

Try not to laugh at bad actions. Kindly explain what is wrong, because force and criticism will not work to educate. This way you won't become a complete bitch to him and he won't stop striving to do better;

Praise. This is like a balm for a man’s heart. More positive emotions. And you will see that in the near future everything will go according to your scenario;

A feeling of slight inferiority causes men to strive to improve their skills. Try to compare him with someone in a light way. Like, my neighbor’s husband can even bake cakes. The spirit of competition will help a man correct all his shortcomings;

Be direct. Hints for a man are inappropriate and can lead to conflict, and if you decide to raise your own husband, then be patient and tune in to long-term work;

Sometimes you may lose your temper or cry. But you shouldn't do this often.

In a word, everything is in your hands, especially your loved one!

Raising a person is a long-term process that will require a lot of effort. After all, it’s true what they say: it’s easier to raise a child than to re-educate him afterward. The same can be said about an adult.

However, raising a husband, making him the way you want, is very difficult. After all, an adult already has established stereotypes and concepts. Therefore, the process of raising a husband in this case will be very difficult. However, anything is possible if you want to achieve a positive result.

Although nothing in the world is ideal, you can, so to speak, tailor your husband to your parameters. The main thing is to know how to do it.

Remember and take into account!

Before you start raising your husband, make sure that your partner is the right person for you;

You shouldn’t put your husband in a strict frame. Like: “It will be as I said,” or “Choose - either me or you without me”;

The parenting process should take place unnoticed by your husband;

Try to find your husband’s weaknesses for further education.

If you have taken into account all of the above, then feel free to start parenting. To do this, we will talk about a number of actions that will help you with this.

Don't do things that might create barriers for your husband that you won't be able to overcome later. They are the ones who can cause a feeling of disgust or complete bewilderment in the husband. You should not refuse intimate relationships, as they can become a reason for your opponent to leave for someone else. Silence or resentment will not solve anything either. It is always possible to achieve mutual understanding when communicating;

Habits and character traits. Each person is individual in himself. And everyone was brought up in different families, in which certain habits were instilled. So if you don’t like something and want to re-educate your husband, it’s best to calmly explain to your partner about certain shortcomings. And find common decision. Don't try to blame him for this;

If it is very important for you to change some shortcoming, then you should explain this to your partner in a normal tone, and not give an ultimatum. This is the only way your significant other will be able to understand and try to correct their shortcomings in the future;

Always be prepared. Your partner can also point out your shortcomings and ask you to correct them. If you resist and do not want to do this, then all your attempts to change the person will be nullified;

Only love and the desire to save relationships can help you with this. The demands here are categorically inappropriate;

And try to accept your husband for who he is. After all, you fell in love with him for something before you wanted to raise your husband?

Before you ask yourself how to raise your husband, first understand why you have a husband who needs to be raised? Did you really get married in order to become a mother and raise a man? If you initially did not respect your man and hoped that after the wedding he would settle down and change in the direction you needed, then you were deeply mistaken. If the question is about slightly adjusting his attitude towards you and showing which things are acceptable and which are not, then you can try to reach an agreement.

Where to begin?

You have to start with yourself. After all, a relationship with a man is always an interaction between two parties. Therefore, what a woman will be, so will the man next to her. If you want your husband to be more responsible, purposeful, and confident, then you yourself must first become sensitive, calm, feminine and soft. If in your family you take on male responsibilities and do not trust your husband to do his job, then the husband will relax, but will not take on the responsibilities of a woman.

There are a few more important points things you need to know before “raising your husband”:

• Don't try to control him or force him under your heel. If you succeed, then you will make yourself unhappy first of all, because there will be a weak and weak-willed man next to you. If he sees that you want to correct and change him, he will be disappointed in your attitude towards him and leave to look for someone who will love him as he is.
• If you constantly make comments to him, you can develop complexes in your beloved husband. Therefore, all comments must be accompanied by the word “please” and sound in the form of a request.
• Remember that a wise woman will not blackmail her man and set conditions accordingly.

How to interact with your husband?

It often happens in a family that when the wife cooks and cleans every day, but does not demand anything in return, the man may begin to become impudent. He believes that he deserves all this because he is a great husband and therefore she should do it. Women also sometimes become impudent when their husbands fulfill any whim, then one day she may decide that she is Miss World and the man is obliged to indulge her whims. When one partner neglects his responsibilities and demands that the other fulfill his, in the end, such a marriage is destroyed.

If you turned to this article, then you already realized that scandals do not work, just like playing a martyr, serving her sentence and fulfilling all the whims of a man. The truth, as always, is in the middle. Education occurs through the ability to detach.

Detachment represents the ability to be strict on the outside and soft on the inside, to fulfill your duties out of love for your husband, and not because he owes you something. Pulling away with a hard heart, out of hatred and revenge will only damage the relationship and create disappointment, anger and resentment in your spouse. Therefore, you need to distance yourself if you have selflessly served your husband for a long time, but he hurt you.

Removal options:

• You continue to fulfill your duties, but outwardly you show yourself with strictness and restraint. That is: “Everything is the same as before, but I don’t want to communicate, and not because you are a bastard and a bastard, but because it hurts and hurts me.” At the same time, dinner is still ready every evening, clean clothes are in the closet. The only thing missing is heart-to-heart communication and making plans for the future.
• For some time you stop performing some of your responsibilities. At the same time, you refer to your fatigue, and not to his arrogance and insensitivity. So you can ask your husband to cook his own food, iron his shirt, put the child to bed.
• A more extreme measure is to live separately in order to get out of the situation and evaluate it from the outside. Say that this is not a breakup, you just need time to put your feelings and thoughts in order, then after some time you will return. This measure should be used in the rarest and most extreme cases, otherwise it will stop working. If you pack your bags at every opportunity, at one point your husband may refuse to take you back.

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