My husband sits at the computer after work. When your husband is always on the computer

My boyfriend is constantly sitting at the computer (playing games, watching the news, listening to music...). We've been living together for a year. Before that, they had only met for a short time, until he was drafted into the army. And now he comes home from work, turns on the laptop, puts on headphones and that’s it. To remind yourself, you have to come up or shout and wave your arms. He plays all his free time. Communication with me is limited to dinner and rare phrases. Sometimes he comes and hugs me. When I want to go somewhere or do household chores, he helps or goes, but no initiative comes from him. He hasn’t invited anyone anywhere for a long time, he doesn’t give flowers. I really miss his attention, communication, affection. And as soon as I raise this topic, he gets angry, irritated and says that “I’m doing things around the house, helping you, but we’re going out somewhere.” Even today, when I showed him many similar women’s stories on the Internet, he got angry and said that “these guys don’t pay attention to their girls at all, and we sometimes chat, go somewhere.” He refuses to admit that he is the same as others.
In general, I don’t know what else to do, I tried a lot - I tried to talk in a good way, and I myself played these games with him - all to no avail.
Tell us your opinions on this problem, advise if anyone has similar experience and a solution to the problem.

In the era of technological progress, people began to lead a different way of life. If people of past centuries tried to spend their free time in the family or at leisure, then the modern generation of young couples can no longer imagine their lives without the Internet. Gaming addiction is becoming common among the stronger sex. A woman is faced with the problem of being unable to tear a man away from the monitor...

Why do women care about this issue? Involvement in gaming hobbies leads to minimization of relations between spouses. If we are talking about a married couple, then various problems arise:

Father's failure to allocate time to his children.
The husband's loss of sexual interest in his wife.
Constant employment, which a man refers to when justifying his idleness.
Lack of help around the house.
Lack of any mental contact with his wife.

In other words, a man who sits constantly at the computer simply does not devote his attention and time to his family and loved ones. This leads to distance between spouses, which can lead to divorce. Is this the result a woman wants to achieve? She understands that divorce is inevitable if her husband is not distracted from the monitor and not interested in real life.

Why do psychologists care about this issue? Everything that becomes commonplace in people's lives is of interest to specialists. Especially if the situation becomes a problem that leads to the destruction of individuals and the decline of the family institution.

Psychologists are engaged in finding ways to solve the problem when a man is overly addicted to computer games, because society needs it. There are all the prerequisites for the development of gaming (computer) addiction. This means there must be ways to help solve the problem.

Why doesn’t the issue at hand concern men themselves? Perhaps everything is obvious here: the man does not solve the problem because he does not see anything terrible in the situation that has arisen. He is comfortable, cozy. He doesn't face any major problems. Games and entertainment on the computer bring him many positive and satisfying emotions. Why should he give up what makes him happy?

If the husband sits at the computer all the time, then it becomes a family problem. If you don't solve it, then the situation will only get worse and the relationship will break down. The wife may end up leaving her husband. Children may soon distance themselves from their father, not considering him an authority figure. When the man returns to his real world, he may notice that he has nothing left.

As with any addiction, a person does not solve the problem by its presence, but only aggravates it. Since the husband, by his behavior, alienates the woman from himself, all the problems and misunderstandings, because of which he went into the virtual world, will intensify even more. Having looked a little at his unhappy real life, the man will go even deeper into virtual addiction, which turns the mechanism into a vicious circle.

Causes of gambling addiction

As with any addiction, in order to eliminate it, you need to find out the reasons for its occurrence. Solving a problem is eliminating the causes. Constantly sitting in front of a monitor is a consequence that should not be dealt with, since this process is useless. Many women have already tried to rid their husbands of gambling addiction through reproaches and dissatisfaction. However, this did not bring results, since the war was fought with the investigation.

As long as there is a reason, the husband will not be able to tear himself away from the computer. Therefore, psychologists put forward common assumptions about why a man becomes addicted to the Internet:

Lack of attention and understanding on the part of a woman towards a man. The stronger sex also needs a certain set of emotions that it must experience in a relationship with a woman. If he does not receive something, then he begins to unconsciously compensate for what is missing on the side.

For example, if a husband is not satisfied with sex with his wife, then he can go left. In the issue under consideration, a man can get “stuck” on dating sites and social networks, where he has the opportunity to meet and communicate with other women.

The transition to the virtual world may indicate that the man is missing something in the relationship. Most often, this is due to the woman herself, who suppresses, does not respect, does not love, and does not show other feelings towards her husband.

Addiction. A man may simply be addicted. This is typical for people with a certain mentality. We are talking about a man’s inability to give up his addictions on his own. Moreover, he may not even feel the need to get rid of his addiction. Until the critical moment comes, when a man feels discomfort, spending all his time at the computer, he will not be able to come to the conclusion that it is necessary to solve the problem.
Social unfulfillment. A common reason for addiction to computer entertainment is a man’s social unfulfillment in real life. In the real world, he is not successful, respected, or revered by society, so he resorts to surrogates who give him everything he wants.

In this case, a man is often addicted to Internet games, where he can express himself. The plot of the game will depend on what exactly the man is not realized in. For example, if he earns little or does not work at all, then he can play business games where he is a successful businessman.

If a man in real life cannot show his strength, then he can resort to combat games, for example, fighting games, where you need to defeat someone. Freedom-loving men, tired of family “shackles,” can get carried away by strategic games, where they can set their own rules, live by their own laws, develop, etc.

Games have different directions. By their character, you can determine what a man lacks. If a man simply wants to actively participate in social life or is interested in various sports that he does not engage in, then he can devote a lot of time to reading news, articles and watching videos on topics of interest.

Sexual unfulfillment. The problem here is the lack of sex between spouses, its diversity, or the woman’s suppression of her husband.

In this case, the man goes to Internet resources, where he can be macho. These are dating sites, social networks, porn sites, etc. A man is not interested in a woman because she does not care about his interests, which leads to constant sitting at the computer, where a man can afford everything.

The husband spends all his time at the computer, because his real life is devoid of something important and valuable to him. He does not solve the problem in reality, but goes into the virtual world, where everything happens much faster and easier.

This process is further reinforced by the fact that a man can remain anonymous. No one will punish or be able to condemn him for the dirty tricks that he allows himself. In the real world, he would not allow himself to insult other users or commit immoral acts, since he would be immediately punished. In the virtual world, everything is possible, which is what attracts you!

Consequences of a husband constantly sitting at the computer

Every action has its consequence. The man and woman should become familiar with the future that awaits them if they do not solve the problem of their husband constantly sitting at the computer.

A man's life will change significantly:

He will consider being in front of a monitor to be his only form of relaxation, while relaxing in nature or going to the theater will no longer interest him.
The only way to eat will be right in front of the monitor. A family dinner at a common table will no longer be attractive.
Excess weight, unkempt appearance, sagging belly and other body imperfections will appear. Since a man moves little and does not consider it necessary to take care of himself, because this becomes unimportant for sitting in front of a computer, he loses his visual appeal and does not even maintain hygiene.
Chronic sleep deprivation is the result of a man not sleeping at all at night or going to bed late.
Contacts with friends, family and society as a whole are lost. As a result, social skills disappear.

A man may not think about solving the problem until discomfort appears in the body due to constant sitting or a chronic disease develops. A person is in one position almost all the time. This leads to pain, aches, and headaches.

There is no need to talk about social and career fulfillment. While a man is an Internet addict, he is not able to achieve success in life.

My husband sits at the computer all the time - what should I do?

It is quite difficult to free your husband from sitting at the computer all the time on your own. What to do in such a situation? Make every effort possible. There are two things you shouldn't do:

Criticize and reproach your husband. Unfortunately, this approach won't work. If the husband somehow shows his conscience the first time and listens to his wife, then later he will become completely “protected” from such attacks. The wife will achieve nothing with her criticism.
Let everything take its course. The situation will not resolve on its own. If you allow your husband to surf the Internet, the problem will only get worse. The man himself will not give up his pleasure.

Psychologists advise a wife who is struggling for the health of her husband and their relationship to resort to the following advice:

Contact a psychologist. Each situation develops individually. Only a psychologist can identify the cause of a husband’s Internet addiction and find ways to solve the situation.
Eliminate the cause. If a woman knows why her husband is addicted to the virtual world, then the situation in the real world should be changed so that the man can be interested in the opportunity to realize himself outside the computer. If there are problems in the relationship between spouses, then you should change your behavior. If there are problems with work, then you should help the man find a convenient option for himself. Eliminating the cause will bring the husband back to reality.
Do something unpredictable. For example, breaking a computer. In this case, a woman may be considered abnormal. But how will a man surf the Internet now if the computer is broken?

Bottom line

A woman cannot always help a man, which should also be remembered. No matter how much you love and want to save your family, sometimes divorce is inevitable. If an adult man does not give in and does not make an effort to get rid of his addiction, then perhaps he should be left alone. The outcome may be unpredictable. Perhaps the departure of his wife and children will force the man to come to his senses and return to the family again?

Nowadays, a husband sitting at the computer for hours on end is a widespread problem. Look, he seems to be an accomplished adult man, but he’s ready to spend all his time playing some meaningless shooters and adventure games. We women, looking at this, are often disappointed in our choice. But don’t panic ahead of time, because all this can be fixed. There are several cases here that we will talk about in this article. Perhaps you will find yours among them.

Case No. 1. Perhaps you, like a draft horse, are pulling the whole house on yourself, and it is not particularly burdened with problems. What for? After all, your loved one knows that you can handle everything yourself. But he’s bored, so he needs to do something with his time?

Case No. 2. He doesn’t know what to do in his free time besides the computer. He may be spending more time with him than with you because he doesn't know what to do with you. He plays with the children for an hour and his duty is done. He will ask you how your day went - your duties have been completed.

Case No. 3. This case is the most unpleasant. It is possible that you and your husband simply do not have common interests and he is more interested in the computer than with you. At the same time, being a well-mannered and tactful person, he cannot afford to tell you about this.

These were the most common cases. Of course, in personal life there are many more such reasons. In this article we will talk specifically about these 3 reasons. By the way, if you remember, we have already talked about what it really is. Today is a kind of continuation of this topic. Let's start with the fact that you will not achieve anything by screaming and hysterics about the fact that you are receiving less attention than you should. You will only burn your nerve cells and make the situation worse. Screaming generally doesn’t help much in difficult situations. Moreover, scientists and psychologists have long proven that people will listen to you much more if you speak a little quieter and calmer than usual. Try it and you will be pleasantly surprised. Now about each case separately.

Case No. 1. Look at yourself in the mirror - do you really look like a horse? You are a beautiful and very sweet creature! Do not forget that in the eyes of your husband you should always be weaker and “stupid” than him, regardless of the true state of affairs. Show him that this is difficult for you: home, children, work (even if this is not the case). Let him shoulder a little of it - it’s good for him. But there is one “but” - to show, this does not mean to stand, cross your arms and say: “Well, I’m weak, I can’t cope - help me.” Just start getting tired more and taking care of yourself less, but a man is pleased when a fresh, well-groomed woman is nearby. In a word, use your feminine ingenuity to inadvertently push your husband to make the right choice between the computer and his family!

Case No. 2. Everything is much simpler here. You need to show that everyone can have fun together. If your husband doesn’t want to go for a walk with you and your child, try to insist on his own, but without making a scandal or getting offended. Because if he agrees “as long as you don’t sulk”, he will not be interested in you under any circumstances. Assuming you have achieved your goal, then you should show how great it is to spend time with your family. Invite your friends, let the communication be rich and of high quality. You need to develop a reflex in him, a “Pavlov’s dog” if you will: you coax him three times, and on the fourth he will run on his own. This is also a very effective way to distract your spouse from the hated computer.

Case No. 3. Use the so-called “by contradiction” principle. Try to share his hobbies with him, stepping over your ego. Let's say, if he loves football - cheer with him, loves fishing - study this hobby, and you can talk about it with him and go fishing with the whole family. In any case, it’s up to you to make the effort! And even if this is not at all interesting to you, it is still better than the previous option. Moreover, this will help him reveal a completely different side in your eyes; you will be able to recognize him not only as a breadwinner and husband, but also as an interesting interlocutor.

Unfortunately, this is becoming a modern problem. And it’s not so much the fault of TV and the Internet as it is called “escape from everyday life.” Alas, this is true. Over time, married life loses its novelty. And very often women leave using their hobbies and hanging out with their friends. And the man, in turn, “hangs out” on the Internet, plays online games, etc. But since a woman’s life does not end after work, and at home she often does household chores, one way or another she is next to a man. But she only sees his back near the computer.

What to do?

Let's resolve this issue based on the cause of its occurrence. Let's consider the options:

Husband escapes from problems to computer

A person is designed in such a way that he is drawn to where love and comfort are present.

You cannot prohibit a person, even though you know that he is drawn back.

What follows from this? And the fact that he is not interested, and perhaps even uncomfortable in your presence. Figure out why? Perhaps you are making too many claims and demands on him.

How to fix it?

1. First, determine the source of the problem and your husband’s coldness. There is such a thing as my home is my fortress. A man comes to the house to rest to gain strength before the next working day. And if your husband avoids your presence at the computer, then you are difficult for him to perceive: you look untidy, allow you to communicate irritably with him, demand attention, etc.

2.Change your position and try to behave differently. Perhaps the response will not keep you waiting. Meet your husband, for example, after work with a new dish, beautiful clothes and cleanliness. Let him do the things that interest him. Do some relaxing activity.

3. Conduct an analysis to see if a man’s behavior changes over the course of the week. Follow up after that. Try to make contact.

4. Try to remember the moment the alienation occurred.

5.Remember: using force and blackmail, you will not be able to discourage your husband from being on the Internet. He must want it himself.

Don’t make a big deal out of a mountain if your husband is always at the computer.

Feminine nature is prone to exaggeration, and even more she likes to “twist herself.” This is especially true for those ladies who begin to panic at the slightest step to the side. Listen to yourself, perhaps you are one of them. And a man, from his psychological point of view, prefers to remain laconic. He likes to be alone with himself sometimes. Well, don’t forget about personal space.

Try to assess the current situation with a cool head. Weigh and analyze all your actions

My husband works on the Internet

Nowadays, most people's professions are related to computers in one way or another. Therefore, finding a man in front of a monitor screen is quite normal for him.

How can you cope with your “love for the computer” with simple tricks?

1. Try putting a candid photo of yourself on his computer screensaver. Just make sure the photo is really beautiful and highlights you in a favorable light.

2. Show interest in his hobbies. For example, he loves to play games. So why don't you two sit down in the evening and play for an hour? And then do other things. For example, what you like.

3.If your husband is completely “immersed in the Internet,” start cooking something tasty. If it’s sweet, then add vanillin; if it’s meaty, then add more and more flavorful seasonings. Watch how he comes running into the kitchen after a while.

4. If your home clothes are a market robe from a sale, then throw it away immediately and never buy such things again. To replace it, buy shorts that highlight your butt and a good T-shirt.