The psychology of friendship, how to learn to build good relationships or what is the secret of true friendship? The concept of friendship and its meaning What is the friendship of friends.

Human - social being. From childhood to old age, we are surrounded by people.

Some remain casual acquaintances and leave no memories of themselves, while others become true and loyal friends.

But what is friendship and how to distinguish it from simple warm communication?

How to reconcile friends with each other? Find out about this from ours.

What it is?

Friendship- this is a close relationship between people of the same or different sexes who trust each other, respect each other and feel a sense of affection.

To acquaintances may arise positive feelings(sympathy, respect, solidarity), but a stable attachment will not be formed. Also, communication is unreliable and interest can disappear at any moment.

Attachment is often confused with "falling in love with an image" and worship. A person wants to be close to a person who is authoritative for him.

A person persistently seeks to meet and communicate with an idol, but does not appreciates him as a person, does not look at him as a real person with weaknesses and shortcomings.

What is the most important thing in friendship?

We can have a pleasant conversation with someone, and then forget about this person for the rest of our lives. And we can’t imagine our life without someone. What maintains warmth and affection in friendly contact?

What does it mean to be friends?

Making friends is be able to give. Sincerely share thoughts and benefits, experiences and resources (material and spiritual), without expecting reciprocal gifts. This is the desire to be in a friendly union, to accept your comrade with all his shortcomings and oddities.

But it is important not to just accept the person and him.

A friend should see in his loved one personality. Appreciate your friend for his uniqueness and originality.

He should enjoy the opportunity to talk, spend time and share moments of his life with the person he has chosen as a friend.

How is it shown?

Friendship is shown with good intentions. A friend will never wish harm. He is guided only by the desire to help.

Criticism and condemnation can be presented in both harsh and soft forms (depending on the person’s temperament and the communication style of friends). But both criticism and condemnation are aimed at instructing a comrade, and not at offending or offending.

Showing friendship is willingness to be there in difficult times. A true friend will not only go with his partner on a fun walk, to the cinema or to the beach.

He will also bring medicine during illness, support in case of divorce and calm in moments of despair. At the same time, he will steadfastly endure bad moods, tears and even hysterics.

Genuine interest- another manifestation of friendship. A friend doesn’t just listen to a friend’s stories, feigning interest in order to wait his turn and “cry into his vest.”

To him really important to know, how your friend’s day went, how the interview ended, and how things are going with your new lover.

Laws

Does not exist universal laws of friendship.

All people are different, and according to this, all relationships are built differently.

But there are 4 universal laws on which true friendship is based on:

do no harm(targeted actions that have a negative connotation are unacceptable in relation to a friend);
give(in friendship it is important to be able to give and help, to be useful);
look for a growth point(take only the best from a person, simultaneously revealing the positive aspects of a friend’s personality both for yourself and for him);
be sincere(don’t lie or be disingenuous in front of your friend).

What does friends mean?

Friends are people around whom you can take off your masks and be yourself. People with whom you feel a sense of coziness, comfort and fulfillment.

To put it in a nutshell, friends are:

part of your world;
people who make life better (in deed, word or energy);
like-minded people.

Functions

From a friend, as from a member of the union, there are certain functions or roles:

Ideal formula friendship does not exist. Everyone derives this formula for themselves by trial and error.

But it is necessary to understand that friendship is a static state. We change, people close and dear to us change. But this does not make time-tested friends cease to be our friends.

How to learn to be friends? Psychology:

Hello, dear readers of the blog site. The concept of friendship is as important and significant among people as... Man is a social being: he can live fully only next to his own kind.

Loneliness scares us, deprives us of the opportunity to satisfy most of our needs (for example, love or recognition), and only a few people see it in a positive light (except perhaps).

The bulk of individuals strive to unite in groups, and friendship is one of its types.

What is friendship

This phenomenon was considered by people from different angles: philosophical schools and psychologists, poets and writers, musicians and artists were interested in it. There is still no specific, strictly defined definition, but if we collect possible options, it turns out that:

friendship is a relationship between people built on a similar worldview, mutual trust and understanding, common interests and the desire to be together.

Such relationships can begin at any age. Some people manage to make friends with someone in kindergarten and carry this friendship into old age. Others change friends with enviable consistency. Some people have only one friend nearby, while others are surrounded by numerous comrades.

Who is called a friend

We found out that friendship is built on three pillars: reciprocity, community and similarity. Who is a friend is not difficult to answer. This is one of the participants in friendly relations.

Sometimes people replace the concepts of friend and buddy, because there are similar criteria between them. In order not to confuse these two words, it is necessary to separate them:

a friend is with you often and for a long time, a friend is a person who comes and goes occasionally;
a friend values your relationship and is willing to do a lot for it; a friend is unlikely to sacrifice his interests in your favor;
a friend does not pursue selfish interests in communicating with you; relationships with a friend, as a rule, are built on mutual benefit - according to the principle “you - to me, I - to you”;

Friends are close people between whom there is a spiritual connection and common values, a voluntary desire to help another and the opportunity to receive support.

A friend effectively becomes your non-blood relative, which is constantly present in your life. Over time, not only interests become common, but also experiences and memories that make friendships even more valuable and stronger.

What do friendships give?

Loneliness among people can also cause other mental disorders. Therefore, the main value of friendship lies in live contact: visual and physical. Scientists have proven that hugs provoke the production of happiness hormones.

Also, friendships have other positive aspects:

5 types of friendship

Sociologists count 5 types of friendship:

How to learn to be friends

The 21st century is a time of new technologies and, in particular, computerization. Social networks are addictive and deprive people of real communication. Every year this mental disorder is becoming more common. There is only one reason for this - sitting in gadgets, people lose their communication skills.

Therefore, when going out into the street, a person does not know (or forgets) how to effectively build interaction with others. This situation leads to loneliness and suffering, trips to psychologists and new attempts to learn to be among people.

So, if you find it difficult to make new acquaintances and find friends, take note following tips:

you will have to forget about shyness and, overcoming indecision, make constant attempts to talk to strangers on the street, work, party, school, store. It doesn’t matter what it’s about: the weather, a book or the latest show business news. The main thing is to speak!
openness is an important phenomenon in communication. The desire to appear better, to deliberately hide or distort facts will sooner or later be revealed, and this will alienate the person with whom you want to be friends. People are often embarrassed to be themselves, but as my practice shows, sincerity and “authenticity” (whatever it may be) attract and inspire trust in others. If not, then this is simply not your person;
– the ability to listen, hear and understand another. Standing in someone else’s shoes and sincerely sympathizing are qualities that significantly improve live contact, inspire trust and a desire to be together.

We can talk for a long time about the phenomenon of friendship, what it is. But you can truly understand it only through experience in real life.

Good luck to you! See you soon on the pages of the blog site

Progress of the lesson

Today we will talk about friendship.

Friendship– this is a great value, a gift of fate. Friendship helps us study, work, live. It makes us better, kinder, stronger. Having a friend is a great blessing.

So what? what friendship is?

Task No. 1. Work is organized in micro groups.

Guys, think and answer these questions.

Questions:

1." Friendship is---".

Sample answers from children:

friendship is mutual assistance, fun and interesting communication, a desire to help a friend in difficult times.

2. "A true friend is that ---".

Sample answers from children:

a true friend is someone who understands you, with whom it is interesting to communicate, who will never betray you, who will help and support you in different situations.

3. "Friends are always---".

Sample answers from children:

friends will always help you in a difficult situation, share joy and trouble with you, understand you.

After work in microgroups, a discussion of the proposed issues is organized, and general conclusions are formulated.

If we want to have friends, we must feel what the other person needs. Friendship- this is a willingness to help a friend, to share failure and joy with him.

There are people who have many friends, and there are lonely people.

Let's listen to A. Barto's poem "A Friend Needed."

Everyone lives, they don’t grieve,

But not with me are friends!

Katya has a painted bow,

Red tights

And the character is meek.

I whisper: - Be friends with me---

We're the same age

We're almost like sisters

You and I are like doves

From one shell.

I whisper:- Notes keep in mind:

You have to go in everything

To make concessions to a friend.

I suggest Ilyina;

You be friends with me alone!

Ilyina has a rank,

And a sports sweater

And a retinue of girls.

I'll make friends with Ilyina -

I'll become famous!

All fives one at a time

At Svetlova Nadya's.

I ask: - Are you with me make friends for a day!

You and I will get along:

Will you save me -

Let me write off the test.

And the girls are on their hind legs!

They say: - I would be silent!

Don't get on your knees to persuade your friends...

I'll write an ad:

Friend urgently needed!

Why did the girl have no friends?

Sample answers from children: the girl had no friends, because she wanted a lot from others, but she herself did not give anything in return.

Many people do not want to understand that they have no friends, because they themselves are not ready to become a true friend, they demand a lot from a friend, giving nothing in return.

Friendship- this is not only a great gift, but also great work. You can find a friend, but it is very easy to lose him. Many Russian proverbs contain wise instructions on how to preserve friendship. Pay attention to the proverbs.

Task No. 2.

Work in micro groups. Introducing children to proverbs about friendship.

Guys, what proverbs about friendship you know?

If you don't have a friend, look for him, and if you find him, take care of him.

Friend is known in trouble.

You can't buy a friend with money.

Whoever leaves a friend in trouble gets into trouble himself.

Having a friend means not feeling sorry for yourself.

Don't have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends.

Task No. 3.

Work is organized in micro groups. Children are encouraged to develop rules friendship. After discussion in groups, the developed rules are read and discussed friendship.

Rules friendship(Example children's answers):

to help each other;

do not remember the offense for a long time;

don't waste time on trifles;

to trust each other;

be tolerant;

be able to forgive;

don't envy;

be honest and loyal;

be friendly.

Summary of the lesson.

So, friendship is wonderful! One thing is clear to us all - without there is no friendship! This means that in order to live, we must be able to listen to our friends, understand and support. And in general, if you want people to treat you well, then you treat them with respect, kindness and understanding. Thank you all for your work.

Don't lose it. Subscribe and receive a link to the article in your email.

Everything in our life comes and goes: money, work, things. Only people remain with us. Moreover, only those people who are dear to us and who are dear to us. And often it is friends who become much closer to relatives and, in some ways, even loved ones. And today we will talk about what friendship is.

Friendships are an indicator of how interesting, important and valuable people are to each other. The main qualitative indicators of friendship are such things as trust, tolerance, mutual understanding, mutual respect, the ability to meet and help halfway, to be there in a difficult situation. True friendship is much more than just pleasant communication in a fun company. This is even a kind of sacrament between people.

True friends, due to the fact that they know each other very well (and sometimes for some other reasons), are able to understand each other at a distance, without words, by the movements of their hands, the expression of their eyes, facial expressions, and gestures. Sometimes it even happens that friends who have gone through “fire, water and copper pipes” together have some kind of invisible, as if telepathic connection: one can know what the other is thinking, the second can predict the actions of the first, etc.

A friend is someone who cares about you. Someone who pays attention to you, supports you, participates in your life, is not indifferent to your emotions, problems, successes, victories and defeats. A friend is someone who will put any of his points of view behind his belt and will meet things halfway for the benefit not of himself, but of you – his friend.

The meaning and value of friendships lies in the fact that everyone can rely on the other in any situation or provide the necessary support and assistance themselves. In friendships there reigns loyalty, perseverance, equality, understanding, acceptance of each other with all the positive traits and shortcomings. And if, for example, in a love relationship there may be disagreements and misunderstandings, due to which two people can separate, friendships do not accept this. Here no one says: “And I, and you, and here I am, and here you are.” And even in those cases when one, so to speak, invests more of himself in friendship than the other, the feeling of friendship remains mutual and confidence in the other person remains.

When people are friends, each of them will, without hesitation, experience with the other both moments of joy and happiness, as well as difficult situations, troubles and failures. In friendship, everyone understands that they play a very important role in the life of the other. This is why friends trust each other with their plans, dreams, thoughts, ideas, mysteries and secrets, sometimes even their lives. The greater and deeper the trust and respect between people, the stronger and stronger their friendship. It cannot be measured either by the amount of money or by any merits. She is priceless. And only a true friend, if he really is in your life, makes you understand that you are not alone and gives you strength. This is a man for all occasions.

Friendship also shows a person’s inner strength and qualities. And often this is precisely what becomes an indicator, because... a person expresses himself. People who have not passed the test of strength move from the category of friends to the category of good acquaintances, and sometimes into the category of those with whom you simply once knew, but now you have absolutely nothing in common. If there is someone in life whom you truly feel, with whom you can be yourself without putting on masks, and who understands you and always helps you out, this person is probably your true friend. And relationships with him should be protected and preserved, because they are truly more valuable than gold.

You cannot choose a friend - he simply becomes a friend. It doesn’t matter at all what his appearance, habits, worldview are. You may not like something about him, you may even criticize him from time to time. But when all the beautiful and good people run away somewhere and wave their hand, when none of them have time left for you, it is this person who will be next to you and do what no one else had the strength or desire to do. or courage.

Friendship is a test. In appearance it may seem that it does not require effort, care or protection. In fact, it will never exist without our direct participation, because treating others even better than treating yourself is a great thing. It is for this reason that we can safely say that friendship has its own special laws, no matter how strange, too loud or naive it may sound. These life principles are the conditions for the existence of friendly relations. And they must be observed by everyone who wants to have a friend or friends, and who considers himself a true friend.

Laws of Friendship

Law one - faith in friendship

Faith in friendship means that you need to accept without hesitation or doubt what it is, without requiring any evidence or confirmation for this. This faith is the basis, the foundation of true friendly relations, on which trust, mutual understanding, mutual assistance and other integral components of friendship will be built.

The second law is the cultivation of positive qualities

A person, if he considers himself capable of friendship, must cultivate in himself such qualities as courage, fortitude, willpower, endurance and many others. Courage implies purposefully directing the energy of your feelings and emotions in the right direction, keeping them under control of your consciousness. Fortitude is the ability to do things that other people are not capable of, the ability not to bend under the pressure of circumstances. Willpower allows a person to do something contrary to his desires, circumstances, fatigue or reason. And endurance allows you to withstand enormous loads without resorting to the use of any other personal qualities.

All together, these and other qualities add up to one strong, stable and holistic one. And if a person was able to become such a person, then you can rely on him and always be confident in him, which is one of the most important indicators of friendship.

Law three - help

No matter what happens, a true friend is simply obliged to come to the rescue of his friend, to help in any way possible. And this should not depend on location, employment, mood or desire. If you find out that your friend is in trouble or needs serious help, you have no choice but to help him, regardless of any obstacles.

Law four - self-sacrifice

This law is perhaps the most important. Partly it concerns the issue of mutual assistance, which we discussed above. However, here helping a friend reveals itself to a much greater extent. Self-sacrifice means that a true friend values the friendship and life of another person even more than his own life. And in situations where the life of one is suddenly at stake, the other, without regret, will do everything to save a comrade.

These laws and qualities must be observed, so to speak, subconsciously. Those. their understanding is either there or it is not. You cannot, for example, sit down and say to yourself: “From today I begin to be a friend, i.e. I will believe in friendship, cultivate all kinds of positive qualities in myself, I will always help and, if anything happens, I will quickly give my life for a friend.” All this should already be in a person, because... through this it is expressed, especially to those whom this person considers his friends.

So let's recap. True friendships require the mutual efforts of the people involved. Two people, if they are friends, must treat each other correctly, experience mutual sympathy and a desire to provide each other with help and support. But such relationships must also be nourished on both sides: both should feel the need to communicate, both should call each other, schedule meetings, make plans, because feedback is very important.

However, there are somewhat unusual friendships. People can become great friends by meeting online without ever seeing each other in real life. Some are long-distance friends. For example, one lives in Russia, the other lives in the USA, Thailand, Mexico or somewhere else. There are even best friends who may not see each other for several months. Such friendship can also be very strong and lasting. It is only important that the attitude be appropriate, because friendship, whatever it may be, is always demanding for both and sets a certain standard that must be met. And even if one person lets everything take its course, the friendship will simply fall apart and eventually come to naught.

Therefore, always remember your friends, wherever you are and wherever they are. Keep in touch with them, let them know that they are important to you. And most importantly, be prepared to be there in any foreseen or unforeseen situation.

First of all, the word “friendship” has not one, but several different meanings. And not only in our time. Two thousand years ago, this was discovered by Aristotle, who tried to define different types of friendship in order to distinguish true friendship among them. He distinguishes mainly between friendship based on interest and noble friendship, which alone deserves the right to be considered real. Therefore, even in Ancient Greece, the relationship between two business people was perceived not as friendship, but as an interest in the success of a common business. At that time, friendship between politicians was also often seen as a way to achieve success in politics.

So, if we briefly list the most common meanings of this word, we will see that in most cases the word “friendship” has little in common with our ideas about a real friend.

Meaning one: acquaintances. Most of the people we consider our friends are actually just our acquaintances, that is, those whom we distinguish from the faceless mass around us. We know their concerns, their problems, we consider them people close to us, we turn to them for help and we ourselves willingly help them. We have excellent relations with them. But there is no full revelation, we do not trust them with our deepest desires. Meeting them does not make us happy, does not cause us an involuntary joyful smile. If success comes to them, if they receive some kind of reward or unexpected luck falls on them, we do not rejoice for them as for ourselves; Many relationships of this type are mixed with gossip, envy, and enmity. Deep conflicts are often hidden behind seemingly cordial relationships. Of course, these are not strangers to us; there is a certain closeness between us. But why call such different types of relationships friendship? This is a misuse of the word. It was so in the past, and it continues to be so now.

Meaning two: collective solidarity. It is necessary to distinguish, as the ancients did, friendship from solidarity. In the latter case, friends are those who fight on our side, say, during a war. On the one hand, friends, on the other, enemies. There is nothing personal in such solidarity. The man wearing the same uniform as me is a friend, but I know nothing about him. This category also includes forms of solidarity that exist in sects, parties, and churches. Christians call each other brothers or friends, socialists - comrades, fascists - comrades. But in all these cases we are dealing with collective rather than purely personal relationships.

The third meaning: functional relationships. They belong to the type of personal connections based on social function. Here we encounter "utilitarian" friendship; such is the friendship between companions or between politicians. In this type of relationship there is a minimum of love, they last as long as there is interest that requires common care. This also includes numerous professional relationships, relationships between work colleagues and between housemates.

Meaning four: sympathy and friendliness. We finally come to the category of people with whom we feel good, who are pleasant to us, and whom we admire. But even in this case, the word friendship should be used very carefully. Such emotional connections are often superficial and short-lived.

What, then, do we mean by the word “friendship”? Intuitively, it evokes in us an idea of a feeling that is deep, honest, presupposing trust and frankness. Empirical research also shows that the vast majority of people imagine friendship this way. In his latest book, Reisman, having studied the vast material written on this topic, gave the following definition of friendship: “A friend is one who takes pleasure in doing good to another, and who believes that this other has the same feelings for him.” This definition by Reisman places friendship among altruistic, sincere feelings.

Types of friendship.

Friendship can be divided into three types according to age categories: children, youth and adults. Here we will consider only youth and adult.

Youthful friendship.

Youth is the period of the most intense and emotional communication with peers, group life, etc.

At the heart of youthful craving for friendship is a passionate need to understand others and oneself to others and self-disclosure. “Happiness is when you are understood,” says the young hero of the film “We’ll Live Until Monday.”

One of the main unconscious functions of youthful friendship is maintaining self-esteem. Friendship sometimes acts as a unique form of psychotherapy, allowing young people to express their overwhelming feelings and find confirmation that someone shares their doubts, hopes and anxieties.

Youthful friendship is not only prone to confessionalism, but also extremely emotional. And emotionality is expressed not so much in words and sentences, but in characteristic intonations, accents, reticence, omissions, which a teenager, even if he wanted to, could not translate into concepts, but which convey to his friend-interlocutor the subtlest nuances of his moods, remaining meaningless and incomprehensible for an outside listener. This “empty” conversation is psychologically more important and significant than “meaningful” small talk about lofty matters... Needing strong emotional attachments, young people sometimes do not notice the real qualities of their partner. Despite their exclusivity, friendly relations in such cases are usually short-lived.

The relationship between friendship and love is a complex problem in youth. On the one hand, these relationships seem more or less alternative. The appearance of a beloved girl reduces the emotional intensity of same-sex friendship, the friend becomes more of a good comrade. On the other hand, love involves a greater degree of intimacy than friendship; it kind of includes friendship.

Adult friendship.

In youth, friendship, as we have seen, occupies a privileged, even monopolistic position in the system of personal relationships and affections. With the advent of new, “adult” attachments, friendship gradually loses its privileged position.

Three points are especially important for understanding the psychological differences between adult friendship and youth friendship: 1) the relative completion of the formation of self-awareness;

2) expansion and differentiation of the sphere of communication and activity;
3) the emergence of new intimate attachments.

The content and structure of friendly communication also changes. Tolerance for differences is one of the main indicators of the level of culture and intellectual development. This also manifests itself in communication. Children's friendships can fall apart over a trifle. Young men are already ready to put up with the private shortcomings of their friends, but friendship itself is still understood as something total.

Types of friendship.

Spiritual friendship is mutual enrichment and complementation of each other. Each is delighted and fascinated by the superiority of the other. Thus, he gives his friend the opportunity to receive the much-desired recognition: what could be more beautiful if you are appreciated and understood by the one for whom you recognize this right. The most amazing thing is that everyone feels completely different from the other and admires precisely those qualities that he himself does not have.

Creative friendship is when both friends retain their distinct individuality. Moreover, friendship helps to creatively complement the personality of each of the friends, to give a complete character to their individuality.

Everyday friendship can exist and develop only under the condition of immediate territorial proximity. Friends should definitely live nearby, provide services to each other, ask for help, go to the movies together, or at least just chat about this and that. As a rule, such friendship is reinforced by some constant reason for meeting. This could be an ordinary neighborhood or a shared job. Doctors, for example, are most often friends with doctors.

At first glance, family friendship seems to be the complete antipode of creative friendship, but this is not so. The type of friendship we are considering is characterized by the fact that our friend, in essence, becomes a friend of the whole family. And if we are talking about a married couple who have children, we can clearly talk about family friendship.