Why do older wives cheat? Why does the wife cheat, but does not leave the family?

Male polygamy and infidelity rarely leave any of us indifferent. Why? After all, women sometimes cheat too. What makes us unfaithful?

If you believe the statistics, then from 21 to 50% of women have cheated on their husbands at least once. It is not very clear how the survey was conducted, but it is obvious that this is every fifth married woman, if we take the very minimum percentage. And if you compare this figure with the statistics of divorces (more than 55%), then all this is quite probable.

The reviewed statistics and the opinions of psychologists on the topic indicate that female infidelity is a clear sign of trouble in marriage. It is believed that the overwhelming number of men who were looking for pleasure on the side consider their marriage to be successful, while women go “to the left” out of hopelessness, believing that the marriage was not a success.

And all because men can share intimacy and love, but we often cannot. Therefore, after a man’s infidelity, it is easier to change something and save the marriage than after a woman’s. If a woman cheated on her husband, then most likely she no longer has healthy love for him.

Sometimes it happens that a woman cheats without setting her sights on it in advance, but because the “brake” does not work in time, and past grievances and difficulties in relationships make themselves felt. At this moment, it is important to discover the stop-cock in yourself in order to give yourself time to think: “Is this really what I want?” We will also talk about how to do this today.

Reasons for female infidelity:

1. My husband doesn't pay attention.

Sometimes in family life partners begin to move away from each other. There can be many reasons for this: a long-term relationship that has grown into a routine, constant quarrels, and loss of interest in each other.

As a result, the husband can “go” to the computer, games, another hobby, and he can literally go to the garage and spend all his time with his “beloved wife” - the car. All attempts to achieve affection and attention end either in nothing or in routine intercourse without much emotion.

How to stop yourself:

Your husband’s departure to another reality - not necessarily a virtual one - may be an indicator that he has ceased to be interested in you as a woman. And in this case, we are not only talking about the fact that you need to stop walking around the house in an old robe, with cucumbers on your face and in curlers. Rather, you should pay attention to the fact that you are not acting like a woman.

When was the last time you bought yourself new clothes? When did you please yourself with a cute trinket or your favorite cosmetics? When did you relax mentally, walking in nature or talking with friends? When did you feel free, when did you dance, when did you go for a massage?

Pay attention to yourself as a woman, blossom internally. Temporarily, you will not be interested in cheating, and then the situation will change in the right way: either you will date another man legally, or you will again be happy with your legal spouse.

2. A husband who is weak in character

In fact, this is a big problem in relationships, even if this reason does not lead to cheating. A man, as a person who is initially more balanced, stable and strong, must hold a woman all the time - calm her down, reason with her (in a good sense: sometimes emotions take over, and it is very useful when someone from the outside turns our gaze to reason), and guide.

A man is like the banks that are designed to hold the river, showing where it should go. If there are no banks, the river floods, and the consequences of this, as you know, can be anything. A woman feels her impunity, permissiveness, and almost like a child, in some places she even tests a man on purpose. “How far can I go?”, “How far can you go?” When you show strength, you hit the table with your fist and say “Enough!”

If a man does not see this, does not understand what he needs to do, and shows his weakness in everything, then sometimes a woman cheats. Apparently this is the last stage of testing. After betrayal, having completely overflowed its banks, the river can flow into the sea and find new, stable banks.

How to stop yourself:

Here you will need quite a lot of willpower. Often, simply by understanding what is happening, behavior changes. Behaving according to the principle “since you are silent, I will do what I want” is often not liked by the woman herself. She wants to be soft and obedient, but next to such a man she turns into a bitch.

So recognize the problem and start solving it. The problem can be either in you - you are too strong and domineering a woman and you are simply killing your spouse; next to you, even the Terminator is just a boy. Then reconsider your character or your real need for this relationship. Either the problem is with him, then talk to your husband, share with him your expectations from him.

3. Husband is absent

My husband is constantly on business trips or goes on long flights, and she is alone. On your shoulders is a house, children, and most likely also their own work.
Of course, with this lifestyle, intimacy would be a good release and a reminder to you that you are a woman. But my husband is now opening a third plant in Moscow, in St. Petersburg for negotiations, passing through Gibraltar, while at the helm of a large ship. Anywhere, but not with you. And you get used to the fact that you are “sort of” alone. And once alone, a man appears on the horizon. And everything would be fine, but you are still married, albeit “sort of.”

How to stop yourself:

There may be several options. Firstly, if his constant absence is a forced measure, and both agreed to it, then constantly remind yourself why you both endure this, tell yourself that your husband also feels bad without you, but he’s not cheating, consider this a test, through which they must go through. Along the way, you can simply find some creative activity that will take up your time and help release your creative intimate energy.

Secondly, if your husband’s work spoils your relationship so much that you are already thinking about cheating, then it’s time to honestly admit it to him. If he is an adequate person, he will appreciate your frankness and try to find a way out of the situation. If you can’t combine work with relationships, then it’s time to prioritize.

4. The desire to take revenge on your husband

Your husband cheated on you, your husband offended you, hurt your self-esteem and pride, all this can give you, as it seems at that moment, the green light to cheat. And with the words “Oh, well, well, we’ll see how I don’t find anyone better!” you go searching. And you find it.

How to stop yourself:

Remember that revenge is a dish that is not served hot. Give yourself time to cool down and “endure” the plan of revenge. By talking to yourself, you will probably buy time and prevent yourself from making a hasty mess. Well, when you have calmed down, think about the reason that you so want revenge, and start solving this problem. Think what will this change? And will it change anything in a positive way?

5. I want intimate variety

Or just “him”, this also happens, unfortunately. For example, when, due to various reasons, the husband is no longer capable of intimacy. Or a woman in marriage cannot satisfy her “fantasies” or needs.

How to stop yourself:

If the point is that you lack variety, talk to your husband, let him clearly understand how important this is to you, how you feel without it. If the reason is poor sexual intercourse, a solution can also be found if we tackle it together.

It is more difficult if your husband suffers from impotence, and you are in the prime of your life. It is probably better to consider this case individually and with a specialist, because cheating will not strengthen your relationship, but it is unlikely that you will be able to find an outlet for your intimate energy in other ways (creativity, the use of additional paraphernalia).

6. New sensations

This situation is like something out of an ordinary women's novel. At home, her husband Ivan, whom she knows better than herself, two naughty children, unironed linen and diaries with deuces. She knows exactly what reason to quarrel with her husband, what reconciliation will look like, she knows exactly what her life will look like tomorrow, over the weekend or in a year. In other words, any technology will envy such stability and uninterrupted operation.

And here he is. So new, smiling, not painted in the gray tones of her routine.

It can happen anywhere. It is important that a woman gets tired of the life she leads. Perhaps she ceases to feel like a woman, even if she is close to her husband. With a new man, as in her youth, she may not think about the fact that dinner is not ready at home, and her son’s lessons have not been learned. Sometimes such adventures develop into relationships, sometimes it ends in one or more meetings without commitment.

How to stop yourself:

At the decisive moment, when it is not too late to say “no,” the brain turns off, so it is better to prevent such situations. In this case, you need to pay attention not to family relationships, but to your relationship with your husband as between a man and a woman.

How often do you spend time just the two of you, not discussing your son's problems or deciding which sofa to buy? How satisfying are you to each other? Bring back the air of love and at least some romance into your relationship. Otherwise, sooner or later you (or your husband, by the way) will want to leave them, like leaving a stuffy room.

7. You think you deserve better.

This is perhaps the most inexplicable reason for betrayal. Includes a little bit of all of the above. A woman is not satisfied with her marriage; for her, it is perhaps like the well-known suitcase without a handle. For some reason she can't leave him. Probably lacks courage or determination. But it’s hard to bear it, because everything is not the way she wants, and she doesn’t want/can’t/doesn’t know how to actively work on the relationship.

Such a woman does not emotionally consider herself unfree; marriage for her is just a status, that notorious cliche that all men talk about. For this reason, there are no boundaries for her, and even after cheating, she does not feel much guilt.

By the way, the attitude “I deserve better,” even if you have not cheated and do not intend to, can lead to often irreversible consequences on the part of a man. Any psychological attitude manifests itself in our behavior, and this one is no exception. A man will definitely feel that he is not the best for you. And this frees the man’s hands, and he goes “to the left”.

How to stop yourself:

In this case, you have to rely only on natural honesty and moral principles. If both are absent, then betrayal is inevitable, and the marriage is doomed. If, nevertheless, there is a moral component, then it is worth working with it. Cheating on your husband is dishonest; you are also responsible for the relationship that you two once created. Cheating is a sign of weakness.

If you don't want to solve problems in your relationship, thinking that you can find a better man, find one, but legally. It’s not difficult: they submitted an application and went their separate ways. If, nevertheless, constantly reminding yourself that cheating is dishonest, that this is the behavior of the weak, that you will regret it someday, has found a response in your heart, begin to unravel the tangle of problems with your husband. It is better to solve problems slowly, difficultly, but surely, than to quickly and dishonestly run away from them.

In classical ideas within the family, a woman has always been a symbol of fidelity, the guardian of relationships and an inspiration for her husband to make any changes. If a woman cheated, it means that she cheated not only on her husband, but on her role and family. And from this it follows that not only men have something to work on to prevent their wife from cheating, but also we ourselves, wives.

According to prevailing stereotypes, a man has the right to love, but a woman is created to be faithful to her only chosen one until the grave. But in practice, different things happen, and often yesterday’s lucky ones search for the reason why wives cheat on their husbands. You can say that the issue is the promiscuity of individual girls and the inability to maintain long-term relationships, but most often the matter is completely different.

Why do women cheat on their husbands?

“It seems like we have everything: a house, children, we live in abundance, and I didn’t deprive her of attention, why then did my wife cheat, what was she missing?” - such thoughts, unfortunately, are not uncommon in families that from the outside seemed ideal. So what is really happening, who is to blame for what happened? Let's look at the main reasons why women cheat on their husbands, as seen by their psychology.

Having examined the causes of adultery, it becomes clear that the blame for the offense cannot be placed entirely on either partner. Cheating, male or female, is always an indicator of problems in a relationship that a couple for some reason cannot solve.

In European countries, the USA and here in the CIS, approximately 42% of women cheat on their spouses. As a rule, men in such situations mostly try to hide their emotions. However, the fact remains that female infidelity is now one of the most common in society. And men sometimes experience betrayal even more difficult than the fair sex. First, let's find out why wives

Causes

Some women strive to feel loved and desired again. Others, cheating on their spouse, want to take revenge on him for his betrayal. Among the most common reasons why are the following:

• feeling of loneliness (occurs mainly among housewives);
• the partner’s reluctance to talk with his wife, to take an active part in her life and discuss her problems and experiences;
• feeling that her husband no longer finds her sexually attractive;
• lack of manifestations of tenderness and love on the part of the spouse;
• the husband is too passionate about his work or some hobby, spends little time within the walls of the house;
• the desire to get rid of everyday life;
• lack of romance in bed;
• boredom or interest;
• the desire to feel as strong in your personal life as in your career;
• resentment towards your spouse.

Sometimes, unexpectedly even for herself, a woman begins to actively communicate with her former partner, school or university love. According to statistics, very often such seemingly innocent communication between “old acquaintances” ends in bed.

“I’ll kill this ***!” or... this one?

Practice shows that in our age, when there is practically no censorship in literature, the press, or on TV, almost all women sooner or later think about having some kind of sexual experience with a representative of the same sex. Why do wives cheat on their husbands with other girls? There are reasons for this too.

The most commonplace among them is the lack of understanding on the part of men. Having been disappointed several times with a variety of partners, a woman may think that no one will understand her better than the other.

Many are driven by ordinary curiosity, the desire for new non-standard sensations (both physically and emotionally).

How to find out?

In fact, the signs are always obvious. The problem is that many devoted and loving husbands do not want to notice them until the last moment, and they begin to fuss even when it is almost impossible to save the marriage.

The first sign of betrayal is that the wife begins to sharply limit her own (access to a mobile phone, accounts on social networks and a computer in general). Like men, women, when starting new relationships, begin to pay much more attention to their appearance. Another alarming signal is that the wife has a new group of friends with whom she spends almost all her free time, without showing much desire to introduce her husband to them.

The most unpleasant sign of betrayal is, of course, coldness in bed. If she goes to bed earlier or later than her husband, explaining this for various reasons, it is likely that the man has become uninteresting to her and she simply avoids sex with him.

Even in terms of quarrels, everything changes: if before they looked like the beginning of the Third World War, then the girl who cheats will not care at all. But at the same time, she will begin to focus attention on all the shortcomings of the beloved, which she did not notice at all before.

Forgiveness cannot be reconciled: where to put the comma?

So, we have looked at the main reasons why wives cheat on their husbands. We also listed ways to find out about your loved one’s infidelity. However, the most important question remains: is it worth forgiving betrayal at all?

There is an opinion among people that there are wives who never cheat on their spouses, but there are no wives who cheat only once.

In addition, if for a man cheating is nothing more than a physical desire, then a woman cheats on her spouse emotionally long before the first sex with her lover. To forgive betrayal or not? The answer to this question must be sought only in the depths of your heart.

P.S. But for those whose wives have taken a mistress, you can give two pieces of advice at once: break off the relationship or come at the most inopportune moment and... join! :) If your wife is dear to you, in this case you can simply let her feel that you are “on the same side of the barricade.” Perhaps after such a relationship they will become even better than before.

Hello everyone! The phrase “male infidelity” is commonplace these days. But often women also commit this act. This usually comes as a real shock to their spouses. A wife, just like her husband, may not be looking for a new partner for life, but just wants, as in her youth, to be the object of passion and adoration, to receive signs of attention. Therefore, she surrounds herself with fans and even sometimes takes a lover. This is done in order to feel like a woman in the full sense of the word. It is by no means her intention to leave the family. Let's talk today about why a wife cheats but does not leave the family.

Reasons for betrayal not related to the desire to leave the family

The husband is trying to understand why, in this case, his wife deceived him. Most often the reason is:

• revenge for;
• his inattention;
• boredom;
• lack of a full intimate life;
• jealousy;
• mistreatment;
• scandals;
• cooling between spouses;
• search for adventures, etc.

It often happens that the lover is much higher than the woman in terms of position in society and material wealth.

Quite often he himself does not strive to start a family. In this case, such a relationship is usually a way for a woman to receive financial assistance, make profitable connections and feel like a significant person. She is not at all going to leave her husband for this man, understanding the precariousness of such a relationship.

Often a woman remains married because of children, she is held back by financial issues, she has nowhere to live after a divorce, she continues to love her husband, or her professional career depends on him. All this holds her tightly next to him.

It happens that the impetus for an affair on the side is the betrayal of the husband. Then the wife simply agrees to the first suitor, without setting herself the goal of creating a strong relationship with him.

Usually, she tries to tie him tighter and make him lose his head so that it becomes clear to her husband. She constantly arouses jealousy in him and fuels his suspicions. The goal in this case is precisely to strengthen family relationships, and not to destroy them. A spouse who has been deceived or suspects betrayal understands that he, too, risks finding himself alone, and the specter of divorce begins to loom before him. Therefore, he often comes to his senses and ends the relationship on the side.

Cheating can also occur when a woman feels forgotten and unloved. Then she enters into a relationship solely to increase self-esteem.

Sometimes she is not looking for a new husband, but simply needs a friend, but the relationship gets out of control. The partner is often not suitable for her in age and social status. But she does not leave him, because she needs mutual understanding.

Boredom and monotony of family life are also a powerful incentive to cheat. For this reason, both men and women violate their obligations. The person feels lonely and unwanted.

If the second person in a couple does not find his individual niche without losing touch with his family, then this state of affairs may well push him to cheat. At the same time, the woman is not going to destroy her marriage, since entertainment on the side only helps her take up empty time, feel loved and take revenge on her husband for inattention.

Often a void develops after children become adults and no longer require their parents' attention. Then the spouses, no longer connected by this powerful stimulus, begin to gradually move away from each other. At the same time, the woman suffers much more, since she is used to being necessary and constantly taking care of the child.

At this time, she is still quite young, but does not want to have other children or does not have the opportunity. Therefore, the vacant niche of the lack of warmth and attention is occupied by a lover, who simply becomes the object of unspent maternal feelings. The husband remains the head of the family, the person you can rely on and with whom the woman is going to live her whole life. And her friend just helps her take up empty space. At the same time, he often turns out to be a victim of such relationships, so behind the love and tenderness of a partner there is no desire to be together.

Often the cause of infidelity, after which the wife remains with her husband, is a casual affair. It can occur during:

• trips to the resort;
• business trips;
• visiting a nightclub;
• corporate event;
• visiting;
• train travel;
• affairs at work;
• drunkenness, etc.

Fear of uncertainty

A woman rarely decides to cheat if she doesn’t like her new boyfriend. It happens that she is even truly deeply in love with him. The psychology of the female sex is such that its representatives rarely agree to sexual relationships that are not seriously supported by genuine feelings.

Therefore, as a rule, a woman has a fairly close relationship with her lover. The most common reason that she nevertheless does not leave the family is the doubt that a better future awaits her.

This happens if the new chosen one:

• poor;
• does not have permanent housing;
• deprived of permanent work;
• does not inspire deep trust;
• lower social status than husband;
• has other girlfriends;
• does not show deep love;
• does not make joint plans;
• much younger;
• is not going to marry her, etc.

It happens that a woman meets the man of her dreams, but he is in no hurry to commit himself, or she understands that she is dealing with a frivolous person. In this case, no feelings are worth the risk of being completely alone. Then the wife chooses the option where the relationship with her lover continues, and the husband is chosen as the rear.

For women, a relationship with a man on the side is always quite a serious test. Unlike the stronger sex, they rarely start an affair just for fun, especially if they are already married. Therefore, their reluctance to leave the family is usually due to the fact that the new conditions are worse or simply not defined.

A woman’s psychology requires her to be close to her beloved man. But, if the husband is no longer such, and the lover cannot give her anything, then she finds herself in a rather difficult situation.

Besides, divorce is generally a very painful thing. And the longer the marriage lasts, the more difficult this procedure will be. Not only does this mean reputational losses for a woman. Very often she also loses her strong social status, the respect of loved ones, and a sense of security.

Therefore, even if she leaves the family, she will not rush. The woman will wait. If her husband proves his love and devotion to her, then she will most likely simply break off the relationship on the side. And if her lover provides her with indestructible evidence of the seriousness of his intentions, demonstrates his financial solvency and readiness to accept her children, then she may decide to divorce.

More often, the woman continues to keep both men near her without doing anything.

Nowadays, representatives of the fair sex do a lot on an equal basis with men. Unfortunately, in terms of betrayals, they are also almost as good as them. The reasons may be completely different, but a woman, in a purely masculine way, spends time on the side, while maintaining her family. This is certainly a destructive way of life. Such an act cannot improve her own existence, the well-being of her children or her elderly parents.

Any betrayal is a consequence of irresponsibility and immaturity, no matter how old the person is. Therefore, no behavior of the husband can justify the emergence of an affair on the side. If there is no desire to start a new family with a loved one in order to completely share his life, then such a relationship “without consequences” can completely destroy an already fragile marriage.

Now you know why the wife cheats, but does not leave the family. If you have experience in a similar matter, or have your own opinion, leave a comment!