What to talk about with a stranger. What to talk about with an unfamiliar interlocutor? How to change it from the inside

• Act relaxed. It's hard to start a conversation when you're shaking with fear.
• Compliments are the best way to break the ice.
• Speak clearly and appropriately. If you mutter something under your breath, it will be much more difficult to talk to you.
• Remember that no matter who you talk to, you will always have something in common. We all deal with the weather, love good food and enjoy good humor and laughter. If in doubt, just talk to the person about why they are there. For example, if you meet at a bus stop, ask where he or she is going. If the person you're talking to is not from this city, ask about his or her life back home.
• Be bolder. Communication with people has become so necessary in our time that you should not allow yourself to be shy. If there is a reason to communicate, find a way to start a conversation. If you like someone's work, tell them so.
• It helps a lot if you are interested in what you are doing. If your life isn't interesting to you, it definitely won't be interesting to anyone else.
• When talking to another person, use body language. This will make the conversation more exciting and will last longer.
• If you are a shy person, then come up with a topic or two to talk about in advance.
• Expand your field of interests. It's always easier to start interesting conversations when you make an effort to develop your own interests. Be thoroughly familiar with the topic that interests you so that you can speak clearly and concisely about all the nuances that relate to it (the topic). Expand and deepen your interests, cultivate an interest in everything. Another way to do this is to ask questions about the interests of others. If your friend loves football, ask him which teams and players did well this year, or ask him everything about the league structure.
• Don't be afraid that the conversation will veer in a different direction. If an idea popped into your head during a conversation, it's probably related to him.
• Half of your success in communication comes from nonverbal cues, not necessarily from what you say. Hone your nonverbal communication skills to appear more friendly and confident.
• If you're constantly having trouble getting conversations going, it could be that you're just not very good at expressing your interests (sharing them too little or too much), or you're hiding those interests out of fear that people will reject them (or reject you). At some point you will realize that you need to learn how to interest people if you want to be interesting.
• Make mental notes of interesting and funny things you saw or heard during the day. For example, someone said something funny or you were doing something interesting with friends, whatever. This way, you will have more things to talk about.

Even the most sociable girls sometimes feel awkward in moments of silence while communicating with the opposite sex. Such situations often arise when communication has just begun and common ground has not yet been found. At this moment, it is extremely important for a girl to know what to talk about with a guy, because their further communication depends on this. It is especially important to choose topics for conversation with the young man you like and want to get to know better.

Secrets of communicating with a guy

If girls easily find a common language with each other, even when their views are completely different, then with guys it is a little more difficult. It is important to pay attention not only to the topics of conversation, but also to the manner of communication. Some girls with good all-round development can scare off a young man, and he will stop communicating with them, begin to avoid them, and ignore them. How to communicate with guys in this case?

By phone

Most guys don't like to talk on the phone for hours about nothing. You shouldn’t call every half hour to tell her that you miss her again, especially if you’re just acquaintances. SMS messages are also not an option. Frequent cell phone calls can irritate a guy and make him feel like the girl is just bored and has nothing to do. But you can wish your beloved guy good morning or sweet dreams, it will please him.

In rare cases, young guys like to talk for a long time on the phone with their girlfriend. It’s easy to recognize them - such people themselves will often call and write. Otherwise, follow these rules for communicating on the phone:

• Provide only specific information.
• Get the guy interested at the very beginning of the conversation. The topic of communication should be extremely interesting for a young man.
• Present everything in clear language, avoid complex sentences and metaphors.

By correspondence in VK

Social networks greatly simplify communication; starting a conversation on the Internet is much easier. It can all start with a simple “Hello” message. Pages on VK, Odnoklassniki, Facebook or other services will suggest the guy’s interests and help him find a suitable topic for conversation. Sometimes even looking at a profile reveals so much about a young man that the desire to communicate with him disappears.

If you decide to start a correspondence, it is better to unobtrusively start a topic based on the guy’s interests; the topics of cinema and music will be a win-win, even if the tastes do not coincide at all. By discussing films (acting, interesting moments), there is an opportunity to get to know a person better, right down to what kind of girls a guy likes. Communication on social networks is good because it is possible to convey your emotions or make the conversation brighter and more interesting with the help of emoticons, pictures, photographs, and audio recordings.

By Skype

Communication on Skype provides more opportunities. The service allows you not to limit yourself to simple correspondence, but to talk while looking at the interlocutor. Such communication is more emotional, and you can see how the second participant in the conversation reacts to certain things during the conversation. The guy's reaction will tell you which topics to avoid and not touch upon. Video communication on Skype is much better than by phone or correspondence on VKontakte, but nothing can replace a live conversation during a meeting.

Topics for communication with a guy

The conversation should interest the guy. A young man will not talk for several hours about which nail polish is best to choose for this outfit or about your friend’s new boyfriend. When communicating, avoid gossip and unclear or uninteresting topics. It is especially difficult to choose a topic at the first meeting. In such cases, it is better to give him the opportunity to talk about himself: about his studies, work, friends, interesting moments from his life. Excessive conversations about your biography will be unnecessary for a girl; it should always remain a mystery, and you should not talk about the details of your personal life.

There are a lot of topics that will be of interest to both guys and girls. You can start a conversation about something you don’t really understand. It is extremely important to avoid disputes in such matters. This will not only make the guy in the know laugh, but it will make you look bad. When starting a conversation on unfamiliar topics, make an interested face, sometimes nod your head and ask questions. This will help you learn more about the young man and expand your horizons.

If you don't know what to talk about with your guy, it's better to discuss:

1. Relationship. At the beginning of communication, find out what type of girls the guy prefers. If the couple has already been together, even for a short time, the girl can start a conversation about what she expects from this relationship and what she will not tolerate. When communicating on this topic, do not allow memories of former partners. In the conversation, you can touch on the problems that the couple has, if any. Sooner or later they will have to be resolved, so do not drag out such conversations and resolve the problems immediately. You can talk to a guy about relationships only when he is in the mood for this conversation.
2. Movie. There are a lot of interesting films now, so it’s easy to start a conversation about films or show programs. Such a conversation will certainly captivate both participants, especially if the film is truly exciting. It will be interesting to find out what new things have already come out and can be seen.
3. Hobbies or sports. This is another topic that will be of interest to a young person. In this conversation, discuss what the guy likes to do in his free time, what his hobbies are, what team he supports. A girl doesn’t have to be a fan of a sports club that a guy likes, but showing respect for the interests of her interlocutor will be useful.
4. Literature. Lately, not every guy is interested in talking about books, but there are still some who like to read. In conversation, you can use phrases or quotes from famous works. But you shouldn’t bother a guy with a topic that’s not interesting to him. If a young man is not interested in literature, do not bore him with such stories.
5. Museums or memorial sites. Every city has attractions. It would be nice to talk about this with a guy on a walk and visit these places. The meeting will be interesting and exciting, and to make it memorable, you can take a few photos.
6. Computers. Young people love to talk about all kinds of gadgets and technology, and they discuss not only software, but also the insides of the PC. Such conversations will help the girl learn about why the computer sometimes freezes, where viruses come from and how they affect the performance of the “machine.”
7. Holidays and travel. Discussing plans and desires for the coming weekend will be not only an interesting, but also a useful topic for the couple. Such a conversation will help plan your rest time and avoid any conflicts or unpleasant situations. Tell us what you want to visit and describe in detail what you expect from your vacation together.
8. Cars. This topic is interesting to almost all guys, but unknown to most girls. If a woman shows at least a little interest in cars and starts asking relevant questions, the young man will be happy to continue the conversation and tell everything he knows. A guy will appreciate such a girl and feel that she is interested in his hobbies. In such conversations, trust in each other develops.
9. Work or study. This is where the young man spends most of his time. Various interesting situations occur during moments of activity. Ask the guy how his day was. Thanks to such conversations, the young man will share what worries him and will feel cared for by you.

What else do guys like to talk about?

A conversation with a guy is not limited to these topics. Various conversations help to get to know the guy’s interests, preferences, plans for the future (self-development, additional education). Also, during a conversation, there is an opportunity to touch on the topic of your partner’s shortcomings and express your opinion, but you shouldn’t be too critical. It’s better to present it in a humorous way, with a smile on your face. You can ask a young man to advise something on an issue that is important to you.

What topics should not be discussed when talking on a date?

In order for the date to go well and leave only pleasant impressions, do not touch upon the following topics when communicating:

• past relationships;
• details of intimate life;
• own failures, complaints;
• discussion of details of the personal lives of girlfriends, friends (gossip);
• policy;
• religion;
• health problems.

How to behave when talking

During a conversation with a guy, do not behave arrogantly and intrusively - young men do not really like such girls. The interlocutor should arouse interest, and not a desire to end the conversation quickly. A girl needs to be welcoming, friendly, interested in conversation. Speak in a language that the guy understands - avoid hints, especially ambiguous ones. The young man must understand you correctly. Only mutual interest in the conversation will make communication enjoyable. If the topic is unpleasant for the guy, close it and don’t bring it up again.

But any young lady wants to know what to talk about with a guy so that the dialogue turns out to be interesting and productive. It is necessary to fuel communication with positive emotions, but do not overact.

You need to speak your own language, but it must be understandable to another person. Only in this case there will be no misunderstanding, and the guy will be pleased to be in the company of the girl, he will constantly look for meetings with her to communicate.

Finding a subject of conversation or a topic for conversation with a guy you barely know is actually very simple. You can always express your opinion on the topic of conversation in a delicate manner, learn from others and draw useful conclusions for yourself.

You can think about what to talk about with your guy in advance before the meeting, for example:

It is much easier for any girl to talk with a young man whom she has known for a long time. As you get to know each other, shyness and awkwardness in communication disappears. New and common topics appear, and conversation becomes easy and simple.

So what can and should you talk about with a guy you know well?

Firstly, you need to listen more to yourself than talk. This is a sign of a wise woman who can always draw the right conclusions.

It is necessary to pay attention to any little things that can speak volumes. If a guy talks badly about his previous relationships, then most likely he does this after every breakup with a girl.

A guy is interested in a girl who is a mystery, and therefore there is no need to immediately tell absolutely everything about yourself on the first dates, namely about work, study, place of residence, and so on. There is no need to open up completely so that the young man does not quickly lose interest.

What should you not talk about with a guy (especially someone you don’t know well)?

These topics include:

1. Politics and everything connected with it.
2. Details of intimate life.
3. Your own life failures and mistakes.
4. Other people's failures and shortcomings.
5. Health problems.

Every representative of the fair sex should understand that it is necessary to expand their horizons, since any person with limited erudition is not interesting to others.

There is no need to worry if a guy starts a topic of conversation that the girl doesn’t understand at all.

It is enough to ask a competent question on the “correct” topic, and a normal and adequate guy will independently develop the conversation; the girl only needs to assent and praise him in time.

Surely, each of you, when communicating with unfamiliar people, especially of the opposite sex, has more than once found himself in a situation where the conversation did not go well. The situation was further aggravated by the taciturnity of the interlocutor himself and his monosyllabic answers to your questions. During moments of critically prolonged pauses during a conversation, your brain panickedly tried to generate at least something useful, but in the end it fell into a slight communicative stupor. The questions you came up with seemed stupid, but you seemed to have told everything you could about yourself.
Below are some questions and talking points that will help you get out of these unpleasant pauses. They will help keep your interlocutor talking for a while and give you the opportunity to continue the conversation.
So, the first question concerns your interlocutor’s work, study or other daily activity. But when asking questions on this topic, remember that there are people to whom it is better not to remind about work. If your interlocutor does not belong to this category, then feel free to ask why he loves it (the job), what are the main difficulties of the duties that he performs, what is the most interesting thing about them. You can ask what your interlocutor dreamed of becoming in childhood, what results he wants to achieve now.
As you know, nothing attracts a stranger to his own person more than sympathy or *censorship* wala. Ask your interlocutor what he considers his main achievement in life and what his most crushing failure is.
Talk about spiritual values. Find out what the greatest value in life is for your interlocutor. Ask what made your interlocutor think so.
Talk about relaxation and entertainment. Foreign travel and resort adventures are a wonderful and almost inexhaustible topic of conversation. You can talk about club holidays, about sports.
Take an interest in the musical preferences of your interlocutor, tell us about yours. A conversation about music can be translated to cinema, theater and similar cultural entertainment. Do not impose your point of view if it does not coincide with the point of view of your interlocutor.
Some people think that talking about computers is boring and uninteresting. If you use specific terms in your speech or retell the algorithm of the program you wrote the other day, then I will agree with this statement. But you are having small talk - that is, you are talking about nothing and everything at the same time, so you can and even need to talk about computers, but without going into details.
Talk about the relationship between a man and a woman. Ask your partner about their ideal relationship. Find out what could be the reason for him to break up.
Find out what irritates him and makes him angry, try never to do that.
This is just a brief overview of possible topics for conversation; in fact, there are a great many of them. The questions listed here will help you get to know your interlocutor better, determine his interests and inclinations.
And finally, one piece of advice - no matter what questions you ask your interlocutor, be sure that you yourself can always answer them.

So, technically. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Until you have the skill, it’s usually a little scary at first. I'm afraid of awkwardness and tension. Because the person and the details of his life are, in general, alien to you, you actually don’t have a lively active interest in him. And it seems that you are trying to force something out of yourself in a rusty voice, the person will look at you like you are a louse, it’s strange: why are you so scared that you are interested in me?! – and there will be a painful, awkward pause.

But no!

1. When a person starts telling something about himself in response to your questions, it quickly becomes really interesting to you! When the interlocutor gets carried away and talks about what is important to himself, this usually causes emotional contagion. At your place))

2. The main thing! People LIKE to talk about themselves. This is true luxury. Few people are interested in us, even less often do they listen to us attentively with interest (active listening technique, yeah!) Therefore, with minimal (absolutely!) rules in place, you start asking questions - and suddenly everything goes on unexpectedly easily. But because you fell into his need: to talk about yourself.

3. There is always a first moment of wariness, yes. The interlocutor most often, when answering the very first question, tenses up a little and carefully “scans”, checks: did you blurt it out, or are you really interested? That is, he needs to understand at this point: after all, the correct answer to a purely formal, ritual question is completely formal, also ritual. “Only a bore who, when asked how you are, will actually tell you how you are.” – But if this is not a ritual interest, but there is AT LEAST A DROP of living, human, respectful curiosity (you don’t need more at first!!) – most likely he will talk. They say! Serious, head over heels busy bosses at business meetings, they say! With difficulty they agreed to a meeting for 10-15 minutes, - and in response to this drop of lively, respectful curiosity (plus the rules of small talk and active listening!) - for an hour and a half they tell you their whole life; and you fall in love with them, and they with you...

How to behave at this moment.

a) You look into the eyes, into both pupils at the same time, “as if dissolving and falling.” You find something that you really, really like in a person (look, skin, build, something in character, the way he works - it’s not for nothing that he ended up in this place, assertiveness/cockiness, softness, clothing style ... whatever). And, looking into the eyes and asking, you completely focus your attention on this, what you like. Yes, such a look, and focusing attention, and the instant search for “what you like” are trainable skills. They are developed quickly, and are worth it: they create in the interlocutor a feeling of your WARMTH.

b) If the interlocutor answers the first question in monosyllables, everything is in order, this is just a test: it’s a ritual or warm curiosity from you. And - you nod slightly, continue to look, as in point a), repeat his monosyllabic answer with interest and respect and with the same interested intonation, either reformulate the same question again, or ask the next one based on his answer. Of course, all the questions are open. That is, the rules of small talk and active listening are simple, but we follow them strictly.

For example, the interlocutor is a realtor. And you ask: “Nikolai, why exactly did you decide to get into real estate?” (or, if the question is clear from the context: “Nikolai, why real estate?”) In some cases, a fascinating story will begin, how it all began with the exchange of your apartment, about ruin, about ups, etc. In the part - “Like...” (boo!) Normal! “I like it... And what?” - Here! This is the place where you show: “Kol, I’m really curious, tell me!” Let’s say, “Communication...” - “So for you, communication is the most important thing in this work?” (active listening) Here it’s either “Yes...”, or – in half the cases – it’s already beginning to explain, to open up. If “Yes...” - “Why is such communication interesting for you?”, or “What is in such communication for you?”, or quite directly, a puppy’s direct (well, or human direct) curiosity: “So there is a lot of communication... Why exactly in real estate, what exactly is so interesting?”

In general, honest puppy curiosity is a good image. Accurate. You see a certificate, a diploma, a diploma on the wall: “Oh! Inga, I see you studied there. How do you like this study?..” That is, we pose the question broadly, and if they ask you to clarify, yes, please: “Why did you decide to go there?”, or “How useful was this study for practice?”

Two auxiliary "chips"

1) You can explain your interest with a little self-disclosure, for example: “It is sometimes important for me to understand that I took the bottom line from studying to work...”, or “I also try to study from time to time...”

2) It’s very good to insert language that directly allows the interlocutor not to answer! It’s very relaxing and relieves tension: “...if it’s not a secret...”, “...if it’s not a trade secret...”, “.. just don’t tell me if it’s not convenient...”, “.. I have a stupid question...”, “... I thought how appropriate it was to ask such a question. If this is inconvenient, please do not answer!..”

When having a small conversation, it is good to “turn on” some of your real facets that correspond to the topic. That is, when you ask about his cat, remember to yourself about your cat - then your interest turns out to be more lively and fulfilling. Well, in the process you can say, as an element of self-disclosure, that, well, you have a cat. Or a hamster. Or a Rottweiler)) In this case, you call each other not as cat people, but as people who keep animals)

Or - “Sergey, how did you and your wife meet?” - at this moment you remember to yourself how you met your girlfriend... or wife... or ex-wife))... And at this moment you are on the wave of “we are romantics, with smile inside and in general real men"

Where does the wife theme come from when you are talking to a stranger? – And as soon as he mentioned family. That is, let’s say you were talking about business, and he suddenly mentioned family - that’s it! This is free information, remember the small talk technique? – This is what our question should be about! Free information “pops up” because a person is interested – himself – right now! – otherwise she wouldn’t have jumped out.

What is the first question of the “small conversation” about, where does its topic come from?

The three themes in the comments above are completely universal.

Something that brought you together. Are you taking a salsa class? – Why salsa? How did he come to her? What do these activities give him? Are you in training? – How is this training for him? How did he end up here (Why the hell did he end up here! – literary forms of questions are not at all necessary, everything depends on the context) Are you in his office? – Why exactly this profession? How did he start working here? What does he like here?

Something you see in his home, office. We saw the cups - oh, yours?! – How is it now?.. – Why karate?..

Any free information that is dropped in a business conversation or in an exchange of formalities. - Hello! - Hello! - Sorry for being late. I took my son to a tutor. - To a tutor? Are you planning to enroll somewhere?.. (in this case, this is interpretation, the fourth technique of the active listening technique; with the exception of active listening, we try not to ask closed questions at all).

Free information from your interlocutor in response to your compliment (this is also why you need to learn to give a lot of compliments, “automatically”, casually: I thought - I said it right away!). “Your place is very cozy, light and joyful!” - “Yes, the entire design was made according to my drawings!” - “That is, you put something from your soul here. What did you want when you created this design, what was important in the first place?..”

It is important that there is some reserve of the most general formulations of open questions, because closed questions usually pop into your head, but the conversation collapses on them.

Examples of such formulations:

What do you think?..

What is it connected with?..

How do you like (that)?..

What do you think?..

And for what? What the hell? What for?..

Why?.. Why do YOU ​​need this?..

What are you expecting?..

What would you like?..

What do you like?..

How do you do this?..

What is your impression?..

What wishes?..

Describe...

Tell us about...

What else?..

What is important to you in (at)?..

What first?..

What does this depend on?..

What plan?..

What about (something)?..

Well, practice, practice, practice. It’s clear that if I’ve been doing this professionally for 18 years, then I succeed consistently simply due to the large amount of experience of unsuccessful and successful attempts.

You can pay the coach. But here you need a coach: there are a lot of excellent psychologists who simply work in other formats. My client and I literally go out into the street and we stop everyone. First I talk, then the client with my participation, then only the client himself, with feedback from me. This is not an advertisement - however, they do not come to me through social networks, the point is that there is such a way to learn in general. Simply find such a specialist and you will learn faster; if you do it yourself, it will take a little longer. All the technology is in this post and comments))