Male mentality. Three things every man needs

I wonder how a husband’s national character traits affect the strength of a marriage; is it worth considering where a man was born before agreeing to a marriage proposal?

How could we not have known this before? It turns out that the boat of a seemingly successful family life is often broken due to wives’ ignorance of the national characteristics of their husbands’ character. When marrying a foreigner, a girl from the post-Soviet space believes that she received a lucky lottery ticket. But this is followed by a feeling of deep disappointment, since the spouse does not at all resemble a fairy-tale prince. So, which of the overseas and European residents is most suitable for the role of husband?

A girl who decides to tie her life into family ties with a resident of another country will have to take into account that abroad it is not customary to throw money away, even to win the heart of a Slavic beauty. Sometimes a man can come across as greedy, since he does not strive to impress a potential bride with the thickness of his wallet, strewing her path with bouquets of roses and jewelry trinkets. Will your attitude towards your spouse change?

1. American - who are you, Mr. X?

For a long time it was believed that marriage to an American is the most profitable venture. Leaving overseas, the girl was sure that her fate was cloudless, ahead of her was a life filled with prosperity. However, the picture is not always so ideal. First of all, it is difficult to say which national traits of the chosen one will appear more clearly after the wedding. America is a multinational country where, for centuries, criminals from Europe were exiled, and younger members of families went in the hope of seizing their chance. However, over the course of generations, certain character traits have become attached to almost all US men.

When looking for a wife abroad, an American strives to find a woman who will become the pillar of home comfort. In this country, feminism has blossomed not so long ago, and in provincial towns it is still difficult for a woman to make a career. Her task is to run the household, raise children and support her husband’s authority in everything.

When marrying the average American, you should not expect that he will be ready to spend a lot of money for the sake of his beloved. Of course, the concept of credit is quite natural for an American, but he will not spoil his credit history by wasting money. The possibility of purchasing comfortable housing in a prestigious area and an expensive car is carefully calculated. A girl from the CIS can really be shocked by how reverently Americans treat the dollar, looking for opportunities to save a few cents everywhere.

Here it is customary to constantly praise your children, take care of them, but not interfere with managing their lives independently. The growing teenager will not be kicked out of the house as soon as he reaches adulthood, but they will not interfere with his search for himself. A familiar feature that unites the Slavic peoples and residents of the United States, isn’t it? However, unlike us, Americans do not strive to open their souls even to people whom they sincerely consider close. Digging into the subtle strings of the soul is the job of psychologists, not relatives. Therefore, you can forget about gatherings with friends and complaining about your unsatisfactory life.

2. Frenchman – tenderness, gallantry, art?

France is a country of painting, poetry, fashion. Maybe that’s why, when thinking about French men, ladies from the CIS imagine a gallant gentleman, shrouded in a trail of romance, praising his chosen one in poetry. In fact, upon closer acquaintance, the French may seem too frivolous, seeking pleasure and not bothering themselves too much with responsibilities.

Indeed, even on a cloudy morning, a French man will find a reason to laugh, since life itself is a reason for joy. However, this does not mean that the person living next to you is generous. For a Frenchman, the opinions of others are of great importance. He endures situations that present him in an unfavorable light too painfully. In addition, a potential servant of the Muses, according to foreign women, is distinguished by commercialism. He will not accept the divorce, he will try to “knock out” all the material components due to him, and for a long time he will diligently get on his ex-wife’s nerves.

However, is it worth thinking about divorce when you have a real romantic in front of you? No one, like a Frenchman, knows how to look with admiration at the Lady of his heart, make gallant remarks, or hold her by the elbow when getting out of a taxi. A Frenchman will not reproach his wife for her inability to cook or clean the apartment; it will not be difficult for him to go through all corners of the home with a vacuum cleaner or spend the day with the baby. Although, we must take into account that feminism in France is quite well developed and, when inviting a girl to a cafe, a man is sure that she will pay for her dinner herself.

3. German – integrity multiplied by hard work

Different nationalities – same mentality. These are probably the most practical European men. Germans are inclined to be straightforward and democratic in their relationships, and this has its advantage. They will always honestly tell you what doesn’t suit them and offer to work together to find a solution to the pressing problem. A respectable resident of Germany is sure that a wife should work. But at the same time, it is not necessary to save a nest egg, because money is created in order to spend it. And the best goal for this is to create better conditions for family and travel. Therefore, almost every family in Germany goes to neighboring countries for the weekend to get acquainted with their beauties and get a boost of energy.

4. Austrian – home comfort and family values

Austrians and Germans practically do not differ in national character traits. They are friendly and calm, putting home comfort at the forefront. If a girl decides to connect her life with an Austrian, most likely she will have to urgently master alpine skiing, since in this country only babies who cannot yet stand do not ski from the mountains. Another small feature is that in Austria they are sure that every resident has aristocratic roots and are proud of the long history of their family.

4. Swiss – stability and confidence

The Swiss are no less thorough and friendly. They have a great attitude towards emigrants, but do not like sudden changes. Therefore, they are in no hurry to marry a foreigner. It may be years before the Swiss decides to take such a step.

5. Italian - the passion of a big child

If your life lacks strong emotions, perhaps your fairy-tale prince is a resident of sultry Italy. No one else can express their inner state so violently. Life together will be full of jealousy and will not seem boring. Despite the fame of sensualists, Italians are distinguished by their constancy - for them a wife is a holy being, to whom it is customary to sing praises. Believe me, an Italian man knows how to do this, since from birth he has excellent taste and creative abilities.

Such a man can sing serenades in the middle of the night under the balcony of his chosen one or throw a scandal with breaking tableware. Therefore, it is difficult to hide from neighbors what is happening in the family. Men adore babies and pamper them excessively - this is a definite plus of marriage with a representative from Italy. However, Heaven on earth does not exist; in every barrel of honey there is a tiny fly in the ointment.

If the wife is a saint, then the mother for any Italian is at least Madonna. Already as an adult, an Italian man does not cease to be a child, bows to the woman who gave him life, and strictly follows all her advice. If you confront your mother-in-law, you will most likely lose. Therefore, you should carefully consider every step you take, constantly demonstrate how lucky you are to have met such an ideal man, and emphasize the merits of his mother.

By the way, despite the passion of his character, it is not so easy to bring an Italian to the temple. Divorce laws in this country are quite confusing, and the process of ending a marriage can take years. Therefore, the average Italian gets married late, when he realizes that this woman is ideal for the role of a wife.

6. Scandinavian is a man with a capital M!

Studying the morals of men living abroad, you involuntarily come to the conclusion that the ideal does not exist. You shouldn't make hasty conclusions. Do you dream of equality, understanding, respect? Pay attention to the representatives of the Scandinavian countries.

It is here that laws on women's equality have been worked out almost to perfection. Perhaps someone will think that the Scandinavians are too weak-willed, accustomed to looking into the mouth of their better half, and easily controlled. Everything is much simpler - Scandinavian men perceive a woman as an equal being, listen to her opinion and do not consider it shameful to engage in “ladies’” affairs. Such a spouse, if his wife’s career is more successful, may well take parental leave and devote his life to raising a child.

It should be taken into account that the Scandinavian man is faithful. As a rule, they are not interested in strangers. Do you think this is explained by your seasoned character? On the contrary, those who have had the good fortune to marry a Dane, Swede or Finn note that their husbands are quite jealous, passionate and excellent in bed.

By the way, researchers from Oxford set themselves the task of finding out what nationality a man is best suited to be a husband. Research has shown that the ideal is a Swede - a man who is ready to support his wife at any moment, help her with housework and raising children, and who does not perceive her friends as objects of sexual hunting.

Historically, we live in a country that is geographically located at the intersection of the cultures of the West and the East. Entire treatises can be devoted to the study of this phenomenon, but today we want to describe in more detail the features of the mentality of Western men.

We will begin with an explanation of the concept of “Western world”, which came to us from the times of the Roman Empire and in various historical eras many countries were called Western. Today we usually call the countries of Western Europe the West.

What is mentality? Mentality is a combination of mental, emotional and cultural characteristics. The concept of mentality is very broad and includes standards of conduct and morality, religious affiliation and much more.

Today we will talk about the mentality of European men, and I would like to note that this information is not an immutable axiom, since all people are different and, accordingly, standards of behavior may differ. Although most of us, based on watching Western films and reading literature, believe that Westerners are fundamentally more materialistic and less emotional. But this statement is erroneous, since all Europeans are accustomed to being more careful with their income, but the desire to have a good life is not a sign of greed or commercialism. Strict adherence to all laws and rules does not make people less emotional, just more disciplined. Our Slavic people may sometimes find it strange to strictly adhere to the rules, but for Europeans this is a sign of good upbringing and respect for others.

In Europe, equality of partners in marriage is considered normal, and men usually do housework equally with women. European men decide to start a family quite late, and it is generally accepted that both partners must be mature, since marriage is a very serious step that imposes not only financial, but also moral responsibility on the man. Basically, European men are not susceptible to the perception of a woman as a housewife; they respect the hobbies and professional aspirations of their other half. In the West, men take an active part in raising children and take their responsibilities very seriously, since raising the younger generation is a priority for every person.

Work occupies an important place in the life of every European; most often, it is work that men in Western Europe devote the most time to. They are very responsible in fulfilling their professional duties and are usually specialists in a narrow field with a fairly high level of remuneration. Due to their busy work schedule, most even have to arrange meetings with friends and family in advance, which is a sign of respect and good upbringing.

The attitude towards religion in Western Europe is quite tolerant, since representatives of all possible religions of the world live here. But this trend began to appear only at the end of the 20th century, although for centuries religious wars were fought throughout almost the entire territory of Europe. As we know, after the Second World War, the attitude towards the value of human life took a different turn, and a human rights convention was introduced, where every inhabitant is given the right to freedom of religion. Therefore, in Europe you can often see people of different religions living in the same neighborhood. Based on religious preferences, Europeans adhere to family traditions, which is an integral part of the personal life of any person.

Very often, men from Western Europe begin to look for a woman to start a family in Eastern European countries, but it is not only the legendary beauty of our women that attracts Western men. An attractive feature for men is the mentality of our women, where family is the main thing in a woman’s life, as well as adherence to traditions. Unlike European women, Slivyankas have not lost their femininity, and always try to look neat and attractive. In addition to all of the above, Western men have heard a lot about the breadth of the Slavic soul, and what could be more attractive to a man if not the love and warmth of his chosen one!

And in conclusion, I would like to emphasize that the facts presented in this article are generalized, so if you decide to look for a partner abroad, you will need to separately familiarize yourself with the mentality of men in the specific country from which your potential chosen one comes. You should also be prepared for the fact that some norms of behavior and habits of a Western man may be different from yours and be more tolerant in this regard. But despite possible difficulties, many couples have found each other and are happy in marriage, which indicates the reality of making your dreams come true!

The engine of the male mentality

You may not agree with me, but men are quite naive creatures. They are not like this outwardly, but deep inside.

What drives his thoughts? His reputation, his prestige, and above all in his own eyes. It consists of three components: “who am I?”, “how did I achieve this?” and “what benefits did you receive in the end?” In other words, a man cares about his status in society, his occupation and his earnings. These are the three pillars on which his self-determination stands, and therefore, until he was able to assert himself in each of these areas, to become established in a man’s understanding, you will not be able to take the most important place in his life. He won't be able to spend all his time on you! And this does not depend on what period of your relationship you have - candy-bouquet or seven years of marriage.

If you have a son, younger brother or nephew, then you probably know what instructions accompany every boy from early childhood. He is taught to be a man. He is not allowed, like girls with glasses, some small weaknesses, and the boys even tease each other: they say, whoever runs last to the next tree is a girl, whoever leaves the game first is a woman... And this is already done by elementary school students...

The boy is taught masculine behavior in the form in which it is presented in the public understanding. This behavior is quite stereotypical. But, of course, they teach children only good stereotypes (as they say, the bad ones, just like that, they will follow them themselves). If you fall, don't cry, get up and move on. Don't whine or whine over trifles. Don't talk incessantly. Do everything to be strong and resilient. Show your strength to those who decide to offend you, and in the best case, also your nobility. The older a boy gets, the more demands are placed on him associated with typically male behavior. A man must study. He must work and provide for his family. He must find his place in the sun, occupy his niche and develop a formula for success. And until he resolves all these issues for himself, women will be in second (third, fifth, tenth) place.

If on the way to his success and stability in life a man suffers a setback, even if, as it seems from the outside, a very small one, he experiences disappointment. When I was twenty-five, I was fired from a division of a well-known company, and not just well-known, but with a big name. It took me a lot of effort to come to terms with the fact that a new stage had begun in my life. The difficulty was the surprise and unplanned nature of his attack. I no longer studied at school or university, and now I was left without a job. The freedom that fell upon me meant uncertainty and the prospect of imminent lack of money: I had practically no savings at that time, and they could be stretched out for a maximum of several months. Of course, I took advantage of my freedom; there was no other way to survive. In order to get out into the world, and not just make ends meet, I tried a lot of activities. Before becoming a provincial actor and a small star of the local press, I traded in the construction materials market, sold used cars, and even opened my own retail outlet, which later turned into a mini-cafe. Then I sold all this roadside happiness and moved to another city. I dare to tell you that all this time, relationships with women, and especially the choice of a life partner, were for me, if not in last place, then certainly not far from penultimate...

But everything changed when I found myself in the theater. I can’t say that I had resolved all my questions of self-determination by that time; I just bought an apartment in the center not far from my theater. I met my first wife backstage. We worked together, played in the same musical... True, after a few years we broke up, but still this period of my life brings back more pleasant memories than sad ones.

There are men who, however, do not strive to find answers to the questions “who am I?”, “what do I do?” and “how much do I get for this?” As a rule, these are degrading individuals who do not strive to achieve any goals in life. They are apathetic, indifferent to life, and don’t want to change anything, because they are already happy with everything. And even if they are not satisfied, they are firmly convinced that everything is still in vain. No matter how you flutter, nothing good will come of it. But everything changes immediately after the first slight success. He inspires a person. Any person of any gender. And men are the same children, only older, they are inspired and motivated to succeed instantly. Having taken the first step and feeling success and recognition, they are ready to become the first in their business. Under any load, overload and reboot, they are full of desire to work. If your niche is found, then soon from the outside it seems that the matter is being done by itself, as if without visible effort on the part of its “author”. Who is he? A good specialist in his field, at least widely known in narrow circles. What does he do? Favorite thing. What does this mean? An income that allows him and his family to live fairly comfortably and make plans for the future. And now, having answered these questions for himself and being completely satisfied with the answers, the man turns his attention to those with whom, in fact, he is going to make joint plans...

The man seems to be looking around. He has his own apartment. There is a car in the yard of the house. Fresh renovations please his eyes and soul. There's always something to put on the table. Children receive a good education. The family goes on vacation to the sea once a year. On holidays, the wife, children and mother-in-law rejoice at gifts. And if you look around, not everyone has all these achievements. And he has them. Everything has been seized, everything has been paid for, and future well-being has been roughly calculated. Therefore, the man is calm. And not only for yourself, but also for your loved ones. In the eyes of his loved ones, he also looks like practically a hero; in any case, he is protection and support. A man’s conscience is clear, he understands or intuitively feels that he is fulfilling his masculine destiny, that he has become what a man should be. Note that in this situation, it doesn’t matter who exactly this man became in life: the head of a major company or a small branch, the head of a department in some office, a famous athlete or singer, the “godfather” of the mafia or, conversely, a multi-star policeman... More A man who has resolved his issues of male self-identification is also not very concerned about what country he lives in and what his occupation and position are called in the local language. All over the world, the main problems of men and people in general are, in particular, the same, if you do not take into account the likelihood of some kind of cataclysm, when everyone has a common problem.

The fact that a man is a protector, a provider, a support for someone, is not only brought up in him, but is inherent from birth, one might say, in his genes. Life can correct these natural data for the worse, I don’t argue. But if a man finds himself - “who am I?”, “what am I doing?”, “what do I get for this?” - he comes to his natural state of provider and protector. If he can afford to bring home a bag of groceries that contains meat, fish, fruits, nice chocolates for his wife and yoghurts for the children for dessert, he knows that his family will be healthy and in a good mood. If he managed to provide his family with a roof over their heads, it means that they all won’t have to live out of suitcases and freeze on the street. He goes to the store and buys boots and warm shoes for the children for the winter - now he is confident that when they go to school and lyceum, they will not get their feet wet, their toes will not get frostbitten, or they will not catch a cold. It is important for a man to feel that his woman, his family, not only has him, is not just attached to them, but that these people are immensely grateful to him, they love and appreciate him. And he even answers himself in advance the question of why. But first he answers the first three questions. Otherwise, his opportunities are blocked or limited, and he ceases to feel like a man.

Since childhood, boys have a competitive spirit. Teachers working with young children know that boys are more likely than girls to organize various competitions among themselves. Growing up, they do not become different. They still want to win, conquer, be the first, the best... Of course, there are also women who strive to be “number one” in their business, but there are much fewer of them. And almost all of them are men. This is their psychology, and this is their formula for success. In general, men are more straightforward in their goals: he needs it - he won’t go gardening, but trample like a tank.

For a man, for his pride and self-esteem, it is very important to be the most important and the best in at least one area of life. It is important for us not just to be first, but to show it to others, to emphasize our successes, if you want, I’ll be honest: to brag about them. If you don’t do this, then what if other people won’t notice us as the first?!

This is why we spend a lot of time away from home and away from you. It is extremely important for us to succeed in business. We need to be noticed, to be appreciated for what we have achieved by becoming leaders and stars. You reproach us for not being around while we hunt for our prey. It is also intended for you, because we cannot live without it. In achievements for you we see the meaning of life for ourselves.

We are not always present exactly where we would ideally like to be. But a woman should know that a man always tries to choose the right direction in accordance with his plans and goals. Otherwise, his mood becomes bad. It’s not always possible to get a man to talk; we don’t like to hang our problems on you and complain to you. We love to succeed in your eyes.

In order to become for you what he wants to become, a man must decide for himself three important questions: who am I, what do I do and what do I get for it. If this self-determination has not yet occurred, it will be difficult for him to simply be with you. Among men there are much fewer dreamers than among women who are able to sit and soar in the clouds. Most prefer to act here and now. But many women don't understand this. It seems to them that the main thing is feelings, and only then your joint plans with him appear, which you will implement together. A noble goal, to be sure. The man's life status does not concern the woman in this case. She hopes to create something out of it herself. But this doesn't happen very often. For some reason he refuses to become clay in her hands. He strives to take the form that he himself deems necessary, on his own. Since ancient times, all men are hunters at heart, while women, as is known, not only kept the hearth, but also gathered. You are ready to collect your and his stability literally bit by bit, but he thinks differently - give him a real chase and tracking down prey. And all the time until he reaches his goal - who to become, how to earn money, what to brag about to gain authority - you will not coincide with this goal, finding yourself in a different coordinate system for a long or short time.

"So what's up? You just have to keep two goals in mind!” - most women will say, because it is the female ability to do several things at the same time that often works wonders and supports everyday life. But men can’t do that; they need to concentrate their regiments on one front line for victory. But they will do this one thing globally and thoroughly. And then they will throw their trophies at your feet...

Are you already desperate reading these lines and are thinking about how wrong the author is - after all, you don’t want to wait half your life for your man’s success? You're right about the timing, but you won't need half your life. It would be sad to waste so much time waiting. Know that the most important thing for a man is not to become a millionaire immediately and not to make a career instantly. And things like that. No, for him the dynamics of the process are more important. That is, if he sees that everything is going as it should, things are moving, everything planned is slowly being implemented, he will calm down and think about everything else. And if everything else is possible for him without a woman, then, I dare to assure you, it will not take as much time as you think.

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Steve Harvey Act like a woman, think like a man

This book is dedicated to all women. I hope to equip you with a vision and understanding of the male mentality.

PREFACE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MEN AND RELATIONS WITH THEM

For over twenty years I've made my living by amusing people and making them laugh - at themselves, at each other, at family, friends and, of course, at passion, sex and relations between the sexes. My humor is always based on the truth of life, and it is always full of wisdom - that which comes with life experience, observations, study and knowledge of people and the world around us. They say my jokes resonate well with people because they can see themselves in them, especially those relating to relationships between men and women. It never ceases to amaze me how much people talk, think, read and ask about them - and even enter into these relationships without any idea how to develop them. If I have discovered anything interesting during my travels through this God-given land, it is this:

a) too many women do not understand men at all;

b) men get away with too much because their women have failed to understand them;

c) I have valuable information that will change the situation.

I discovered this when I hosted the morning radio show, The Steve Harvey Show. When the show was in Los Angeles, I created an “Ask Steve” section where women could call and ask any questions. Absolutely any. I figured that at the very least, Ask Steve would turn into a good comedy show, and at first it was - it was all about jokes. But I soon realized that in fact my listeners, mostly women, were not laughing at all. They tried to solve dozens of problems: dating men, partnership obligations, security, family property, hopes for the future, spirituality, difficulties with relatives, issues of physical attractiveness, aging, friendship, children, balance between work and home, education... There was no topic, which they would not touch. But most of all, women were interested - as you might guess - in men.

In "Ask Steve" and later in the segment on the current version of "The Steve Harvey Morning Show" called "Strawberry Letters," women make it clear that they want reciprocity in their relationships with men: they want their love to be responded to equally; want the romantic sacrifices they make for their potential partners to be justified; so that their overwhelming feelings are responded to with similar passion; and that the special significance they attach to these obligations is equally accepted, valued and respected.

The problem with most women who call me is that they simply do not receive reciprocity from men, which makes them feel broken, lost, and disappointed.

When the jokes are over, the microphone is muted, and the studio lights go dark, I think about women's issues and get lost - lost because, although my listeners have some experience in communicating with men (as friends, boyfriends, lovers, husbands , fathers, brothers or colleagues), they still sincerely want to know how to get the love they crave, need and deserve. I have come to the conclusion that the truth they are trying to find is not nearly as obvious to them as it is to us men. Despite all their efforts, they cannot understand us.

Realizing this, I stopped making fun of my audience and became very serious - I began to share worldly wisdom about relationships with men, wisdom accumulated as a result of more than half a century of work on the topic: how to be a man. I've had long conversations about this with my friends: athletes, movie and TV stars, insurance brokers and bankers, truck drivers, basketball coaches, pastors and ministers, Boy Scout leaders, store managers, former and current prisoners, and even crooks. We all have one thing in common: we are very simple people, and we all think, in general, the same way.

When I put my answers through a masculine lens, my female audience begins to realize why the complexities and nuances they bring to their relationships with the opposite sex are not actually serving them well. I immediately show them that in this matter they should not expect a female reaction from men. And then they realize that insight and knowledge of how to communicate with men on their terms, on their territory and taking into account their mentality, can in turn bring women exactly what they want.

The advice I gave to callers on "Ask Steve" became so popular that my fans - both women and men - began asking when I would write a book about gender relations - a book that would teach women how to establish strong, secure relationships, and will show men who are ready for such relationships how to be recognized for what they can and are willing to bring to the relationship. I admit: at first I didn’t see much point in such a book. Well, what can I add to this topic, besides the answers that I give to an audience of millions every morning? And more broadly: how can I be taken seriously? Hey, I'm not a writer.

But then I thought about the relationships I was developing in my life, talked to some of my male friends, my female co-workers and assistants, and held some informal focus groups. I took a closer look at how these relationships affect each of us and especially myself. My father? He was married to my mother for sixty-four years. My mother was invaluable to him. And she was priceless to me - she is the main person in my life.

My wife and my children are equally valuable to me. My girls and my concern for their future inspire me to write this book. They will grow up and strive to achieve the same dreams as most women: Husband, Children, Home, Happy Life, True Love. And I desperately want my children not to be misled by the men's self-serving and self-centered games that we all tend to show to the world until we become the men God wants us to be.

I know - thanks to my mother, wife and daughters, and thanks to millions of my listeners: women need a mediator, someone who will help them solve problems and get what they need. I decided that I could be the guy who would jump over the fence that separates us and say, “I’m going to tell you the secrets of men—the things that we want you to know about us, but that we’re afraid of.” because we may lose this game.”

Essentially, Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man lays out the tactics for this game. Remember when the New England Patriots were accused of one of the biggest frauds in NFL history a few years ago? Investigators discovered that the football team was secretly filming future opponents' practices and recording coaching instructions in order to study their tactics, which would give them a clear advantage in future games. Of course, the Patriots' dirty methods benefited them just as much as if they had openly studied the tactics and strategies of their opponents. With this advantage, the Patriots could easily win.

This is exactly what I want for the women who read this book. I want every woman who wants a holistic relationship but just doesn't know how to achieve it, and also that those women who have already found such a relationship and are trying to figure out how to make it more beautiful, would forget everything that they once... or talked about men. I want them to break away from the myths and all the heresies, from everything that their mothers and girlfriends told them, from all the advice that magazines and television give - so that they find out in these pages what men really are.

Men expect you to still get advice from other women who don't know men's tactics and the way we think. “Act like a woman, think like a man” will help change this situation. If you're dating a man and want to learn how to take your relationship to the next level, this book is for you. If you are in a serious relationship and want to see a ring on your hand, this book is for you. If you are married and want to settle your relationship and strengthen your marriage bond, or if you are tired of being played with, I want you to use this book as a guide to help you anticipate your man's tactics and strategies and respond to his actions. so that he will not be able to resist you.

PART 1. MALE MENTALITY 1. WHAT MOVES MEN

There is no statement truer than this: men are simple-minded. Once you understand this, everything you learn about us from this book will become simple and obvious. Once you realize this, the next important truth will become clear to you: a man is driven by his self-image, his occupation and his income. It doesn't matter if he's a president, a criminal, or both. Everything a man does is judged by his “rank” (who he is), the way he achieved that “rank” (his occupation), and the reward he receives for his efforts (his income).

These three things form the basis of the DNA of manhood - these are the three peaks that every man must conquer before he feels that he has truly succeeded as a man. And until the guy you're dating, committed to, or married to finds his place in these three areas, he'll be too busy to focus solely on you.

Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, everyone around him begins to explain what he must do to grow up to be a real man. He is taught to be resilient: to fight, to climb mountains, to get up after falling without crying, and not to let anyone hurt him. He is taught to work: to help his mother carry bags of groceries, take out the trash, shovel snow, mow the lawn - but when he grows up, he must find a job.

He is taught to be an intercessor - to protect his mother, younger brothers and sisters, to look after the house and family property. And he is especially encouraged to glorify his family: to become such a man, if he appeared in society, everyone would know who he is, what he does and how wealthy he is. All this is taught to a boy in order to prepare him for one thing - manhood.

The desire for this does not stop even after the boy grows up. Moreover: it is intensifying. He will always be focused on who he is, what he does, and how wealthy he is until he completes his mission. And until a man is realized in these three things, women will remain on the periphery of his life. I'm not saying that he needs to succeed in this, but at least he should strive for it.

This is exactly what happened in my case. I will never forget the disappointment I felt when I was fired from the Ford Automobile Company in my early twenties.

I was no longer in college, and now I was out of work. I barely had enough money to feed myself, let alone my family. My future was vague - I didn’t know what to do, how much I would earn, or who I would be.

The titles “college graduate” and “Ford inspector” are gone; the lack of any work meant that my chances of bringing good money into the house were reduced to zero; Yes, I had no idea how I was going to earn money. It took me a while to find my feet. I've tried a lot: I was the owner of a carpet cleaning company; sold it; sold Amway products, dietary supplements and insurance. God, what did I do to make ends meet? Serious relationships with women were the last thing on my mind.

And then one evening, a woman for whom I used to write jokes encouraged me to go to a local comedy club and take part in a comedy night. You see, I knew I could make people laugh: I was already making some money - oh, very little - writing for comedians trying to take the national stage by storm. But I had absolutely no idea how I could get into these areas myself. However, this woman saw something in me and advised me to go on stage.

And I went out. And he blew everyone away. I won $50, which might not be a big deal today, but back then I was broke, and to me it was $5,000 for telling jokes. I was also guaranteed another $50 if, as the winner, I opened an amateur comedian night the following week.

The next day, I spent $15 of my winnings by printing business cards with my name, “Steve Harvey, Comedian,” and my phone number. They were flat and thin and did not have any raised lettering, but stated that I was Steve Harvey (who I am) and that I had a special talent in the field of humor (what I do). How much I would earn was still unclear, but at least I had figured out the first two points of male identification.

If a man does not strive to realize his dreams, if he does not do everything to find out “who he is,” “what he does,” and “how much he earns,” he is doomed. Dead. But as soon as he copes with this task and feels that his dreams are coming true, he seems to gain a new life - and this fills him with energy, inspires and revitalizes him. When I became a comedian, I immediately stepped onto the stage ready to be the best of the best.

Even today, no matter how tired I am, no matter what happens in my life, I am never late for work and have not missed a single performance. Why? Because when I wake up, my dream is always with me; I see it embodied every day, whether on radio, television or on stage. Who I am is clear: I am Steve Harvey. What I do, too: humor. And my income matches what I always wanted for my family and for myself.

very simple, but at the same time logical and consistent. This “knocks” women out of their plans for life a little, since they are more flexible and capable of jumping over some stages of development, catching up with them later, “in hindsight.” For men, everything must be built in a certain order, otherwise they do not see the point of creating some stage in their lives. Therefore, having decided on some points and understanding their essence, you can calmly treat plans that have not yet been implemented.

There are three things that every real man constantly tries to achieve and determine for himself: his own idea of himself (who he is), the way he realizes himself (his work or business) and the level of income he receives (money). Without realizing and defining these three things for himself personally, a man cannot resolve any other issues.

1st criterion of male self-esteem

His own self-image, or who a man is or what position he occupies, is the first and most important thing that worries a man. If he is homeless and unemployed, then he will not think about anything else except finding a place where he can realize himself. Men always try to be first, secretly entering the race for the main prize. Therefore, until he becomes who he sees himself, he will not be able to build a family, relationships with women, or life in general.

2nd criterion of male self-esteem

The work, or the way it is implemented, also plays an important role. Many men become irritated and aggressive if they do not do what they would like to do or do not occupy the position they aspire to. Various family problems, when the husband stays long at work, does not do household chores, and does not pay due attention to his wife and children, are a by-product of the man’s dissatisfaction with his affairs in the work sphere. He has a certain picture in his head, but has not yet realized it in real life. Therefore, he begins to get nervous and look for all sorts of ways to resolve the matter, not paying attention to other pressing problems.

3rd criterion of male self-esteem

Salary is a kind of prize that tells a man what he has achieved and what he has not achieved. Many representatives of the stronger sex are horrified by those situations when they go out into the street and have 150 rubles in their pocket or wallet. For a woman, this state of affairs will not cause long-term remorse, but for a man, it can be a death sentence. Therefore, until your stronger half can clearly say to himself that he is able to provide himself, you and your family with everything necessary, he will not be able to do anything more. Money is a certain indicator of a man’s wealth, how much he has grown in his own eyes, and therefore in the eyes of other people, especially men (after all, each of them wants to be the first and better than others).

Knowing these three criteria that motivate men, you can help them and support them at some points. If your man does not pay attention to your relationship or even your appearance, then it is better to ask about his problems that are gnawing at him, rather than being offended in vain.