My husband corresponds with other women. My husband texts girls: how to behave? Is it normal for a man to continue communicating with his ex and other ladies?

Family life is a difficult area. Once upon a time, any flirting was immediately clear. Now, in the days of the Internet, a young man is able to communicate with another, and at this time he himself will be anonymous. It's worse if the husband does this to his ex-girlfriend. This is quite capable of developing into flirting, and then adultery is not far away. Just yesterday everything was fine and constant. But suddenly She appears - still unclear, indistinct, with a vague, mysterious image, and virtual. How to deal with it? Or is it worth fighting with your spouse?

The lady on the other side is mysterious and inaccessible to a man. Another thing is a wife, familiar, familiar to the last mole. And it doesn’t matter whether the other one is really that good. The main thing is that in the virtual world it does not require responsibility, actions, only words are important, and with words many young people are very easy and rich.

It may all start out quite innocently, but after a while the spouse becomes addicted to this game. His wife only becomes an irritant. He writes to that beautiful stranger who surprises him at every step. He calls her so affectionately, tenderly, as he has never addressed you. Or he contacted me at the very beginning of their acquaintance, when both were young and inexperienced. It's time to think about how this became possible.

What to do if your husband is texting someone else?

First of all, you should make sure that this is a real fact, and not speculation and fantasy. If you don’t mind reading messages on his phone, mail, browser history, do it and make sure, no matter what. The unknown is always worse than the truth.
Try to find out the reason. Analyze what is happening in the house, in the family, what can push him to discuss something with another person that he will not do with you. Probably talking about you, about what he is not happy with with you.
Talk to him. This will be the easiest way. What is pleasant for you and what is not, what would be pleasant and not pleasant for him. You need to work on changes together if you both need the result, and not just one. Keep in mind that a man may not want to discuss this with you. Say that there is no problem.
Do you take part in his fate, are you interested in his concerns, hobbies, problems? Is there any pattern in when and why he goes online? For example, after quarrels, claims or reproaches for something, justified or not.
Find out for yourself how much you value your partner? It’s worth fighting for it or let it go as it goes. He can be happy with everything: write her erotic letters, and go with you to the kitchen to eat borscht and cutlets.
If there is a reason for his communication, are you ready to change in order to eliminate it?
Perhaps your spouse himself does not consider this something serious and therefore does not even suspect how unpleasant it is for you. Tell him about this, gently, calmly, describe your condition. If he cares about you, he will take action and stop. Let him imagine doing the same thing with a young man he doesn’t know. Tell him how difficult it is for him to trust in this situation. Determine for yourself whether you are not satisfied with the very fact of communicating with other young ladies on the Internet or just flirting, and peaceful conversations about views and hobbies do not bother you.

Try to start conducting such correspondence, not really hiding it, but also without advertising it, let him find out about it himself. Ordinary banal jealousy will change the situation and put him in your place.
If he only communicates, but does not meet with someone from the Internet, there is still no reason to worry.

The following reasons are sufficient for a break:

Lack of due attention;
Insufficient financial situation;
The wife does not work in principle or due to the presence of small children;
The partners do not have common points of contact in their areas of interest. beliefs, life principles;
No sexual desire, passion;
Daily routine, monotony of communication and events.

If you combine the presence of virtual flirting with the reasons listed above, it’s time to think, maybe it’s worth changing something.

What to do

Take care of yourself. Make others admire you. Let him see the reaction of strangers to you, understand that you are worthy of attention, an interesting interlocutor.
Don't control it. Let him be free in his actions, you trust him.
Give something new - it won’t be superfluous in any case.
Get actively involved in something you love. Get out of your warm comfort zone and change. Enjoy what you have, enjoy every new day.
If there are children in the family, allow the father to fully engage with them. Trust him with your children and their upbringing. The children will benefit, you will have free time, which you will definitely find something to fill.
Be honest with your partner always, in any circumstances.
Think about it: is this really someone you want to be with for the rest of your life?

What not to do

There is no need for hysterics, tears, calls for pity, nodding towards the children - this will not give results, it will put you in not the best light.
Don't follow him. Mistrust is a bad basis for a relationship. It will also only push him into doing what you want to keep him from doing. It is important for you not to know exactly what is happening, to know literally the contents of all his letters, but it is important to distract him from others and become the most attractive again.
Don't compete with another woman. Whether you win or lose, it will not bring you joy. In addition, it suddenly happens that at first glance she really wins in something next to you. But there won't be a second glance. Therefore, you will not be on your horse.

Problems can be so difficult that you won’t be able to cope without the help of a psychologist. Don't expect the solution to come on its own. Something will turn out to be irreversible and irrevocable; you will no longer return to what you had before. In relationships, trust is important, which needs to be developed and protected. Therefore, monitoring his movements and reading messages will give you information, but not peace of mind.

If after communicating with him nothing changes, and the other half still corresponds with other women, or you do not agree that she has arisen, maybe you do not need this person at all. You can close your eyes or constantly fight against circumstances.

In any case, it is your partner and decision, make it according to the situation.

The Internet has firmly entered the life of modern people. With its help, you can quickly find the information you need while maintaining your anonymity. The opportunity to “encrypt” themselves on the World Wide Web is actively used by male representatives. Many of them indulge in innocent entertainment in the form of virtual flirting, which shakes their nerves and excites their emotions.

At first glance, the situation may seem harmless. But as practice shows, it is precisely this kind of male prank that subsequently becomes a stumbling block in personal relationships. Virtual flirting is so addicting to young people that they begin to devote their free time to communicating on chat rooms, forums and dating sites. And for every question and reproach from his wife, the husband irritably asks him not to bother him.

Reasons for virtual dating?

It’s unpleasant to realize that your life partner devotes most of his time to an unknown woman whom he found on the virtual expanses of the Internet. He knows a minimum of information about her, but at the same time calls her in affectionate words, shares his experiences and problems. Why are young people so keen on virtual flirting, replacing real communication with their wife?

There may be several reasons.

He is looking for a mistress.
Thus, he wants to escape from life’s difficulties and talk about his problems and worries that he does not want to discuss with his wife.
He wants to better understand female psychology through virtual flirting.
He communicates with an old friend or his ex-partner.

Such correspondence poses a certain danger to family relationships. Frequent virtual intimate conversations can easily develop into a meeting in reality. And this significantly increases the risk of physical betrayal.

How to react to your husband’s virtual flirting?

Any betrayal on the part of a man, physical or spiritual, equally hurts the heart. But before you start a scandal with your husband, you need to make sure that such flirting is authentic. Through the browser history or using a special program, you can track which sites your partner visits and what information he views there.

If the spouse’s virtual flirting is confirmed, at the next stage it is necessary to find out the reason for its origin. Psychologists say:

“a man starts looking for flirting on the Internet if he has problems that he can’t solve.”

More often, such difficulties arise in personal relationships. Therefore, a woman needs to analyze the emotional situation in the house, her behavior and her husband in the relationship. The partner should be brought into a frank conversation to find out what worries him, excites him or doesn’t suit him in his personal life. It must be remembered that only problems spoken out loud can be quickly resolved.

Sometimes personal problems are so hidden that only an experienced specialist - a family psychologist - can figure them out.

In any situation, prolonged virtual flirting should not be overlooked. Patience, feminine wisdom and perseverance in searching for reasons will help return live communication and real emotions to relationships.

What to do if your husband communicates with someone else, video

Most women define “online flirting” as communication between a man and a woman based on sexual attraction. That is, as we all understand, flirting is a kind of communication game based on the manifestation of sexual feelings. And an intellectually friendly conversation based on interests is clearly not included here.

Why did your husband start this double game and look for such acquaintances on the Internet, and what should you do? Most likely, you, like most other women, are asking the same question: “doesn’t he understand that he’s hurting me?!” Hmm, in fact, this is a rhetorical question, since, as practice has shown, not a single man has yet given an adequate answer.

Why does my husband meet people on the Internet?

So, one wonders, why don’t they, men, live quietly, calmly, next to their darling wife? And always at your side: flirt, I don’t want to! But no, he’s still pulling to the side. This begs the second question, why do they do this? There could be many reasons for this. Again, members of the forum shared with us their opinion on where such a situation comes from. Here are some women's views on the current situation. Some are inclined to believe that every man is polygamous by nature. And such online correspondence with other girls helps him assert himself. That is, to believe in your ability to please women, even while in a relationship (but they carefully hide this fact from their Internet girlfriends!), and thereby amuse your male pride.

Anna, 33 years old:“My husband constantly corresponds with someone on the Internet. That's how men are - they always need to assert themselves. I know there are a lot of women there, but I don't have time to worry about it. Because a person needs to communicate not only at work and at home. And certainly not only with my wife. If he wanders off somewhere after work, and then maybe... when he comes home - this is stressful! And so, well, let him communicate. Well, he’ll flirt a little, won’t you get his attention?”

Sasha, 24 years old:“For several years now I have been experiencing a similar situation, frivolous virtual communication of my beloved with other women, which does not turn into physical... The problem arises, then is solved through experiences and a bunch of emotions, then arises again... In my opinion, men are designed in such a way that they I want to be a “Don Juan” in the eyes of many women. Thus, self-affirmation of one’s own male self occurs...”

Tanya, 34 years old:“And this is his way of entertainment. We corresponded, laughed, reminisced and that’s it. I also sometimes correspond with exes, nothing serious. This should be regarded as how old acquaintances met in classmates and that’s all. I don’t think that you don’t communicate with your (male) classmates, your husband can also come up with something…”

Lydia, 35 years old:“I’m not married, I’m looking. I often come across married people on the Internet who just want to be friends, but are constantly peeing on something. I can only say one thing, they all have one common problem - unhealthy relationships in the family. Either the wife doesn’t care, and in fact they don’t live together, or they don’t care about the wife, and she alone is simply not enough for them. That's

It turns out that if I want, all I have to do is whistle, and they would all jump with me, dropping their slippers, on a date...”

By the way, psychologists are inclined to believe that it is family problems that push men to online flirting. Often unresolved and even undetected. Experts in the field of family relationships say that if your husband is chatting with other women on the Internet, and this is bothering you, then you should first take a look at your marital relationship.

My husband texts girls: how to behave?

If you catch your husband texting another girl, don’t panic! It’s not a fact, it’s what you thought. First, calmly ask who he is corresponding with and why. If this is his former classmate, then there is nothing wrong with them talking. But if the correspondence is far from friendly in nature, then the issue needs to be resolved.

When asked why he corresponds with other women, men usually answer that this is just friendly communication, and he texts because he is bored at home and wants other sensations. It’s one thing when it’s simple correspondence, a conversation about common interests, but when there’s open flirting or something more serious, it needs to be stopped. In this case, ask if he wants to get a divorce (ask this question as a check for lice).

If your husband says that he is bored and wants variety, then maybe your life together is really very tedious and boring? In most cases, this lifestyle leads to the husband communicating with other women or leading to infidelity. I wrote how to solve this issue in the article: male and female infidelity. I’ll just say one thing: seeing your wife in a robe every day is not very romantic. Don’t forget about makeup, no one argues that a girl is beautiful without it, but correctly applied makeup simply emphasizes your beauty. By the way, I recommend studying the rating of cosmetics, it will help you choose a good and high-quality product.

Communicate with your husband more often, go for walks, arrange romance at home... If all this does not help, then set an ultimatum, either he stops communicating with women, or... - then set a condition depending on the situation.

From a psychological point of view

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to encounter the problem of misunderstanding between husband and wife. As a rule, there are at least two people to blame in such a situation. As for the fact of treason, I will refrain from commenting here because you are talking about this based on the correspondence you read, and this is not a sufficient basis for bringing any charges.

In any case, the situation is unpleasant and we need to find a way out. To begin with, you should decide on your priorities: do you want to save your family and what are you willing to sacrifice for this. As a rule, accusations against the husband and demands for him to give an explanation about what is happening do not lead to anything good; the result may turn out to be exactly the opposite of what was expected.

Why is this happening? For two main reasons: firstly, by blaming your husband, you put him in a position of defense, and since the best defense is an attack, he will easily go on the offensive, and the development of the conflict will begin; secondly, there is a risk that he will simply become cautious and hide his communication from you more carefully. This happens when the entire blow is directed at the consequence, and not at the very cause of what is happening in the family. After all, it is obvious that your husband did not overnight turn into someone who constantly communicates on the side with other women, writes to them about his feelings, etc., all this developed consistently, step by step. I am not trying to justify your husband’s behavior and blame you, no, but only through your behavior can you influence him.

It is known that any phenomenon has a reason, and if you model these very reasons, you can achieve the desired behavior. Most likely there is some dissatisfaction in various areas of family life. This was the reason that your husband, not receiving something in his family, began to look for it on the side. There may be dissatisfaction in affection, tenderness, attention. It is also quite possible that you do not discuss his problems with him, he does not share his own experiences with you, and you are not a friend to him. Yes, exactly a friend, no matter how naive it may sound. It is well known that love consists of three main components: respect, friendship and intimacy.

Try to change your own model of interaction with your husband, he will begin to change in response. In conclusion, I would like to advise you not to involve third parties in solving this problem. Let it remain between you, it will be much easier to resolve it safely than if relatives from your side or his side are involved in its resolution. An exception may be the intervention of a local Muslim scholar, who would explain to your husband the inadmissibility of such behavior.

In the absence of positive dynamics, psychologists recommend contacting a family psychologist, because, apparently, such a pathology cannot be cured with improvised means. But again, this is only if this whole situation has not completely exhausted you, and you are ready to continue to fight for your happiness. Otherwise, this is not your man and not your story, since such a man, on a subconscious (and perhaps even on a completely conscious) level, is looking for a replacement for you, and, accordingly, for your family relationships. So the question is, do you need this constant struggle for a person who doesn’t care about your trust, your family and you in general? By the way, most members of the forum agree with psychologists: you need to drive such a man away if his moral principles radically diverge from yours. Well, naturally, there are ladies who recommend turning a blind eye to the polygamous behavior of their man and looking for all sorts of excuses for him, just to save the family and their nerves. As they say, as many women as there are so many opinions. Well, what can you do, the question is really controversial. What you are willing to do for the sake of your family is up to you to decide. Well, we wish you honesty in relationships, sincere love and faithful partners!

Men's opinion

Vladislav, 44 years old

This is treason! This is worse than betrayal! In human feelings it is impossible to draw a line - this is real, and this is virtual. Everything is real! Flirting on the Internet is not just a threat to existing relationships, it is a sign that the family is collapsing, that something is wrong in it. Because emotional intimacy is more important than physical... Yes, you can justify to your wife that it’s all virtual, and she may even agree with you. But deep down, she will stop believing you and your love for her. Because she will understand that there, on the Internet, you had a good time with another woman, and it doesn’t matter that there was no physical intimacy. The husband had a good time with another woman - what else can I say?

Alexander Skobelev, 48 years old

But seriously, your man, if he is yours and truly loves you, HE will definitely not cheat on you... And correspondence on a social network is not a reason to create a scene of jealousy because, firstly, for a man who loves you, correspondence will not go further than correspondence, and secondly, this correspondence can be connected with some of his interests.. For example, photography, alpine skiing, volleyball... Then he was simply unlucky... and you are jealous not of the object of correspondence, but of his very interest + not confident in yourself... For someone who is confident in herself and in her man Even such a question did not arise, because social networks were created for people all over the world to communicate...

Yakuza, 28 years old

It’s unpleasant, of course, but there’s nothing scary here yet. Online communication with girls is like a sexual fantasy for unfree men. And you also have the right to it. But it’s important not to miss this line between fantasy and reality.

Stephen, 30 years old

Flirting is essentially a signal, a person blinks like a beacon - I’m free, I’m ready for another relationship, everything went wrong with my wife, I’m ready to become the object of your love! And what is this if not treason?

Igor, 40 years old

As a psychiatrist, I know for sure that at the moment when a person flirts, even on the Internet, he does not remember at all about his other half, or rather, completely forgets about her. That is, the flirt consigns her to oblivion, and hence the infidelity of words and thoughts towards the partner, in general, is a betrayal. Or just plain treason!

Victor, 32 years old

It looks like the man is a little bored with you, so he complements it with communication on social networks...

With the development of the Internet, a new type of infidelity has appeared - the husband corresponds with another. It’s difficult to immediately understand what to do in such a situation, because you can’t be prepared for it. And not all correspondence should be punished by your spouse, because they can also be innocent.

You can guess that your boyfriend has started flirting or cheating online based on obvious signs:

Behavior has changed. May become rude and irritable, as if he is tired of spending time with his family. On the other hand, sometimes men become surprisingly sweet and polite - out of guilt, they make up for their virtual romance with good deeds.
A man spends a lot of time on his phone and at the computer, while the sound of a notification about a new message is constantly heard.
If the sound is turned off, you can read the emotions on his face: a smile, occasional laughter, an enthusiastic sparkle in his eyes, complete involvement in the conversation.
Even if he is not texting right now, he constantly looks at his phone, checks for messages, and never leaves his equipment unattended and without a password.
Many women discover romantic correspondence in passing, accidentally seeing a message. A quick glance over the shoulder snatches piquant words. When using a computer, a pop-up notification appears about a new message in which the interlocutor openly flirts.

A randomly noticed message can change your whole life.

Life story: « My husband was constantly chatting with someone on social networks, but when I approached, he closed the tab. I deliberately broke my laptop and asked to use his computer to send a letter. When he left, I copied all their correspondence and emailed it to myself. Then I slowly read all their romantic correspondence and printed out the hottest phrases. He couldn’t get away with it, and I couldn’t forgive».

Why do men text other women?

The problem is quite common in the modern world, and there are many reasons for it. In general, psychologists name 12 events that precede Internet correspondence with another:

Spouses have no time to communicate - they are busy with work, home, and children.
The desire to escape from everyday and financial problems.
Fatigue from raising children, which takes up all the time.
The couple hasn’t gone anywhere together for a long time, they want romance.
There is no passion in bed.
There was irritation from each other.
There are no common interests with my wife and nothing to talk about.
Spouses do not share their impressions of the past day: what happened, how work was, how the meeting went.
The desire to be distracted and get new sensations, as routine has set in in life.
I want to get the attention of women, but I don’t dare to commit real betrayal.
My husband has no real friends with similar interests with whom he can simply have a heart-to-heart talk.
Curiosity and interest, a desire to get to know new people.
Internet addiction: second life, virtual.

This is an incomplete list of reasons why husbands begin to actively or passively flirt with girls online.

The most common reason: the search for new sensations and emotions.

The perpetrators of flirting themselves, in an anonymous survey, named the following reasons for virtual romances:

search for new sensations (14%);
communication started by chance and away we go (12.5%)
I want to flirt, at least virtually (12%);
lack of self-confidence, increased self-esteem (10%);
sexual problems in the family (9%);
love for another (7%);
from idleness (4%).

To understand why a guy is texting another girl in your situation, you need to talk frankly with him or go to family counseling. The psychologist's answer sometimes helps save the family and restore harmonious relationships.

How to behave if you find your loved one texting

If you discover that a man is corresponding with another woman, do not panic and do not start a scandal. If emotions take over, you can cause trouble or make yourself look unsightly. So first, drink something calming and get some privacy to calm down. And then talk.

Depending on the chosen one’s answer, you will either calm down or confirm your suspicions:

Ex-wife. If they have common children and their communication is connected with them, do not forbid them to do this. On the contrary, you can sympathize or offer your help.
Colleague. Usually this is a harmless correspondence about work issues that did not have time to be resolved in the office. Just in case, you can casually ask, “Did something happen?” and move closer to the screen to read the correspondence. If he hurriedly closes the window and waves it off, you can doubt the working relationship. But if there is nothing to hide, most likely the man will irritably comment on his colleague’s intrusiveness and show the messages. Defuse the situation by asking if he corresponds with everyone or only with pretty and unmarried girls.
Another woman. You won’t get a direct answer; it’s rare for a man to immediately admit to a virtual affair. Most likely he will say that an acquaintance is simply imposing her communication, and he is responding out of politeness. The excuses may be different, but everything will be clear based on your behavior. He will start to get nervous, mumble something, quickly close the chat, and try to take the conversation in a different direction.

If, upon hearing such a harmless question, a man explodes, starts screaming and accuses him of being overly curious, this is most likely a defensive reaction. When he was caught red-handed, he became nervous and decided to attack first. Out of confusion, the woman will begin to make excuses, and he will get away with it.

Some don’t even hide the correspondence, considering it innocent flirting.

In any case, it is necessary to react to this event in order to prevent or stop flirting. If you close your eyes to such behavior, it will become the norm - because he sees that you don’t mind.

How to save a relationship

First of all, a man must understand that correspondence with other women is a betrayal. Only if he realizes his mistake will it be possible to move on and resolve everything peacefully.

Relationships are the daily work of both spouses, so without his help nothing will work out. He must agree to help and assist you. The ability to find the right solution and compromise is very important. But you must meet each other halfway.

Read the correspondence

But only if you want it yourself. Many women are able to come up with scenarios in their heads that are much more terrible than they actually are. Therefore, in some cases it is better to familiarize yourself with real texts than to beat yourself up from ignorance.

Ask your husband to provide access, and calmly read all the information. So you can understand the level of your husband’s offense:

friendly correspondence with light flirting, where the initiative came from the woman;
virtual sex with the exchange of intimate photos, discussion of real meetings, active flirting of the husband.

Depending on the severity of the crime, you can consider the punishment.

Find out the reasons for the correspondence

In a friendly manner, ask your spouse about his relationship with virtual girls. Take an interest in the reasons that prompted the correspondence. What didn’t suit you in the relationship, what made you interested in it, what emotions it gave.

Most often, men say that they were simply curious, interested in communicating with someone else and getting new emotions.

Curiosity is the first step to betrayal.

Above you can see the common reasons that usually push men to correspond, but in your case the situation may be different. Listen carefully to your spouse and hear. Don’t be offended if he criticizes and blames you, try to understand what didn’t suit him. Then it will be easier to fix everything.

Explain that this is unpleasant for you

Tell your husband how you feel. Try to speak “I-message”, focusing on your experiences, and not on his mistakes. Eg:

"When you're texting other women, Ifeel feeling lonely and deceived."
"When you talk to her, I'm afraid, that you don’t love me anymore and we’ll separate.”
“When I learned about your correspondence, I was scared, that you will commit real treason.”
"When you ignore me, offends me your indifference."
"When you don't want to discuss the problem, I'm worry that you don’t care about my feelings.”
“When I found out that you were communicating with someone on the Internet, I got angry and I still can’t forgive you for your betrayal.”

This is especially important in a situation where the husband does not recognize his offense as something serious. Well, he texts, he flirts on the Internet, but in real life he remains faithful. The future of your relationship depends on whether you can convey your feelings to him.

Spend more time together

Real communication is more attractive than virtual communication, so offer your husband family activities. First, you need to find common ground—common topics of conversation and passion. Remember what you talked about before you lost touch with each other. Renew these conversations or find new topics.

Real communication is always better than virtual communication.

Agree to turn off gadgets in the evenings and on weekends and devote time to your family. Buy board games, go on a picnic, take a walk in the park, play a computer game together.

If you have children, setting aside at least one evening a week or month for romance is very important. Leave them with a nanny or relatives, and go out somewhere together or have a romantic dinner at home. Make love when there are no distractions and you can relax.

Change your behavior

Remember what your man complained about when he explained the reasons for his misconduct. To save the family, you need to change so that the situation does not repeat itself:

Attention to husband. In a series of household chores, child care, shopping runs and other routine, you often have to give up something. Women usually refuse time for themselves and their husbands. But it is better to reduce or share household chores with your husband, because this will not hit the family so hard.
Be interested in his life. At dinner or while cooking together, ask about their day. It’s good if you can ask specific questions - how the meeting with company N went, what was decided at the meeting, how project X is progressing. Such clarifications will let your husband know that you are really listening to him and remembering important things.
Take care of yourself. After marriage, many women relax and focus on everyday life, forgetting about beauty. But men often love with their eyes, so appearance is very important. Maintain your weight within normal limits, do not wear “lounge” clothes at home, and do a simple hairstyle in the morning.
Stop nagging. Often husbands run away into a virtual romance in order to at least get admiration and approval somewhere. After all, the wife at home only criticizes, reminds of mistakes, compares with others, demands to become better, stronger, faster. Stop putting pressure on your spouse so that he can relax at home and doesn’t have to go online headlong.

Sharing housework brings families together.

In turn, you can ask him to change to make it easier for you to pay attention to him. Divide responsibilities around the house, look after the child in the evening, give a ride home from work, buy groceries after work, don’t go away for the whole weekend with friends.

The main thing is to remember about “I-messages”; it will be easier to agree with them: “I will have more time to communicate with you if you wash the dishes in the evening.”

Bring back the romance

Many couples eventually turn into simple cohabitants who raise children together. There is no passion, romance or fidelity in this relationship. To avoid becoming one of them, you need to work on your relationships. Both.

Without love, husband and wife are just cohabitants.

You don’t need to sing a serenade every day or give 1000 roses, because romance is in the little things:

prepare a delicious lunch by decorating the dish in the shape of a heart;
watch a romantic film (or another genre) in an embrace;
buy beautiful underwear, new perfume and appear in front of your spouse wearing only this;
write a sweet romantic note and stick it in his pocket or hang it on the refrigerator;
While you are preparing dinner, turn on romantic music and slow dance;
kiss and hug each other for no reason;
make small surprises: make a nice gift, bring lunch to work;
help each other in different matters, etc.

Love is shown in actions, not in words. And she slips into little things that are more important than staged scenes.

What not to do

In such a situation, you can make mistakes that you will greatly regret later. So no matter how much you want to, avoid the following actions:

Cheating out of revenge on her husband- after discovering betrayal, there may be a desire to do the same. But if you didn’t have such thoughts before, it means that you are actually resentful. Over time, the emotions will pass, and you will be ashamed of your actions.
Write to your rival- don’t write nasty things, don’t appeal to conscience, don’t beg to leave your husband. The problem is not with the stranger, but with your husband. Even if she stops communicating, he can find someone else.
Humiliate yourself- in such a situation, there is no need to beg your husband to stop communicating by promising some benefits or humiliating yourself in any other way. If you show that you will do anything to save the marriage, he will simply sit on your neck.
Hysteria and scandal- the situation is unpleasant, the man made a terrible mistake and you have the right to be angry. But there is no need to make a scene, scream until you lose your voice and throw objects. Nobody likes hysterics, and perhaps it was precisely this behavior that led the husband to correspond with another. First calm down, then start a dialogue. Only in such a situation can you achieve something.
Threaten with suicide- you cannot keep another person by blackmail; rather, such phrases will push him away from you even more.

What to do if nothing helps

In some situations, a man cannot be changed. He doesn’t see any problems in his behavior, he doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings, it’s more important for him to get pleasant emotions from communicating with strangers online. This can't be fixed.

You will have to find a way out of this situation on your own, and there are not many options.

come to terms

If you are not ready to destroy your family because of your husband’s virtual affair, you need to accept the situation as it is and come to terms with it. In the end, he sits at home, doesn’t spend family money on mistresses, doesn’t get infected with anything and, by and large, just corresponds on the Internet. Many women don’t even see a problem in this situation.

Don't think about it and sleep peacefully.

It is worth understanding that having come to terms with your husband’s action, you need to completely let go of the situation:

do not look through correspondence, do not read SMS, do not try to find out details;
forgive your husband, don’t nag about this situation, don’t reproach, but simply ignore, as if it didn’t happen;
don’t overthink yourself, don’t invent unnecessary things and don’t be jealous, take care of your nerves.

Learn to treat your husband's virtual hobbies as an unpleasant habit. Someone smokes, someone plays tanks, and yours communicates on the Internet. Just believe in your man - he promised that nothing would go beyond correspondence, so it is so. And regular messaging never hurt anyone.

If you cannot convey your feelings to your spouse on your own, the only thing left to do is go to family counseling. Advice from psychologists, looking at the situation from the outside, discussing hidden motives for cheating in the presence of a professional can move the situation forward.

Perhaps the husband will trust a male psychologist more.

Most likely, the spouse will not want to voluntarily go to counseling, because he does not see the problem. Then you will have to make a choice - either a psychologist or a divorce. You do not intend to tolerate such behavior, and are ready for any solution to the problem.

Breake down

In severe cases, the only correct solution is to break off the relationship. It’s worth deciding on this if:

the spouse refuses to acknowledge the problem, does not want to go to a psychologist and does not try to save the relationship;
if the correspondence indicates not only flirting, but also virtual sex, the exchange of intimate photographs, details about real meetings in the past;
For you, such behavior of your husband is unacceptable and you cannot forgive him for his betrayal, then there is no point in maintaining the relationship.

Before deciding to divorce, make sure that you have tried all the methods, including the help of a psychologist. Sometimes a couple cannot agree on their own, and they need an outside perspective.

When a guy texts another girl

The situation with young couples has its own nuances that are worth considering separately. After all, the relationship began quite recently, it should not yet have routine, fatigue, or a pile of accumulated problems. So why does a young man need to communicate on the side?

Simple communication. Among young people, communication with the opposite sex can be truly friendly. Many people make friends and girlfriends with whom they communicate in a large company. They can simply exchange funny pictures, gossip about mutual friends, discuss going to a new place, and so on. No romantic inclinations or flirting. In such a situation, there is no need to be nervous and worried, because having friends is normal.
Search for other options. In the first weeks and even months, the couple only takes a closer look and gets used to each other. They seem to be together, but at the same time they are afraid of missing out on something better. In such a situation, a young man can communicate with other ladies, flirt with them, hint at relationships, so that in case of a more winning game he will switch there. Such behavior is a betrayal, and it is not discussed.
Search for new sensations- if at the beginning of your relationship you already need to dispel the routine, then something is wrong in them. You cannot build a future with such a foundation, because even before the everyday routine, monotony and addiction, your passion has faded. What will happen next?

So if a guy is texting another girl, the psychologist’s answer will be unequivocal - break up. Unless, of course, this is friendly communication. In a long-term marriage, such a situation can signal accumulated problems, routine and fading feelings. For the sake of preserving the family, you can try to restore the relationship.

The relationship has just begun, and there is already a chasm between them.

But at the beginning of a relationship there should not be such problems. If now, even before marriage, he is already flirting online with others, what will happen next? Having become a husband, such people will not limit themselves to simple correspondence and will go further. After all, the feeling of dissatisfaction will only grow.

What's wrong in a relationship if a guy is texting another girl? The psychologist's answer may surprise you. In a budding relationship, the problem usually lies not in the girl, but in the boy himself:

unpreparedness for a serious relationship;
reluctance to limit yourself to just one;
desire to assert oneself;
loves attention to his person;
keeps another in reserve;
I don't think it could hurt the girl.

In any case, you should have an honest conversation with the guy. Find out the real reason, communicate your feelings, ask them to stop this behavior. Based on his reaction and the reasons stated, you can understand whether you have a chance for the future.

Women's opinion

Here's what female representatives say about this:

Ekaterina (35 years old): « I think that all men can sometimes indulge in some flirting, just to assert themselves. Therefore, when I found my husband’s correspondence with someone else, I was not at all surprised. He wants to feel attractive to women. He stays at home, I don't mind».

Natalya (25 years old): « My husband constantly corresponds with other women and lies to me, so we often have scandals on this basis. It calms down for a while, but then everything repeats itself again. I no longer believe that anything can change for the better. Maybe I don’t want anything anymore».

Anastasia (39 years old): « I did not find such correspondence with my husband, but I think that he corresponds with other women who has too much free time. This will lead to intimacy. I could not tolerate such behavior!»

Many relationships begin with correspondence on the Internet.

Anna (21 years old): « I’m in love and I think if I read the guy’s correspondence with someone else, I would break up. That means he doesn't like it. And there's no reason to continue living together».

Angelina (19 years old):“My relationship with my boyfriend began with correspondence, and he was still dating his ex. So I know where this can lead, and I forbid him to communicate with others.”

Oksana (33 years old): « When I realized that my husband was cheating on me, I didn’t ask him anything, since I was at home on maternity leave to care for a child. I felt very bad and difficult, but I didn’t want to make the situation worse. The husband behaved as usual at home. When the child grew up, I began to pay more attention to my husband and my appearance, and went in for sports so that he understood what he could lose. Gradually, the husband began to be at home more often, perhaps leaving his hobby in the past. Now ours have improved, but I haven’t forgotten».

Katya (28 years old): « I sometimes communicate with my ex-boyfriends, but nothing serious, we broke up a long time ago. It’s just interesting to remember and talk. Therefore, I don’t mind if my boyfriend is interested in the future fate of his ex, there’s nothing wrong with that».

Women assess this situation ambiguously; all opinions are subjective.

Men's opinion

It would seem that men should justify themselves, but no. Not everyone agrees with the idea of their polygamy.

Yaroslav (40 years old): « I think this is betrayal and almost treason. If a man starts flirting, then this is the first sign that there is a problem in the family. Any flirting can result in real betrayal, I think everyone should understand this».

Valentin (33 years old): « I don't think hanging out with other women is a bad thing. Sometimes you just want to relax and fantasize, because you live like in the movie “Groundhog Day” - it’s the same thing all the time. And when you’re distracted, you already perceive the world in a new way, more fun or something».

Georgy (25 years old): « I know from myself: if a guy communicates with another, then heJusthe became bored, but this does not mean that he wants to break up with his girlfriend. Although, if everything continues like this, it may come to this. Especially if there are no children and common property».

With the development of technology, a virtual romance is becoming more and more real.

Alexander (45 years old): « I sometimes correspond with girls. I wouldn't want my wife to find out. She trusts me and never checks her phone or social media. I love her too and feel guilty. But such communication helps to cheer up and feel in the saddle again. A couple of times the correspondence turned into reality, but quickly stopped it».

Yuri (37 years old): « I have been married several times and only once left my wife for another. I have a password on my phone so I don't get burned. If a man starts communicating with another, it means he is missing something. A woman should reconsider her behavior».

Ivan (35 years old):“When you’re married, it’s too late to look around or correspond with others. You made your choice, take responsibility for it. Cheating is a betrayal of yourself, your wife, your family. Only weak people will do this.”

If you find your man texting another woman, don't close your eyes. Clearly indicate your attitude to the situation, offer to solve existing problems together. Or kick the traitor out.

Question for a psychologist:

Good afternoon. I am 25 years old, like my husband. We don't have children. My relationship with my husband is good, except for intimacy.

My problem is this. My husband has a girlfriend. They have been friends for quite a long time. They communicate every day, he writes that he misses him, she sometimes invites him to visit. He usually takes me, but she doesn’t call us, but him. The friend is not married. My husband doesn't understand my jealousy. Claims that they are just friends.

Not long ago I learned that my husband told her about me. More precisely about our problems with him. He said that he was thinking about cheating, there was not enough intimacy. He constantly told me that everything was fine. He's just tired. I understood that there was a problem, but he continued to avoid the question.

We talked to him, he admitted that he really said this to his friend. And he just didn’t want to offend me by saying directly that we had a problem. I’m touchy, I’ll be offended, I’ll be upset. And it is true.

I don’t understand this kind of communication between him and his girlfriend. He himself once said that he was not sure whether friendship existed between a man and a woman. What is their relationship called then? If they really are friends (and the rest of their messages really look more like friendship), then is it normal that he communicates with her so often? Sometimes after work he doesn’t talk to me, he gets tired. And he writes to her throughout the day. He writes practically nothing to me. Just to the point. Maybe he lacks in me what she has? He still won’t say it directly. Or does he like her? I don't know how to behave. I don't trust him anymore. Even more so for her.

I asked him to tell me in the future if there is something that doesn’t suit him about me. After all, the solution to the problem depends only on us and only we can solve it. He refused. Afraid of offending me. I tried to explain that we could simply lose our relationship if he did not tell me the truth. He avoids answering and pretends that he doesn’t understand.

Maybe it should be said that the husband’s previous relationship involved infidelity on the part of the girl. I have no. After this relationship, he is very afraid of litter. Unfortunately, we can’t quite do it without them. He begins to remain silent, avoid answering, and pretend that he does not understand what I mean. This makes me even angrier and the result is a quarrel. He himself is a reserved person. It's not uncommon for me to find it difficult to find out what happened. He doesn't say anything. Otherwise, I listen to him and support him. He doesn't complain. But as practice shows, he complains. Just not for me.

I believed him before. He honestly said that a friend invited him to visit, some kind of holiday. I have not been to the city. I let him go. The last time, she persistently called us. A few days ago, my husband simply forgot to tell me earlier. That's what he said. It turned out that she called him that day. She called him, not us. He said that he could only come with me. She agreed. As a result, she spent the entire evening on the phone. Her friend was talking. The next day they were still discussing whether I was jealous of that friend or not.

I don't know how to perceive this communication. I don't trust him anymore. We are trying to solve our intimate problem. But this question still doesn’t leave me alone. Every day I think about what he tells her about me, complains that I found out everything. I can't stand it anymore. I'm going crazy. All our conversations usually end in nothing. And what can I talk about if I don’t believe him anymore, and he himself confirmed that he won’t tell the truth. I no longer know what is the truth and what is the lie.

Psychologist Elena Anatolyevna Fedorova answers the question.

Alena, hello.

It is difficult for you to trust your husband, to solve accumulated problems together, to openly express your feelings, because all this will become known to a third party - your husband’s friend - a woman stranger to you.

Alena, your bewilderment, dissatisfaction and confusion are quite understandable. Let's try to figure out what steps can be taken so that the situation is resolved and no longer causes the discomfort that you are now experiencing.

Based on your letter, I see the following:

You are not entirely satisfied with your relationship with your husband, there are intimate problems, you are worried about his daily communication and discussion of family problems with another woman. You tried to talk to your spouse, called for problems to be solved only within the family, but all your attempts led to a quarrel.

The husband, knowing that this communication is unpleasant for you, continues to communicate, share details, discuss your life together. He is quite happy with this situation: your spouse does not react to your dissatisfaction, does not want to change anything, and does not refuse communication.

My husband’s friend supports him, listens to him, and gives him some advice.

Being in this triangle, only you, Alena, experience discomfort. But by putting pressure on your spouse, forbidding him to communicate with your friend, you can achieve the opposite effect.

Both of them, having cooperated, seem to take a defensive position from you. And you attack. And, then, it is not clear from the letter how you received the information that your husband and his girlfriend were discussing you and your intimate life with your husband? Wasn’t it this friend who told you?

It turns out that the three of you live in a triangle, and the emotions that you experience and express only strengthen this triangle. The more you struggle with the current relationship, the stronger the resistance from your husband and his girlfriend will be.

To change the situation, you need to remove the connecting link from the triangle - your negative emotions, fears and mistrust. It is important to let go of the situation, stop panicking, behave calmly and with dignity, take care of yourself - your desires and needs, focus on your own interests. The same principle can be transferred to communication with your husband - without reproaches, quarrels and pressure, build communication in a calm and friendly manner.

I believe that you will need moral support and a fairly sober look at the situation, yourself and your relationship with your husband. You can contact a psychologist in person or remotely. Understanding yourself and the problem together with a specialist is much more effective.

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