It is impossible to prepare for death. Every person has experienced the loss of loved ones, family members, so many people are familiar with the pain of loss.

But often we do not know how to reassure and support the grieving person, how to express words of condolences in connection with the death of his loved ones.

note! It is imperative to offer condolences to a grieving person. This is a tribute.

But it is worth remembering that after the death of loved ones, people are in a stressful, shock state. Words of condolences regarding death are chosen carefully and carefully.

Examples of condolences on the occasion of death in your own words to the relatives of the deceased:

1. “I was shocked by the event. It is difficult to accept and come to terms with it.
2. “Let me share the pain of loss with you.”
3. “The news of his death was a terrible blow.”
4. “I sympathize with your pain.”
5. “We are sorry for your loss.”
6. “My condolences.”
7. “I was shocked by his death. I will pray for his soul."
8. “The deceased meant a lot to us, it’s a pity that he left us.”
9. “Grief cannot be expressed in words, but you can always count on our support in difficult times.”
10. "We mourn with you."

Sometimes it is better to briefly express grief.

Short and sincere words of sympathy:

1. "Hold on."
2. “Be strong.”
3. "I'm sorry".
4. "My condolences".
5. "Sorry".
6. "It's a tough loss."

If the person grieving deeply believes in God, then the following words of sorrow are spoken:

1. "The Kingdom of heaven".
2. "Rest in peace".
3. “Lord, rest with the Saints!”
4. "May peace be upon his ashes."
5. "Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven."

Table: rules for presenting words of condolences

What not to say

Everyone wants to support the bereaved. But there are a number of words and expressions that are not appropriate at a funeral. Expressions can cause anger, aggression, and resentment.

What not to do:

1. Comfort with the future. When your baby dies, don’t say “you’re still young, give birth again.” It's tactless.

   It is difficult for parents to accept the loss of their own child, because they rejoiced at him and dreamed of the future.

   The words “don’t worry, you’re young, you’re still getting married” sound “like saying goodbye to your beloved.” It's cruel. For people who have lost children, spouses, parents at the time of their funeral, there is no future.

   They are not ready to think about it. Their pain at the time of loss is intense and painful.

2. Look for the extreme. If there is a culprit in the death, do not remind about it. It is forbidden to say what would have happened if they had acted differently. It is not recommended to blame the deceased.

   Examples: “it was his own fault, he drank a lot of alcohol,” “this is his punishment for his sins.” Do not defame the memory of the deceased, because it is not for nothing that they say that one should only speak well of the dead.

3. Ask you to stop crying. The mourner must mourn the deceased and calm the soul.

Prohibited phrases:

1. « Death has taken its toll, don't shed your tears" A person in a phase of acute shock does not completely understand what happened, that his loved one has passed away forever. Such words sound cruel.
2. « Don't worry, everything will work out" - sounds like a fairy tale or a cruel mockery. The person is not ready to accept such a statement; he does not believe that the pain will go away and life will get better.
3. « Time cures" Even time cannot heal mental wounds. The pain of loss will always be there. Any person who has experienced death will confirm this.
4. « So he suffered, he feels good there" If the deceased was very ill, then words are unlikely to calm the mourner.

   He has one desire - to see his loved one nearby, and not to think that he is happy in heaven.

5. « Think about it, it’s even worse for others, at least you still have family" Don't use comparisons. Respect the person's pain.
6. « I understand how much it hurts" is a common and tactless phrase. Understanding a mourner is difficult.

Never devalue a loss with the words “it’s good that you weren’t hurt”, “think about your children, parents”, etc.

For those who mourn, death is a shock to life. He is not ready to look for positive aspects in the loss of loved ones.

Important! It is worth remembering that condolences are offered from the heart. But this does not mean that you are allowed to say whatever comes to mind.

Grieving people do not perceive reality well, their subconscious is clouded with grief and resentment, so you should not provoke the person.

During the shock phase, one should not be interested in the details of the death of the deceased.

Condolences in writing

Don't condole:

• In verse.
• By SMS.

This is neglect. A funeral is not a place for poetry, and it is better to replace an SMS with a phone call. If you can’t call, you can express your condolences in writing.

Sample text:

• « We deeply mourn the death of the deceased. He was an amazing, kind and well-mannered person, surprising with his joy and spontaneity.

  It’s difficult to write, my hand can’t hold a pen due to grief, but I still have to. We are sorry that this happened, but we are happy that fate brought us together with such an amazing person. Peace be upon him on earth and in heaven.”

• « The news of the loss struck my mind. I convey my condolences and express my deep respect to the deceased.”
• « It’s difficult to find words when a storm and the bitterness of loss are raging in your soul.. I can't believe this happened. Our condolences. We are praying for him."

Choose sensitive phrases that do not go beyond morality. The text should briefly acknowledge the loss and support the relatives of the deceased.

When writing a letter to relatives, describe the memories associated with it. When writing a text to a colleague, remember his business and personal qualities.

Useful video

Related Posts

Many friends and relatives want to support in difficult times, but it is often difficult to find any words of support. It seems that by saying a word you will only make the person worse, but on the other hand, it is impossible not to support. That is why we will look at how to support a person after the death of his loved one.

How to behave in difficult times

To behave correctly in such a situation, let’s use the advice of psychologists:

• Do it sincerely and in a timely manner. Remember that if you expressed condolences after a long time, or did it for the sake of formality, then the person will understand it.
• Offer help that you can actually implement. After tragic events, at first a person cannot always perform even everyday tasks. Help your loved ones, offer, for example, to take your children to kindergarten, help in notifying other relatives, organizing funerals, etc.
• Better not leave the grieving person alone. A person who has lost a loved one is in many different psycho-emotional states. You may not ease the grief, but you can control this period so that things don’t get worse.
• It's not always worth saying something. After your first phrase of condolence, the mourner may want to speak out. It is important to let him do this and not bother him with unnecessary advice and thoughts.
• Help us understand grief. It is almost impossible to fight grief; the person will not be brought back and the grief will not go away. Therefore, it is important to help accept it and live with it further. Advice about being stronger does not always have the desired effect, just let the person survive his misfortune.
• Be tolerant. After a strong emotional shock, which manifests itself in grieving people, they may develop anger towards everyone around them. Be patient and don't take things personally.
• Help with preparation. It will be easier for the mourner if you help with the planning and organization of the funeral and memorial days.
• Watch your health. It's no secret that emotional shock can also affect your health. In this case, if a person has pain in the heart area, or there is sudden change temperature and pressure, it is better to go to the hospital. It is better not to delay this, especially if the person has previously had heart-related diseases.

Got into difficult situation? We will help you say goodbye to your loved one with dignity.

Correct expression of words of condolences

At such moments it is difficult to say something, and even more so to correctly and consciously formulate your thoughts, so it is important to understand how to present it correctly .

• First of all, don't be afraid of your feelings.. True sincerity will be a better option than beautiful but insincere words. An offer of help is also a word of condolences. The person will be pleased that you are ready to help him.
• If a person is a believer, then It wouldn’t hurt to pray for the repose of the soul together with the mourner. A joint ritual will help you get closer to the person.
• After saying condolences, you can talk to the person. For example, you can remember events that were associated with this person. It's good that these events are shown good qualities this man.
• Despite the fact that words of condolences are a rather important element of grief, It’s better not to drag out speeches into long monologues. The mourner will simply get tired of listening to you, but he already has something to think about.

Famous words of condolences on death

Trouble can creep up suddenly, so if something happens, it’s better to know what to say. Here are some of the most famous condolence phrases:

• I mourn with you, please accept my condolences.
• It is impossible to find words to fully express my sympathy. My condolences
• This event was simply shocking. It's hard to come to terms with this
• It is difficult to verbally express this pain of loss.

If your mother or grandmother died

• She will take care of you even in the next world. In memory of (mother, grandmother) you need to hold on. Everlasting memory.
• I sympathize with your misfortune and empathize. We will remember the name (mother, grandmother) only kind words.
• It is impossible to fully comprehend that (name) is gone, but she will forever remain in our hearts. It's hard to accept this.

Condolences for the loss of a father or grandfather

• We will keep only fond memories of him.
• It's hard to really comprehend this grief. I sympathize with your grief.
• Your father was a truly strong man. Be wise and strong like him, finish what he didn’t have time to do.

If the husband died

• There is not enough strength to cope with such grief. But we must not forget that life goes on and he would like you to be happy. Your love will remain eternal!.
• My condolences with all my heart. You were together for a long time, it’s hard to even imagine that he’s gone now. Don’t lose yourself, remember about your children, they also need help to survive this grief. I will help you.
• It's difficult to find the right words. (Name) cannot be returned, but remember that we are always there and will help at any moment.
• Of course, (Name) cannot be returned, and the loss cannot be compensated. Let us remember with a kind word. If you need anything, be sure to contact us.

Words of support upon the death of a friend or brother.

• I remember you when you were little, you were often together. We will remember him until the end. As long as you are alive, we will always remember this.
• It is a pity to realize the loss of a person who has not yet seen so much. Let us remember only with kind words.
• It’s difficult to come to terms with such a loss, then you hold on for yourself and for the sake of your loved ones, together you are stronger.

Condolences in writing

It also happens that you cannot meet the grieving person in person, and a telephone call is either impossible or inappropriate. In this case, words of comfort in writing come to mind. Of course, it all depends on the situation; in some cases it is still better to call, however, etiquette standards do not prohibit this. It is better to send such words in the first days after death, or at least after you learn about death. At the same time, you cannot do this on postcards on the day of burial.

This type of condolence usually comes with more responsibility. After all, you are not doing this on the fly, you have to think everything over. Therefore, phrases of grief can be a little more authentic; do not forget to express condolences, note the strengths of the deceased and encourage the mourner.

• This is truly a big loss for all of us. It's difficult to fully express my condolences. We remember him (her) as a strong, cheerful and sympathetic person. Please accept our condolences, we are with you."
• It's hard to fully comprehend that (Name) is truly gone. I remember him as a pleasant and respected person, and I think many saw him the same way. I express my condolences, hang in there and be strong.”
• Deep sorrow passed through our hearts. Indeed, it is difficult to say goodbye to such a person. I sympathize with you with all my heart, and if anything happens, I’m ready to provide any support.”

In the age of information technology, words of condolences can be sent not only by mail, but also via the Internet. Of course, SMS messages, social media and messengers are sometimes not the best the best option, however, is still acceptable in many cases.

What's better not to say

Many people at a conscious age have not had close encounters with death, and therefore they do not know how best to express their grief. Even with the best intentions, sometimes fatal mistakes are made when expressing condolences, which will only make things worse for the mourner and can ruin relationships between people.

Psychologists strongly advise against using such sayings:

Words about the future. A person who has lost a loved one cannot now think about any future, new plans or anything else. He only has the here and now, and in this now his loved one has died. Such words will be even more inappropriate when the parents’ child has died, and they are consoled that they will still have a child in the future.

Don't look for someone to blame. There is no need to look for extremes either in the form of the deceased himself or in the form of other people. It is forbidden to say that if someone had done wrong, he would now be left with his life. In addition, there is no need to say that he drank all his life and died early,” there is no need to speak badly about the dead, especially during the mourning period.

Is it worth expressing condolences in the form of poetry?

During such a period, it also happens that emotions, on the contrary, are difficult to contain, and it is quite possible to write a play or poem. In this case, the question arises: Is it worth expressing condolences in the form of poetry? In more cases, it’s still not worth it; condolences should be simple and understandable. Now the mourner does not have the strength to comprehend any complex works; he perceives only emotions.

However, there is an option when this is acceptable. For example, the deceased and his relatives were engaged, for example, in writing poetry. Or they were deeply well-read people, adored the classics and attended literary circles. In this case it may be appropriate, but again it's best not to overdo it. It is better to write a quatrain, a maximum of two quatrains, you should not leave double meanings, maximum light metaphors.

Is it worth writing an SMS with condolences?

Answering the question: Is it worth writing an SMS with condolences, let's say that in most cases it is better to at least call. Still, this method in most cases looks like a formality that you did for the sake of decency. However, again it all depends on the situation.

For example, if you are not a close acquaintance, and you feel that talking to you can only make things worse, then it is better to actually write a message. The same applies to those moments when a person simply hates talking on the phone. The correct presentation will allow you to make this moment not as an unsubscribe, but as a special gesture that you made in favor of the mourner.

An example of a message could be: I learned about your loss, I could not remain silent and I want to express my sincere condolences. I thought about calling or not, but I remembered that you don’t really like phone calls. If you need anything, be sure to contact us. Hold on for yourself and your loved ones, I know you are strong and can handle this.

You might find it interesting.

The culture of condolences has almost been lost in our society. News feeds are full of news about death, but it is not customary for us to talk about death as part of everyday human experience. However, this can be learned... The head of the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Patriarchal Metochion - the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya told the guests of the anniversary XXV International Christmas Educational Readings about how to speak correctly with a person in a situation of severe loss.

Share the mourner's pain

First of all, you need to understand that sympathy is not a ritual or empty words, but a joint feeling, and condolences are a “shared illness.” By expressing condolences, we make an attempt to take on part of someone else's pain. Condolences can be either oral or written. Just don’t do this in the form of SMS messages - for many, this form of expressing sympathy can simply offend.

Condolence is not easy. Condolence is a risk. Behind the words of sympathy there must be work of the soul; we must be prepared for discomfort, for the fact that a person overwhelmed by grief may react sharply to our words and actions. It must be remembered that unsuccessful forms of expressing sympathy, callous formal words can cause him additional pain, and the invaluable resource of internal strength will be spent not on overcoming the pain of loss, but on… “not killing the sympathizer”…

The sympathizer should not restrain himself in expressing his feelings. It is very effective at such a moment to simply touch the grieving person, hug him, cry next to him, warmly shake his hand. Now, unfortunately, it is not customary to do this, but experience shows that it is much stronger than words. But at the same time, you need to maintain control over yourself in your behavior with the mourner.

To find the necessary sincere words of consolation, you need to think about your attitude towards the deceased, remember the most important points his life, remember what he taught, how he helped and what joys he brought into your life. You need to think about the degree of loss and the history of the development of relations with the deceased of those people to whom you are going to express condolences, try to feel their inner state, their feelings.

In word, deed, prayer

We must remember that condolences are not only words, but also actions that can alleviate the situation of a neighbor. Words without deeds are dead. Real help gives words weight and sincerity. Deeds make life easier for the grieving person, and also allow the sympathizer to do a good deed. Only words, even the best and most correct ones, are like a car with a steering wheel but no wheels; real action helps everyone cope with a difficult situation. Do not hesitate to offer help to the grieving person, find out what exactly you can do to support him. We can offer financial assistance, help with housework, in organizing funerals... And we will also really help a family where grief has occurred if we take the trouble to take care of the children living in this family. Children, at a time when adults are immersed in loss and worries about burial, often find themselves abandoned to the mercy of fate. The child reacts to death with a delay, he may not outwardly express his emotions at all, so it will seem that he is coping perfectly well on his own, and yet it is the children in this situation who are the weakest link. Grief can overtake a child in six months, and those around him will not even understand why he behaves so strangely. This is extremely important: children in this situation should not be left to their own devices.

Sometimes mourners refuse help. There is no need to regard such a refusal as a personal attack against you. A person in this state cannot always correctly assess the situation.

You can help by deed, not only by providing material and organizational assistance, although this is also necessary. Our task can and should be prayer - both for the deceased and for the mourner. You can pray not only at home, but also in church, and submit notes for commemoration. You need to tell the mourner that you will pray, thereby you show that you do not stop communicating with the deceased, that even after death you continue to love him.

Reconcile with the departed

Sometimes our resentment toward the deceased or his relatives prevents us from expressing sincere condolences. In such a state, it is, of course, impossible to express sympathy. Reconciliation is necessary, otherwise our everyday words will cause additional mental trauma to the mourner. And if we forgive the offense from the bottom of our hearts, then the right words will come by themselves.

Here it is appropriate to briefly and tactfully ask for forgiveness for what you consider yourself to be guilty of before the deceased, admit your mistake to relatives and say that you are very grieved that you cannot apologize to him personally.

If nothing comes to mind...

If you need to say something, but the right words just don’t come to mind, you can say some standard phrases, which, of course, will not contain warmth, but which, at least, will not hurt the grieving.

“He meant a lot to me and to you, I mourn with you.”

“Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth. Let's pray for him."

“There are no words to express your sorrow. He meant a lot in your life and mine. Never forget".

“It’s very hard to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me."

“I’m very sorry, please accept my condolences. If I can do anything for you, I will be very glad. I would like to offer my help. I would be happy to help you..."

“Unfortunately, in this imperfect world we have to experience this. He was a bright man whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.”

“This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. Of course, it’s harder for you now than anyone else. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together."

“Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my bickering and quarrels with this bright and dear person were. Excuse me! I mourn with you."

“This is a huge loss and a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him.”

“It’s hard to put into words how much good he did for me. All our differences are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry with me throughout my life.”

How not to express condolences

It is necessary to avoid in every possible way in condolences pomposity, pathos, theatricality. A brief unsubscribe via SMS is one extreme. But there is another way - to send a long ornate message in verse, which can be found on the Internet in two minutes. Both are equally tactless, and the basis of these two mistakes is the same problem - the unwillingness to work with the soul. We are often prevented from showing sympathy by elementary selfishness, fear of disturbing our own spiritual comfort, as well as a lack of understanding that accepting grief has its own stages.

Completely inappropriate for condolences consolation for the future. “Time will pass, you will give birth again,” “You are beautiful, then you will get married”... The person has not yet really realized his loss, has not mourned the deceased. Maybe in a year it will be possible to say to this girl: “Look, you are so beautiful, take comfort, there will still be family happiness in your life.” But now the grieving person is not interested in the future; the pain of loss in the present is too strong.

Very common is ban on grief: “Don’t cry, everything will pass.” Or even worse: “Don’t cry, you’ll kill the dead,” “You can’t cry, you’ll anger God,” and even “You’re now neutralizing prayer with tears.” You need to understand that in this situation the principle “don’t cry, it will heal before the wedding” does not work. The mourner will simply hide his emotions and withdraw into himself, which can lead to very severe psychological breakdowns in the future. Usually, a ban on grief arises precisely because of “sympathizers” who are traumatized by the emotions and experiences of the grieving person.

Completely unacceptable devaluation and rationalization of loss: “It’s better for him, he was sick and suffered,” “It’s good that his mother wasn’t hurt,” “It’s hard, but you still have children,” “He died because he would have become a bandit.”

Should be avoided at all costs comparisons of losses: “It’s even worse for others,” “You’re not the only one.” A grieving person cannot compare his pain with the pain of others.

And of course, under no circumstances should you put pressure on a person's feelings of guilt: “Eh, if we had sent him to the doctor...”, “Why didn’t we pay attention to the symptoms,” “If you hadn’t left, then perhaps this wouldn’t have happened.”

Listening to Mikhail Khasminsky’s speech, I remembered my loss. The news of my father's death caught me two years ago on a train, when I was already approaching my destination. I knew that dad was terminally ill, but I still hoped... My God, for what?! Why did I even go? I remember at that moment for some reason I was afraid to shock my neighbors in the reserved seat car with my tears. But they treated my grief with understanding. And I will never forget how one girl - I didn’t even recognize her name - simply shook my hand tightly and whispered only one word: “Condolences”...

Newspaper "Orthodox Faith" No. 04 (576)

12 186 968 0

We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and holiday events. But there are events of a tragic nature - the death of a loved one, for example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss; for most, such events are beyond acceptance and awareness.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely aware of insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to relieve it, accept it, come to terms with it, but in no case add to the pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word or incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing delicate understanding, than to cause additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, or touch nerves overloaded with emotions.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation where the person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to properly sympathize and choose the right words so that the person feels your support and sincere sympathy.

It is necessary to take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

• Grandparents, relatives;
• mother or father;
• brother or sister;
• son or daughter - child;
• husband or wife;
• boyfriend or girlfriend;
• colleagues, employee.

Because the depth of experience varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person’s feelings about what happened:

• Imminent death due to old age;
• imminent death due to serious illness;
• premature, sudden death;
• tragic death, accident.

But there is the main thing general condition, regardless of the cause of death - genuine sincerity in expressing your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article we will provide samples and examples. various forms expressing condolences, we will help you choose mournful words.

You will need:

Form and method of presentation

Condolences will be distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on its purpose.

Purpose:

1. Personal individual condolences to family and friends.
2. Official individual or collective.
3. Obituary in the newspaper.
4. Farewell mourning words at the funeral.
5. Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, on the anniversary.

Serving method:

The timeliness factor is important, so the postal delivery method should only be used to send a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to offer your condolences is to use modern communication tools: email, Skype, Viber..., but they are suitable for confident Internet users, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is only acceptable if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is distant acquaintance or formal friendly relations. Use this link to get it for different occasions.

Submission form:

In writing:

• Telegram;
• email;
• e-card;
• obituary - a mourning note in a newspaper.

In oral form:

• In a telephone conversation;
• in person.

In prose: Suitable for written and oral expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for written expressions of grief.

Important points

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

• It is more delicate to express official condolences in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can choose a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
• Personal individual condolences must be exclusive and can be expressed either verbally or in writing.
• For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write sorrowful condolences in your own sincere words, not formal, which means not stereotyped.
• Since poems are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will tell you words of consolation and support.
• Not only words of condolences should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that is within your power: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to preserve in memory forever as an example: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty...

This will be the individual part of the condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.

Universal mournful texts

1. “May the earth rest in peace” is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a burial has taken place; it can be used as a condolence at a funeral service; it is suitable even for atheists.
2. “We all mourn your irreparable loss.”
3. “The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words.”
4. “I sincerely condole and sympathize with your grief.”
5. “Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a dear person.”
6. “We will keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful man.”

Help can be offered in the following words:

• “We are ready to share the severity of your grief, be by your side and provide the necessary assistance to you and your family.”
• “Surely, you will need to resolve many issues. You can count on us, accept our help."

On the death of mother, grandmother

1. “The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief.”
2. “The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts.”
3. “How much we didn’t have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
4. “We sincerely mourn and sympathize with you in this bitter moment.”
5. “Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

• “I offer my sincere condolences and express my deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one who was a reliable support for you and your family.”
• “In memory of this strong man, you must show fortitude and wisdom to survive this grief and continue what he did not have time to complete.”
• “We will carry the bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.”

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

1. “It is painful to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
2. “Allow me to express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of this severe, irreparable loss!”
3. “Now you will have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hang in there!”
4. “God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
5. “For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look into the future.”
6. “Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!”
7. “Happy memory to a wonderful man!”
8. “He will forever remain in our hearts!”

If you are at a distance, find out via SMS. Select the appropriate message and send to the recipient.

On the death of a colleague

• “We've worked side by side for the last few years. He was an excellent colleague and example for young colleagues. His professionalism served as an example for many. You will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom and honesty. May you rest in peace!”
• “Her/his dedication to her work earned her/him the respect and love of all who knew her/him. He/She will forever remain in my memory."
• “You were a wonderful employee and friend. How we will miss you. May you rest in peace!”
• “I can’t come to terms with the thought that you’re gone. It seems like just recently we were drinking coffee, discussing work and laughing... I will really miss you, your advice and crazy ideas.”

To the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

• Ritual phrase:

“The kingdom of heaven and eternal peace!”
"God is merciful!"

My dear, I really sympathize with your grief. My condolences... Be strong!
- Friend, I mourn your loss. I know this is a difficult blow for you and your family. I offer my sincere condolences.
- A wonderful man has passed away. My condolences to you, my dear, and to your entire family at this sad and difficult moment.
“This tragedy has hurt all of us. But of course, it affected you the most. Accept my condolences.

How to condole in Islam (Muslims)?

Expressing condolences is Sunnah in Islam. However, it is undesirable for the relatives of the deceased to gather in one place to receive condolences. The main purpose of expressing condolences is to encourage people who have suffered misfortune to be patient and content with the predestination of Allah. The words that should be spoken when expressing condolences are: “May Allah grant you beautiful patience and may He forgive the sins of your deceased (your deceased).”

How to send condolences over the phone?

In the case when words of condolences are spoken over the phone, you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “May the earth rest in peace!” If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then this phrase is convenient to complete your words of condolences, for example, “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be of assistance. Count on me, call me any time!”

How to deal with someone experiencing loss?

It is not necessary to grieve, cry with him, letting someone else’s suffering pass through him. You will be much more effective in your help if you act rationally and thoughtfully. One way to cope with a loss is to talk about it repeatedly. In this case, strong emotions will be reacted. You need to listen carefully to the person, answer his questions if necessary. Allowing a person to express his emotions and experiences. It could be tears, anger, irritation, sadness. You don’t make judgments, you just listen carefully and are nearby. Tactile contact is possible, that is, you can hug a person, take a hand, or sit a child on your lap.

No 5

Life is so fleeting and unpredictable that it can end at the most unexpected moment. Even if a tragedy happened to a distant relative or a stranger, the news of death literally comes as a shock. Expressing condolences to loved ones is the best decision in this situation. This way you show sympathy and offer to share the loss. All words of empathy must come from a pure heart, spoken at the right moment. How to respond to condolences is an equally important question. Let's take a closer look at all the nuances.

Etiquette of mourning

If there is a big loss in your family, then there comes a time not only of grief, but also of worries. You need to immediately inform all your loved ones and friends about the loss. It's not easy, but it needs to be done.

Mourning etiquette involves notifying everyone you know, even if they are far away. Even in the case of personal antipathy towards some acquaintances of the deceased. There are a lot of notification options: messages by email or phone, personal call, meeting. Be sure to include information about the place and time of the funeral in your notice. Don't forget to leave your contact information for more information.

Paradoxical as it may seem, if you are grieving, you will have to do many things at once: run around the funeral service bureau, negotiate transportation and communicate with a large number of people. There is nothing you can do, you need to gather your will into a fist. The best thing you should do at this moment is to accompany your loved one on their last journey with dignity.

Be prepared for people you didn't even know to come. In any case, they will express sympathy for you. How to respond to condolences? How to react correctly?

How to express condolences correctly?

When meeting with people who are in mourning, many of us are lost and do not know what and how to say on such a sad occasion. Expressing condolences in the form of “hang in there” is a little stupid. How can you cope in such a situation?

It is difficult to express condolences when you did not know the deceased at all or when you did not remember him in a very good way during his lifetime. Mourning may be for a colleague who wanted to take your place or for a neighbor who used to love to play music all the time. However, one cannot remain indifferent to the grief of a stranger. Perhaps this difficult situation will make the person treat you differently.

In oral form

Most often, condolences are expressed to loved ones in person, in words or by telephone. The first option is the most preferable. The second option is used only if you need to show empathy to a person who lives in another city.

Verbal condolences are expressed during the memorial meal and in the speech at the funeral.

We will discuss how to respond to condolences in the following sections.

In a written form

When writing words of sympathy in a letter, you need to be concise. Poems would be appropriate for an obituary or for a ribbon on a wreath. At the same time, there will be a share of pathos. There is no need for excessive pathos in words of condolences. Therefore, 2-3 sentences will be enough. The main thing is to be brief and succinct.

You can use the following phrases:

Submission of words of grief is allowed in the following forms:

• An email or postcard is usually used by those who want to express condolences about a death close to people living abroad.
• The inscription on the mourning ribbon is an invariable attribute of the ritual wreath or basket.
• An obituary in a newspaper can be used if you know for sure that this publication is read by the relatives of the deceased.
• SMS - it is better to refuse this option. The exception is those cases if the subscriber is outside the network area for a long time.

Words of mourning must be sincere and not contain high pathos. You express your condolences to loved ones first, rather than talking about your personal feelings. If you find it difficult to find words, then say it succinctly and concisely. Be sure to consider the lifetime relationship between the mourner and the deceased. It will be strange for a son to perceive the phrase: “Good memories are what will help to survive the loss,” if during his lifetime he had a bad relationship with his mother.

But how to respond to condolences correctly? This is worth talking about separately.

How to respond to condolences regarding a death?

Oddly enough, there are no specific rules. It is usually more difficult to choose words for someone who expresses condolences rather than responds to them.

How should one respond to condolences? Of course, you can just say thank you. However, if this word seems inappropriate to you in relation to this situation, then you can simply remain silent. Many people are simply annoyed by constantly “thank you” in response. No one will judge you in return for your silence.

How to respond to words of condolences? You can say: “I am grateful to you for your support”, “You are very attentive”, “I try not to lose heart, thanks to your support I feel a little better.” Or you can just limit yourself to one look, nod or hug. How to properly respond to condolences is up to you to choose based on your mood.

Each of us has different characters and temperament types. Many people want to spend this difficult moment alone, close themselves off from everyone and not talk to anyone. If you belong to this category of people, then do not be ashamed of your condition. This is fine.

You should not listen to the lamentations of a distant relative who saw the deceased only a couple of times during his lifetime. Accept her words of condolences and leave. If she is outraged by your behavior, it’s okay. It’s better to explain to her later your condition and reluctance to communicate with anyone at such moments.

What should you not say on the occasion of death?

There are taboo phrases in mourning etiquette. It is not advisable to say them when expressing sympathy for the death of a loved one.

People often say these phrases to cheer up the relatives of the deceased. As a result, the opposite happens.

1. “Someday everything will be fine. Time will heal everything." It would seem that what’s scary about this phrase? However, when a person experiences great grief, he is unable to think about his future. Such phrases are simply annoying. And you may hear rudeness in response.
2. “We had to have surgery.” Sentences with the prefix “if only…” model the situation of the past. No one can change something or bring a person back. Such phrases immediately cause anger.
3. “There’s no need to cry, tears won’t help my grief.” Internal strong loss is immediately visible from the outside. Tears cannot be hidden in such a situation. They say that when a person cries, he feels better. Along with tears, the pain becomes quieter. But you can’t internally restrain your pain; this can cause even greater depression.
4. “Maybe it’s for the better. He suffered in recent months" Death is not the best way out of even the most serious illness.
5. “He will pay for everything. If he didn't smoke while driving, (name) would be alive." You can’t look for the extreme in this situation.
6. “God knows best who and when to call to Himself. This is because of his sins during life.” If the family of the deceased is not pious, then such a phrase is a strong obstacle to sincere prayers for the soul of the deceased.

That it is customary to respond to condolences in the form of taboo phrases. It's better to remain silent. So, no one will see your emotional outrage and aggression.

If you come to a funeral, what should you do?

The response to receiving news of the death of a loved one is to attend the funeral.

Some rules dictated by mourning etiquette:

1. There is no need to dress flashy and bright. Dark muted colors would be appropriate. Women must wear floor-length skirts, and men must wear suits.
2. Bring napkins or a scarf with you. When your feelings overwhelm you, to be able to wipe away your tears. Perhaps someone present will need them too.
3. Leave large totes and large accessories at home.
4. If you talk to someone, do so quietly, barely in a whisper.
5. Don't follow the coffin. Relatives must lead the way.

Be sure to approach the relatives of the deceased and express words of sympathy:

• “It’s very difficult for me to find the right words of comfort right now, but I sincerely sympathize with your grief.”
• “We are shocked by what happened, please accept our condolences.”

If you are unable to come to the funeral in person, be sure to call your relatives after some time. From the outside it won't seem like a late reaction. If you called, it means you remember and mourn with them.

Famous words of sorrow

Here are examples of phrases to express sympathy for the loss of a loved one:

• “We are shocked by the sad news. Be strong."
• “My heart is out of place from what I heard. May he rest in peace."
• “We can’t believe that such a person left us. This is an irreparable loss for all of us."
• “Loss is always hard to bear. We sympathize and empathize with your grief.”
• “The deceased and I did not always know how to find mutual language. Now I want to apologize for the disagreement. After all, I’m not always right either.”
• "How can I help you? I sincerely sympathize with your family.”
• “It’s difficult to talk about such a loss. I hope he finds peace in heaven."
• “It’s difficult for me to find the right words now. Remember that you can always turn to me for help.”

How to respond to condolences about death? Sometimes a knowing look from you or a sincere hug is enough if you don’t want to say words of gratitude in return.

Funeral meal

The funeral meal usually begins immediately after the funeral. At funerals, pancakes and kutya (dishes with wheat, raisins and nuts) are usually served on the table.

Those who wish say funeral words about the deceased. It is not customary to say bad things. In this case, it is better to remain silent. The presentation should consist of the following stages:

• make a speech while standing;
• address those present: “Friends”, “Dear relatives” (usually call the family by name);
• introduce yourself and state how you know the deceased;
• remember him positive traits;
• You may want to tell about an interesting incident from the life of the deceased. Sometimes people read their own poems dedicated to the deceased.

The main thing is not to delay. The speech should be short and succinct. Conclude that the deceased did not live his life in vain. Again, offer your condolences to your loved ones and pass the word on to someone else who wishes to do so.

Funeral words among Muslims and Orthodox Christians

Muslims have their own traditions. They do not speak the words we are accustomed to. It is necessary to treat the traditions of another culture with reverence and respect.

How to respond to condolences and what to say to Muslims:

Orthodox Christians usually say this:

• “What a loss! We pray for the repose of his soul."
• “Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven and peace!”
• "Kingdom of heaven!".
• “Lord, rest with the Saints!”

Cicero always said that the life of the dead should continue in the memory of the living. Remember about your family and friends. Honor their memory and pass it on to your children.