I was left alone with a child without work. How to survive with a small child without a husband's home and money history

There are situations that can be classified as ideal, when spouses separate amicably, without any special complaints or insults towards each other. In such a situation, life is much easier for a woman, because, as a rule, the man provides her with support, including financial support, and spends enough time with their common child.

This way, their child knows that he still has a mom and dad, they just live separately.

Of course, starting life over again after a divorce, even in such comfortable conditions, is not so easy, but it will have to be done. There is no need to become discouraged and depressed. During this period, many people throw themselves into work, spend a lot of time in the gym and do everything possible to find themselves again, and small child left in the care of grandmothers, nannies, aunts, and so on. Over time, the situation will normalize, you just need to be patient.

There are difficulties

Sometimes not everything works out as smoothly as we would like. In fact, the woman is left with the child in her arms completely alone, without any support or help.

Then you have to act immediately - plan your family budget in a new way. Still, the child needs to be fed, clothed and given everything he needs. In this case, the most difficult thing is to find a balance between free time and work. Some devote themselves entirely professional activity and simply do not notice what is happening around them. Let them fully provide financially for themselves and their child, but this is not enough.

The child needs attention. And often parents try to compensate for its lack with expensive gifts, sweets, travel and other pleasant little things.

If you don’t maintain contact with your father at all, you don’t need to tell him how bad person is his dad. This will create in the head of a son or daughter negative image not only his parent, but all men in general. If a woman is raising her son alone, it is best to enroll him in sports section, where the child would have a male mentor. Sometimes the role " strong hand"An uncle or grandfather can play.

The girl also doesn’t need to be told stories like “everything is hers..”, otherwise she will think that all men are just like that, and she is unlikely to find family happiness in future.

In addition, you don’t need to give up on yourself: don’t stop taking care of yourself, try to look good. One bad marriage– this is not a tragedy, but just a life experience. Perhaps fate will give you a second chance to build strong family, and thanks to this, the children will have a “new dad.”

Outside the window, snowflakes are softly falling, whirling. A table lamp glows in an old lampshade, the clock on the sideboard ticks quietly. A young woman is sitting in a chair by the window. Her face, as if on an icon, is beautiful with some special mournful beauty. She is fragile, with snow-white skin and bottomless dark eyes, under which lie the shadows of sleepless nights and spiritual loneliness. In these eyes is the whole world, all humanity, all justice. She knits tiny baby socks. No, she darns the snow-white ones pink flowers sliders, stopping from time to time, closing tired eyes, taking a deep breath. No, she is reading the magazine "Happy Parents", an article about the role of the father in raising a newborn. Next to the chair, awkwardly squeezed in front of the sideboard, is a crib. Hangs on the back baby blanket with a bear. The baby is sleeping in the crib on his side. Nice, rosy-cheeked. His face is concentrated and serious. It’s as if he’s thinking in his sleep, this defenseless, kind boy who has never seen his own dad in his life.

This is roughly how I saw the life of a single mother, in particular myself, in the event of leaving Sasha. At moments the picture became completely gloomy: there was an underground passage, wet steps, dirty damp diapers and my thin hand, carefully holding a sleeping baby, while the other was stretched out at the feet of passers-by, in the hope of alms. In reality, thank God, everything turned out differently. There was no time for mourning. I didn’t darn the sliders, but bought new ones. Having become a mother, I suddenly felt a surge of some new, absolutely fantastic power. For the sake of well-being own child, I could move mountains. Your own “I” again disappears somewhere, along with laziness, pickiness and whims. The strength and desire to build, mine, feed and live... live... passionately reveling in the possibilities of all five senses appears.

When I left for the first time, Sanka was not even two months old. Sasha Sr. came once again drunk and disgusted, and before collapsing near the sofa, he told me to get the hell out. Clutching a screaming baby to my chest, I realized that I would be better off anywhere, but not here. I’m sure that everyone has someone they can get lost with for a while, hang out with, even with a child. There are no hopeless situations. There are no breakdowns, awkwardness and humiliation - there is only a cold, if you like, animal calculation - where is worse and where is better.

Sometimes, your own audacity and the effectiveness of your actions are simply stunning. We quickly loaded into the car, the baby's junk and essentials easily fit into the bathtub. And we left. People tend to feel sorry and sympathize, especially women with small children. They treated me with understanding.

My child was carried around by everyone, presented with trinkets and given to me only for feeding. They felt sorry for me, praised me for my courage and endurance, and promised that everything would be fine. People love drama and drastic changes in someone else's life. On the second day, I really missed my home. It's like a drug addict going through withdrawal. I can’t say what exactly I was missing, but I toiled, staggering from corner to corner, overcome by attacks of sickening, painful despair. I didn’t know what to do with myself; I kept coming across the foreignness of everything that surrounded me. I wanted to go back to where it was bad, dark and hopeless, with my tail between my legs and whining, to kneel down next to my Sasha and try to start all over again. After all, how easy it is to take it and love it! When there is me, there is a child, there is our life. How easy it is to be nice to each other and know that they will answer you in kind! How sweet forgiveness is! I called first. My heart was pounding as if I was calling him for the first time in my life. How I wanted him to say something nice! I lasted 4 days. What happened next was beyond my strength. I remembered how every weekend he would bring me a tray of sandwiches and fruit in bed every morning, how he would stroke me for hours until I woke up. How we walked everywhere, together, holding hands, how our life was completely happy. He arrived - somewhat cowered, disheveled, and took a bath of things, me and the child. All the way in the taxi we held hands tightly, and I realized how insignificant everything that happened was, how small and inconspicuous against the background of that great, all-consuming love rocking us in its marital cradle. The second time I left about a couple of months later. The circumstances and reasons were still the same. This time the unknown did not frighten me. I felt sick and disgusted.

Moreover, live to the fullest, passionately reveling in the capabilities of your spirit and willpower. When I first left my husband, my daughter was not even two months old. My husband returned, not for the first time, drunk and drunk, and before collapsing near the sofa, he said that I would go to hell with my daughter. Holding the crying baby tightly to my chest, I realized that I would be much better off anywhere, but not with this moral monster, and not in this apartment. I am convinced that each of you has a friend who will not refuse you and will shelter you for a short time, despite the child. Remember that it's perfect hopeless situations does not exist. Turn off your emotions: hatred, anger at the whole world, what happened, happened. Just turn on your mind and move on with your life for the sake of your baby.

How to survive alone with a small child

Don't waste your precious time that you can spend on your beloved baby.

Attention

Don’t build magical castles, inventing for yourself something that has never happened and will never happen.

Just open yourself up to new relationships. Live for yourself and your child.

And believe me, if you are destined to meet your prince, you will definitely meet him.
If one of your relatives can support you and your child for at least a few months, don’t waste a single day, get busy with your education.
Study foreign language, go to distance courses in accounting or, for example, financial accounting.

The main thing is not to sit still, develop, strive.

Important

And you will definitely succeed. And most importantly, surviving alone with a small child when you have your own business in life is much easier.

Only after enduring temporary, albeit great difficulties, hardships with your head held high, give your love to your baby.

How to survive after a divorce without money and with a child

They pitied me and sympathized with me, praised me for my courage and endurance, because not everyone can live alone with a child, and everyone said that everything would be wonderful. Sometimes people just need drama and it cardinal decision, but only in someone’s, necessarily someone else’s, life.

Becoming strong and independent The next day, after leaving my husband, I realized that I really missed home.

This is similar to withdrawal from a drug addict. I can’t say exactly what exactly I was missing, but I was tormented, wandering around idle from corner to another corner, and all this time only one question haunted me.

How to survive alone with a small child in your arms. I couldn’t even imagine where to put myself and what to do with myself; all this time I understood that everything that surrounded me was alien to me.

Practical forum about true love

Care for so-called educational purposes can be effective only once. You need to take care of your livelihood in advance, because the child needs to eat and so do you.

But don’t panic, because the child doesn’t need very much.

Most girls go for an abortion out of horror and fear, because they believe that it is almost impossible to survive alone with a small child.

This is almost impossible. Almost every newspaper contains advertisements for a wide variety of vacancies.

You just need to take it and overcome yourself. When you pick up a newspaper with vacancies, just drive away the negative feelings that arise from yourself: horror, self-pity for your beloved, disgust and, most importantly, hatred of your baby’s dad.

Remember, it is the latter that you need to get rid of once and for all.

Don’t torment yourself with old feelings, they simply don’t exist and won’t exist anymore.

How to survive with two children?

After payment there was a small amount left with which we could eat.

My grocery list included the following items: 1 kg of semolina, 1 kg of rice, 1 kg of buckwheat, 1 kg of pasta, 2 kg of potatoes, a quarter of a chicken, several carrots and beets.

When I managed to save some money, I bought a couple of apples, 1-2 oranges, half a kilo of bananas.

For tea, inexpensive biscuits, a bottle every 2 months sunflower oil. The child was on breastfeeding, we needed to drink tea and preferably with milk, we bought it.

Sometimes kefir and eggs. At the pharmacy I took mint, chamomile, oregano when I ran out of regular tea or had very little money, because pharmacy fees were inexpensive.

I found a part-time job I started looking for a part-time job, found it from a seamstress friend, and took the menial work home, but it was from case to case.

Dear self-moms, how did you “survive” with your child after a divorce?

He took a baby bath with his daughter’s things, me and our baby.

On the way to the taxi, we did not let go of our hands, and I understood that this is happiness.

And I kept driving and thinking how good it is that I don’t have to worry about how to live alone with a child.

The next time he got crazy drunk, I left for the second time. But this time I no longer felt despair, I knew that I was not alone! I knew that it was possible to survive alone with a small child. I was just sick of myself, understanding how I could return to this monster, I just felt disgusted. I was able to hold out for a long time without him, it seemed that I had already gotten used to the idea that it was possible to live alone with a child. But over time they surged old feelings and I began to feel sad and bored. Then, from mutual friends, I learned that my husband had contracted pneumonia and was at home with a high fever. Without hesitation, I came to him, and to my misfortune, we made peace again.

How to survive on maternity leave if you have no money

How many times have I wanted to return to my husband, even if it’s bad there, even if he doesn’t love me, just come back and ask, no, beg for forgiveness, kneeling down in front of my beloved husband. Just not to live alone with a child after a divorce. After all, then it seemed to me that it was very simple - to love! When there is me, my husband and our child, and all this is ours, our life. In the end, I couldn’t stand it and called first. It seemed that my heart was fluttering as if we were going to communicate for the first time. Talking to him, I kept remembering how he loved me, pampered me, bringing me a tray of fruit and tea in bed, how he hugged me, sometimes waiting for an hour until I woke up from sleep. How we wandered in the park together, holding hands tightly, when our lives were filled with happiness. He came for me and my daughter, so depressed and unkempt, I immediately felt so sorry for him.

So I was left alone with the child

Didn't love him. Was gorgeous wedding and now a divorce after 3 years.

I'm absolutely alone. Without help. And as it happens, there is no wife and no child.

He takes him once a month and alimony from 2.5 to 5 thousand rubles. For three years I was alone. These years were not in vain. I became the Manager of a large Russian bank.

Expensive car, first 1 room sq.m. an apartment, fur coats and holidays abroad alone or with a baby (and very often).

Also short-term romances. They raised self-esteem and femininity.

I bloomed and was happy! Successful and self-sufficient. But in the evening the cats raked their soul that there was no husband. And then I met him!!! Second husband. (civilian) And fell madly in love! I'm 29, he's 23. He built me ​​in a matter of seconds. I became addicted. They began to live. It seems even good. He is a handsome and distinguished guy. Tall 2 m. Healthy. I was involved in sports. But it all ended when I got pregnant, he didn’t mind.

Without education, it is much more difficult to find. You will be offered only unskilled, low-paid labor.

Therefore, if possible, it is worth taking up your education.

You can enroll in the correspondence or evening department of any educational institution.

Having received a diploma, you can count on career growth and, accordingly, high salaries. In addition, you can take courses, even if they are paid. Some of them require the presence of a person, and during the study you need someone to look after the child. But, again, in the age of the Internet, you can even get higher education remotely. It’s great if you have older non-working relatives. This will solve a large number of problems, ranging from finding housing to getting a job or going to work.

If you have parents, you can always go to them or invite them to live with you.

She made toys from clothespins, cardboard, yogurt jars, strings, and fabric.

A friend asked her husband, he worked in furniture production, he sawed cube figures for us different sizes and shapes, a big box came out! I processed them at home and it turned out to be a good construction set, my son played with it for a very long time, built towers, rebuilt castles, towns, and showed it to me. From the spools of thread that were left over from sewing, I made toys, played with the child, it turned out great. Then and now Time has passed since then. My son has grown up, went to school, studies well, graduates without C grades, wooden Toys did not prevent him from fully developing. Our life is gradually being forgotten. I have good job and a friendly team of employees, I earn decent money.

Recently I talked about “our invention”, and it turned out that many mothers also remember such diapers.

Elena Gordina especially for website

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Comments:

Some people get help from their parents, others from friends and relatives. But I will say for sure that a woman is a very strong creature and can survive enormous trauma. Of course, God forbid that neither you nor your friends and relatives have to deal with this.

Exactly! God forbid someone else experiences this...

When I got married, I couldn’t imagine nightmare how everything will be... I won’t go into details, but when I left the maternity hospital, I saw bare walls, ceiling and floor, and my sobbing mother. My husband took everything out of (my!!!) apartment, leaving only the crib, bed and table.

There was “zero” alimony, and for the first year I “worked part-time” as a dairy mother. Apparently nature gave me a chance to survive (there was no one to help) on my own and raise a child.

My dear girls, unfortunately no one is safe from anything!!!

But remember, men come and go, furniture and other goods also come and go, but children are a chance to survive and win!!!

Now, 12 years later, I can remember everything calmly and without tears, I have a wonderful daughter, new man, a wonderful career, and only my gray head reminds me every month of those days...

A woman can do anything! All the power is in us, girls! Be strong!!!

Girls! I myself was recently left alone, that is, without a so-called husband... the relationship had not been going well for a long time and I was increasingly visited by thoughts of separation... They broke up on my initiative. It seems like I should be happy, but I feel lousy at heart... He convinced me so much that I will be alone and will never get married again, that I am starting to slowly believe in it... But still, it is better to be alone than with a man who loves you doesn't respect. Maybe I still don’t understand anything in life (I’m 20 years old, and my son is only 5 months old) and I need to keep a man near me by any means so as not to be left alone..?

I’m in so much pain... there’s a lump in my throat... I’m left alone with the child... it’s terrible... the baby doesn’t understand anything yet... he calls his father all the time... he doesn’t even know that his father didn’t even call and ask “how are we?” My soul hurts... what to do next....??? thank you that at least I work and I have a mother who helps me... I’m going to give birth to the child private kindergarten... I’m only 21 years old, but I don’t want to live... No, I’m not giving up... I can do anything and I’ll put my baby, whom I love more than life itself, on his feet... I’ll survive... I just need time...

12 years ago I was expecting a guy from the army. Love, letters, visits. I waited. From the first day after his demobilization, I immediately became pregnant and was delighted, but apparently he was not.

The father of the unborn baby disappeared, remaining neutral, and I waited. Gave birth. Difficult childbirth, misunderstandings at home, scandals with my mother, wandering around with friends and for all 12 years I have been raising my son alone, I have never met the same one. I am from a small town, I work in Moscow 200 km from home.

I met a guy from Moscow, it started like a whirlwind romance, three days later I introduced him to my parents and sisters, we were flying with happiness. After 2 months I find out that I am pregnant. I tell him, he’s glad, he doesn’t have children at 39 years old! But we live with his parents, my son is 200 km away in our town. My relationship with my mother is complicated, I am in debt, my mother filed a website for alimony for her maintenance. In general, my financial situation is not so great.

The young man clearly made it clear that you should solve your problems with your mother, debts yourself, and we’ll take your son as soon as he finishes school! What was happening to me! Either hormones, or the daily routine and these traffic jams, traveling. In general, I cried every day from uncertainty, how to live further, where, how? I was afraid. Parents young man They kept it delicately silent, but I understood that living together would be a test for everyone. The apartment is three rubles in Moscow. I'm with my son, the baby is born. Are his parents ready for all this? They already have 5 grandchildren and do I have the right to live here?

There was no talk about registration or marriage registration. He only said: “live, trust me, everything will be fine, give birth, and then we will solve problems as they arise.” I didn’t provide any financial support, I began to go to work less often to see doctors, toxicosis, drowsiness. Once again I interrogated: “how are we going to live?” He bought an expensive phone without consulting the website, and we don’t keep a general budget. I couldn’t stand the fact that I couldn’t work full time, plus I found out that there would be little ones on maternity leave, and I said about it. It’s like we’ll live aloofly, no matter what. I said that evening that I would go for an abortion! He got angry with me and put me out on the street at 5 am with my things.

A day later I had an abortion. He didn’t try to call or dissuade me, he was silent. What happened to me then was a nightmare. I cried for a week, blamed myself, I dreamed of a child, a stroller, frost and other terrible things. I was on the verge, I took sedatives, only my son supported me! I don’t have a close relationship with my mother (I pay her alimony under Article 87), like strangers. I again began to get closer to the young man, seeking forgiveness and understanding. He listened, caressed me, said that the blame was all on me and I had to live with it! He will never be able to forgive. But I felt better that we at least talked. Within a week, he takes a trip to Turkey, flies away with his sister and defiantly posts photos with girls at the resort. I find out about the betrayal, that he is discussing me with other girls, that he cannot forgive the abortion. All his friends from the resort know everything.

I contacted them on social media. networks. In general, now I have finally broken up with him for cheating. This is his revenge apparently. And how beautifully it all started. But today is 40 days from the date of the abortion and I have a dream that I am pregnant, the baby is moving in my stomach and pushing hard, I am bending over in pain, looking for my boyfriend to tell me that the child is alive. I wake up in tears and with strong tremors in my stomach. Today my lower abdomen hurts all day, and everything comes back with renewed vigor. I became emotionally attached to this person, but I didn’t see any support from him. This is the main reason why I decided to have an abortion. Lack of security and uncertainty about the future.